


The Fuck? (or Text Fic)

by that_is_shocking



Category: ASTRO (Band), GOT7, Monsta X (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Multi, Social Media, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-05-04 17:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 73,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_is_shocking/pseuds/that_is_shocking
Summary: H8: what if squirrels could talkSINGkwan: I know a kid who looks like a squirrelSINGkwan: he talks a lotH8: do you think they'd want to talk to humans?H8: like, we aren't very nice to themNaegaHosh: I like squirrelsWonWon: for the love of god please be quiet its three am





	1. Kool Aid

**Author's Note:**

> S. Coups: DadCoops and SuckCheol  
> Jeonghan: JeongAngel and PradaBitch  
> Joshua: Jisoos and Jisub  
> Junhui: Donehui and Domhui  
> Hoshi: NegaHosh and Hoeshi  
> Wonwoo: (n)emo and Kinkshame  
> Woozi: WootWoot and Woozy  
> DK: SpecialK and HorseK  
> Mingyu: Mingyou and FuckYou  
> The8: H8 and Minghoe  
> Seungkwan: Squishy and HITtheKWAN  
> Vernon: Memesol and hanSOUL  
> Dino: DINO!!!! and Lays Chan

Disco Inferno (13)

H8: I have an important fact to share

 

JeongAngel: share away

 

H8: I dislike all of you, and whoever put kool aid powder in the shower head is dead tonight. 

 

NegaHosh: Thats two facts

 

H8: Well, the first one is a given

 

NegaHosh: tru

Nega Hosh: do u kno who did the kool aid?

 

H8: I have some theories

 

NegaHosh: what r u going to do to them?

 

H8: depends on the person

H8: Like if it was you, i would burn your Chris Brown posters and then cut one of your feet off

 

NegaHosh: Just one?

 

H8: yes. Only one

 

NegaHosh: it could be worse

 

DadCoops: Why are we cutting Soonyoung’s feet off?

 

NegaHosh: don’t worry

NegaHosh: just one foot

 

DadCoops: That’s reassuring. Why are we cutting it off though?

 

NegaHosh: Someone put kool aid powder in the shower head

 

H8: I’m covered in sticky kool aid slime now, and I’m bright red. My hair too. 

 

NegaHosh: haohao is going to mutilate whoever did it

 

WootWoot: Wow. Mutilate. Don’t use up your big words all in one breath

 

NegaHosh: go back to lurking

 

WootWoot: Wow.

 

H8: Jihoon hyung do you know who put kool aid powder in the first floor bathroom? 

 

WootWoot: no. but I’m sure I can find out.

 

NegaHosh: hes good at lurking

 

WootWoot: I’ll be back

 

DadCoops: Be nice, we don’t need to take anyone else to the hospital

DadCoops: Shua was our monthly visit already

 

NegaHosh: That was on you though

 

H8: You and Jeonghan were directly involved in giving him a concussion

 

DadCoops: Accidents happen to the best of us.

 

NegaHosh: Yeah, if accidents didn’t happen, how would we have gotten Channie?

 

DadCoops: that’s not biologically possible 

 

NegaHosh: not with that kind of attitude it isn’t

 

H8: Gross. I’m going to start my witch hunt. 

 

DadCoops: Remember if you want to be “adult” take it to the adult chat.

 

DINO!!!!: wait, I thought Shua hyung fell down the stairs and got a concussion?

DINO!!!!: How could Seungcheol hyung and Jeonghan hyung be involved in that?

 

WootWoot: Don’t worry about it

  
  


Dicks and Pricks (8)

 

SuckCheol: Don’t tell Chan about the concussion, people.

Suck Cheol: He is a high school freshman, and is still sweet and pure

 

Woozy: He goes to public school Cheol

 

SuckCheol: Your point?? 

 

Woozy: He probably gets a lot worse than this chat. High School is rough

 

PradaBitch: I remember there was this fight when I was in high school, and a kid literally got his finger bit off

 

SuckCheol: The concussion thing is kept under wraps though.

 

Hoeshi: what was the whole concussion thing? Did Joshua not fall down the stairs?

 

SuckCheol: under Wraps. That means no questions asked

 

Hoeshi: Then why does Minghao know?

 

SuckCheol: He drove us to the hospital

 

Hoeshi: Would he tell me if I asked

 

PradaBitch: Probz. He’s a snake that doesn’t know how to keep secrets

  
  


HaoYoung (2)

 

Soonyoung: so what happened with the concussion?

Soonyoung: I heard you drove the shit show to the hospital

 

Minghao: I will take that secret to my grave

 

Soonyoung: please??????? I love you so much???????

 

Minghao: you only love Jihoon

Minghao: and that’s not something that I want to re-live

 

Soonyoung: I just decided I love you more

 

Minghao: No. to my grave soonyoung. To my grave

  
  


Dicks and Pricks (8)

 

Hoeshi: Well, Jeonghan, you were mistaken

Hoeshi: Hao said that he will take that secret to the grave

 

PradaBitch: wow. That was… unexpected. 

PradaBitch: I’m going to buy him coffee for the next week

 

DadCoops: Why are we still fixated on this topic?

DadCoops: The concussion happened, and now we don’t need to talk about it more. Let’s fixate on something else

 

PradaBitch: like your oral fixation?

 

DadCoops: how about we focus on Jesus

DadCoops: Jesus is good

DadCoops: Where’s Joshua with his infinte jesus knowledge when you need him

 

PradaBitch: He’s busy sleeping

PradaBitch: you wake him

PradaBitch: I kill you 

  
  


Excluded from the Adult Chat (5)

 

Minghoe: why is my name still like this Chan

 

Lays Chan: cuz I saw the hyungs chat once, and they all have “adult” nicknames

Lays Chan: I want to be like them so that is what your name is

Lays Chan: but I think they are regulated. The worst one in there is Jisoo hyungs one i think.

 

hanSOUL: i’ve seen his

hanSOUL: the last time i managed to get into Seungcheol hyungs phone

hanSOUL: it was Jisub or something

 

HITtheKWAN: what does that mean? 

HITtheKWAN: why is that the worst

 

Minghoe: that’s the worst you have? 

Minghoe: weak

 

hanSOUL: I only got a glance before I had to leave

hanSOUL: don’t attack me

 

HorseK: has anyone seen my socks?

 

Lays Chan: and you ask us, the high schoolers because?

 

HorseK: nvm i found them

 

Minghoe: where? 

 

HorseK: they were where the cereal normally is.

 

HITtheKWAN: that’s gross. When I get to college I’m moving in with Jisoo and Jeonghan and Cheol hyungs. No way am I living in you guys’s house

 

HorseK: But that’s where the babies have to live

 

Minghoe: I doubt Jeonghan will let Chan live in our house. 

Minghoe: But you and Vernon have to live with us for like one year so you can suffer like Wonwoo and Mingyu did

 

HITtheKWAN: gross. I’m not about that life. Your house sounds like a war zone. I mean Jun covered Hao in kool aid powder! I value my life

 

Minghoe: wait

 

HITtheKWAN: oh no

 

Minghoe: JUN covered hao in kool aid powder?

 

HITtheKWAN: that’s not what I said

HITtheKWAN: oh no

 

Minghoe: bye. Thanks seungkwan

 

HITtheKWAN: oh no

 

hanSOUL: oh no

 

Lays Chan: rip Junhui

Lays Chan: I’ll change the big chat name. We need to mourn


	2. Invite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S. Coups: DadCoops  
> Jeonghan: JeongAngel  
> Joshua: Jisoos  
> Junhui: Donehui  
> Hoshi: NegaHosh  
> Wonwoo: d(emo)ns  
> Woozi: WootWoot  
> DK: SpecialK, HorseK  
> Mingyu: Mingyou  
> Minghao: H8, Minghoe  
> Seungkwan: Squishy, HITtheKWAN  
> Vernon: Memesol, hanSOUL  
> DIno: DINO!!!!, Lays Chan
> 
> Also like hi! It's me, and this is my thing that I am writing. It's a mess but that's okay! updates will be sketchy at best and as nonexistent as aliens in suits and tie singing opera!! I love all of you who read this!! Comment or kudos would be great for ya boy, but like no pressure. It's awesome enough that you guys are even reading this at all!! I love you so much! Don't be afraid to like send me a message! Tell me about your bias in Seventeen, or literally any other Kpop group! My bias in Seventeen is Joshua! anyways, enough talk! goodbye!

_ Lee Chan (DINO!!!!) has changed the chat name _

_ Changed from (Disco Inferno) to (RIP Wen Junhui) _

  


RIP Wen Junhui

  


Donehui: What

Donehui: what is going on

  


DINO!!!!: rip wen Junhui

DINO!!!!: we loved him, even though he was an ass

  


Memesol: he will be missed

Memesol: rip wen junhui

  


DadCoops: What the heck is going on

  


Squishy: Junhui died. Join us in mourning

  


DadCoops: I’m confused

  


JeongAngel: Roll with it Cheollie

JeongAngel: Rip Junhui

  


Memesol: It’s going to happen in I’m guessing about fifteen minutes

  


DINO!!!!: I agree

DINO!!!!: Minghao hasn’t left the house

  


Donehui: oh shit

  


DadCoops: Mind your language

  


JeongAngel: I know what’s going on now

JeongAngel: I’m going to go with ten minutes actually. A motivated minghao is a speedy minghao

  


DadCoops: This chat is supposed to be violence free, so take your implications to another chat

  


NegaHosh: Oh shit. Rip Junhui

  


Memesol: are you with him?

  


NegaHosh: we were at the library

NegaHosh: he just sprinted out of here

NegaHosh: running will not save him

  


JeongAngel: He better not come here expecting me and Jisoo to protect him

JeongAngel: Jisoo is sleeping, and he needs to rest. I will not hesitate to kill both of them

  


(m)emo: why

(m)emo: what did I do to deserve to be put into this chat

(m)emo: this is hell

  


NegaHosh: hi wonwoo

  


(m)emo: let me sleep you demons

  


_ Kwon Soonyoung (NegaHosh) has changed Jeon Wonwoo ((m)emo)’s Chat name _

_ Changed from ((m)emo) to (d(emo)ns) _

  


d(emo)ns: that doesn’t even make sense

d(emo)ns: let me sleep

  


NegaHosh: bye wonwoo

  


H8: where is the snake

H8: one of you fucks know 

  


JeongAngel: no one knows Minghao

JeongAngel: Find someone else to torment

  


H8: no

H8: fuck you

  
  


Excluded from the Adult Chat (5)

  


Minghoe: where is he

Minghoe: I know you people know

  


HITtheKWAN: I’ve aready betrayed Jun hyung

HITtheKWAN: I won’t do it again

  


Minghoe: you can’t protect him forever

  


HITtheKWAN: bye Minghao

  


JunHao (2)

  


Junhui: HaoHao

Junhui: I’m sorry

Junhui: That was meant for Seokmin

Junhui: Not you

Junhui: I’m so sorry

  


Minghao: where are you fuckface

  


Junhui: it wasn’t meant for you

  


Minghao: not an answer

  


Junhui: Im not telling until you until  you promise you aren’t mad

  


Minghao: I’m mad tho

Minghao: like, I had that interview

Minghao: and I had to cancel it because the one working bathroom that had a shower

Minghao: WAS KOOL AID-IFIED

  


Junhui: I know

Junhui: I’m so sorry hao hao

  


Minghao: I’m still mad

Minghao: but 

  


Junhui: but what

Junhui: please be not mad at me

Junhui: I’ll cuddle the heck out of you if you forgive me

  


Minghao: I’m just feeling like trash for cancelling

Minghao: i had to tell them why

Minghao: and the snooty secretary laughed at me over the phone

  


Junhui: I’ll fight her

  


Minghao: I know. I’m going to Jeonghan’s to shower

  


Junhui: I’m hiding in the music hall at Uni

  


Minghao: stay there

Minghao: I need to keep my reputation intact

Minghao: as someone to not cross

  


Junhui: definitely

  


Minghao: If the rest of the idiots knew that I forgave you just yet

Minghao: they would never let me rest

  


Junhui: stay out of sight

Junhui: be scared

Junhui: got it

  


Minghao: I’ll come find you after my shower

  


Junhui: ily Hao

  


Minghao: I love me too

  


Junhui: I’ll accept it

  
  


RIP Wen Junhui (13)

  


JeongAngel: Someone is at my house

JeongAngel: I’ll kill them

  


DadCoops: who is it

  


JeongAngel: i dont KNOW seungcheol

  


DadCoops: get up and go check then

  


JeongAngel: I would but Shua is asleep on me

  


DadCoops: cute

  


JeongAngel: not the point

JeongAngel: But yes

JeongAngel: cute

  
  


Devil Children (2)

Minghao: I’m in your house Jeonghan hyung

  


Jeonghan: why

Jeonghan: please leave my house

  


Minghao: I’m using your shower

Minghao: don’t tell the groupchat

Minghao: I want to make Junhui suffer

  


Jeonghan: don’t use the coconut shampoo

Jeonghan: that’s special for my hair

  


Minghao: No promises

  
  


RIP Wen Junhui

  


JeongAngel: i know who is in my house now

JeongAngel: no need for alarm

  


DadCoops: you know it’s supposed to be OUR house

  


JeongAngel: my house

  


DadCoops: our house

  


NegaHosh: so

NegaHosh: who’s in your house?

  


JeongAngel: your mom

  


NegaHosh: what is this, third grade?

  


Mingyou: guys important announcement!

Mingyou: gather!

  


DadCoops: Everybody gather for the announcement!!

  


Mingyou: thanks dad

  


JeongAngel: That’s not wonwoo though

  


Mingyou: what?

  


JeongAngel: *cough* Daddy *cough*

  


DadCoops: Jeonghan

DadCoops: this is the chat with the children in it

DadCoops: and I have overall admin rights

DadCoops: keep it to a minimum or you shall be removed

  


DINO!!!!: wow dad’s really laying down the law

  


NegaHosh: If i wasn’t so attracted to Jihoon I would be turned on right now

  


DINO!!!!: gross. Cheol hyung is literally like our dad

  


Donehui: I would totally kinkshame you rn but I’m still in hiding

Donehui: and that's Wonwoo's job anyways

Donehui: but he's the one who needs the most shame?

Donehui: the system is broken

  


H8: anyways

H8: I’ll find you eventually 

  


DadCoops: the announcement guys. Keep it together

DadCoops: I think that’s all that’s really going to gather Mingyu

DadCoops: you better just say it

  


Squishy: No! I’m here!

  


JeongAngel: Shua is awake and watching

  


SpecialK: I’m here too

  


H8: I thought you were in Eng 101

  


SpecialK: I am

SpecialK: just because the hot TA keeps looking at me doesn’t mean that I can’t be on my phone

  


DadCoops: that’s probably the reason why he’s looking at you Seokmin

  


Mingyou: I have an announcement

Mingyou: remember?

  


JeongAngel: you should get on wit it then you weirdo

JeongAngel: the littles won’t be able to sit still for long

  


Mingyou: so, like I was invited to go to this one party on friday

Mingyou: the one at one of the frats I don’t remember which one

Mingyou: and the guy who invited me said I could bring “like whoever the more the merrier!” 

Mingyou: and since Wonwoo is definitely not into that scene, I wanted to ask you guys

  


d(emo)ns: that is completely correct

d(emo)ns: I plan on sleeping and then having an existential crisis

  


Mingyou: yeah, that

  


DadCoops: I mean, I’m down. Is it the DKE party?

  


Mingyou: I think. I know the guy through Jinyoung in my Culinary Elective 

Mingyou: his name on messenger is like jflawless

Mingyou: he seems chill, but also crazy, like not at the same time. kinda scary

  


JeongAngel: I’ll go. I know a few of the boys in DKE

  


DINO!!!!: I wanna go

  


JeongAngel: absolutely not

  


DadCoops: no way

  


JeongAngel: Joshua agrees with me. You definitely aren’t going to to go to a frat party

JeongAngel: especially a DKE party

  


DINO!!!!: it was worth a shot

  


WootWoot: I’m already invited

WootWoot: so I’ll go

  


Mingyou: who did you get invited by????

  


WootWoot: my Music theory and Production Mentor

  


Mingyou: cool

Mingyou: is anyone else wanting to go?

  


Squishy: I ddon’t think they’ll let high schoolers in

  


SpecialK: what do they think about college freshmen?

  


JeongAngel: Joshua says that they are pretty chill and “harbor no resentment towards the frosh.”

JeongAngel: that’s a direct quote

JeongAngel: also Minghao, your showering woke him up

JeongAngel: as soon as my legs wake up

JeongAngel: I’m coming to kill you

  


H8: try me bitch

H8: I’ll shave your eyebrows off

  


DadCoops: guys. No violence in the group chat

  


H8: choke Seungcheol


	3. Frat Party?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's the party  
> S. Coups: Seungtroll, DDdad  
> Jeonghan: PrettierThanThou  
> Joshua: SaveRoom  
> Junhui: Moonhui  
> Hoshi: StrippersApprentice, Croissant  
> Wonwoo: (it's just wonwoo this time he's not in the party groupchat)  
> Woozi: (he's not in this chapter!!! :( what have I done!?)  
> DK: DicK, NyanKat  
> Mingyu: TreeGyu, EwGyu  
> The8: XXX, KermitSeppuku  
> Seungkwan: Thiqq  
> Vernon: KidneyBeans, WhatchaSay  
> Dino: Baby, (and Lee Chan cuz he can't go to the frat party he's just a child!!)
> 
> Extras!  
> Jflawless: Jackson Wang (GOT7)  
> Yo wassup my favorite people! (and yes that is you reading this right now! You are my favorite!) another chapter! There's a lot right now because i have a couple chapters stockpiled because I end up writing fanfiction instead of doing homework. Well, I guess I'll fail! what can you do. Also teeny tiny warning for a panic attack at the end, if that's not your cup of soup then just skip over this chapter and I'll leave a summary in the notes at the bottom!! I love you guys so much (like seriously, watching the hits go up on this work makes me so fuzzy inside!!) anyways, that was ya boy Alex, now peace out and live life! (also read this too)

**Friday!!!**

 

JFlawless and the People Bringer (2)

 

Jflawless: Mingyooooo

Jflawless: Pre game is going onnnnn!

Jflawless: bring your hoard!!! We need more people!!!!!!

 

TallDude: I’m working on getting them in one place

TallDude: there’s a lot of people to corral

TallDude: also do you feel about Seniors

 

Jflawless: Bring the Seniors on!

Jflawless: I know lots of seniors!

Jflawless: there’s this really hot one who TA’s for my Little’s Eng 101 is a senior

Jflawless: he’s like a god

Jflawless: it’s not fair you know? Hes just so pretty

 

TallDude: Not what i’m talking about

TallDude: high School seniors

 

Jflawless: oh! Sure! Everyone is welcome! Except for Namjoon

Jflawless: he turned me down when I tried to propose to him

 

TallDude: sounds like a personal problem

TallDude: we are on our way

  
  


Satan’s Right Asscheek (13)

 

Treegyu: everybody get you rshit tgether

Treegyu: Also like the babies are allowed

 

Seungtroll: Not Chan

 

Baby: damn it

 

Seungtroll: try again

 

Baby: darn it

 

Seungtroll: Correct

  
  


_ New Chat Created _

 

The Party People (11)

DDdad: Mingyu why do we have so many different chat names

DDdad: Like, how the heck are the readers supposed to know who the heck each chat name is?

 

EwGyu: that sounds like a personal problem

 

StripperApprentice: nice 4th wall break Seungcheol Hyung

 

DDdad: I pride myself on these things soonyoung

DDdad: Dad jokes, herding cats, and 4th wall breaks

DDdad: and that doesn’t answer my question or solve my problem Mingyu

 

EwGyu: well, this is how it’s going to be

EwGyu: figure it out. I like the names I give you

EwGyu: Cheol Hyung’s household, I’m almost to you house

EwGyu: come out to the lawn

 

SaveRoom: Jeonghannie is still in the bathroom though

 

Thiqq: Who is picking me up????

Thiqq: and what does your name mean Jisoo Hyung?

 

EwGyu: It’s like save room for jesus Seungkwan

EwGyu: I thought it was appropriate because Jisoo tries to convert us all

EwGyu: get it?

 

Thiqq: oh okay

 

EwGyu: and you are with Junhui

 

KidneyBean: oh rip Seungkwan

KidneyBean: and what the hell does my name mean?

 

DDdad: Vernon Language

 

KidneyBean: why do you harsh my vibe

 

DDdad: what does that even mean

 

KidneyBean: you wouldn’t understand dad, but back to the name?? I’m confused stil???

 

EwGyu: “Kidney function is not a right, it’s a privilege.”

EwGyu: from Hansollie’s brief but memorable acting career

EwGyu: get educated

EwGyu:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIy9YTQo5o4 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIy9YTQo5o4)

 

KidenyBean: dear lord my eyes

 

PrettierThanThou: awww squishy baby hansollie!!!!

PrettierThanThou: and I like my name

 

EwGyu: I figured

 

MoonHui: guys

MoonHui: Minghao went to get his hair dyed brown again

MoonHui: and he did something else instead

 

XXX: don’t you dare post pictures Junhui

XXX: if you value your eyebrows, or your dick

XXX: you won’t post them

 

MoonHui:

(since I can't do Pictures right now take this link to where it goes and pretend!! (sorry to mobile users tho, I'm mostly here on mobile, so I know the pain) <https://goo.gl/images/Ku35Qv>)

 

Too late

 

XXX: nice job jackass

XXX: no more sex for you

XXX: at all

XXX: for like two months

 

PrettierThanThou: omg

PrettierThanThou: Kool Aid red!

PrettierThanThou: you look good tho

 

DDdad: yeah. What’s the problem

 

XXX: I can’t

XXX: it was a mistake! I look like a hot cheeto!

XXX: It has to stay tho, because I’m a broke college student

 

KidneyBean: well. Rip Minghao

 

EwGyu: I’m here JeongCheolSoo house

EwGyu: get moving

 

DDdad: we’re going we’re going

DDdad: stop honking

 

EwGyu: hustle

  
  


WonWoo and ChanTM (2)

  
  


Lee Chan: Wonwoo hyung

Lee Chan: Wonwoo hyung

Lee Chan: Wonwoo hyung

 

Jeon Wonwoo: what do you want gremlin

 

Lee Chan: my Mom and my step dad aren’t home

Lee Chan: and they took Jinwoon and Junseo with them

Lee Chan: and everyone else is going to the party

Lee Chan: and it’s dark and quiet and I don’t like it

 

Jeon Wonwoo: and?

 

Lee Chan: come watch movies with me

 

Jeon Wonwoo: I’ll be there in a bit

 

Lee Chan: you are my favorite hyung

 

Jeon Wonwoo: thank

 

Lee Chan: hurry up though

Lee Chan: the house is making funny sounds

  
  


Jflawless and the People Bringer (2)

 

Jflawless: yoooooooo

Jflawless: come collect your bro

Jflawless: hes dancing on a table

 

TallDude: who the fuck are you talking about

 

Jflawless: hes like

Jflawless: a hamster

Jflawless: cute and chubby cheeks

Jflawless: Not as cute as Markie tho

 

TallDude: i still have no idea who you are talking about

TallDude: I know several hamsters

 

Jflawless: i don’t know mannnnn

Jflawless: nvm it wasn’t your hamster

 

TallDude: okay

 

Jflawless: Namjoonie came to collect whoever it was

Jflawless: wAIT who let him in?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Jflawless: I thought I told that freaking barbie not to let him in!!!!! >:[

 

TallDude: I think that sounds like a problem with your door man

 

Jflawless: kEN I told you NOT to let Kim Namjoon in!!! >:(((

Jflawless: if you aren’t watching teh door then who IS??!!

Jflawless: oh wait. Wrong bro

Jflawless: bye Minguuuuuu!!!!

 

TallDude: bye 

  
  


Party People (11)

 

Thiqq: guysssssss

Thiqq: that one dude in my voice lessons

Thiqq: was like dancing

Thiqq: it was so crazy

 

DDdad: Seungkwan did you remember the rules?

DDdad: No alcohol?

 

Thiqq: yea but like it was only some of that red stuff

Thiqq: the pretty dude told me that it was like 

Thiqq: punch

 

DDdad: and what did I say about trusting drunk college students

 

Thiqq: Jesus is always the answer

Thiqq: no wait

Thiqq: I wanna change my answer

 

DDdad: okay. I’m waiting

 

Thiqq: fur pillows are actually hard to sleep on

 

KidneyBean: no kwannieeeeee

KidneyBean: that’s kanye

KidneyBean: our lord and savior

 

SaveRoom: that’s jesus

SaveRoom: Kanye is not jesus

SaveRoom: Only jesus is jesus

SaveRoom: well, bob ross might be jesus

SaveRoom: but Kanye isn’t bob ross OR jesus

 

EwGyu: wise words from Jisoo hyung

 

SaveRoom: kanye doesn’t have the hair to be jesus

 

DDdad: Seungkwan

 

Thiqq: yes hello 

 

DDdad: that punch is more alcohol than actual alcohol is alcohol

 

Thiqq: that’s probz why it tasted like drain cleaner

 

KidneyBean: how do yoou know what drain cleaner tastes likkkke???

 

Thiqq: that’s not importantt thoooo

Thiqq: what’s important is that the basement here is crazy

Thiqq: there’s like a dance floor

Thiqq: with so much PEOPLE on it

 

XXX: that’s cuz they are dancing

XXX: where’s Junhui

XXX: I’m horny

 

DDdad: that’s gross and not important

DDdad: where are you Seungkwan

DDdad: I’m going to take you home

 

Thiqq: I don’t wannnnnnnna go

 

DDdad: yeah well I’m the designated driver and you are a minor

DDdad: you promised me you wouldn’t drink

DDdad: and yet here we are

 

Thiqq: i don’t wannnaa

 

DDdad: you sound like a child

DDdad: you are a child

DDdad: and I’m taking you home

 

PrettierThanThou: shut up in the group chat

PrettierThanThou: Joshua is dancing

PrettierThanThou: and I need to concentrate

 

DDdad: damn it

DDdad: Seungkwan, you stay put I’m coming to find you

 

PrettierThanThou: Cheol come dance with me

 

DDdad: I have to find seungkwan sorry Jeonghan

 

PrettierThanThou: dick

  
  


Jflawless and the People Bringer (2)

 

Jflawless: Taehyunggggggggggggg

 

TallDude: you’ve go the wrong chat again man

TallDude: and I am not drinking enough to deal with you

 

Jflawless: don’t be that wayyyy taetaeeeeeeeeeeee

Jflawless: come play beer ponnnnng with me pleasee???!?!?!?!?

 

TallDude: Not a Taehyung, not going to play beer pong

 

Jflawless: but the onther teem is crushing meee

Jflawless: Markkkk won't kiss me if I' mm wastedd!!!1!!

Jflawless: so come and playyy

 

TallDude: bro go find the right chat

 

Jflawless: Taee! Dont do this to me! You are my little! Love me!

 

TallDude: okay fine I’ll come play beer pong with you

 

Jflawless: thankssssss

  
  


Party People (11)

 

DicK: guys where are you

DicK: Mingyu is absolutely killing these frat bros at beer pong

DicK: it’s like I’m watching jesus fight godzilla

DicK: and Jesus is beating the living shit out of godzilla

 

KidneyBeans: Se okmin hel p

 

DicK: hi Hansol what do you need

 

KidneyBeans: n   ot in the grouP c hat

 

DicK: okay that’s chill

  
  


The Meme Team (4)

 

WhatchaSay: Seokm in help

 

NyanKat: what do you need help with

 

WhatchaSay: ar you dRunk at all

 

NyanKat: nah, I’ve got work tomorrow, just wanted to come and party

 

WhatchaSay: oka y

 

NyanKat: also Hansol this isn’t the private chat

 

WhatchaSay: th at’s okayy my handz are shakin  g too much too find the pr rivate one rn

 

NyanKat: okay where are you

 

WhatchaSay: a bath Room

WhatchaSay: it’s greeen and it has a n ote in it

WhatchaSay: “TaeHyung don’t use this bathrOom, you used all my sham poo last time” -Daehyun

WhatchaSay: Its da ted a wee k ago

WhatchaSay: there’s more sticky no tes

 

Croissant: whats going on

 

NyanKat: Vernonie needs help and I’m trying to find him

 

WhatchaSay: hi soon young hyuNg

 

Croissant: are you okay?

 

WhatchaSay: no I thi nk i’m having anXiety

 

NyanKat: that’s okay, tell me about the sticky notes

NyanKat: help me find him Soonie

 

Croissant: will do, I’m hella sober now

 

WhatchaSay: the se cond on e is just “no” -Tae

WhatchaSay: “stop leavign sticky no tes on my mirror” -Hyun gwon

WhatchaSay: that on has a drawng of a sleep ing frog underneeth it

 

NyanKat: Okay so Hyungwon’s bathroom

NyanKat: What’s a hyungwon

 

KermitSeppuku: he’s the kinda hot junior that sleeps in the quad all the time

 

NyanKat: the one that has the lips

 

KermitSeppuku: yes

 

NyanKat: I know who that is. THanks Minghao

 

KermitSeppuku: no problem now shut up so I can go back to sucking Junhui’s dick

 

NyanKat: gross

NyanKat: just put your phone on silent

 

KermitSeppuku: choke Seokmin

 

WhatchaSay: hYung m y handz won stop shaking

WhatchaSay: I can arely type

 

NyanKat: that’s okay I’m coming to find you

 

WhatchaSay: o kk

  
  


Hyungwon? (2)

 

Lee Seokmin: Hey, i’m at a party at your frat and my friend is having a panic attack in your bathroom

Lee Seokmin: but this place is huge and I don’t know where that is and i’m trying to find it

 

Chae Hyungwon: this isn’t hyungwon

Chae Hyungwon: he’s asleep

Chae Hyungwon:  but his bathroom is on the second floor third door from the left

 

Lee Seokmin: thank you so much!!

 

Chae Hyungwon: hope your friend’s okay

 

Lee Seokmin: I really owe you

  
  


The Meme Team (4)

 

NyanKat: Vernon i’m at your bathroom

NyanKat: the door is still locked

NyanKat: can you let me in?

 

Croissant: You found him?

 

NyanKat: yeah

 

KermitSeppuku: obvs he did

KermitSeppuku: he wouldn’t be asking for the door to be opened if he hadn’t

 

NyanKat: go back to Junhui’s dick Minghao

NyanKat: don’t be mean in the group chat

 

Croissant: he let you in yet?

 

NyanKat: yeah, I’m putting my phone away for a bit, i’ll be back

 

Croissant: hug Hansollie for me please!

 

KermitSeppuku: for your information Junhui is sucking my dick now

KermitSeppuku: so you can choke Seokmin

 

Croissant: why are you so angry

 

KermitSeppuku: i am constantly filled with rage

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo okay so if you skipped over the chapter then thats chill I love you anyways! Here's a summary and some little snippets!  
> So the Frat Party is on, Mingyu is in contact with Jackson (got7 look him up I love him https://goo.gl/images/4WUkRZ) and Seungkwan and Vernon can go to the party despite being high schoolers (chan is not allowed) an exerpt:
> 
> Treegyu: Also like the babies are allowed
> 
> Seungtroll: Not Chan
> 
> Baby: damn it
> 
> Seungtroll: try again
> 
> Baby: darn it
> 
> Seungtroll: Correct
> 
> Yes so that happened, and the party is in full swing! Hooray! There is dancing (also minghao has red hair) and partying! Seungkwan drinks "punch" and gets a little more than tipsy, and S Coups has to go find him. While that happens, Vernon gets a little overwhelmed and starts panicking, locking himself in a bathroom (hyungwon's bathroom go find Hyungwon of Monsta X and love him like I love him https://goo.gl/images/Gmv56b) (take this link!) Seokmin goes to find him and that's pretty much where we end! If I missed any major plot points in this chapter then feel free to comment! I love talking to people (also if you love Monsta X and GOT7 too come talk I can talk for years) Anyways the next chapter should be up soon love you all so freaking much it's almost unbearable! It's been ya boy! Byeeeee!!! :)
> 
> ( I forgot there were a couple of DKE members mentioned! Ken (Vixx, https://goo.gl/images/ihbSai) Taehyung (BTS, Namjoon is also BTS, https://goo.gl/images/i4KQeQ) Hyungwon (the link is above) Daehyun (B.A.P go give love to BAP they deserve it so much, https://goo.gl/images/XN9iCB) and Jackson (link also above))


	4. People to Hang with

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yooo wassup! This chapter is for ghostyy!! Because they left me a comment and made my english class much better! I hope you guys enjoy the aftermath of the Party and some cameos from one of my good friend's favorite groups!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S. Coups: DDdad, Seungtroll  
> Jeonghan: PrettierThanThou  
> Joshua: SaveRoom  
> Junhui: MoonHui, Donehui  
> Hoshi: StrippersApprentice  
> Wonwoo: d(emo)ns  
> Jihoon: Marshmallow (he's actually in this chapter! I'm proud!)  
> DK: DicK (and a regular Lee Seokmin)  
> Mingyu: EwGyu  
> Minghao: XXX  
> Seungkwan: Thiqq, Squishy, BooBoo  
> Vernon: KidneyBean, RIPvine  
> Chan: Baby, BowlCutPotato, Leech (get it? it's Lee CHan, so Leech)
> 
> Extra People!  
> Chae Hyungwon: (he's just Chae Hyungwon, he's from Monsta X https://goo.gl/images/WRTmdh)  
> Rocky: DwayneTheRockMinhyuk (this is Rocky from ASTRO, love him cuz ASTRO is so good at what they do! https://goo.gl/images/GT3ruy)  
> Yoon Sanha: DuckDuckSanha (also from ASTRO. he's the maknae! Love them please! https://goo.gl/images/135Z6H)  
> Felix Lee: AussieNotOzzie (this is Felix from Stray Kids. also give stray kids love! they have come so far! also he's Australian and has freckles! This link is freckles: https://goo.gl/images/YysghX this link is actual Felix: https://goo.gl/images/i123FY)  
> Han Jisung: Squirrel (Jisung is also from Stray Kids, and he's so cute and my poor heart can't handle it! Link!: https://goo.gl/images/F6Tq58)  
> Lucas: (he's just Lucas. Lucas is from NCT, and he's my best friend's ultimate bias (except for RM from BTS) and Lucas is very great! have a Link! :https://goo.gl/images/gd2nLJ)
> 
> Also the picture link in the actual text is a picture of Kihyun from Monsta X. he has an amazing voice :)  
> Anyways, that was ya boy Alex! Enjoy the thing! Yes!

Hyungwon? (2)

 

Chae Hyungwon: who the fuck are you

 

Lee Seokmin: Lee Seokmin

 

Chae Hyungwon: my question still stands

Chae Hyungwon: who the fuck are you

 

Lee Seokmin: and my answer still stands

 

Chae Hyungwon: okay  _ seokmin  _ how the fuck did you get my number

 

Lee Seokmin: really short pink haired man gave it to me

 

Chae Hyungwon: This fucker?

Chae Hyungwon: <https://goo.gl/images/g1DtZW>

 

Lee Seokmin: yes

Lee Seokmin: he yelled at me

Lee Seokmin: I think he thought I was someone else

 

Chae Hyungwon: Kihyun that asshole

Chae Hyungwon: why did he give you my number

 

Lee Seokmin: I asked him to

 

Chae Hyungwon: why though

 

Lee Seokmin: my friend was at the party at DKE and he had a panic attack

Lee Seokmin: so he locked himself in your bathroom

Lee Seokmin: the problem was, no one knew where your bathroom was, and I couldn’t find a DKE sober enough to tell me

Lee Seokmin: so i asked for your number

 

Chae Hyungwon: makes sense. Last night was really really wild

Chae Hyungwon: I hope your friend was okay

 

Lee Seokmin: he’s doing better now 

Lee Seokmin: tell whoever texted me last night thanks

 

Chae Hyungwon: will do

  
  


Party People (11)

 

Thiqq: where am I

Thiqq: where are you guys

 

DDdad: you’re in the guest bedroom at my house Seungkwan 

DDdad: calm down

 

Thiqq: this isn’t your guest bedroom

Thiqq: this is hell

 

DDdad: no that’s the guest bedroom. I’m 100% sure

 

Thiqq: then why is it hell

 

DicK: probably because you are a lightweight

 

Thiqq: everything hurts

 

DDdad: honestly, that’s what you get

DDdad: you should have listened

 

Thiqq: i’m in painnnnnnnnnn

 

XXX: if you guys don’t shut the hell up

XXX: I’m going to personally see to it that you all get skinned alive

 

MoonHui: chill out Minghao

  
  


XXX: no

XXX: make me bitch

 

MoonHui: okay fine

 

XXX: that’s what I thought

 

PrettierThanThou: one problem here though

 

DDdad: yes hannie?

 

PrettierThanThou: where am I?

PrettierThanThou: and where the fuck did Joshua get a maid costume

PrettierThanThou: it has a party city tag on it

PrettierThanThou: when did we go to party city?

 

DDdad: where are you Hannie?

 

PrettierThanThou: can you read seungcheol? 

PrettierThanThou: I don’t KNOW where I am

 

DDdad: turn on your snapchat location

 

PrettierThanThou: no it’s so nice here

 

DDdad: then why is it a problem

 

PrettierThanThou: it’s not really, I just wanted attention

 

EwGyu: I’m still at DKE

EwGyu: where’s my shirt

EwGyu: why do I have a toga and a crown

 

DicK: Jesus returns!

 

EwGyu: why do I have “beer Pong Jesus” sharpied across my chest?

 

DicK: say hello Jesus

 

SaveRoom: hello

 

PrettierThanThou: joshua has some kind of sixth sense

PrettierThanThou: as soon as Jesus was mentioned

PrettierThanThou: he was awake

PrettierThanThou: like bam

 

SaveRoom: It’s my jesus radar

 

DicK: like gaydar? But for Jesus?

 

SaveRoom: yes

SaveRoom: I have all the radars

 

PrettierThanThou: he has one for good sandwich shops and dogs too

 

SaveRoom: yes

SaveRoom: all things that are important

 

Thiqq: Jisoo if you’re jesus come save me please

Thiqq: I’m in hell

 

DDdad: that is a hangover Seungkwan

 

Thiqq: no it’s hell

Thiqq: we’ve discussed this already

 

Marshmallow: stop

Marshmallow: texting

 

Thiqq: Jihoon hyung help

Thiqq: i’m in hell

Thiqq: and jesus does’t even want me

 

Marshmallow: go eat a bag of dicks Seungkwan

Marshmallow: if you idiots didn’t notice, it’s 8:00

Marshmallow: which means you should either be asleep or fucking quiet

 

DDdad: Jihoon language

 

Marshmallow: fucking take a fucking horse dick up your fucking ass

Marshmallow: fucker

 

StripperApprentice: hi Hoonie

StripperApprentice: there is advil on the side table next to the water

StripperApprentice: and your glasses are on my side of the bed

 

XXX: that’s gay

 

Marshmallow: I’m going back to sleep

 

DDdad: Jeonghan can you and joshua come home please

 

PrettierThanThou: yup on our way

 

SaveRoom: that’s a lie

SaveRoom: he’s going back to sleep

 

PrettierThanThou: snake man

 

SaveRoom: I’ll get him up and we’ll come home soon

 

MoonHui: Seokmin where are you?

MoonHui: I don’t think I heard you come home at all last night

 

DicK: I spent the night at Hansol’s house

 

StrippersApprentice: oh yeah, is he okay?

 

DicK: yeah. He got a little overwhelmed by the people

DicK: and i think he had a drink that didn’t sit well with him

DicK: I got him home though

DicK: we played some mario kart and then we slept

 

Thiqq: tell him I hope he’s okay

Thiqq: I would hug him, but I can’t move

 

DicK: will do. I’ve gotta go

 

MoonHui: okay bye Seokmin

 

DDdad: bye

 

SaveRoom: bye bye

  
  


Satan’s Right Asscheek (13)

 

Baby: hey hyungs

Baby: does anyone want to go on a bike ride with me today

Baby: or like any hangout at all?

 

Squishy: sorry Channie

Squishy: I’m in hell right now

 

Baby: oh. Sorry then Seungkwan

 

Seungtroll: I think a lot of us are going to be busy today, sorry Chan

 

Donehui: I can’t sorry

 

SpecialK: I have to work today

 

d(emo)ns: I would hang out, but my mom is making me come over to help her paint the guest bedroom

 

Mingyou: a lot of us are sleeping off hangovers too

Mingyou: that party was a little crazy

 

Baby: no thats okay!

Baby: I can ask some of my school friends!

  
  


The Kidz (6)

 

BowlCutPotato: hey guys does anyone want to go for a bike ride with me today

BowlCutPotato: or like go to the skate park or something

 

BooBoo: i’m in hell

BooBoo: I can’t ride a bike in hell

 

DwayneTheRockMinhyuk: I have a taekwondo thing today :(

 

DuckDuckSanha: I’m busy too I’m sorry Chan 

DuckDuckSanah: Good luck at your taekwondo thing rocky hyung

 

AussieNotOzzie: Yeah I’m grounded again 

AussieNotOzzie: so I’m not going to be able to go outside until I have good grades

AussieNotOzzie: and as my Grandma says “can be a respectful gentleman not a heathen”

 

_ Han Jisung (Squirrel) changed Felix Lee (AussieNotOzzie)’s name to HeathenChild _

 

Squirrel: I can’t hang out either

Squirrel: I have an AP art hangout that I have to be at

 

BowlCutPotato: Hansol? 

BowlCutPotato: do you want to hang out?

 

RIPvine: I don’t feel that good

RIPvine: I think going to that party last night was a mistake

 

BowlCutPotato: okay that’s cool

BowlCutPotato: do you guys know if the Dance team has anything going on? 

 

Squirrel: they’re in practice hell rn

Squirrel: competitions are coming up and they are StressedTM

 

BowlCutPotato: how about the Speech and Debate team? 

 

Squirrel: gone for a meet

 

DwayneTheRockMinhyuk: yeah they’re gone for a meet thing. 

DwayneTheRockMinhyuk: Moonbin had to get up at like four thirty this morning to get on a bus

 

BowlCutPotato: damn, football team?

 

Squirrel: you really wanna hang out with the jocks?

 

BowlCutPotato: I have friends on the team!

BowlCutPotato: They aren’t that bad!

 

Squirrel: you have friends everywhere

 

BowlCutPotato: I know a lot of people! It’s not a bad thing!

 

Squirrel: but it’s so much effort to find someone to hang out with

Squirrel: just go chill by yourself and relish in the few moments of silence

Squirrel: between your mother’s yelling and the J-boy’s whining and griping

 

BowlCutPotato: I mean, I’ll find someone to hang out

BowlCutPotato: somebody has to be free

  
  


Why are you a Tutor? (2)

 

Leech: Hey Lucas hyung

Leech: you skateboard right?

 

Lucas English Tutor: yeah why

 

Leech: they just renovated the skate park by my house

Leech: and all my friends kinda ditched me

Leech: so do you want to hang out

 

Lucas: I’m sorry Chan

Lucas: I’m still working on getting out of the tutoring program 

Lucas: but I still have to help people out

Lucas: I have a booked schedule

 

Leech: that’s chill

Leech: maybe some other time

 

Lucas: definitely

Lucas: also like, don’t forget your English assignment

Lucas: I may be bad at tutoring

Lucas: but you are my favorite student ;)

 

Leech: thanks but that winky face is a little weird

 

Lucas: yeah I regret that

Lucas: have fun at the skate park or whatevs

  
  


Satan’s Right Asscheek (13)

 

Baby: anyways if any of you guys want to join me

Baby: I’m at the skate park near my house

Baby: so like yeah

  
  



	5. Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes so hello another chapter is here! Wow! I'm so productive with fanfiction when I'm busy avoiding homework!  
> Anyways this chapter is dedicated to neetneves! Sorry I haven't answered your question yet! We'll get there eventually!  
> (I'm listening to Bob Ross while I write rn and I feel hella relaxed. although not really. I'm reading a very long series of Vixx fanfiction, and it's brilliantly written and I'm just a little pissy that it doesn't have more kudos! >:( It's not for the faint of heart though. If you wanna check it out be my guest. It's the Immortals(Vamp AU) by inkin_brushes. But it's so angsty and I love angst, but I can't write it, so that might make this chapter trash! Anyways I love you guys! Alex out!
> 
> Seungcheol: SuckCheol, Seungtroll  
> Jeonghan: PradaBitch, JeongAngel, EommaHannie (and Yoon J)  
> Joshua: Jisub  
> Junhui: Donehui  
> Hoshi: Hoeshi, NegaHosh  
> Wonwoo: d(emo)ns  
> Woozi: (he's not in this chapter Alex you horrible person what have you done)  
> DK: (he's also not in this chapter :( even tho he's fun to write, I AM a terrible person)  
> Mingyu: (you know Mingyu isn't in this chapter either. Someone hit me with a spatula)  
> Minghao: H8   
> Vernon: Memesol  
> Seungkwan: Squishy  
> Dino: Baby
> 
> Cameos is Lucas! of NCT! give them love! here's a link! https://goo.gl/images/QceXe4 go give the boys love they got a new lightstick that kinda looks like trash. I guess we have something in common! ;)

The ADULT chat (8)

 

PradaBitch: Jesus christ

 

SuckCheol: what are you on about

 

PradaBitch: I just woke up again

PradaBitch: and I must have still been a little drunk this morning

PradaBitch: because that headache was nothing

 

SuckCheol: it’s 7:30 at night Jeonghan

 

PradaBitch: your point?

PradaBitch: also where are you and Joshua?

 

Jisub: we’re at the library

Jisub: we thought you would want to sleep more

 

PradaBitch: how considerate

 

Hoeshi: guys I’m so screwed for the English Lit Analysis test on monday

 

PradaBitch: ha

PradaBitch: I was smart and didn’t take the class of the devil

 

Hoeshi: well some of us aren’t that smart

Hoeshi: I’m so screwed

 

SuckCheol: that seems like a personal problem

SuckCheol: but you are welcome to join us at the Library soonyoung

 

PradaBitch: I jsut read all my texts in the big groupchat

PradaBitch: did chan find anyone to hang out with?

 

Hoeshi: he said that he was goin to ask his school friends

 

PradaBitch: he’s my baby ask Seungkwan if he found someone to hang out with

 

Hoeshi: I will

  
  


The Squishies (2)

 

Soonyoung: yo seungkwan are you done dying?

Soonyoung: cuz I want to know if Chan ever found a buddy to hang out with

Soonyoung: seungkwannie 

Soonyoung: Seungkwan

Soonyoung: Seungkwan

Soonyoung: answer me or that picture of you in a speedo gets posted to the group chat

Soonyoung: the one of you in a dress too

 

Seungkwan: nnnnooooo

 

Soonyoung: hello seungkwan

Soonyoung: answer my question

 

Seungkwan: well, Vernon couldn’t, Rocky had a taekwondo thing, Sanha was busy

Seungkwan: felix was busy not being a heathen, and Jisung had an Art thing

Seungkwan: and like eveevery else person were busy

 

Soonyoung: so no?

 

Seungkwan: the only other person that he might have asked was his Tutor

Seungkwan: Lucas? I think? He’s a senior but also like a fuckboy

Seungkwan: I think him being put into the peer tutoring program was an admin mistake

 

Soonyoung: I want his number

 

Seungkwan: why

 

Soonyoung: Jeonghan is being a mother

Soonyoung: and he wants to know If chan had friends to hang out with, and where he is in general

 

Seungkwan: I’ll send Hannie the number then

  
  


Lucas the Tutor (2)

 

Yoon J: Is this lucas

 

Wong Y: yes whos asking

Wong Y: and before we start all that let me get some stuff out of the way

Wong Y: I don’t know the weed dealer if that’s what you want (and if YOU know the weed dealer then sharing is caring)

Wong Y: I also don’t know who spray painted dicks on to Principal Park’s car

Wong Y: or how to get into the Janitor closet on the fourth floor (idk why everyone wants to get into that. I suspect cocaine)

 

Yoon J: no none of that

Yoon J: I’m just wondering if you hung out with Chan today

Yoon J: I’m his honorary mother and I want to know

 

Wong Y: no man I didn’t. I had a stupid school event today that I had to go to

Wong Y: did the little guy ever find anyone to hang with?

 

Yoon J: I don’t think so

Yoon J: I’m going to text him

 

Wong Y: that’s chill

Wong Y: hes a good kid, I’m glad that hes got people looking out for him

  
  
  


Mom and Chan

 

EommaHannie: Chan did you find someone to hang out with?

EommaHannie: Chan?

 

EommaHannie: Chan it’s been thirty minutes can you text me back?

EommaHannie: I don’t need gray hair

EommaHannie: well, like stress gray hair

EommaHannie: I look pretty great with like DYED grey hair

 

EommaHannie: Chan it has been like an hour

Eommahannie: I’m getting worried about you

 

EommaHannie: okay two hours is my limit to freaking out. 

EommaHannie: You have fifteen minutes before I call the calvary and sound the alarm

 

EommaHannie: fifteen minutes is up. The calvary is being called

  
  


Satan’s Right Asscheek (13)

 

JeongAngel: not to be alarming or anything, but has anyone talked to Chan recently?

JeongAngel: it’s 9:30 at night

JeongAngel: and I’ve driven by Chans house only to find it empty

JeongAngel: I’m worried

 

SeungTroll: did you drive past the skate park?

 

JeongAngel: good idea

JeongAngel: I’ll be back

 

Seungtroll: anyone talked to him though?

Seungtroll: since this morning?

 

Donehui: nope

 

H8: no I haven’t

 

Squishy: I haven’t talked to him since this morning

Squishy: none of our school friends could hang out. 

Squishy: I think he was just going to head to the skate park by himself. 

Squishy: I don’t know where he would be now.

 

JeongAngel: I drove past the skate park. It’s completely dark he’s not there

JeongAngel: does anyone have Chan’s mom’s number? Or his stepdad’s?

 

Squishy: I have both, do you want me to text them?

 

JeongAngel: yes please

  
  


Chan’s Mom (2)

 

Seungkwan: Hey Mrs. Lee? I’m looking for Chan do you know where he is?

 

Mrs. Lee: It’s Mrs. Yang Seungkwan

 

Seungkwan: ok but do you know where Chan is?

 

Mrs. Lee: No. My husband and his kids and I left this afternoon for a vacation. 

Mrs. Lee: Chan stayed behind. I told him to go outside

Mrs. Lee: Did you ask Handsol?

 

Seungkwan: I have asked hansol M’am

 

Mrs. Lee: I can’t help you, I’m about to go to dinner

  
  


Satan’s Right Asscheek (13)

 

Squishy: so his mom and her husband and his kids just left for vacation

Squishy: they left him here

 

JeongAngel: okay then. If he doesn’t show up in an hour, I swear

JeongAngel: i will call the police

 

Seungtroll: I don’t think we need to go that far babe

Seungtroll: Chan’s a smart kid, he’s not going to be in trouble

 

JeongAngel: Seungcheol, if this situation goes south, and you turn out to be completely wrong

JeongAngel: I will cut your dick off

JeongAngel: you have been warned

 

Baby: I was in the movies jesus christ

 

JeongAngel: not cool Chan

JeongAngel: not cool 

JeongAngel: you answer your phone when we're looking for you

 

Baby: I was in the movies Jeonghan hyung, you don't text during the movies

 

Seungtroll: I told you Jeonghan

Seungtroll: you assumed the worst

Seungtroll: I was right

 

JeongAngel: guess who’s sleeping on the lumpy couch tonight?!

JeongAngel: cuz his name starts with S and ends with eungcheol

 

Seungtroll: what movie did you see chan?

 

Baby: it was a superhero movie, it had batman in it

Baby: I think I like marvel movies more

 

Seungtroll: Justice League

 

Baby: I don’t even know

Baby: It was like a dumpster fire, but with batman and a super ripped dude who could swim

Baby: he had muscles like a god

 

Memesol: Aquaman?

 

Baby: yeah! That guy

 

Memesol: did you even go to the skatepark?

 

Baby: I did, but since I was there alone

Baby: I waited until Mom and Mr. Yang had left with Jinwoon and Junseo

Baby: and then I went to the movies

 

Memesol: nice

Memesol: where is Cruella Deville and Satan even going?

 

Seungtroll: Hansol, that’s not very nice

 

Baby: oh, lets see

Baby: Evil stepbrother number one wanted to go to disneyland or six flags

Baby: and number two wanted to go to a concert

Baby: I think Satan is going to an art show 

Baby: and Cruella is going to some kind of swanky club to see friends

 

Memesol: and they didn’t take you because???

 

Baby: “I just don’t think you’d have very much fun, and Junseo told me that you don’t even like amusment parks!”

Baby: “And Jinwoon think s you probably wouldn’t want to have to share a hotel room with him and Junseo”

Baby: and then an interjection from Mr. Yang “it’s true Chen! You aren’t very social!”

Baby: my name isn't even Chen! is there ANOTHER child they have that I don't know about???????????

 

Seungtroll: you literally have connections to the entire high school student body, 

Seungtroll: and then more in the community plus the college people you know

 

JeongAngel: You would probably die without anyone to talk too for an extended period of time

 

Baby: I know

Baby: Mr. Yang was like “Chen you probably would be happier at home, and the fact that you have to work on getting your grades up too!”

Baby: yes Mr. Yang. i need to get my grades up

Baby: Jinwoon with his four Ds does not

Baby: but on the other hand, me and my A minuses need to get our lives in order

Baby: god forbid me, an asian, get anything other than all A pluses

 

Memesol: I thought Jinwoon was failing Chemistry?

 

Baby: he copied off of Jeon Jungkook’s test

 

Memesol: Jungkook? Dance God Jungkook who is literally good at everything except speaking english?

 

Baby: yeah, Jungkook noticed halfway through but by then Jinwoon already had most of the answers

 

Memesol: damn

Memesol: and Jungkook didn’t kick his ass?

 

Baby: Jungkook wouldn’t 

Baby: he’s chill. He and I play fortnite together sometimes

 

Memesol: wb Junseo?

 

Baby: the ass still has good As and Bs. I’m just a bit pissy

Baby: because all he had to do was give the TA some flirty looks and invite her to dinner

Baby: and then bam. Grades changed

Baby: he’s a snake

 

Memesol: don’t trust snakes. They don’t have arms

 

Baby: true. And they can’t fly either

 

NegaHosh: what if snakes could fly? 

 

Memesol: the human race would not have evolved the way we have

Memesol: we’d be too scared of getting a face full of snake every time we peeked out of our caves

Memesol: we’d just not have evolved. We’d still be hairy and speak like monkeys

 

Baby: well, that would be good for you

Baby: you’d finally have chest hair

 

Memesol: wow

Memesol: I’m wounded

Memesol: Seungkwan go on without me, I don’t think I can continue!

 

Baby: seungkwan can’t help you. He’s in hell

 

Seungtroll: Chan language

 

Baby: what if I said no?

 

Seungtroll: well

Seungtroll: I guess I’ll have to count to ten for you to apologize

Seungtroll: 1…

Seungtroll: 2…

Seungtroll: 3...

 

Memesol: chan do it don't make him count down it's making me tense

 

Seungtroll: 4... 

 

Baby: Okay okay jesus I’ll mind my language as close as a sheep minder watches sheep in wolf infested areas

 

Memesol: why do all children have such a fear of parents counting?

Memesol: who hurt us?

 

d(emo)ns: the ever oppressing march of death is what hurt us

 

Memesol: back off Edgar Allen

 

Baby: I’m going to live forever tho

Baby: bathing in the blood of the innocent and all that jazz

 

Memesol: you are literally the personification of a cotton ball

Memesol: you use blueberry bubble bath

Memesol: you wouldn’t bathe in the blood of the innocent even if it was the only other option

 

Baby: don’t expose me


	6. Interviews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WootWoot: well if I die, at least I’ll be doing the thing I love most
> 
> DebbieDowner: tormenting your teachers and close friends?
> 
> WootWoot: no. dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasssup! It's ya boy Alex! I'm back (like I actually left) anyways, here's another chapter!! This one goes out to jilix! Even though you and I can't properly bond over speech and debate, trust that the speech and debate team will come up again in the future!!!   
> Anyways, onto the chat names!!  
> Seungcheol: Seungtroll, DebbieDowner, DaddyO  
> Jeonghan: JeongAngel, SweetAndSexy  
> Joshua: Jisoos, PrettyBaby  
> Junhui: Donehui  
> Hoshi: NegaHosh  
> Wonwoo: d(emo)ns, Kinkshame  
> Woozi: WootWoot  
> DK: (he's not in this chapter, although it does take place at like 8am so he'd probably still be sleeping!)  
> Mingyu: Mingyou  
> Minghao: H8  
> Seungkwan (also not in this chapter :( alas, but he IS a high school student, and my school doesn't start until 8:45 am so he has time to sleep if he wants to)  
> Vernon: Memesol  
> Dino: Baby

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe (Memesol) has changed the chat name _

_ Changed from  _ Satan’s Right Asscheek  _ to  _ What is Love?

 

What is Love? (13)

 

Memesol: baby don’t hurt me

Memesol: don’t hurt me

Memesol: no more

 

WootWoot: it’s too early for this

 

Seungtroll: you have an 8 am class Jihoon

Seungtroll: you knew what you were getting into when you signed up

 

_ Lee Jihoon (WootWoot) has changed Choi Seungcheol’s chat name _

_ Changed from  _ Seungtroll  _ to  _ DebbieDowner

 

DebbieDowner: you can’t just change chat names and hope that the problem will disappear

 

WootWoot: not with that attitude you can’t

 

NegaHosh: not with that attitude you can’t

NegaHosh: wow twinsies!

 

WootWoot: can you not?

 

NegaHosh: love me Jihoon

 

WootWoot: no. It’s too early

 

DebbieDowner: it’s already seven thirty

 

WootWoot: well, that means thirty more minutes to sleep

 

NegaHosh: yes. Thirty more minutes of cuddles

 

WootWoot: that too

 

DebbieDowner: didn’t you promise yoongi that you’d meet him before class?

 

WootWoot: that’s for Music Theory and Production

WootWoot: not until 11:00

 

DebbieDowner: hope that you are right

DebbieDowner: Yoongi scares me

DebbieDowner: standing him up could be dangerous

 

WootWoot: you are literally three feet taller than he is

WootWoot: and also you have like abs, Yoongi hyung doesn’t like getting up out of bed cuz it’s too much energy

 

DebbieDowner: didn’t you hear about how he decked that one kid in the quad that one time?

 

WootWoot: everyone has heard that

WootWoot: I’ll give you five bucks if you find someone who HASN’T heard that

 

Memesol: I havent? like what are you talking about?

 

WootWoot: MTP mentor

WootWoot: literally the least threatening person I know

WootWoot: and I know Joshua and Seungkwan and Soonyoung

 

NegaHosh: I’m so intimidating tho! >:(

 

WootWoot: yes sure babe

 

DebbieDowner: his mentor once took a kid out with one hit

DebbieDowner: he’s also got tattoos, I’m pretty sure he’s connected to the Mafia

DebbieDowner: you also owe me five bucks now Jihoon

 

Baby: He only has like two tattoos

Baby: Bang Yongguk has more, Dong Youngbae has more, Kwon Jiyong has WAY more

 

DebbieDowner: how do you even know any of these people

DebbieDowner: and I’m 100% sure that they’re connected to the mafia as well

 

Baby: Bang Yongguk and I know each other kinda

Baby: and I just know the others from around

 

DebbieDowner: that still doesn’t help me understand how you know them

 

H8: I know the answer

H8: chan is secretly the leader of the local mafia

H8: It’s the only answer

 

Baby: I wish

Baby: mafia overlords prolly don’t have to take Biology Tests

 

Memesol: I can help you test your biology ;)

 

Baby: that was kind of good but also like

Baby: why

 

JeongAngel: I’m literally cringing

JeongAngel: who taught you this?!?!?

JeongAngel: they should not have been allowed to corrupt you like this

 

Memesol: I know a few ways we can go about corrupting you ;)

 

WootWoot: that’s physically painful

 

DebbieDowner: Jihoon you have class

 

WootWoot: well, it’s not important

WootWoot: Soonyoung fell asleep again

WootWoot: and he looks so cute 

WootWoot: like a fluffy hamster marshmallow

 

DebbieDowner: Jihoon it’s American Literature

DebbieDowner: Mr. Choi will kill you for skipping 

DebbieDowner: again

 

WootWoot: well if I die, at least I’ll be doing the thing I love most

 

DebbieDowner: tormenting your teachers and close friends?

 

WootWoot: no. dying

  
  


Babes (3)

 

PrettyBaby: ugh I really don’t want to go to this interview

PrettyBaby: the dude is a creep

 

SweetAndSexy: you got this bb

SweetAndSexy: just get the interview over and then if you get the job

SweetAndSexy: you can just do your thing

 

DaddyO: yeah. You can be in the archives all the hours you work

DaddyO: the creep’s just upper management

DaddyO: and plus Yongnam and Byungjoo will be there

 

PrettyBaby: you’ve never met Yongnam

 

DaddyO: yeah but byungjoo likes him and byungjoo is nice to you

DaddyO: and he backed off when you said you were taken

 

PrettyBaby: you’re a sucker for nice people

 

DaddyO: that’s true

DaddyO: plus byungjoo looks like a marshmallow bunny

 

SweetAndSexy: it’s eight. Did you make sure Jihoon got to AmLit?

 

DaddyO: no

 

SweetAndSexy: I’ll go nag him some more

SweetAndSexy: it’s what I’m good at

  
  


What is Love? (13)

 

JeongAngel: Jihoon go to class

JeongAngel: I’m really comfy right now

JeongAngel: but I will not hesitate to get up and leave and let you suffer through me dragging you through the Quad

 

WootWoot: chill out mother

WootWoot: I’m at class

WootWoot: now shut up before my phone gets snatched by freaking Mr. Choi

 

JeongAngel: “thank you jeonghan for caring so much to remind me to go to class! I’m so lucky to have you as a friend! :)”

JeongAngel: Oh it’s no problem Jihoonie! I’m lucky to have you as well!

JeongAngel: “you’re so nice Jeonghan! AmLit is important for my education and I shouldn’t skip”

JeongAngel: I’d do so much for the friends I truly cherish!! <3

 

H8: Jeonghan’s finally lost it

H8: someone call the loony bin

 

Donehui: I’m already on it

 

H8: cool finish that up quick I have an hour and a half until College Chem starts and I have a…

H8: problem

H8: that i need your specific help with Junhui

 

Donehui: ooh fun. I like "helping" ;) ;)

 

d(emo)ns: you know you guys could booty call each other in a different chat

d(emo)ns: not everyone wants to know that you are horny Minghao

 

H8: just to spite you…

H8: Junhui I have a boner and I need to ride your dick to get rid of it.

H8: I need you to come over because I’m so horny right now I might explode

H8: and not in the sexy way. Explode through sheer sexual frustration

 

d(emo)ns: what did I do to deserve this

 

H8: and one more thing

 

_ Xu Minghao (H8) has changed Jeon Wonwoo’s Chat name _

_ Changed from  _ d(emo)ns _ to  _ Kinkshame

 

Kinkshame: how original

Kinkshame: this is my name in the adult chat too Minghao

 

H8: it suits you

H8: you emo professional wet blanket who is so hypocritical in his kinkshaming

 

Kinkshame: I wasn’t even really kinkshaming you

 

H8: suffer Jeon Wonwoo

H8: suffer

  
  


Babes (3)

 

PrettyBaby: I’m nervous

PrettyBaby: I have never done an interview like this before

PrettyBaby: my high school jobs were fast food jobs

PrettyBaby: they didn’t even interview me

PrettyBaby: I’m going to screw this up so much oh god I’m so nervous

 

DaddyO: Joshuaaa~

DaddyO: calm downn~

DaddyO: we love youuuuu~

DaddyO: and you are going to be greattt~

 

SweetAndSexy: yeah

SweetAndSexy: Now Joshua, be charming!

 

DaddyO: yes charming!

 

SweetAndSexy: but not too charming

 

DaddyO: wait

DaddyO: no

 

SweetAndSexy: Be charming but not too charming

 

PrettyBaby: that’s like asking superman not to be TOO super

PrettyBaby: it doesn’t work

 

DaddyO: joshuaaaaaa~ 

DaddyO: pretty pretty Jisoooooo~

DaddyO: you are going to ace this interview

 

SweetAndSexy: that is true

 

DaddyO: and since you are going to ace your interview

DaddyO: I’m going to take the night off from work

DaddyO: and we are going to have fun!

 

SweetAndSexy: oooh fun! The  _ naughty  _ kind of fun?

SweetAndSexy: cuz I am so down for that

 

PrettyBaby: hey stop I have an interview

PrettyBaby: no boners please

 

SweetAndSexy: but boners are so funn! ;)

 

PrettyBaby: you know, your chat name here is not a representation of you

PrettyBaby: gigantic freaking tease

 

SweetAndSexy: but I’m sweet AND sexy :((

 

DaddyO: that sounds like chicken

DaddyO: sweet and sexy chicken

 

PrettyBaby: omg

PrettyBaby: can I get two orders of sweet and sexy chicken to go?

PrettyBaby: also Cheollie go police the big chat

 

DaddyO: I was hoping that the kids would behave 

 

SweetAndSexy: and I was hoping for a Porsche for my birthday

SweetAndSexy: but I guess life is full of dissapointments

  
  


What is Love? (13)

 

DebbieDowner: no boner discussions in the group chat please

 

H8: you have no right to be policing me on my boner-y business

H8: i drove you freaks to the hospital after the concussion incident

H8: you owe me Choi Seungcheol

 

DebbieDowner: this is true

DebbieDowner: and remember, you promised to take this secret to the grave

 

H8: that’s because I’ve repressed that night so much

H8: so so much

 

Donehui: he literally just physically shuddered

 

Kinkshame: it didn’t take you very long to meet up

 

Donehui: that is an astute observation Wonwoo

Donehui: I applaud you on your skills

 

Kinkshame: don’t be condecending

 

Donehui: I thought you liked that though?

 

Kinkshame: can we please not talk about my sex life in the group chat

 

Mingyou: I agree cuz it’s also my sex life

 

DebbieDowner: let’s just not talk about any sex lives in this chat

 

Baby: Hey seungcheol where do babies come from

 

DebbieDowner: nope

DebbieDowner: this is not the sex group chat

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has changed the group chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ What is Love?  _ to  _ Not the Sex Group Chat

 

DebbieDowner: no

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has changed the group chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ Not the Sex Group Chat  _ to  _ Jesus is Watching

 

DebbieDowner: this is the nice group chat that is wholesome and good

DebbieDowner: Joshua back me up here

 

Jisoos: I have an interview, remember Seungcheol

Jisoos: but he is right

Jisoos: and if you really really really want to get the sex talk again Chan

Jisoos: then I would be happy to oblige you

 

Baby: no god no

Baby: i was kidding

Baby: mercy please Jisoo hyung

Baby: my favorite hyung ever

 

Jisoos: that’s what i thought

Jisoos: now quiet down I have an interview

 

Baby: yes okay hyung I love you

 

Jisoos: aww! I love you too channie!

 

JeongAngel: hello 911 yes I’d like to report a kidnapping

JeongAngel: yes he stole my son


	7. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catnip: Vernon don’t you’ll get in so much trouble
> 
> SmashMouth: we are here for a good time not a long time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG!! I love it when people comment!!! It makes me happy and I smile like a fool. (I am a fool) Anyways! I love you guys so much! I love the kudos! Like we're over 50! That's incredible! And also I love you guys (i already said that but I'll say it again (I love you guys)) This chapter is for yayernayer (and also ghostyy (again) because I love reading their comments!!!!!1) Well, here are our chat names for this section!!!! (also if there doesn't seem to be much plot in this chap. I'm sorry my dudes, I changed the chat names and then the explanations just got out of hand and then here we are with about a 2000 word chapter (normally they are about 1200 words) so yeah. Plot will come and I hope you enjoy!!!!  
> (also the only people in this chapter are pretty much Seungkwan, Chan, Vernon and Seokmin)  
> DK: Sunburn  
> Seungkwan: Catnip  
> Vernon: SmashMouth  
> Dino: RealMan

Homeslice Pie (13)

 

_ Everyone’s names have been changed! _

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Choi Seungcheol’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ DebbieDowner  _ to  _ Parent

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Yoon Jeonghan’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ JeongAngel  _ to  _ Jessica

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Hong Jisoo’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Jisoos  _ to  _ Overlord

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Moon Junhui’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Donehui  _ to  _ PrinceOfEgypt

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Kwon Soonyoung’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ NegaHosh  _ to  _ HamsterDance

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Jeon Wonwoo’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Kinkshame _ to  _ 2010

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Lee Jihoon’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ WootWoot  _ to  _ Fun-Sized

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Lee Seokmin’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ SpecialK  _ to  _ Sunburn

 

_ Lee Chan changed Kim Mingyu’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Mingyou _to_ Snot

 

_ Lee Chan changed Xu Minghao’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ H8  _ to  _ Leggy

 

_ Lee Chan changed Boo Seungkwan’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Squishy  _ to  _ Catnip

 

_ Lee Chan changed Hansol Vernon Chwe’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Memesol  _ to  _ SmashMouth

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Lee Chan’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Baby  _ to  _ RealMan

 

RealMan: someone talk to me

RealMan: I’m bored

RealMan: guys

RealMan: guys

RealMan: guys

RealMan: guys

RealMan: guysssssssssss

RealMan: I’m so bored

 

Catnip: hi Chan

Catnip: why did you change the chat names

 

RealMan: I’m in study hall

RealMan: and I’m bored

RealMan: normally it’s chill because Lucas is here, or maybe Junhong but I’m alone

RealMan: they aren’t here

 

Catnip: Lucas my grade Lucas?

 

RealMan: yes

 

Smashmouth: Justin Beiber fuckboi Lucas?

 

RealMan: yes Hansol keep up

 

Catnip: I’m just not even gonna ask how you know Junhong

Catnip: also what does my chat name mean?

 

RealMan: well you see, I found an old english movie about this chick who wants to be a lawyer

RealMan: and I had the subtitles on

RealMan: and I was really really into it

 

Catnip: okay go on

 

RealMan: and I’m looking around to find a Korean dub or somthing 

RealMan: and it turns out it was made into a musical

 

SmashMouth: was it cats?

SmashMouth: cuz I don’t think you should be watching that

 

RealMan: no it wasn’t 

RealMan: it was legally blonde

RealMan: and there was this one thing about the “bend and snap” and the line was:

RealMan: “look at my ass, look at my thighs, I’m catnip to the guys!”

RealMan: and I literally saw a dude walk into a pole yesterday because he was staring at Seungkwan’s ass

 

SmashMouth: oh

 

Catnip: for real?

Catnip: was he okay?

 

RealMan: yeah

RealMan: he tried to play it off all cool though

 

SmashMouth: well... 

SmashMouth: I like my name tho

 

RealMan: I figured

RealMan: I should just have overall admin rights, I'm the best at names

 

Catnip: tell me about the other names! I’m in Pre-Calc right now

Catnip: and we have a sub so I'm bored too!! 

 

RealMan: well Cheol hyung’s is kinda obvious cuz he treats us all like his children and stuff

RealMan: so he’s parent

 

SmashMouth: Okay I get that much, but jeonghan being Jessica?

 

RealMan: since Jeonghan hyung kinda looks like a girl

RealMan: nobody really knows who he was when he took me to lunch on the campus

RealMan: and some dude came up to flirt with him

RealMan: and called him Jessica because he knew his name started with a J

 

Catnip: I heard about that

Catnip: Jeonghan hyung was kinda angry about it

 

RealMan: it was hilarious and he knew the people who worked at the sandwich shop

RealMan: and whenever he went there to get sandwiches they called him Jessica

 

Catnip: who works there?

 

RealMan: oh I think that day it was Minseok hyung, MJ hyung, and Hakeyon hyung

 

Catnip: I don’t know any of those people

 

RealMan: duh. they’re college kids. Hakeyon hyung is graduating this year

 

Catnip: doesn’t help me much

 

SmashMouth: well that seems like a you problem

 

Catnip: it is though! 

 

RealMan: and Joshua hyung gets overlord because he’s honestly the guy in charge here

 

SmashMouth: thats…

SmashMouth: that’s actually a pretty good point

 

Catnip: remember when Vernon was failing freaking culinary,

Catnip: and Joshua hyung took away his guitars and the wifi router at his house?

 

SmashMouth: he took my internet away

SmashMouth: and he did it in a smart way too

SmashMouth: none of that whole “I’m taking your computer away, or I’m turning the router off”

SmashMouth: it was scary

 

Catnip: and very effective

Catnip: I have never seen grades go up as fast as I did then

 

SmashMouth: my parents love Joshua

SmashMouth: I’m pretty sure if he said “I’m taking Vernon and all of your money”

SmashMouth: they’d probably be like “take our TV too! Bye drive safe love you!” 

 

RealMan: I am truly afraid of Jisoo hyung, like honestly

 

Catnip: anyways, what about Junhui’s name? 

Catnip: he’s not egyptian

 

RealMan: well you see, he’s like the prince of china

RealMan: but in so many other text fanfictions, his name is PrinceOfChina

RealMan: and I guess the author wanted to be unique

 

Catnip: you know that makes sense

Catnip: they must be really really smart to do that

 

RealMan: I know!

RealMan: so junhui’s name is Prince Of Egypt

 

Catnip: Moving on, Soonyoung hyung

 

RealMan: you know that hella annoying song?

RealMan: the hamster dance?

RealMan:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qN72LEQnaU ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qN72LEQnaU)

RealMan: BAM soonyoung, but youtube music instead of actual person

 

SmashMouth: dear lord my ears

SmashMouth: I repressed this memory for a reason Chan!

SmashMouth: I’ll never be able to forget it again

SmashMouth: curse you

 

RealMan: but it’s soonyoung

 

Catnip: oh my gosh

Catnip: it IS soonyoung hyung

 

RealMan: I’m smart like that

RealMan: and now I’ll never be able to forget that song either

RealMan: Wonwoo hyung just gives off 2010 emo vibes

RealMan: like fringes, and that one chick from vine

 

SmashMouth: Oh yeah

SmashMouth: “go die in a hole” girl

SmashMouth: with the eyeliner that made Jeonghan hyung cry when he watched it

 

Catnip: she had red hair? That girl?

 

SmashMouth: oh my god

SmashMouth: seungkwan knows vines

 

Catnip: kinda?

 

SmashMouth: oh my god

SmashMouth: oh my freaking god

 

RealMan: can we keep it PG Hansol?

RealMan: okay good! NEXT!

 

Catnip: Jihoon hyung’s gonna kill you when he comes back and sees his name

 

RealMan: that would be child abuse, and I have the authority to call up a posse

RealMan: he wouldn’t hurt a child

RealMan: he probably can’t even reach my neck to strangle me

 

Catnip: Chan has a death wish

Catnip: It’s confirmed

 

SmashMouth: Illuminati confirmed!

 

Catnip: not the illuminati Hansollie,

Catnip: Just Jihoon and probably a butter knife

Catnip: I imagine that being skinned by a butter knife would be painful

Catnip: but that's what Chan deserves

 

RealMan: let’s move on before he is summoned

 

Catnip: lets

 

SmashMouth: he’d probz kill us for being accomplices

 

RealMan: moving on! Seokmin is Sunburn now

 

SmashMouth: do tell why

 

RealMan: well, I saw on his phone once, the guy he was dating called him sunshine

RealMan: it was really gross

RealMan: but I thought it was a little appropriate

RealMan: but I’m not calling him sunshine, so Sunburn it is

 

SmashMouth: fair enough

 

Catnip: who was he dating? I never heard about this?

 

RealMan: an absolute douche who probably has a pedo mustache now

 

Sunburn: it’s true

Sunburn: he still follows me on insta so he can try to sext me

Sunburn: he’s got a neckbeard too

 

SmashMouth: oh hi lurking Seokmin

 

Sunburn: oh hi Vernon

Sunburn: but yeah, he has a fedora too

Sunburn: I have no idea why I dated him in the first place

 

RealMan: repulsive

RealMan: does he still send you dick pics?

 

Sunburn: sometimes

Sunburn: I just send him back that one picture of the banana cutter thing

Sunburn: he’s grade A dickweed

Sunburn: I’m gonna go back to lurking. TA Adonis is giving me the evil eye for texting

 

RealMan: one of these days he’s going to take your phone

RealMan: but then you’d have to talk to him to get it back so where’s the downfall in this?

 

Sunburn: you have much wisdom Chan. We should call you the Buddha

 

RealMan: no

RealMan: I like my name

 

Sunburn: but like honestly, you look like a baby in a leather jacket

Sunburn: you can’t drink, you can’t drive by yourself yet

 

SmashMouth: you have to have an adult with you to get into Shakes n’ Burgs Bowling Alley and Bar

 

RealMan: let’s just move on! 

RealMan: (and I’ll show you haters eventually)

 

SmashMouth: Chan just give it up

SmashMouth: when you turn sixteen then I’ll start calling you a real man

 

RealMan: only a month to go then

RealMan: anyways, Mingyu once sneezed into his hand and then wiped it on me

RealMan: thus, Snot

 

SmashMouth: he did that to me once

SmashMouth: it was gross

 

RealMan: tall people produce more snot I think it’s proven

 

Catnip: I think he’s marking his territory

Catnip: he’s probably threatened feeling with all the other tall people around

 

RealMan: whatever it is, he should NOT be sneezing on me

RealMan: I’ll start doing it to him back

 

Catnip: how about we don’t because that’s gross

 

RealMan: my threat stands

RealMan: I had a hard time finding a name for Minghao

 

Catnip: Leggy works

Catnip: he is like 100% leg

 

RealMan: it was the only Idea that I had that would let me keep the skin under my armpits and all my toes

 

Catnip: so that’s what Hao hyung would do to you?

Catnip: he told me that he’d cut my nose off so I looked like Voldemort and that he’d drown Hansol

Catnip: I don’t want Hansollie to drown and I really like my nose

Catnip: I’d look like a circle without it

 

SmashMouth: you have a very round face

SmashMouth: but it looks good 

SmashMouth: no homo tho

SmashMouth: Minghao told me that he’d douse my room in Axe body spray

SmashMouth: and poison me just enough so that my hair all fell out

 

Catnip: he’s very strange

Catnip: but he really knows how to threaten people

 

RealMan: yeah he does

RealMan: I really like my underarm hair and my toes

 

SmashMouth: what armpit hair

 

Sunburn: what armpit hair?

Sunburn: whoops. but jinx Vernon you owe me coffee

Sunburn: The TA is coming my way

Sunburn: I’m probz going to burn up being so close to someone that hot

 

RealMan: I would mourn you but you’re mean

RealMan: bye seokmin

RealMan: I hope your TA thinks you look like a slug

 

Sunburn: why are you so me

 

RealMan: I am me. Who are you?

 

Catnip: why ARE you so me?

 

SmashMouth: I think his phone done been took

 

Catnip: rip Seokmin hyung

Catnip: we’ve gone through all the new names!

Catnip: when does your study hall end?

 

RealMan: In about ten minutes

RealMan: oh my god

 

Catnip: what

 

RealMan: I swear on my mother’s left kneecap that I just saw Felix Lee on a skateboard going down the halls with a very angry Principal Park chasing him

 

SmashMouth: oh my god. A fuckin hero

 

RealMan: Yup, Park’s chasing him, and so is Mrs. Jeon

 

Catnip: attendance woman who has a voice like a garbage truck?

 

RealMan: yup

 

Catnip: Oh my gosh he just went past my door

 

SmashMouth: tell him to get to the Math hallway I’ll join him!

 

RealMan: will do 

 

Catnip: Vernon don’t you’ll get in so much trouble

 

SmashMouth: we are here for a good time not a long time

SmashMouth: yolo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our cameos of this chapter are  
> Lucas! (https://goo.gl/images/J62qMA)  
> Junhong! (he's from B.A.P who are really really amazing! my favorite song of theirs is either HONEYMOON or That's My Jam! give them love cuz they've had a hard time getting to where they are!! https://goo.gl/images/eFC8zb)  
> Minseok (Xiumin from EXO!! He's great but needs to stay in his lane!! https://goo.gl/images/6NWoXb)  
> MJ (ASTRO!!! I love ASTRO so much, they are so great! https://goo.gl/images/g9bAA9)  
> Hakeyon!!!!! (VIXX!!!! Omg I love vixx so so much! they are so great and I love them so much! anyways this is N the leader! He's great! Please love him! https://goo.gl/images/GiHvnB)  
> I think that was all the cameos for this one! I hope you enjoyed! if you did, then tell me!! I love talking to people!! Anyways that's ya boy Alex! Love you lots and see you in the next chapter
> 
> Oh my god ghostyy pointed it out to me but I forgot freaking Felix in my freaking cameos list !!!! what has my life come to??!! someone throw something at me
> 
> Felix!!! Stray Kids!!!! Love him Please!!!!! He's australian!! https://goo.gl/images/uXgoFP


	8. Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catnip: I’m scared of sharks
> 
> Parent: well I’m scared of the boat scene in Willy Wonka
> 
> Snot: I have no fears
> 
> Leggy: what if one day you woke up and Jihoon was taller than you
> 
> Snot: well now I have one fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys it's another chapter!!! It's not as good and it has some angst (hopefully, cuz I'm not good at writing angst) I hope you enjoy! (sorry it's not a funnier chapter :( I had to have some kind of plot) Sorry you get a crappy chapter chatnotcat, but this chapter is dedicated to you!! I love you and thank you for your comment!!  
> Anyways, I love you guys! Leave me some comments! 
> 
> Seungcheol: Choi S, Parent  
> Jeonghan: Jessica  
> Joshua: Hong J, Overlord, LAboi  
> Junhui: PrinceOFEgypt  
> Hoshi: Kwon S, HamsterDance  
> Wonwoo: 2010  
> Woozi: (not in this chapter! alas! It's okay tho he'll come back later and kill chan for his new chat name)  
> DK: Sunburn  
> Mingyu: Snot  
> The8: Leggy  
> Seungkwan: Catnip (speaking of, here's the youtube link to that song! from Legally Blonde the musical! It's great, and I love it a lot! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h41oYYO8CGY)  
> Vernon: SmashMouth, NewYork  
> Chan: RealMan

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has created a new chat _

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has named the chat  _ Crisis

 

Crisis (4)

 

Chwe H: help

Chwe H: guys

Chwe H: guys pls

 

Hong J: are you okay?

Hong J: what do you need help with?

Hong J: are you still grounded?

 

Choi S: Vernon are you alright?

 

Chwe H: yes

Chwe H: well, no

Chwe H: I’m grounded but that’s not the problem

 

Kwon S: do you need me to kill anyone

 

Chwe H: no

Chwe H: it’s not that kind of crisis

 

Hong J: what’s your crisis

 

Choi S: do you want me to come over?

Choi S: I can come over

 

Chwe H: no

Chwe H: I don’t need that

 

Kwon S: what do you need from us?

 

Chwe H: just gimme a minute

Chwe H: I’m kind of freaking out

Chwe H: might take me a bit

 

Choi S: take all the time you need

 

Hong J: yes take all the time you need, we’ll be waiting here

 

Chwe H: okay

Chwe H: wow this shouldn’t be that hard to type

 

Hong J: I’m coming over

 

Chwe H: no hyung please don’t

Chwe H: mom doesn’t want me to have friends over

 

Hong J: okay, I won’t, I’m just worried

 

Kwon S: yea man, you sure you don’t want me to kill anyone?

 

Chwe H: howdidyouguysknowyouweregay

 

Hong J: okay

Hong J: that’s unexpected but okay

Hong J: well, I kind of always knew

Hong J: girls were great, but only as friends

Hong J: boys were always catching my attention

 

Kwon S: I really didn’t know until I met Jihoon

Kwon S: and then we clicked and all the sudden it was like

Kwon S: “oh wow, I love this man so much I’m so gay”

Kwon S: but like Joshua hyung said, girls didn’t have the same allure a guys

 

Choi S: I knew in eighth grade

Choi S: do you want to know more

 

Chwe H: yes please

 

Choi S: I was on the baseball team, and my best friend was too

Choi S: and we stayed late one day

Choi S: and I realized I wanted to kiss him

 

Chwe H: okay

 

Hong J: did that help? Do you have any more questions?

 

Chwe H: didn’t help

Chwe H: idk

Chwe H: this was stupid

Chwe H: forget this chat exists

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has deleted this Chat, you can no longer view it _

 

_ Joshua Hong has created a Chat _

_ Joshua Hong named the Chat  _ Crisis

 

Crisis (4)

Hong J: Hansol it’s not stupid

Hong J: if you want help figuring stuff out then we are here for help

Hong J: but just running from this isn’t going to help anything

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has left the chat _

 

Choi S: I think he wants us to drop this

 

Kwon S: I think so too

 

Hong J: I’m worried

 

Choi S: I know, but if this is what I think it is then Hansol needs to come to us

Choi S: pressuring him won’t do anything

 

Hong J: Okay 

Hong J: I get it

  
  


The Americans (2)

 

LAboi: Hansol

LAboi: if you want to talk I’m here

 

NewYork: nothing to talk about

 

LAboi: okay

LAboi: that’s chill

LAboi: my anniversary with Jeonghan and Seungcheol is coming up

LAboi: should I take them to dinner or should we do something else?

 

NewYork: don’t wanna talk hyung

 

LAboi: okay, do you want me to call you?

LAboi: I know that you’re grounded cuz of that skateboard thing

LAboi: but I can call you and I can just talk about whatever

 

NewYork: no

NewYork: wait yes

NewYork: thank you hyung

 

LAboi: it’s no problem Hansollie

LAboi: you’re my american little brother

LAboi: and I love you so much

 

_ Joshua Hong (LAboi) is calling _

_ Joshua Hong (LAboi) is calling _

_ Accept Call? _

_ Call accepted _

  
  


Homeslice Pie (13)

 

RealMan: guys

RealMan: my birthday is in like a month

RealMan: I’m turning sixteen so soon

RealMan: I’m so excited to be an adult!

 

Jessica: no you aren’t. Being an adult is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane

Jessica: and then paying for the medical insurance

 

RealMan: pessimist

 

Jessica: realist

 

RealMan: Man bun

 

Jessica: bowl cut

 

RealMan: I hope your hair gets caught in an escalator

 

Jessica: I hope time stops so you’re forever fifteen

 

RealMan: I hope all your hair falls out and you find out that your head is shaped funny

 

Jessica: I hope people have to ask you for your ID for the rest of your life cuz you look like a twelve year old

 

RealMan: I hope your dick gets caught in a blender

 

Jessica: why the hell would my dick be anywhere near a blender!!???!!

 

RealMan: I just hope it does

 

Jessica: I hope your mom walks in on you masturbating

 

RealMan: I hope you accidentally call your mom while you are having sex and she hears you call Seungcheol Daddy

 

Jessica: and how the hell do you know about THAT???!!

 

RealMan: camping trip, tent walls are not soundproof

RealMan: not soundproof in anyway whatsoever

 

Jessica: well, I hope you get your eyes clawed out by a raccoon

 

RealMan: me too

RealMan: with what i’ve seen

RealMan: it would be the only way

 

Parent: calm down

Parent: you two are so dramatic

Parent: and also keep the chat PG please

 

RealMan: like you’d do anything

RealMan: your name should have been whipped

 

Parent: chan chill out with the drama please

Parent: and PG, remember that. I can remove you and I WILL remove you if I have to

 

Jessica: you think WE’RE dramatic???!!!!

Jessica: I remember a certain car ride with mingaho where you wouldn’t stop screaming

Jessica: convinced your dick was broken

Jessica: and you have the audacity to call me dramatic

 

Leggy: stop. I’m repressing those memories

 

RealMan: wow we can summon the Hate Demon with just his name

 

Leggy: break your dick Chan

 

Snot: did you know that you can actually break your dick

Snot: because that’s a thing that can happen

 

Leggy: dude everyone knows that

Leggy: did you even go to high school?

 

RealMan: yeah man. There’s always the story of the guy who “had too much fun” and got his dick broke

RealMan: and the one that didn’t know he was allergic to latex until it was too late

 

Jessica: oh god what if you didn’t know you were allergic to latex

Jessica: you’d have to go to the emergency room with a swelled up dick

 

Leggy: I mean, nothing new to you

 

Jessica: excuse you, that was not MY dick

 

Parent: why are we still talking about this

Parent: what did I do in a past life to deserve this

Parent: we should not talk about this

 

Jessica: I mean you were busy having your own freak out while I had to deal with a concussed Joshua

 

Parent: no we are not talking about this

Parent: lets talk about jesus

 

Jessica: I’m an athiest

 

Parent: sharks?

 

Catnip: I’m scared of sharks

 

Parent: well I’m scared of the boat scene in Willy Wonka

 

Snot: I have no fears

 

Leggy: what if one day you woke up and Jihoon was taller than you

 

Snot: well now I have one fear

 

Catnip: what if horses could unhinge their jaws like snakes?

 

Snot: two fears

 

Sunburn: I’m scared of vampires

 

Leggy: like twilight vampires?

Leggy: or like buffy the Vampire slayer vampires?

 

Sunburn: you know

Sunburn: idk

Sunburn: I’m changing my answer to zombies

 

Leggy: walking dead zombies

Leggy: world war Z zombies

Leggy: or I am legend zombies

 

Sunburn: I am Legend and World War Z zombies

Sunburn: that is my true fear

 

Leggy: tru tho

Leggy: smart and fast zombies are not good

 

Snot: zombies aren’t real

 

Leggy: not right NOW they aren’t

Leggy: they could definitely be real later who knows

 

Catnip: I’m scared of the dark

 

Leggy: cute

 

Catnip: not cute

Catnip: I don’t like the dark

Catnip: fight me Minghao

 

Leggy: Seungkwan you cried yesterday because you got a papercut

Leggy: you are not fighting me

 

2010: Mingyu where are you

 

Snot: library

Snot: why

Snot: did I forget to do something?

 

2010: groceries

 

Snot: Oh shit

Snot: sorry Wonwoo babe hyung my favorite person ever love of my life

 

Leggy: gay

 

2010: that’s not going to help you

2010: we literally have expired milk, grape stems, and those single cheese squares in plastic

2010: I need food to study

2010: and I need to study so I can get good grades

2010: so I can get a good job

2010: so I can support you and your flamboyant lifestyle

 

Snot: I don’t live flamboyantly! That’s Jeonghan hyung!

 

2010: “Oh Wonnie can we get this expensive chocolate! It looks so good!”

2010: you had a bite, and then left it on the counter to get stale

2010: “hyung! Can we get lobster! It looks so good!”

2010: you didn’t eat it

2010: I had to eat it

 

Leggy: sounds like you’ve had a rough life

 

2010: demon, I’m allergic to seafood

2010: but it was so expensive

2010: I didn’t want to leave it to go to waste

 

Leggy: rough life man

 

2010: I don’t like it

 

Snot: you don’t like anything

 

2010: I like sleep and you

 

Leggy: gay

 

Jessica: Minghao you are literally gay

 

Leggy: and??????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. I don't like this chapter as much with the crisis at the beginning and poorly written angst or whatever, but It'll have to do. Anyways, I love you guys so much!!! The next chapter should be up soon, considering that I have english today, and instead of journalling like I'm supposed to, I write fanfiction. Well, anyways, Love you guys!!!!!
> 
> Have some gifs for those of you who can do links!   
> https://goo.gl/images/y4CB4M (S Coups getting murdered by a firework)  
> https://goo.gl/images/e3MQuM (my favorite Junhui eyeroll)  
> https://goo.gl/images/JCaVfC (Vernon being violent, we love him anyways tho)
> 
> Alright thank you guys (i've said this too many times now but it doesn't change anything! I love you guys so much, like so much! comment! I love talking to people and making new friends! give me kudos! (not for this chapter tho, it's trash) (did you know that Kudos means glory in greek? cuz it does)


	9. Kinky Bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HaoHao<3: Oh my god we have an opportunity
> 
> Junnie: we take it? 
> 
> HaoHao<3: idk man  
> HaoHao<3: is it worth it?
> 
> Junnie: I think so  
> Junnie: I’m going for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoo my bros it's ya boy Alex!! here I am! anyways, unlike last chapter, I like this one. Minor Warning: some internalized homophobia in this chap but it's not a lot?? sorry if that's not your cup of tea :( I love you all though! We have only a single Cameo in this chap, and that's down at the bottom notes! This chapter is also dedicated to maskedskies and 12! Onward to the names!   
> Seungcheol: Choi S, Parent, SuckCheol  
> Jeonghan: Jessica  
> Joshua: LAboi, Overlord  
> Junhui: PrinceOfEgypt, Junnie  
> Hoshi: Kwon S.  
> Wonwoo: (not in this chapter! alas :( he'll be back though!)  
> Woozi: Fun-Sized  
> DK: sunburn  
> Mingyu: Snot  
> Minghao: Leggy, Xu M., HaoHao<3  
> Seungkwan: Catnip  
> Vernon: Chwe H., SmashMouth  
> Dino: RealMan, Mafioso

The Americans (2)

 

NewYork: Joshua hyung

NewYork: it’s been two days

NewYork: I think I’m ready to talk

NewYork: either add me back to the Crisis group chat or make a new one

 

LAboi: you sure?

LAboi: I think I kind of know what is going on

LAboi: and if you aren’t ready to talk you don’t have to

 

NewYork: it’s now or never

 

LAboi: okay

  
  


Crisis (3)

 

_ Joshua Hong has added someone to the chat! _

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has been added to the chat! _

 

Chwe H: let’s get this over with

Chwe H: I think I’m gay

Chwe H: help

 

Hong J: first off, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell us

 

Choi S: yes definitely, thank you for trusting us

 

Chwe H: none of that

Chwe H: don’t baby me

Chwe H: help me instead

 

Kwon S: what do you want help with

 

Chwe H: am I gay?

 

Hong J: no one can really answer that question except for you

 

Chwe H: but I’ve dated girls

 

Hong J: well, do you like guys?

 

Chwe H: I think so????

 

Kwon S: do you think about guys while you masturbate

 

Choi S: that’s not what we need to be thinking about

 

Kwon S: but it’s a really good way to tell! 

 

Chwe H: uh

Chwe H: yes?

 

Kwon S: is that a yes I think about guys while beating my meat

Kwon S: or yes it could be a good way to tell?

 

Chwe H: both

 

Choi S: do you have crushes on any boys?

 

Chwe H: yes

 

Choi S: you might not be gay, but you like boys

 

Chwe H: okay cool

Chwe H: how do I turn it off?

  
  


Homeslice Pie (13)

 

_ Lee Seokmin has changed the chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ Homeslice Pie  _ to  _ Disaster

 

Sunburn: disaster has struck

 

RealMan: did you finally find out that a whole ass species of bananas went extinct and that’s why banana candy tastes different than actual bananas?

 

Sunburn: That's also a crisis but no

Sunburn: TA adonis has a boyfriend

Sunburn: a really cool looking boyfriend

Sunburn: who’s smart AND handsome

 

RealMan: oh are you talking about Seokjin hyung?

 

Sunburn: yES! Kim Seokjin my English 101 TA!

 

RealMan: oh yeah he’s dating Namjoon hyung

RealMan: Namjoon is pretty smart

RealMan: IQ of 148

RealMan: he’s also really popular on Soundcloud

RealMan: being a rapper and all

 

Sunburn: whyyyyyyyy

Sunburn: now I can’t stare at him all of english! 

Sunburn: I’m sad :(

 

RealMan: he likes attention though, so I’m sure he doesn’t mind

 

Leggy: how do you even know these people

 

RealMan: Namjoon lives in my neighborhood and Seokjin taught the Acting club for a bit

 

Leggy: you don’t act though?

 

RealMan: I did for three weeks

 

Leggy: i stand by my theory that you are a part of the mafia

Leggy: in fact…

 

_ Xu Minghao has changed Lee Chan’s chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ RealMan  _ to  _ Mafioso

 

Mafioso: Well, it’s not a bad name

 

Leggy: I’m on to you Chan

 

Mafioso: good luck with that

 

Catnip: quick! Emergency!

Catnipt: Coups hyung! What’s wonwoo allergic to!

Catnip: oh wait this is the groupchat

Catnip: hi guys

 

Mafioso: hi seungkwan

 

Leggy: hi seungkwan

 

Sunburn: hi

 

Catnip: hi guys

Catnip: what is Wonwoo allergic to?

 

Snot: he’s allergic to seafood

 

Fun-Sized: and the full spectrum of human emotion

Fun-Sized: wait what the hell is my name

 

Mafioso: you’re fun sized!

 

Fun-Sized: well, you’re dead meat

 

Mafioso: bye guys!

 

Fun-Sized: Lee Chan I know where you live

 

Mafioso: what do you want it to be then?

 

Fun-Sized: well idk

Fun-Sized: don’t put me on the spot like that

 

Mafioso: think about it, and when you know, then you can change it

 

Fun-Sized: okay, that’s fair enough

 

Catnip: your name could be snot Jihoon hyung, it’s not that bad

 

Fun-Sized: or SmashMouth

Fun-Sized: shrek is not something that needs to be in our lives

 

Sunburn : it was such a quality movie though!

 

Fun-Sized: Seokmin is cancelled

 

Catnip: Vernon likes it though!! >:(

 

Snot: you get what you get

Snot: you just gotta roll with it

Snot: it’s just like life

Snot: not to be cliche but life is like a box of chocolates

Snot: you will never know what you’re going to get

 

Leggy: you’re going to get chocolate

 

Snot: Minghao, that’s not my point though

 

Leggy: you are going to get CHOCOLATE

 

Catnip: he has a point mingyu 

 

Snot: why can’t I ever be deep

 

Leggy: you may be tall, but you’re just like a cardboard cut out

Leggy: they may be life sized and pretty looking

Leggy: but in the end they are cardboard, and not very deep at all

 

Snot: are you calling me swallow?

 

Leggy: I would have gone with shallow, but I bet that you swallow too

 

Snot: unlike you, I do

 

Leggy: I’m not about that life mingyu fight me

 

Parent: why can we not keep this chat PG, like ever?

Parent: take it to the adult chat please

 

Leggy: fyi I’m not IN the adult chat

 

Parent: I have no idea why

Parent: if we put you in the adult chat would you be crude there instead of here?

 

Leggy: probably

 

Parent: done

  
  


Dicks and Pricks (8)

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has added someone to the chat! _

_ Added Xu Minghao to the chat _

 

Xu M: finally

 

Daddy Kink: okay are you going to stop now?

 

Xu M: maybe

 

Daddy Kink: Minghao, are you going to be good in the groupchat?

 

Xu M: fine

  
  


Disaster (13)

 

Leggy: I am at peace now

Leggy: I’m also nice

Leggy: bask in my kindness before it goes away

 

Snot: I’m basking

Snot: Minghao you looked really good today!

 

Leggy: thanks Mingyu! You looked really good too!

 

Snot: oh my god Minghao is a changed man

 

PrinceOfEgypt: babe hi

 

Leggy: hi babe!

 

Jessica: OOH lemme try!

Jessica: hey Minghao did you think that my hair looked really great this morning

 

Leggy: yes Jeonghan. I thought your hair looked really great.

 

Jessica: I sensed that that one was forced

 

Leggy: since Cheol hyung told me that if I was a dick

Leggy: he’d kick me out of the adult chat

Leggy: I can’t tell you if that was forced or not

 

Jessica: hmmmmm

 

Parent: I never said that 

 

Leggy: I felt like it was implied

 

Parent: all I asked was for you not to be vulgar in the group chat

 

Leggy: The adult chat is a group chat too

 

Parent: that’s beside the point

 

Leggy: and anyways

Leggy: you told me “Minghao, are you going to be good in the groupchat?”

Leggy: that could be taken many different ways

 

PrinceOfEgypt: minghao sidebar plz

  
  


JunHao (2)

 

Junnie: “Minghao, are you going to be good in the groupchat?” 

Junnie: dude

Junnie: we have been presented with an opportunity

 

HaoHao<3: we have?

 

Junnie: look carefully

Junnie: first at Seungcheol’s Adult Chat name

Junnie: and then at your chosen quote

 

HaoHao<3: Oh my god we have an opportunity

 

Junnie: we take it? 

 

HaoHao<3: idk man

HaoHao<3: is it worth it?

 

Junnie: I think so

Junnie: I’m going for it

  
  
  


Disaster (13)

 

PrinceOfEgypt: Seungcheol

 

Parent: yes Junhui?

 

PrinceOfEgypt: I’m taking an opportunity given to me

 

Parent: that’s great! Is it a school opportunity? Or for a job?

Parent: good for you!

 

PrinceOfEgypt: no

PrinceOfEgypt: it’s this

 

Parent: there’s nothing there?

 

PrinceOfEgypt: “Minghao, are you going to be good in the groupchat?”

PrinceOfEgypt: yes daddy

 

Parent: oh

 

Catnip: ha! Seungcheol is like a dad! I get it! That’s funny!

 

Snot: do you actually though?

 

SmashMouth: oh my god

SmashMouth: Cheol hyung, you set yourself up for that one

 

Leggy: he did it the absolute madman

 

Parent: wait

 

Jessica: OMG JUNHUI YOU ARE MY FAVORITE

 

Overlord: I applaud you Junhui, but also, I will mourn you

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has removed someone from the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui was removed! _

 

Parent: not in my good christian suburbs

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the chat! _

_ Moon Jongup has been added! _

 

Mafioso: whoops wrong Moon J.

 

Guppie: what is this

Guppie: who are you people

Guppie: Chan why

 

Mafioso: sorry Jongup hyung! Bye!

 

_ Lee Chan has removed someone from the chat! _

_ Moon Jongup has been removed! _

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui has been added! _

 

PrinceOfEgypt: day three thousand four hundred and seventeen of my exile, I have met a lovely crab. Is it possible to be friends? I don’t know, I don’t even know what friends are anymore, it’s been so long. I can only remember my hyung’s face, looking at me in disgust as he exiled me. This crab will replace the people that failed me, end journal, day 3417

PrinceOfEgypt: oh wait I’m back

 

Parent: are you at least a little ashamed?

 

PrinceOfEgypt: absolutely not

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has removed someone from the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui was removed! _

 

Catnip: I don’t understand the problem

Catnip: why are we mad at Junhui?

Catnip: why is cheol hyung mad?

Catnip: he didn’t make a pun, and even if he did cheol hyung would probably applaud him

Catnip: dad jokes and all

Catnip: I don’t understand

 

Mafioso: it’s okay Seungkwan

Mafioso: please never change

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui has been added! _

 

PrinceOfEgypt: day three thousand four hundred and twenty three, I have married my crab friend. She is now my wife. I have finally forgotten the last face of my so called friends, I used to hope for death to approach swiftly, but now, with my newfound happiness in my marriage, I hope it doesn’t catch me for a long time, end log day 3423

 

Parent: the group chat is for nice things, and nice people

Parent: conform or be removed

Parent: what will it take for you to learn your lesson?!

 

PrinceOfEgypt: maybe you should spank me daddy

 

Leggy: he did it again

Leggy: the absolute mADMAN

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has removed someone from the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui was removed! _

 

Jessica: all the sudden Seungcheol is against spanking?

Jessica: hypocrite

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the chat! _

_ Moon Junhui has been added! _

 

PrinceOfEgypt: day three thousand four hundred and thirty. I have eaten my crab wife. I long for the sweet embrace of the void

 

Parent: Junhui

Parent: last chance

Parent: are you going to say nothing but kind things?

 

PrinceOfEgypt: depends

PrinceOfEgypt: do you like daddy, sir, or master more?

 

Mafioso: gross

 

_ Moon Junhui has removed someone from the chat! _

_ Choi Seungcheol was removed _

 

PrinceOfEgypt: ha

PrinceOfEgypt: get dunked on Choi Seungcheol 

PrinceOfEgypt: how can you remove people if YOU’VE been removed?

 

Mafioso: sorry Jun, but I like life

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the chat! _

_ Choi Seungcheol was added! _

 

PrinceOfEgypt: tiny snake baby face I’m tossing your birthday present in the freaking river

 

Mafioso: rip Junhui tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our cameo of the chapter is Jongup from B.A.P! We love him, and we love B.A.P especially! This is a list of the best pictures that I know of our cameo Jongup!  
> https://goo.gl/images/33TeBx  
> https://goo.gl/images/WmU29T  
> https://goo.gl/images/tkDRup
> 
> alright! that's the chapter! I love you guys so much! especially because we broke 1000 hits on this work! that's amazing! you all are amazing! don't forget to give me kudos if you loved it! or comment! I'll talk to you about anything! Lizards! (I love lizards) Sharks! (I love sharks too) Superheroes! (superheroes are great!) School/Life/work! ( i am alive, I go to school, I have a job, all good things to talk about!) anyways! have a good day or night wherever you are! Love you guys so much!!!!!


	10. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HamsterDance: I don’t think so >:( I’m good at paying attention!
> 
> SmashMouth: dude we were talking yesterday and the conversation went from grades to that one dream you had about the singing lizard opera to Morgan Freeman and him possibly being the second coming of christ
> 
> Overlord: I heard christ, I have been summoned
> 
> Snot: not part of this convo Joshua hyung go back to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got away from me. also it's another angsty thing. I hate angst, but i'm so angst inclined. Don't worry though guys it'll all be better in the next chapter!! I can't keep things bad for long!! I'm okay with this chapter though! Also, if anyone seems a bit Out of Character, then blame me for that, This is kinda similar to a big spat I had with my own friends and I'm kinda going off of their reactions! This chapter contains a lot of adult language, (more than normal) so you have been warned! Anyways, this angsty chapter is dedicated to dibidibiwonho, mikaella, and asassytree!!! Thank you for the comments and I'm sorry that you guys got an angsty chapter instead of a funny one!  
> Now to the names! (there are a lot of side chats so the names might be a bit crazy)  
> Seungcheol: Parent, Choi S  
> Jeonghan: (not a part of this chapter, I have no idea why he probz loves drama)  
> Joshua: Overlord  
> Junhui: (also not in this chapter, he's above drama like this)  
> Hoshi: hamsterDance, Goldfish, *Star*  
> Wonwoo: 2010, BonWon, Jeon W.  
> Woozi: Fun-Sized, HoonBabe, Lee J.  
> DK: DonkyKong  
> Mingyu: Snot, PrettyTree  
> Minghao: L8rH8rs  
> Seungkwan: Catnip, BOOty  
> Vernon: SmashMouth, Shrek4life  
> Dino: Mafioso, Informant
> 
> Enjoy!!!!

Disaster (13)

 

Snot: Everyone gather! I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute

 

HamsterDance: why? Are you in a hurry?

 

Snot: no I was referring to your attention span

 

HamsterDance: that’s rude

 

Snot: but am I correct?

 

HamsterDance: I don’t think so >:( I’m good at paying attention!

 

SmashMouth: dude we were talking yesterday and the conversation went from grades to that one dream you had about the singing lizard opera to Morgan Freeman and him possibly being the second coming of christ

 

Overlord: I heard christ, I have been summoned

 

Snot: not part of this convo Joshua hyung go back to sleep

 

SmashMouth: in thrEE MINUTES

SmashMouth: you should honestly be called goldfish

 

Mafioso: since I’m the true ruler of this chat, your wish has been granted

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Kwon Soonyoung’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ HamsterDance  _ to  _ Goldfish

 

Goldfish: I think that conversation had an entirely logical path to follow

 

SmashMouth: me failing art has nothing to do with lizards OR morgan freeman

 

Goldfish: Morgan Freeman is a work of art though!

 

SmashMouth: he has NOTHING to do with lizards or my grades

 

Snot: I feel like my point has been proven

 

SmashMouth: Mingyu this conversation has evolved and we no longer need you anymore go be tall somewhere else

 

Snot: I feel attacked

 

SmashMouth: good

 

Snot: what did I do to deserve this anger? 

 

SmashMouth: I’m just angry today

 

Snot: why?

 

Catnip: is it because you bought some Kanye Cd’s off of ebay and it turned out that they were old iCarly CD’s without the label?

 

SmashMouth: that is part of it

 

Snot: you know I always pictured Vernon to be more of a Desiigner fan than a Kanye fan

 

SmashMouth: I like rap and love ALL rap and rappers

 

Snot: you don’t like MY rap though

 

SmashMouth: but are you really a rapper?

 

Goldfish: Vernon has a point

Goldfish: even that one high schooler has a good soundcloud following, you've got Wonwoo and your mother

 

Mafioso: which high schooler are we talking about?

Mafioso: I.M? Jooheon? Rocky? Felix? Hyunjin? Jisung? Jungwoo? Lucas? Mark? Jeno? Jaemin? Jisung? Junhong?

 

Smashmouth: I’m a rapper too!

 

Mafioso: I think we all know that though Hansol hyung

 

SmashMouth: did you really just name all the rappers you know in high school though?

 

Mafioso: yes

Mafioso: I want to know who Hoshi hyung was talking about

 

Goldfish: I know of I.M and Jooheon

 

Mafioso: yeah they’re kinda a package deal, good at rap though

 

Goldfish: Rocky is that one kid that you hang around a lot. The taekwondo boy

 

Mafioso: yes. I like him he's chill

 

Goldfish: Felix, hyunjin, and Jisung hang around each other

 

Mafioso: they are a pack yes

Mafioso: Felix is a real legend

Mafioso: and honestly probably traded his soul for a voice that deep

 

Goldfish: I know I’ve listened to some of his stuff, and it’s like he went through puberty nine times

Goldfish: it shakes me to my core

 

Goldfish: jesus. If I could say what the Devil’s voice sounded like I would say it was felix’s voice

 

Mafioso: I agree

 

Goldfish: I also know of Junhong (that’s zelo right?)

Goldfish: he raps really fast

 

Mafioso: I know he’s so fast (and yes that’s Zelo)

 

Goldfish: and I know Lucas, only because he’s your tutor

Goldfish: and because he’s good friends with a bunch of college students and gets invited to parties a lot

 

Mafioso: yeah Lucas is pretty chill. He needs to get his life together so he can graduate though

 

Goldfish: don’t we all. I don’t recognize the other names though

 

SmashMouth: is mark that one guy, uh, Tuan?

 

Mafioso: no, Mark Lee in your grade hansol. Not mark the college kid

Mafioso: he’s tiny and canadian, also in like ALL the clubs

 

SmashMouth: OH

SmashMouth: the ice skater?

 

Mafioso: badmitton too

 

SmashMouth: I know that guy. Never knew he was a rapper tho

 

Mafioso: the rest of the guys rap under the name 127 

 

Goldfish: 127 is like six guys? Not one?

 

Snot: even I knew that much

 

Goldfish: don’t be mean to me! 

 

Snot: you said I wasn’t a rapper

 

Goldfish: you are an architect Major with a side of modelling

Goldfish: and you kinda are failing your Architecture class

Goldfish: you’ve modelled like twice

Goldfish: so not really rapper material

 

Snot: well, you’re supposed to be a dancer but I guess I was wrong about that

 

Fun-Sized: Mingyu

 

Snot: of course Jihoon comes out to be the defender of the universe when I insult Soonyoung’s dancing

Snot: he insulted me too! 

 

Fun-Sized: take it back

 

Snot: no

 

Fun-Sized: Mingyu

Fun-Sized: take it back

Fun-Sized: now

 

Parent: Mingyu you went a bit far

 

Fun-Sized: you did

Fun-Sized: so take it back

 

Snot: no

Snot: bye assholes

 

_ Kim Mingyu has left the group chat! _

 

Fun-Sized: bitch

 

Babes For Lyfe! (2)

 

HoonBabe: Soonyoungie

HoonBabe: where are you

 

*Star*: no

 

HoonBabe: babe come on

 

*Star*: let me cry in peace

 

HoonBabe: but I’m the boyfriend

HoonBabe: and I wanna hug you

 

*Star*: Jihoon let me cry by myself please

 

HoonBabe: I really don’t want to do that though

 

*Star*: please? I’ll come back when I’m done

 

HoonBabe: okay

HoonBabe: doesn’t mean I don’t like it though

HoonBabe: love you so much! <3

 

*Star*: <3

  
  


Meanie (2)

 

BonWon: hey Gyu? 

BonWon: you okay?

 

PrettyTree: no

PrettyTree: leave me alone

 

BonWon: you know Jihoon and Soonyoung are probz having this same convo

BonWon: and since Jihoon is a complete pushover

BonWon: he’ll leave Hoshi alone

BonWon: I’m not Jihoon

 

PrettyTree: I know

PrettyTree: Jihoon’s a dick and I hate him

 

BonWon: Mingyu tell me where you are

 

PrettyTree: no leave me alone

 

BonWon: I swear to god I will use the find my iphone to find you

 

PrettyTree: please leave me alone

 

BonWon: no. I love you so I won’t

 

PrettyTree: okay fine

PrettyTree: I’m in the Drama Building basement

PrettyTree: furniture section

 

BonWon: I’m on my way

 

PrettyTree: okay

  
  
  


_ Lee Jihoon has created a new chat! _

_ Chat name :  _ Fight

 

Fight (3)

 

Lee J: Wonwoo

Lee J: I’m literally going to kill your boyfriend

Lee J: where is he

 

Jeon W: nope

Jeon W: you’re an asshole, and I’m pissed at you

 

Choi S: why am I in your fight chat boys

 

Lee J: moderator

Lee J: and Soonyoung sympathizer

 

Jeon W: that’s bullshit

 

Choi S: I don’t really think I should be here

 

Lee J: just lurk idiot and step in if you need to 

 

Choi S: I’m going to turn my phone off for a bit

 

Lee J: fucking fine

Lee J: Wonwoo tell me where mingyu is

 

Jeon W: ask him yourself

Jeon W: I’m not going to tell you where he is just so you can be an ass to him

 

Lee J: I would but he blocked me

 

Jeon W: good idea

 

Lee J: why are you protecting him, he’s a fucking bitch

Lee J: and made Soonyoung cry

Lee J: he’s STILL crying and I don’t know where Soonyoung is

 

Jeon W: let’s remember that there are TWO sides here

Jeon W: and Mingyu got insulted too

Jeon W: so let’s not play victims and villains

 

Lee J: asshole

Lee J: you fuckin hurt my bf, and I’ll fight you too

 

Jeon W: you can try bitch

Jeon W: but you won’t

 

Lee J: I’m done with you

 

Jeon W: I can say the same for you

Jeon W: now, my boyfriend is crying, and since I’m not a fuckign pushover

Jeon W: I’m going to find him and tell him that I love him

Jeon W: cuz that’s what GOOD boyfriends do

 

Lee J: fuck you wonwoo

 

Jeon W: bye

  
  
  


Excluded from the Adult Chat (5)

 

L8rH8rs: well

L8rH8rs: that happened

 

Shrek4life: I think I should apologize to Mingyu

 

L8rH8rs: idk man

L8rH8rs: that argument isn’t really our argument

 

Shrek4life: yeah but I kinda started that

 

Informant: you did kinda start it

 

Shrek4life: now they’re all angry

Shrek4life: why the hell did this happen

Shrek4life: there was literally no buildup and now everyone’s pissed

 

Informant: the author doesn’t know how to angst

 

BOOty: what?

 

Informant: nothing Seungkwan

 

BOOty: why is everyone mad?

BOOty: I was too stressed to scroll up

 

Informant: Vernon said mingyu couldn’t rap, and then Hosh agreed with him

Informant: so mingyu said Hosh couldn’t dance

Informant: and then Jihoon got involved

 

BOOty: that’s not good

BOOty: I need some hugs

BOOty: Vernon can I come over?

 

Shrek4life: yeah but you’ll have to climb the tree

Shrek4life: My mom’s asleep and Jason is in the living room watching some kind of documentary

 

BOOty: that’s chill

BOOty: unlock the window

 

L8rH8rs: that’s gay

 

Shrek4life: no it’s not

 

L8rH8rs: okay chill

 

Informant: hey Hansol I found some “apology advice”

Informant: do you want it?

 

Shrek4life: yeah man give it to me

 

BOOty: Vernon i might be a while, my bike is MIA so I have to walk

 

Shrek4life: okay

 

Informant: this article is a Huffington Post article

Informant: so I think it’s good

 

Shrek4life: just go with the wikihow article

 

Informant: okay cool cuz I would have actually had to read the Huff post one

Informant: and I really didn’t want to do that

 

DonkeyKong: hey guys i’m too scared to open the groupchat what’s going on

 

Informant: hey seokmin Mingyu was mean to Soonyoung

Informant: because Vernon and Soonyoung were mean to mingyu

Informant: and then Jihoon got involved 

 

DonkeyKong: oh

 

Informant: anyways. Step one state what the apology is about

 

Shrek4life: “Mingyu, I wanted to apologize about telling you that you weren’t a good rapper”

 

Informant: good

 

L8rH8rs: is that the real issue here though? We could change it to just “I wanted to apologize for being a dick to you” 

L8rH8rs: i feel like that would get our point across better

 

DonkeyKong: maybe change “being a dick” to “being mean”

 

Shrek4life: “Mingyu, i wanted to apologize for being mean to you today.”

 

Informant: step two: state the mistake

 

Shrek4life: “I told you that you were a bad rapper and was rude to you, causing more problems later in the group chat. I don’t have the authority to tell you whether you are a good rapper or not, and I shouldn’t have acted like I know what I was talking about.”

 

L8rH8rs: thumbs up

 

Informant: step three: Acknowledge how you hurt them

 

Shrek4life: “ I really hurt your feelings. I don’t know how you personally feel right now, but I know I wouldn’t like to be told that I sucked at what i was passionate about. I understand that I did something very mean to you”

 

BOOty: vernon I’m on your roof let me in please it’s about to rain

 

Informant: wow vernon is good at aoplogies. I should hire him

 

Shrek4life: next step please

 

Informant: four. Express your gratitude

 

Shrek4life: wait what?

 

Informant: WikiHow says: If you want to, though it is not required, you can acknowledge all the hard work and good things that they've done for you in the past. This shows them that you appreciate them and can help show that you really do feel bad about what you've done.

 

Shrek4life: oh okay

Shrek4life: “you’ve complimented my own rapping in the past and you’ve helped me with things I struggled with.” 

 

Informant: that’s good

 

BOOty: I know I just told this to you in person but I want it in the group chat so it’s permanent

BOOty: you are really good at being nice, like honestly

BOOty: it’s amazing

 

L8rH8rs: i agree. Step five please

 

Informant: you aren’t writing this why do you need the next step

 

L8rH8rs: I’m saving them in my notes just in case

 

Informant: okay

Informant: step five: Accept responsibility

 

Shrek4life: “I absolutely take responsibility for what happened later in the group chat and I take responsibility for hurting your feelings and causing problems for you.”

 

Informant: what happened later wasn’t really your fault though. Soonyoung took it a bit too far

 

Shrek4life: I feel guilt so I am responsible

Shrek4life: next please

 

Informant: Step six, offer a solution that will lead to change

 

Shrek4life: well, idk about this step

 

L8rH8rs: you got this

 

Shrek4life: “being sorry isn’t enough though. I want to give you the time slot that I have for the Black Door Rap Competition in may if you want it, and I would also like your help with something I have been working on.”

 

Informant: you’d give him your black door time slot??!!!??!!

 

Shrek4life: yes

Shrek4life: it’s not really high schooler friendly

Shrek4life: and all my friends backed out of it

Shrek4life: does that sound good though?

 

L8rH8rs: it sounds a little weird. I don’t like this step it makes it seem fake

 

Shrek4life: I’m going to roll with it

Shrek4life: continue on Chan

 

Informant: step seven State a desire to have better interactions in the future

 

Shrek4life: “I can’t expect your forgiveness as easily, I was rude and mean. I truly want things to be okay between us again, because you are one of my good friends. I want to earn back the relationship we had.”

 

Informant: we could honestly stop here, this wasn’t that big of a problem

  
  


Disaster (12)

 

2010: okay I was going to hold off on this because it’s just going to cause problems

2010: but honestly, I’m pissed off

 

Parent: Wonwoo don’t

 

2010: no

2010: Soonyoung didn’t need to insult mingyu like he did

2010: like, everything? Really?

2010: Architecture, that mingyu has been working his ass off to be good at

2010: modelling, which he didn’t want to take because he thought he wasn’t pretty enough

2010: and rapping, which is how he and I met

2010: that has been his passion for a REALLY long time

 

Parent: wonwoo I will remove you

 

2010: shut up seungcheol

2010: you are supposed to moderate

2010:  and everyone just jumped to soonyoungs side

 

Parent: wonwoo last warning

 

2010: Mingyu has just cried himself into exhaustion

2010: so fuck you Soonyoung, and fuck you Vernon and Jihoon and you too Seungcheol

2010: fuck all of you

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has removed someone from the chat!  _

_ Jeon Wonwoo was removed! _

  
  


Excluded from the Adult Chat (5)

 

BOOty: i don’t want to even open the new group chat stuff

BOOty: it’s going to be not good

 

L8rH8rs: I opened it

L8rH8rs: Wonwoo is pissed

L8rH8rs: and he’s pissed at you Vernon

 

Shrek4life: among other people

 

L8rH8rs: you kinda did start this though

 

Shrek4life: keep going chan I think we need the full fallout apology

 

Informant: well, that part is done though. There is a second part, but I don’t know if it’s necessary to this situation

Informant: I’ll read it though

 

Shrek4life: okay. I have the full aoplogy here. Someone look at it and tell me if it’s good

Shrek4life: Mingyu, I wanted to apologize about telling you that you weren’t a good rapper. I told you that you were a bad rapper and was rude to you, causing more problems later in the group chat. I don’t have the authority to tell you whether you are a good rapper or not, and I shouldn’t have acted like I know what I was talking about. I really hurt your feelings. I don’t know how you personally feel right now, but I know I wouldn’t like to be told that I sucked at what i was passionate about. I understand that I did something very mean to you. In the past you’ve complimented my own rapping in the past and you’ve helped me with things I struggled with. I absolutely take responsibility for what happened later in the group chat and I take responsibility for hurting your feelings and causing problems for you. But being sorry isn’t enough though. I want to give you the time slot that I have for the Black Door Rap Competition in may if you want it, and I would also like your help with something I have been working on. I can’t expect your forgiveness as easily, I was rude and mean. I truly want things to be okay between us again, because you are one of my good friends. I want to earn back the relationship we had. Again, I’m so sorry for being a dick, I hope you can forgive me.

 

Informant: bueno

Informant: send that thing 

 

L8rH8rs: tell us what happens

 

Shrek4life: will do wish me luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have several cameos in this chapter, even though it's angsty (or is it just a fight? are fights angsty? I don't know) most of them are the younger rappers on my list of people I can give Cameo's to because I know the group well so let's get started!  
> I.M (changkyun) is from Monsta X. and is the deep voiced Maknae rapper that is one of my top biases!! Please go love Monsta X they do so well at music and all that! A link: https://goo.gl/images/5p5AyH  
> Jooheon is also Monsta X and he's another rapper! He is my good friend's Monsta X bias (who's yours?) like I said love Monsta X plz A link: https://goo.gl/images/nJKbA7  
> Rocky has had a cameo here already, but anyways, he's ASTRO and a dancer rapper double threat! He's awesome and really cool! A link: https://goo.gl/images/qKVCCG  
> Felix (a real legend) is the deep voiced Australian Rapper (who has had cameos here before too) from Stray kids. we love him lots! A Link: https://goo.gl/images/er6r1s  
> Hyunjin! Is also from Stray Kids, and is honestly really really handsome! We love stray kids so have a link!: https://goo.gl/images/XFoirg  
> Jisung (stray kids Jisung not NCT Jisung) is another return cameo! Squirrel child is back! have a link!: https://goo.gl/images/GBhtJX  
> Jungwoo! One of my biases from NCT (oh god there's so many NCT members)! He's super great and also a rapper! Have a link: https://goo.gl/images/S8HNPT  
> Lucas (I hope by now you guys know who lucas is considering he's in a LOT of chapters) but just in case, have a link to a weird but also really really awesome dude!!!! Link: https://goo.gl/images/JUw5Vj  
> Mark (he's also NCT and also pretty amazing) not to be confused with GOT7 mark though! (they're both awesome) A link for you people: https://goo.gl/images/9owCYu (this link is one of my favorite pictures)  
> Jeno (also NCT! (so so many NCT)) He's great, not my absolute fav but I still love him! Link: https://goo.gl/images/yYJMnd  
> Jaemin! (oh my god more NCT) (there's too many of them) I don't know a lot about this boy but he's great anyways!! A link: https://goo.gl/images/WfZewA  
> Jisung (Jesus christ they're everywhere) (he's also NCT) he's super cute and I love him Link: https://goo.gl/images/YNA2v7  
> Junhong!!! (finally not an NCT Junhong is from B.A.P and like I've mentioned, B.A.P has all my love and adoration because I love them so much and they are so great a link: https://goo.gl/images/3ex3Gh
> 
> We seventeen fans have been blessed though! If you haven't seen it already, go watch the Call Call Call Music video because I watched it and I'm pretty sure I saw heaven. It's amazing and I am so in love with the Leather Jackets that Wonwoo, Jihoon, Jeonghan and Seokmin wear, like wow. I need a priest to put me back on the path of the lord. Please go and love it because it's amazing!!!!! LINK!!!!! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgR_HJ7aGDY you won't be dissapointed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> This Chapter was a beast though. I said before that a chapter got out of hand with like 2000 words, and this chapter was 2733. Like wow but also stay away from me I do good with little 1500 chapters, not things like this!! 
> 
> Okay that's it!!!! Comment, give me kudos, do whatever! I love to talk to people! alright bye!!!!!!!!!<3333333333


	11. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chwe H: my fake grandma’s chihuahua is possessed by the spirits of the racists and the devil  
> Chwe H: I fear it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes! we got a normal sized chapter here! It's short and good and things are slowly going to get better! This chapter is dedicated to BTS considering their album just came out and I am still not recovered. (it's also dedicated to me and my stupidity because I pre-ordered it on Amazon but didn't look at the reviews and it turned out the one i ordered was fake so I'm sad, but it's okay! (Also Fake Love is everything I could have ever wanted and everyone looks so good and I'm so happy!)) Anyways, there's not many people in this chap so the names are short! (there's also no Cameos!! :(((( I shed an actual tear when I realized that)   
> Names:   
> Wonwoo: Jeon W.  
> Mingyu: Kim M.  
> Seokmin: Lee S.  
> Minghao: L8rH8rs, Xu M.  
> Vernon: Shrek4life, Chwe H.  
> Dino: Informant, Lee C.

_ Hansol Vernon Choi has created a Chat! _

_ The Chat has been named  _ Mingyu and Vernon

 

Mingyu and Vernon (2)

 

Chwe H: Mingyu, I wanted to apologize about telling you that you weren’t a good rapper. I told you that you were a bad rapper and was rude to you, causing more problems later in the group chat. I don’t have the authority to tell you whether you are a good rapper or not, and I shouldn’t have acted like I know what I was talking about. I really hurt your feelings. I don’t know how you personally feel right now, but I know I wouldn’t like to be told that I sucked at what i was passionate about. I understand that I did something very mean to you. In the past you’ve complimented my own rapping in the past and you’ve helped me with things I struggled with. I absolutely take responsibility for what happened later in the group chat and I take responsibility for hurting your feelings and causing problems for you. But being sorry isn’t enough though. I want to give you the time slot that I have for the Black Door Rap Competition in may if you want it, and I would also like your help with something I have been working on. I can’t expect your forgiveness as easily, I was rude and mean. I truly want things to be okay between us again, because you are one of my good friends. I want to earn back the relationship we had. Again, I’m so sorry for being a dick, I hope you can forgive me.

 

Kim M: Vernon this is Wonwoo Mingyu is asleep 

Kim M: did you look up how to write a proper apology

 

Chwe H: yes i really didn’t want to mess this up

 

Kim M: at least you’re honest

Kim M: it’s a nice apology too

 

Chwe H: oh

Chwe H: thanks

 

Kim M: I’m going to wake mingyu up 

Kim M: you two probably need to talk a bit

 

Chwe H: no it’s okay if he’s asleep i don’t want to wake him up

Chwe H: please don’t wake him up this is already super awkward

 

Kim M: too late this is Mingyu

 

Chwe H: oh hi Mingyu-ssi

 

Kim M: cut the ssi. I’m still your hyung

 

Chwe H: okay

Chwe H: let’s try again then

Chwe H: hi mingyu hyung

 

Kim M: hi Hansol 

Kim M: thank you for your apology

Kim M: although you didn’t really need to 

Kim M: you weren’t the problem

 

Chwe H: yeah but I started it all

Chwe H: and I thought you deserved an apology

 

Kim M: thanks

Kim M: i really don’t know how to react 

Kim M: I don’t fight a lot with people i’m close to

 

Chwe H: that’s chill, I don’t fight either

 

Kim M: so we’re good

 

Chwe H: yes we are good

Chwe H: should I apologize to Wonwoo hyung too you think?

 

Kim M: no he’s a dramatic baby

 

Chwe H: eh

 

Kim M: thank you hansollie

 

Chwe H: you are totally welcome Hyung

 

Kim M: and is the Black Door thing for real?

Kim M: you’d give me your time slot?

 

Chwe H: totally

Chwe H: it’s cool but really not a high schooler’s scene

 

Kim M: that’s true

Kim M: thank you again

 

Chwe H: cool

Chwe H: now that we’re chill, look at this meme please

  
  


Excluded from the Adult Chat (5)

 

Shrek4life: Mingyu and I are good now

Shrek4life: it’s chill

Shrek4life: Seungkwan also fell asleep on me

Shrek4life: look!

 

L8rH8rs: there’s nothing there

 

Shrek4life: oh true

Shrek4life: I guess the author still hasn’t figured out how to put pictures into the thing

 

L8rH8rs: what a dweeb

 

Informant: how long do you guys think the danger in the group chat will last?

 

Shrek4life: Wonwoo hyung and Mingyu hyung are chill with me now

Shrek4life: I can’t say the same for the rest of you dudes

 

Informant: well, there’s some cool movies out right now, we could all go out for a movie night

Informant: and then we’d probz be chill

 

Shrek4life: that might be fun

Shrek4life: we could go see finding Dory?

 

L8rH8rs: what are we, children?

 

Shrek4life: don’t you want to see it?

 

L8rH8rs: of course I already have the times pulled up on my phone

 

Shrek4life: kewl

 

L8rH8rs: hansol if you write cool like that again I will have you assassinated

 

Shrek4life: you wouldn’t

Shrek4life: who would you send memes to at three in the morning?

 

Informant: #exposed

Informant: I’ll make the chat

  
  


_ Lee Chan has created a new chat! _

_ The chat has been named  _ Movie Pals 

 

Movie Pals (7)

 

Lee C: hey my dudes and favorite hyungs

Lee C: minghao is a little girl and wants to see finding Dory 

Lee C: we down?

 

Xu M: whoops I just accidentally set Chan’s birthday present on fire

 

Lee C: well it’s your money

 

Xu M: whoops there goes the skateboard you left at our house too

 

Lee C: the skateboard that was trash? 

Lee C: the “oh hello step son, I don’t want to seem like a dick so have this skateboard” skateboard?

 

Kim M: take a chill pill minghao

Kim M: wonwoo wanted to go see it too

 

Jeon W: i feel exposed

 

Kim M: also take a chill pill

Kim M: I trust that you have the times pulled up Minghao

 

Xu M: you don’t know that

 

Kim M: do you though?

 

Informant: he does. He told us already

 

Xu M: I need to find more of chan’s stuff to destroy

 

Lee C: that sounds like a you problem

 

Xu M: you are a problem

Xu M: but yes, I have the times

Xu M: we’ve got a 3:00, a 4:30, a 7:00, and weirdly enough, a 9:30

 

Lee C: since my mom and the rest of her terrible life decisions has yet to return, any of those times work for me

 

Jeon W: Mingyu and I can go to every one of those except the 3:00

 

Chwe H: I can do any time

Chwe H: so can Seungkwan

 

Jeon W: are you and seungkwan at your house?

 

Chwe H: yes we are

Chwe H: why?

 

Jeon W: nothing

Jeon W: Minghao if you want to invite Junhui you can

 

Xu M: no, he told me i looked cute this morning so I’m currently not talking to him

 

Jeon W: okkaayy???

 

Xu M: I’m not cute, I’m either hot, sexy, or badass. Sometimes intimidating, but never cute

Jeon W: I’ll make a note of that

 

Lee S: I can do the 7:00 and the 9:30

 

Jeon W: lets live our lives and go to the 9:30

 

Lee C: I can do that

Lee C: I like living

 

Jeon W: I would hope so 

 

Chwe H: me and seungkwan are going to need a ride

Chwe H: my mom is probz going to be asleep until tomorrow, and Jason is busy getting drunk while watching a documentary about bugs

Chwe H: so he can’t drive us

 

Lee C: if only i was sixteen

Lee C: I could drive you guys

 

Kim M: you can only drive one person when you’re sixteen tho

 

Lee C: and as many family members as you want

Lee C: and i’ve made the executive decision that you guys are my family

 

Lee S: awwww!!!!! Thanks channie!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Xu M: get those fluffy feelings away from me

 

Lee C: you need to take that stick out of your ass before it causes you problems

 

Xu M: fight me chan

 

Kim M: it’s kinda cute watching Chan threaten Minghao

 

Chwe H: I know man

 

Kim M: It’s like a chihuahua trying to fight a great dane

 

Chwe H: I’m scared of chihuahuas they are the devil incarnate

Chwe H: Jason’s mom

Chwe H: who is technically my grandma but she ALSO scares me so nah

Chwe H: has one that is literally possesed by the spirit of satan and maybe some radical right wing racists that foam at the mouth at the mere mention of people being equal

 

Kim M: I applaud you on your analogy

 

Chwe H: thanks

 

Xu M: summarize it for me. It’s too long

 

Chwe H: my fake grandma’s chihuahua is possessed by the spirits of the racists and the devil

Chwe H: I fear it

 

Xu M: okay

 

Lee S: what do you guys fear?

 

Jeon W: being forgotten

 

Lee S: damn, I was going to say the teletubbies but now I feel kinda stupid about it

 

Kim M: aaaaaaand we are steering the conversation away from this topic now

Kim M: we are seeing the 9:30 showing of Finding Dory?

 

Lee C: yes

Lee C: i don’t need a ride

Lee C: I am a real man and I don’t need to depend on anyone

 

Lee S: what about your mom? She buys you food

 

Lee C: I don’t need to depend on anyone except one person

 

Lee S: Jeonghan gives you rides everywhere

 

Lee C: two people

 

Lee S: Mr. Yang pays for the house you live in

 

Lee C: let’s talk about something else

 

Chwe H: you know, not gonna lie but that thing that just happened looked like Chan talking to himself for a bit. It took me a double take to see that it was Seokmin and Chan talking to each other

 

Xu M: okay I did that too, and I wouldn’t have noticed that I was wrong until you pointed it out

 

Chwe H: trippy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah! a short chapter! It's good though. I liked it, i hope you guys did! Since there are no cameos in this chap, have the link to Fake Love, because it's so good and I'm so happy. 
> 
> Fake Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C2z4GqqS5E  
> (It's so good I love it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
> 
> Also since I have no idea when this story actually takes place, I kinda just went with the first movie I thought of, which was finding dory. I loved that movie!   
> Another thing since there are no cameos! Who is your BTS bias if you have one!! Mine is J-Hope!!! come talk to me and hang out! I like making friends and taking about pretty much anything!!! Love you guys hope you enjoyed! leave a kudos if you want to!! this was ya boy Alex!!!!!! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!


	12. Invite (reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeon W: well, okay  
> Jeon W: thanks for telling me
> 
> Hansol: I’m nice like that
> 
> Kim M: what is going on
> 
> Hansol: hi mingyu hyung my name’s hansol and I like dick
> 
> Kim M: that was direct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! so this is another chapter (well, duh) I don't know how I feel about this chapter and I feel like I'm making our Seventeen Boys kinda OOC but I guess that's how it is! This chapter is dedicated to the BTS performance at Billboards because it was great and amazing and yeah!! It's kinda late here, and it's been raining, I went over to a friends house to watch the Billboards because BTS was performing, and then I had to bike home in the dark, but I found a frog so that was good. It was a cute frog too! anyways, here are the names!!  
> Seungcheol: Choi S, UltimateDad, BokChoi  
> Jeonghan: Mom  
> Joshua: Hong J, Dad#2  
> Junhui: HueHueHue  
> Hoshi: Kwon S., Estoy, Hoshi  
> Wonwoo: Jeon W. Screamo  
> Woozi: Angery  
> DK: UV  
> Mingyu: Kim M., JollyGreen  
> Minghao: MulletMan  
> Seungkwan: KidKwan, HoneyBooBoo  
> Vernon: Hansol, Chwe H., DiCaprio, JohnCena  
> Dino: Who'sBaby, Gremlin

Crisis (4)

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has changed Hansol Vernon Chwe’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Chwe H.  _ to  _ Hansol

 

Hansol: the whole Chwe H. thing was annoying

Hansol: also like are you guys still angry ish?

Hansol: because it’s been like five days

Hansol: and the group chat has been dead

Hansol: but I have a crisis so like help

 

_ Kwon Soonyoung has changed Kwon Soonyoung’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Kwon S.  _ to  _ Hoshi

 

Hoshi: we created a chat without the Mingyu sympathizers and have been talking there

 

Hansol: you’re kind of a dick, man

 

Hoshi: you are what you eat

 

Hansol: I really didn’t need to know that dude

 

Hoshi: I couldn’t resist

Hoshi: anyways, did you need something?

 

Hansol: I’m back in crisis

 

Hoshi: aren’t we all

Hoshi: like half of my friends turned out to be snakes

Hoshi: so now i have less friends

 

Hansol: okay man, you know what

Hansol: nevermind

Hansol: if you’re going to be passive aggressive then I’ll go somewhere else

 

Hoshi: get lost Hansol

 

Hansol: you really hold a grudge

Hansol: bye Mr. Kwon

Hansol: you don’t get a first name or a hyung right now

 

Hoshi: leave

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has left the Chat _

 

Choi S: what the hell was that about

 

Hoshi: he’s still a brat

Hoshi: and a mingyu sympathizer

 

Choi S: jesus christ you’re petty

 

Hong J: I was summoned

 

Choi S: Joshua tell Soonyoung to stop being mean to everyone

 

Hong J: Soonyoung, really?

 

Hoshi: you can’t tell me what to do

  
  


_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has created a new chat! _

_ The chat was named  _ Crisis 2.0

 

Crisis 2.0 (3)

 

_ Hansol Vernon Chwe has changed Hansol Vernon Chwe’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Chwe H.  _ to  _ Hansol

 

Hansol: I have a crisis

Hansol: and I hope you guys are more helpful than the other Crisis chat

 

Jeon W: what was the other chat?

 

Hansol: Soonyoung, Seungcheol, Joshua

Hansol: and it was for my crisis

 

Jeon W: what crisis?

 

Hansol: hi my name’s Vernon and I’m gay

 

Jeon W: okay that was unexpected

Jeon W: I kinda thought this was going to be a grades thing, or that Jason fell asleep on the remote again thing

 

Hansol: no. I would name the chat “Hansol’s big Gay Crisis” but I don’t want to do that

 

Jeon W: well, okay

Jeon W: thanks for telling me

 

Hansol: I’m nice like that

 

Kim M: what is going on

 

Hansol: hi mingyu hyung my name’s hansol and I like dick

 

Kim M: that was direct

 

Hansol: if it’s not direct I won’t ever say it

Hansol: so now that that’s out of the way

Hansol: I have a crisis

 

Kim M: why are you coming to us for that?

Kim M: we don’t even have our own lives together

 

Hansol: well Soonyoung was a dick in the other Crisis chat so I decided that I needed to make a new one

 

Kim M: Seungkwan’s gay, why isn’t he in here?

 

Hansol: he’s a part of the crisis

Hansol: and I have full admin access so you can’t add anyone

 

Kim M: wasn’t even thinking about it

 

Hansol: good

Hansol: now back to my crisis

 

Kim M: yes go on

 

Hansol: Seungkwan is hot and I want to date him

 

Kim M: how is that a crisis?

 

Hansol: he literally has crushes on five other men

 

Kim M: oh

Kim M: I can see how that would be a problem

 

Jeon W: who does he even like?

 

Hansol: he likes freaking Jeon Jungkook,

 

Kim M: I mean like of course he does

Kim M: he can do everything

Kim M: he’s in classes here at college too

Kim M: and he’s built like a god

 

Hansol: I kNOW

Hansol: and he likes Lucas too!

 

Jeon W: Lucas Chan’s tutor Lucas?

 

Hansol: yes

Hansol: fuckboi justin beiber wannabe rapper Lucas

 

Jeon W: damn

Jeon W: good luck hansollie

Jeon W: you have a lot of competition

 

Kim M: any others?

 

Hansol: he always has likes Han Sanghyuk

 

Jeon W: oh my god Han Sanghyuk?

Jeon W: his older brother Hakyeon is in my Advanced Lit Analysis class

Jeon W: he’s shown pictures

Jeon W: han sanghyuk is ripped

 

Hansol: should I start working out?

 

Kim M: maybe

 

Hansol: Lucas has a six pack

Hansol: Jeon Jungkook has the body of a god

Hansol: Sanghyuk is ripped too

 

Kim M: Seungkwan has a type

 

Hansol: oh my god Seungkwan has a type

Hansol: I’m going to start working out

 

Jeon W: anyone else?

 

Hansol: i don’t know, maybe Junhong

Hansol: not really though

 

Jeon W: sorry man

  
  


Fake Parents (6)

 

Who’sBaby: are we still mad at everyone or can I have a ride to school

 

Mom: Soonyoung says that we’re supposed to be mad still

 

Who’sBaby: that’s stupid 

Who’sBaby: I’ll ask Lucas for a ride then

 

Mom: no I can give you a ride

Mom: don’t ask that buffoon

 

Who’sBaby: it’s chill

 

UltimateDad: please don’t fight

UltimateDad: we’ve had enough of that

 

Who’sBaby: well Seungcheol

Who’sBaby: Soonyoung has yet to budge

Who’sBaby: and Mingyu apologized the night of this stupid spat

 

Dad#2: Mingyu apologized?

 

Who’sBaby: yeah Joshua he did 

 

DiCaprio: I apologized to Mingyu hyung too

 

Who’sBaby: he did I helped him write it

 

Dad#2: I didn’t know that

 

Who’sBaby: that’s cuz Soonyoung is a grudge holding dick

 

UltimateDad: that’s not very nice to say

 

Who’sBaby: am I wrong though?

Who’sBaby: he’s a dick that holds a grudge

 

DiCaprio: it’s true i was coming to you guys with a crisis and he totally rejected me

 

KidKwan: you had a crisis?

KidKwan: are you okay???

 

DiCaprio: yes I’m okay but like, that was my crisis chat

DiCaprio: not the “let’s fight cuz we’re still all mad” chat

 

Dad#2: we’re really sorry hansol

 

DiCaprio: Soonyoung blocked me, so can you go tell him to get it together and make friends?

DiCaprio: Mingyu really wants to be friends again

 

UltimateDad: we’ll try

 

DiCaprio: that’s cool but like get your guys’s act together

  
  
  
  


#Hoshi (6)

 

BokChoi: so I feel like we kinda need to stop this

 

HueHueHue: stop what?

 

BokChoi: we are being petty and mean

BokChoi: I’m looking at you Soonyoung

 

Estoy: dude

Estoy: I didn’t do anything though?

 

BokChoi: Soonyoung. 

 

Estoy: I don’t know what I did though!!!

 

BokChoi: you realize that you pretty much pushed Hansol out of his specified Crisis chat

BokChoi: that he came to specifically to get help with a crisis

 

Estoy: he was being mean though

 

HueHueHue: dude really? 

 

BokChoi: soonyoung Mingyu wants to be freinds again

 

Estoy: why tho?

 

BokChoi: because you guys were freinds before and this spat is getting ridiculous

BokChoi: like seriously

 

Angery: why should he be friends again

Angery: Mingyu was kinda rude

 

BokChoi: you really aren’t helping Jihoon

 

Angery: so???

 

BokChoi: I’m just asking to at least try to be freinds again

 

Estoy: nope

Estoy: I’m good

 

BokChoi: you are being kinda ridiculous

 

Estoy: am I being ridiculous Jihoonie??

 

Angery: no i dont think so babe

 

Esoty: I think you’re crazy Seungcheol

 

HueHueHue: soonyoung you have to chill

HueHueHue: is this really worth it all?

HueHueHue: being a dick to all the younger people in our friend group

HueHueHue: like seriously, you told me not to talk to my boyfriend

 

Estoy: your “boyfriend” is part of the problem

Estoy: everyone in the other chat are dicks

Estoy: and so is Minghao

 

HueHueHue: but thats just kind of his his personality

HueHueHue: he told me that he somethines has dreams where he staples my fingers to my face, and then laughs about it

HueHueHue: it’s just how he is

 

BokChoi: that’s true, he told me once that he saw a guy drop his burrito in front of a bus and the bus ran over the burrito

BokChoi: he said he cackled like a hyena because he thought I was the dude that dropped the burrito

BokChoi: he would have laughed at me if I had been the burrito man

 

Estoy: doesn’t matter

Estoy: I’m not talking to any of them

 

BokChoi: you are really childish

BokChoi: it never really hit me until now

 

Estoy: that’s not very nice

 

HueHueHue: astute observation

  
  


Movie Pals (7)

 

JollyGreen: hey guys

JollyGreen: I’m having a party

JollyGreen: it’s at my place

 

Gremlin: yes continue

 

JollyGreen: and I wanted to invite you guys

JollyGreen: I’m inviting college freinds and stuff, but I wanted good friends there too

 

Gremlin: am i invited?

 

JollyGreen: sure why not

 

Gremlin: omg

Gremlin: finally

 

Screamo: are you sure about that Mingyu babe

 

JollyGreen: we should let the child live

 

Screamo: as long as seungcheol is not invited

 

JollyGreen: I’m not inviting that side of the family

 

JohnCena: when is your party dude?

 

JollyGreen: idk

JollyGreen: I was thinking friday

JollyGreen: that work for you Hansol?

 

JohnCena: yeah man

 

Gremlin: me too

Gremlin: I think my mother has a meeting that runs late, and Mr. Yang is on a business trip

Gremlin: so as long as I can get by the step brothers then I’m good

 

JohnCena: is it really that hard though? 

JohnCena: Jinwoon is probably going to be stoned

JohnCena: and Junseo’s probably going to be watching porn

 

Gremlin: thanks for that image hansol

Gremlin: but yeah it won’t be hard to get out of the house

 

HoneyBooBoo: I can go on fri. 

HoneyBooBoo: I have nothing going on that weekend

 

MulletMan: I’ll come

MulletMan: can I invite Junhui

 

JollyGreen: totally

JollyGreen: he’s chill

 

MulletMan: cool cuz I have a bet with another freshman about who can blow their bf at the most parties

 

JollyGreen: well I can’t judge

 

MulletMan: that’s right

MulletMan: you absolutely cannot judge me

 

UV: I’ll be there!!!!!

 

JollyGreen: cool seokmin

JollyGreen: that’s cool, I got all you guys coming

 

Screamo: yeah, who else did you invite? 

 

JollyGreen: well, Jinyoung from my Culinary class is coming with a few of his friends

JollyGreen: this really young australian freshman is coming, idk why

JollyGreen: he just seemed chill

 

MulletMan: chan will know who he is

MulletMan: CHAN!

MulletMan: CHAN!

MulletMan: CHAN!

MulletMan: CHAN!

 

Gremlin: I have been summoned

 

MulletMan: okay describe him Mingyu

 

JollyGreen: okay, australian, silver hair, can rap pretty good, actually kinda pretty

 

Gremlin: oh I know him

 

MulletMan: of course you do

 

Gremlin: his name’s Bang Chan, he’s a freshman, good friends with Felix, his birthday is October 3, 1997, Zodiac sign is Libra, blood type O, he was born in Sydney Australia, has a Soundcloud Rapper account with two other people under the name 3RACHA, his name IN the soundcloud is CB97

 

MulletMan: okay stop that’s scary

 

JollyGreen: I wonder if chan knows all that kind of info about us

 

Gremlin: well, I obviously know your birthdays, I can figure out your star sign from that, I know a bunch of other stuff about you guys from hanging around you for like five years, and I know everyones blood types

 

JollyGreen: even I don’t know my blood type

 

Gremlin: that’s a you problem

 

JollyGreen: true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you see, there were actually a lot of cameos in this chapter. (like I said I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but we have to keep it to progress, so that's chill)  
> Okay! Cameos!!  
> Jungkook!!!! (he's in BTS and the Maknae that can do literally everything! We love him!! So Much!!! Here is the link!!! : https://goo.gl/images/GLo78Y  
> Lucas!!! (so Lucas is in here a lot, we should know who he is by now, but it's okay if we don't) Lucas is a weirdo but we love him a lot!! Link: https://goo.gl/images/i7wEfA  
> Sanghyuk!! (he's from Vixx which is an amazing group and I love them so much!! like so much, honestly, they are so good) Link!!!!!!! : https://goo.gl/images/dmVL52  
> Junhong (he has a literal one line mention, but that's okay, we love him so much he's from B.A.P and B.A.P is one of my FAVORITE groups. Like seriously, if you want, go check out either HONEYMOON, or SKY DIVE, or That's My Jam, those are my favorite songs, please go give B.A.P your love they deserve it so much) A LINK FOR Junhong! https://goo.gl/images/RNcZsi  
> Jinyoung!!!! (he's from GOT7, and we love him a lot too!!) here is the link https://goo.gl/images/wLQZ9d  
> Bang Chan!!! (He's from Stray Kids, and as you guys know we really love Stray Kids too, so like, go love them pls!!!!!!!!) A link to this fabulous Aussie!!!!!!!!: https://goo.gl/images/JvxPci
> 
> Alright that was all the cameos we have for this chapter, sorry I havent been getting them out like I was before, I had a really busy weekend!! (I worked on saturday, and then saturday night I went on a date, and then yesterday was my absolute bestest friend's birthday so that was a thing, and yeah!! How was y'all's weekends?????? Hopefully good! I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and again, I'm sorry if our seventeen boys seem a little OOC, I try my best, but I'm not perfect!! If you liked it please leave me a comment or kudos!!! Comments really make my day!!!


	13. Partay!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingparty: you’re like a cat  
> Mingparty: or any pet remotely scared of the vaccum cleaner
> 
> Wonton: did you see the one vaccum vine  
> Wonton: it chased that child  
> Wonton: that vine haunts my worst dreams  
> Wonton: it is my deepest darkest fear
> 
> MadeInChina: i thought that was how our lives are pointless in the grand scheme of things  
> MadeInChina: and that all that you do now is eventualy going to be forgotten
> 
> Wonton: that too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my dudes, this chapter has some hella cameos which means a few of them are going up here cuz you might need to know who these people are! anyways, here I am! This chapter is dedicated to SF9's song O Sole Mio which is my new favorite because I kinda speak spanish (kinda) (here's the link because it's great!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUZeYOLp8Ys)  
> Here are our names for this chapter!!!  
> Seungcheol: (not in this chapter)  
> Jeonghan: (also not in this chapter!)  
> Joshua: Joshie  
> Junhui: TrueBeauty  
> Soonyoung: (not in this chapter, they still fighting. I don't like it but that's just how the chapters are progressing)  
> Wonwoo: Wonton  
> Jihoon: (also not in this chapter, alas. we need to fix this fight. it's getting unrealistic :( but alas)  
> DK: Pringles  
> Mingyu: Mingyu, Mingparty, Pasta  
> Minghao: MadeInChina  
> Vernon: AmeriCAN'T  
> Seungkwan: CUTE  
> Dino: (he's suprisingly not in this chapter I think, weird)
> 
> OUR CAMEOS THAT ACTUALLY TEXT AND STUFF (there's a lot sorry if you don't know them and get confused I love you anyways don't worry)  
> Bang Chan: BangBang (Chan from stray kids, he was cameoed in the last chapter! sorry if i offended any australians with the slang I used)  
> Jinyoung: Salad (jinyoung is a GOT7 member and we love him a lot!! a link!! https://goo.gl/images/vSZSRt)  
> Minhyuk: Minhyuk (minhyuk is hella cool, and like really good for what I wanted to do, so here's that! A link to one of my favorite Monsta X members!!!! https://goo.gl/images/98ocuf Another link! https://goo.gl/images/f8HDxt)  
> Hongbin: Hongbin (hongbin is a member of Vixx, and he is so awesome and I love him so much!!!!!!!!! He deserves so much love my dudes like seriously have a link: https://goo.gl/images/oD938r (we love his dimples a lot too like seriously))  
> Youngjae: Youngjae (this is our Youngjae from BAP and we love BAP here like seriously. I say that a lot but I really mean it this time. BAP deserves so much love! and so does Youngjae!! Have a link!! https://goo.gl/images/ZnSdJt And another because why not https://goo.gl/images/3sUCZi)  
> now please enjoy!!!

Party A La Mingyu (8)

 

Mingparty: yo guys do you wanna come over early and hang out?

 

Wonton: don’t do it

Wonton: it’s chores veiled thinly in freindship

 

TrueBeauty: aww wonwoo is Mingyu making you set up??

 

Wonton: yes, I had to vaccum

 

TrueBeauty: wow

 

Wonton: I hate the vaccum

 

Mingparty: you’re like a cat

Mingparty: or any pet remotely scared of the vaccum cleaner

 

Wonton: did you see the one vaccum vine

Wonton: it chased that child

Wonton: that vine haunts my worst dreams

Wonton: it is my deepest darkest fear

 

MadeInChina: i thought that was how our lives are pointless in the grand scheme of things

MadeInChina: and that all that you do now is eventualy going to be forgotten

 

Wonton: that too

 

Mingparty: please keep the crisis-ing until after the party

Mingparty: I don’t need existential drunk Wonwoo, I want sexy touchy feely drunk Wonwoo

 

MadeInChina: cool i really don’t care

 

CUTE: hey can I get a ride? My mom has night classes

 

AmeriCAN’T: I can give ride

AmeriCAN’T: I have the keys

 

CUTE: you got the keys?

 

AmeriCAN’T: Jason actually gave them to me of his own free will

AmeriCAN’T: it was weird

AmeriCAN’T: he did tell me not to drive drunk though

 

CUTE: I’m not going to drink so I can always drive home, as long as I can spend the night at your house

 

AmeriCAN’T: sure

AmeriCAN’T: yes

AmeriCAN’T: definitely

 

Wonton: cute

 

CUTE: yes?

 

Wonton: I wasn’t summoning you

Wonton: just making an observation

 

CUTE: okay!!!

 

Pringles: when you want us to come over??? 

 

Mingparty: idk

Mingparty: do you want to come help set up?

 

Pringles: If I can put colored stuff over your lights to make them cool

 

Mingparty: deal

Mingparty: head over now

 

Pringles: alright!!!!!!!

  
  


Party Dude? (2)

BangBang: yo is this mingyu?

BangBang: i need your adress mate

 

Supermodel: yes this is mingyu

Supermodel: thanks for the chat name

 

BangBang: I mean, I am decidedly single, and I know you have a bf, but it was an observation and I couldn’t think of anything else

 

Supermodel: it’s chill dude

Supermodel: gotta get those compliments wherever I can get them

 

BangBang: cool cuz your boyfriend scares me

BangBang: resting bitchface and all

 

Supermodel: yup anyways

 

_ Kim Mingyu has shared his location with you! _

 

BangBang: Ace! I’m gonna be round about seven or smthn

BangBang: stopping for maccas before, you know?

 

Supermodel: what?

 

BangBang: maccas. I’ve gotta use Felix’s car cuz mines a cactus rn

 

Supermodel: okkkayyyy

Supermodel: cool see you at seven!

 

BangBang: Ace!

  
  


Culinary Jesus (2)

 

Salad: yo is it cool if I bring a few of my friends?

 

Pasta: like how many??????

 

Salad: well, Jackson likes parties, JB and Mark probz want to go, Gyeom will find a way to sneak with, but that’s it. Bam’s got some kind of test he’s studying for

 

Pasta: four is chill man

Pasta: is Gyeom the high schooler that you always talk about?

 

Salad: yeah he’s a brat though

 

Pasta: I know the feeling dude

Pasta: but if you want to just bring him and save the effort

Pasta: I’ve got high schoolers coming, and someone to keep them away from the alcohol

 

Salad: who??

 

Pasta: you know Lee Seokmin?

 

Salad: really loud, tall, big smile, looks a little like a horse?

 

Pasta: yes

Pasta: he’s on meds rn so he can’t drink

 

Salad: so you made him the child minder?

 

Pasta: yeah, the kids will probz manage to get like a drink each, but that’s it

 

Salad: well, that’s pretty good actually

Salad: I’ll tell Gyeom to save the effort

 

Pasta: cool man

Pasta: what time are you gonna get here?

 

Salad: probz seven, seven thirty

 

Pasta: chill

  
  


~Nine thirty~

 

Realest Bros (2)

 

Sollie: kwannie where are you?

 

Kwannie: backyard

Kwannie: playing uno I think

Kwannie: we have uno cards, but we are not playing uno

 

Sollie: I kinda wanna go home

 

Kwannie: are you drunk?

 

Sollie: yeah dude

Sollie: this is like my fourth drink?

Sollie: fourth or fifth

 

Kwannie: you hide it well

 

Sollie: I know my limits dude

 

Kwannie: that’s good at least

Kwannie: I’ll meet you at the car!~

 

Sollie: cool, I’m gonna get some water and I’ll be there

  
  


_Lee Minhyuk has created a new chat!_

_Lee Minhyuk has named the chat HANDSOME PEOPLE CLUB!_

 

HANDSOME PEOPLE CLUB (5)

 

Minhyuk: like dudes

Minhyuk: I have the BEST idea

Minhyuk: of all time

 

Hongbin: who even are you tho?????

Hongbin: cuz I’m soooooo drunk rn

Hongbin: and the last time this happppened

Hongbin: my phone got totally possesed 

 

Minhyuk: omg

Minhyuk: possessed?

 

Hongbin: yes

Hongbin: and i had to give it to Jaehwan to make the spirits go away

 

Minhyuk: omg

Minhyuk: that’s scary sounding!

 

Hongbin: I knOW RIGHT?!

 

Minhyuk: we sould add Jaehwan

Minhyuk: he’s that one supper pretty DKE guy?

 

Hongbin: yes! >:( i’m definitely more handsome than him tho

 

Minhyuk: totally 

Minhyuk: but I’m starting a pretty people club adn we need LOTS of members

 

Youngjae: what is this

Youngjae: who are you people

 

Minhyuk: we’re other pretty people!!!!

 

Hongbin: join us!!! We’re making a club

Hongbin: and jaehwan isn’t invited >:(

 

Minhyuk: but he’s pretty tho!!

 

Hongbin: who’s the leader they can decide

 

Minhyuk: I think I’m the leader

 

Hongbin: I think I’m the leader

 

Minhyuk: hey!!! >>>:(

 

Hongbin: HEY!!!!! >:(

 

Mingyu: that’s some aphrodite and the golden apple shit right there

 

Youngjae: nerd

Youngjae: also hello

 

Mingyu: hey Youngjae

 

Minhyuk: oh hi Mingyu!

 

Hongbin: yeah hi mingyu!

Hongbin: this is a really sweet party

Hongbin: you know all the best people

 

Minhyuk: that’s true

Minhyuk: that one kid Chan once got me thirteen taxidermied squirrels once

Minhyuk: he’s chill

 

Youngjae: wait he did what?

 

Minhyuk: squirrels

Minhyuk: thirteen of them

Minhyuk: he’s chill

 

Hongbin: yeah

Hongbin: get with the program Youngjae

 

Youngjae: I don’t even know you

 

Hongbin: hi I’m hongbinnie!!

 

Youngjae: that’s SO helpful! 

 

Hongbin: I know rigHT!!!

 

Youngjae: now that we’re on the same page

Youngjae: remove me from this chat

 

Minhyuk: but it’s the pretty people chat!! :(

 

Youngjae: made up of only pretty people?

 

Minhyuk: yes! You’re pretty so you get to be included!!!

 

Youngjae: hmmmmmmm

Youngjae: I always liked flattery. I will stay here

 

Minhyuk: yay!!

 

Junhui: guys be quiet minghao is trying to suck my dick

 

Mingyu: you better be in the bathroom and not in my bedroom

 

Junhui: don’t worry Mr. sex police

Junhui: we went home

 

Mingyu: good

 

Minhyuk: omg! It’s the prince of china!!!

 

Junhui: yes hello

Junhui: be quiet now

 

Minhyuk: okay!

 

Junhui: I’m just gonna mute the chat

 

Minhyuk: okay!

 

Mingyu: well, I’m going to stay cuz it’s good for my ego, but my phone is gonna die

Mingyu: so like goodbye

 

Minhyuk: bye Mingyu!

Minhyuk: we love you!!!!!!!

 

Hongbin: <333333

 

Youngjae: there’s not a lot of us in this chat

 

Minhyuk: few are truly worthy

 

Hongbin: we should add more people!!!! 

Hongbin: omg

Hongbin: that’s such a good idea!

 

Minhyuk: who tho???

 

Youngjae: just start thinking of everyone you know and go through whether they are pretty or not

 

Minhyuk: that’s kinda mean :(

 

Hongbin: yeah!! >:( everyone is pretty!!! >:(

 

Minhyuk: but if we add everyone, then we have EVERYONE in this chat

 

Hongbin: oh no!

 

Minhyuk: that would be okay, but there’s like people who scare me and I don’t need that kind of stress in my life

 

Hongbin: like same tho

Hongbin: I’m scared of Min Yoongi, and Hakyeon hyung, and the DEEP voice dude

 

Minhyuk: I’m scared of min yoongi too! He’s hot in that bad boy kinda way

Minhyuk: but at the same time

Minhyuk: he scares me a lot

 

Hongbin: I know right? How much anger can be fit into such a small space????

 

Minhyuk: he’s like those chihuahuas

 

Hongbin: chihuahuas are of the devil

 

Minhyuk: who is hakyeon tho?

 

Hongbin: that’s my friend, he’s small too, and filled with a lot of motherly righteous rage

Hongbin: lots of neck chops

 

Minhyuk: omg. Kihyun does that too, except he does his “judging you disspaointed” look

Minhyuk: so scary

 

Hongbin: wow! Why are small people so angry?

 

Minhyuk: they are closer to satan

 

Hongbin: that’s so tru tho

 

Minhyuk: and is DEEP voice dude that one guy who does the radio show?

 

Hongbin: YES

Hongbin: I was on there once for a cool thing I did

Hongbin: and he had SO many tattoos, and this DEEP voice

Hongbin: that would be SO attractive if I wasn’t terrified

 

Minhyuk: omg

 

Hongbin: it sucks to be a tall friend because if yo even mention to your short frineds that

Hongbin: they are even a little bir short

Hongbin: they attack

 

Minhyuk: like true though

Minhyuk: i have a really tall aunt, and she married a really short dude

Minhyuk: and when I was little I used to go hang out with them you know

 

Hongbin: of course! Continue!

 

Minhyuk: so I’m sitting there one day (as a small child of course) and she’s trying to get me to eat vegetables

 

Hongbin: I like vegetables except for asparagus

Hongbin: they are of the devil 

 

Minhyuk: hongbinnie you and i are going to be good friends

Minhyuk: anyways, she’s all like “you have to eat all your veggies if you want to be tall like me!”

Minhyuk: and my stupid toddler mouth goes “did you eat all of uncle’s veggies too?”

Minhyuk: my aunt laughed until she cried, but my uncle looked like he was considering how big to dig my grave

 

Hongbin: omg that’s so funny

 

Minhyuk: and now my family will never let me live it down

 

Hongbin: omg

Hongbin: but what about our question?

 

Minhyuk: what WAS the question????????

 

Hongbin: omg

Hongbin: I can’t remember

Hongbin: did I lose my memory????

 

Minhyuk: omg what if you did tho!!!!!

 

Youngjae: “who should we add?”

Youngjae: jesus christ you two are like beagles on LSD

 

Minhyuk: don’t give your beagles LSD

Minhyuk: drugs are for pugs

 

Hongbin: hhahaha

Hongbin: i get it!

Hongbin: Youngjae!!!! Do you get it???

Hongbin: cuz they’re beagles not pugs

 

Youngjae: yes thank you I definitely needed clarification on that

 

Hongbin: no problemo amigo favorito!!

 

Minhyuk: is that like french?

 

Hongbin: idk

Hongbin: this group chat doesn’t have a lot of people in it tho!

 

Minhyuk: you’re totally right! 

Minhyuk: we should totally add people and stuff

 

Hongbin: but whooo???????????

 

Minhyuk: Jaehwan!

 

Hongbin: no! He’s mean

 

Minhyuk: but they call him Ken for a reason

Minhyuk: he’s hot like barbie’s Ken is

 

Hongbin: gross

Hongbin: but tru tho

Hongbin: sometimes I wonder if he sold his firstborn to lucifer to keep his fabulous good looks

 

Minhyuk: omg maybe

 

Hongbin: but we should add like

Hongbin: that one TA for frosh 101 Englsih!!!

 

Minhyuk: omg

Minhyuk: yes

Minhyuk: he’s like so pretty

 

Hongbin: what’s his name tho???????????

 

Minhyuk: GyuGyu would know!!!!!!

 

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

Hongbin: Mingyu

 

Mingyu: jesus christ what do you want

  
  


Pretty People (2)

 

Joshie: Mingyu don’t take the lord’s name in vain

 

Gyu: wtf

Gyu: you scare me sometimes

 

Joshie: good

  
  


HANDSOME PEOPLE CLUB (5)

 

Minhyuk: Gyu what’s TA adonis’s name????

 

Hongbin: yea we need to know

Hongbin: for uh like

Hongbin: science

 

Minhyuk: why science?

 

Hongbin: idk I panicked

 

Mingyu: my phone just got battery back

Mingyu: and the first ting I need to answer is a thirst question

 

Hongbin: we’ve decided it’s not for thirst, it’s for science

 

Minhyuk: yeah science!

 

Mingyu: his name is Seokmin I think

 

Hongbin: you think????

 

Mingyu: yeah I ‘ve only really heard it mentioned like once

 

Hongbin: I know who would know

 

_ Lee Hongbin has added someone to the chat! _

_ Lee Chan has been added to the chat! _

 

Minhyuk: squirrel kid!!!!

 

Chan: wow

Chan: I’m flattered but I feel like I’m just here to answer a question

 

Mingyu: leave quick chan while you still can

 

Minhyuk: meanie >:(

 

Chan: anyways what do you guys need?

 

Hongbin: we need TA adonis frosh Eng 101’s name

 

Chan: just his name?

 

Hongbin: and if he’s single

 

Minhyuk: yes that too

 

Chan: Kim Seokjin, senior, likes to be called Jin, is NOT single, dating Kim Namjoon, junior

 

Minhyuk: all the good ones are taken already

 

Hongbin: don’y ou have a boyfriend th o bro???

 

Minhyuk: yes all the good ones are taken including mine

Minhyuk: he’s mine so stay away from him

 

Hongbin: okay bro shill

 

Minhyuk: shill

 

Hongbin: Shill

 

Minhyuk: SHILL

 

Hongbin: S H I L L

 

Chan: okay I’m going to leave

 

Minhyuk:  **S H I L L**

 

Hongbin: **_S H I L L_ **

 

_ Lee Chan has left the chat! _

 

Minhyuk: wait what were we talking about again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah that was a chapter. and honestly it's one of my favorites. Lots of cameos from people I really like a lot!! The cameos that had speaking parts got big mentions at the top of the chapter, but the ones that did'nt have speaking parts are down here! there are a lot of them though so be prepared!!  
> Felix!!!   
> (Chan has Felix's car cuz his own car is broken! Stray Kids! A link! https://goo.gl/images/yBsKay )  
> Jackson   
> (one of the friends that Jinyoung invited! he had a speaking part in like the second or third chapter! Got7! A link! https://goo.gl/images/7RZqMo )  
> JB   
> (another invite by Jinyoung! Got7! a link! https://goo.gl/images/xsQbn8 )  
> Mark   
> (yet another jinyoung invite! Also Got7! A link!! https://goo.gl/images/LXm6fn )  
> Yugyeom!   
> (mentioned as Gyeom! also Got7! He's cute! A link! https://goo.gl/images/UTVHVd )  
> BamBam   
> (mentioned as Bam! Got7! So cute we love him! A link! https://goo.gl/images/Lcvp1P )  
> Jaehwan!   
> (mentioned by Hongbin as the person to go to if your phone gets possessed! VIXX!! He's really pretty! A link! https://goo.gl/images/StnxFr )  
> Min Yoongi   
> (BTS, Minhyuk and Hongbin are scared of him! He's super talented tho! a link! https://goo.gl/images/roopYu)  
> Hakyeon   
> (Vixx leader known as N!!! We love him a super ton!!! like honestly we love him so much here!!! Have a link and love him too!!! https://goo.gl/images/YzSpfs )  
> DEEP voice dude!   
> (Yongguk from BAP my bias I love him so much he's so cool like honestly!!!! A link!!! https://goo.gl/images/fCXI28 another!!! https://goo.gl/images/ov4jj3 )  
> Kihyun!  
> (mentioned by Minhyuk for being filled with motherly righteous rage! He's my Monsta X bias and one of my top of all groups biases too!! Love him please he sounds like an angel and he's so great!! https://goo.gl/images/foa6D4 )  
> TA adonis or Kim Seokjin  
> (we really love Seokjin he got so many lines on Fake Love and I am truly living the best life right now! He's also hella handsome and I just wanna be like, please can I have some of your good looks I look like a squirrel on my better days and I wanna be handsome. anyways here is the link to him!!!!! (love him plz) https://goo.gl/images/YuSxW2 another because why not! https://goo.gl/images/a5eoRA )  
> Kim Namjoon (my bestest friends ultimate bias like seriously)  
> (he's also hella talented too like love him please. Him and Seokjin are from BTS!! some links!! https://goo.gl/images/e2w68V and https://goo.gl/images/9CLSCc )


	14. Pretty People and Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin: but like what id the bear just like rips your face off???????
> 
> Minhyuk: I’ll get mauled by a bear in a controlled environment so I just get the cool scars
> 
> Hongbin: logical ;)
> 
> Minhyuk: ;)  
> Minhyuk: wait where was I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my bros, it's ya boy Alex! I'm back with another chapter of drunk people planning. So this is pretty much a direct continuation of the previous chapter so I'm just gonna copy and paste names and such! This Chapter is dedicated to Linxe_Termoil who has strong feelings and a great profile picture! I'm sorry that I'm soft hearted and don't like long drawn out conflicts and stuff! I love you and your opinions anyways though!!!!!! I love EVERYBODY! Except for big sized lizards, poisonus snakes, and spiders. They can all leave my life. (quick story I nearly stepped on a live rattle snake when I was little and it rattled and slithered away and I cried, I've never been the same since) Anyways! Here's names!!  
> Seungcheol: (not in this chapter, studying for some big assignment in the library, we pray for him to pass)  
> Jeonghan: J-Hannie  
> Joshua: Joshie  
> Junhui: Junhui  
> Soonyoung: (he still not here. I can't stand this conflict but I also can't resolve it)  
> Wonwoo: (he not here either. Hopefully asleep but the party is still going on. drinking drinks and playing uno in the backyard)  
> Jihoon: Jihoonz  
> DK: (not in this chapter! he's busy guarding the drinks and maybe flirting with hot people)  
> Mingyu: Mingyu  
> Minghao: (wow he's not in this chapter either. He's probably asleep or watching some late nite gameshow while cuddling a drunk Junhui)  
> Vernon: (not here, my boy is a little drunk, and probably sleeping, don't worry Seungkwan is watching him)  
> Seungkwan: (being Vernon's babysitter, and playing on Vernon's wii. Mario Kart probably)  
> Dino: (he's busy kicking everyone's asses at drunk people uno, and winning all the money the foolish drunk people bet)
> 
> Cameos! (ones that text and talk!)  
> Minhyuk! (Monsta X, we love him) (link: https://goo.gl/images/LmKFVf)  
> Hongbin! (Vixx, we also love him so much) (his dimples are my life) (link: https://goo.gl/images/Wkyy8p)  
> Youngjae! (BAP!) (you guys know I have a lot of emotions about BAP we love them so much) (Link: https://goo.gl/images/FimCnp)

~Eleven forty five~

 

HANDSOME PEOPLE CLUB (5)

 

Minhyuk: but that’s why we’d go to alaska

 

Hongbin: I don’t knoww dude

Hongbin: would we really get free college with this plan??

 

Junhui: I think we go for it

 

Minhyuk: he supports me

Minhyuk: hongbin you and I have been through SO much together

Minhyuk: you gotta trust me bro

 

Junhui: so what’s the plan agaain

 

Minhyuk: you, I, binnie, your boyf, my boyf, youngjae, Gyu, and Chan the baby

Minhyuk: we go to alaska right?

 

Junhui: I follow you bro

 

Minhyuk: wait we need someone related to jesus for this to work

Minhyuk: related to jesus

Minhyuk: Jesus relative

Minhyuk: he knows jesus

 

Junhui: Jesus knows everyone

Junhui: Joshua tells me SOOOO much

Junhui: jesus this, jesus that

Junhui: he’s in Jesus’s fanclub

 

Minhyuk: THE FANCLUB

Minhyuk: WHAT IS IT CALLED

 

Youngjae: Christianity?

 

Minhyuk: YES

Minhyuk: HTANKS YOUNGJAE YOU ARE A LIVE SAVER

 

Youngjae: I really am

 

Minhyuk: we need a christian

 

Junhui: Joshua hyung is that

Junhui: I thought he was Polyam with Seungcheol, Jeonghan AND jesus when I first got here

Junhui: I was a sad chineese lad who didn’t speak korean

Junhui: those were the good old days

 

Minhyuk: add the Jesus Fanboy, we need someone who can pray for our souls

 

_ Wen Junhui has added someone to the chat! _

_ Joshua Hong has been added! _

 

Minhyuk: okay

Minhyuk: now the plan

 

Hongbin: yes! Plan! Plaaaaaannnnn!

Hongbin: that looks like playa

 

Minhyuk: what’s playa?

Minhyuk: wait we have to be focused

 

Junhui: yes the plan

Junhui: Minhyukkie explain!!!!

 

Minhyuk: so we go to alaska

Minhyuk: for a year

 

Hongbin: yes

 

Minhyuk: and find a really dangerous pipeline or somethin I don’t know what goes on up there

Minhyuk: to work on you kno

 

Hongbin: are we even sure Alaska exists??

 

Minhyuk: I looked it up don’t worry about it

Minhyuk: anyways, we’re volunteering on this pipeline

Minhyuk: and we are there for a year

 

Junhui: why a year??????

 

Minhyuk: we need time to get properly grizzled

 

Junhui: that’s a good word

 

Hongbin: that is tru

Hongbin: Minhyuk gets a sticker cuz he used a good wurd

 

Minhyuk: thank

Minhyuk: but we need to come back grizzled, like Junhui’s missing an arm

 

Junhui: how did the arm get gone?

 

Minhyuk: accident with a rogue blender

 

Hongbin: oh that’s rough dudee

 

Minhyuk: and Hongbin’s missing like a foot, and like his thumb

 

Hongbin: tell me how!!!!

 

Minhyuk: bear trap, and then nother blender accident

 

Hongbin: I’m a true warrior

Hongbin: blenders are the enemy

 

Minhyuk: yes and like, Chan has no hair cuz we shaved it to make him look pitiful

Minhyuk: your Joshua has a gnarly scar over his eye

Minhyuk: I’m going to get mauled by a bear so I can have the cool claw marks like in the movies on my face

 

Hongbin: but like what id the bear just like rips your face off???????

 

Minhyuk: I’ll get mauled by a bear in a controlled environment so I just get the cool scars

 

Hongbin: logical ;)

 

Minhyuk: ;)

Minhyuk: wait where was I?

 

Youngjae: how we look when we get back

 

Minhyuk: oh yeah youngjae is blind now too

 

Youngjae: why? How? 

 

Minhyuk: ebola

 

Youngjae: that makes absolutely no sense

 

Minhyuk: roll with it dude I’m drunkk

 

Youngjae: no really?  I couldn’t tell

 

Minhyuk: anywyas we get back looking like crap and we go to the college in a pack

Minhyuk: with chan becuase he makes us look familial

 

Hongbin: another sticker!

 

Minhyuk: and we tell the financial people “we were working on a pipeline and we all got hurt this is our son please let us go to college for free”

Minhyuk: and bam

Minhyuk: free education

 

Hongbin: I have some concerns

Hongbin: what if I like my foot?

 

Minhyuk: a small price to pay for education

 

Hongbin: tru tho

 

Minhyuk: yo Junnie!!! Bunny Junnie!where’s your buddy?

 

Hongbin: yeah he needs to come see the plan

Hongbin: it’s a mostly good plan

 

Junhui: I’ll show you how to summon him

 

Hongbin: omg is he a ghost

Hongbin: I dont’ want to have to give Jaehwan my phone to get rid of the spirits

 

Junhui: no but there’s a fool proof way to summon him 

Junhui: watch

 

Hongbin: okay we’re watchinggg

 

Junhui: Joshua

Junhui: Joshua

Junhui: Joshua

Junhui: Joshua hyung

Junhui: joshua hyung

Junhui: Joshua hong

Junhui: Hong Jisoo

Junhui: Jisoo hyung

Junhui: Joshua Seungcheol broke his arm

Junhui: Joshua Jeonghan got hit by a bus and drowned

Junhui: your mother was abducted by aliens

Junhui: Joshua this isn’t fake I’ve been kidnapped please call the police

 

Hongbin: it’s not working 

 

Junhui: that’s the point

 

Hongbin: I’m confused like a lot

 

Minhyuk: meeee too

 

Junhui: keep watching

Junhui: Jesus christ a dick on a stick

 

Joshua: don’t take the lord’s name in vain

 

Junhui: hi Joshua hyungg

 

Minhyuk: hi mr Joshua

 

Hongbin: we have Hong in our names!! Wow!!

 

Youngjae: wow you guys are like twins!

 

Joshua: what even is this

 

Minhyuk: are you pretty?

 

Joshua: what?

 

Junhui: he is tho so he can join the plan AND the Pretty People Club

 

Hongbin: links plz

 

Junhui: wait a sec the auth has to find a good one

Junhui: we gotta do our boy Josh justice

 

Hongbin: so true though

 

Joshua: are you guys drunk?

 

Minhyuk: totally

 

Hongbin: defs

 

Junhui: kinda???? Like a little bit

 

Hongbin: youre totes drunk dude

 

Minhyuk: agree

 

Youngjae: nah

 

Junhui: mingyu is here too! And he’s really drunk

Junhui: but his phone is like gone bro

Junhui: gone with the wind

 

Joshua: why the heck am I in a drunk people chat

 

Junhui: we have a plan

Junhui: free education

 

Joshua: oh the one where you lose an arm Jun?

Joshua: because that’s a thanks but no thanks

 

Junhui: I GOT ONE!!   
Junhui:  [ https://goo.gl/images/GhuztQ ](https://goo.gl/images/GhuztQ)

 

Minhyuk: omg

 

Hongbin: OMG

 

Junhui: i knO RIGHT??????

 

Hongbin: we have a god amongst us

 

Minhyuk: wow

Minhyuk: just like wow

 

Junhui: where were we again

 

Joshua: I have one question

Joshua: why is everyone drunk?

Joshua: where are you?

 

Junhui: partayyyyyyyyy

 

Joshua: I figured Junhui but where

 

Junhui: Mingyuuuuuuu’s house

Junhui: it’s lit

 

Joshua: mingyu is having a party?

 

Junhui: duh

 

Minhyuk: like duh

Minhyuk: are you stupid?

 

Hongbin: STOP BEING MEAN 

Hongbin: it isn’t nice

 

Minhyuk: you on the other hand are stupid

 

Hongbin: rude much I’m getting a divorce

 

Minhyuk: well fine I’m taking the group chat and we have to draw lines on the campus so I never have to see you again

 

Hongbin: fine

 

Minhyuk: fine

  
  


J club (4)

Joshie: there’s a party at  Mingyus tonight

 

JunJuni: technicalllllly it’s today nowww

 

Joshie: well, that is true

Joshie: but why is Mingyu having a party

 

JunJun: he feels like shit mannn

 

Jihoonz: why the hell does he feel like that tho??

 

JunJun: idk dude

JunJun: he like feels bad cus Soonie’s still mad at ihm i think

 

Jihoonz: good

 

JunJun: no 

JunJun: no bueno dude

JunJun: we’re supposed to be friends

 

Jihoonz: friends aren’t dicks to each other

Jihoonz: Mingyu really hurt Soonyoung’s feelings

 

JunJun: but he got his feelingz hurt tooo

JunJun: we like talked earlier

JunJun: before hao made me go home

 

J-Hannie: what did you talk about?

 

JunJun: family and stuff

JunJun: you know hoe like my parents like live overseas now

 

J-Hannie: yeah

 

Jihoonz: what’s your point

 

JunJun: well like, Mingz has bad family

JunJun: Wonwoi was all like “don’t even talk to them”

JunJun: but gyu sends $$ back to them cuz he feels bad

 

Jihoonz: he’s not the only one with bad family

 

JunJun: but it is like bad

JunJun: they don’t like him at all

JunJun: but guilt him into money cuz they’re mean

 

J-Hannie: that’s rough I didn’t know that

 

JunJun: i have to go tho

JunJun: minghao is awake now

JunJun: and he wants pancakes so we are going to Denny’s

 

J-Hannie: no come back tell us more

 

JunJun: his parents called him ugly

JunJun: they don’t caccept money from his modeling jobs because they don’ t think he deserves to have made that money

JunJun: okay i really have to go Minghao said that he’d put my phone in an alligator

JunJun: wow I meant blender

JunJun: how does alligator and blender even correlate

 

Jihoonz: well now I feel like shit

 

JunJun: like same tho

JunJun:  _ I  _ feel like I got put in an alligator!

JunJun AGAIN WITH THE ALLIGATOR THING WHY DOES BLENDER AND ALLIGATOR BE RELATED IM SO CONFUSED 

 

Jihoonz: go eat your pancakes dude, you’re drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, that was the chapter! Leave Kudos if you liked it!! SPEAKING OF KUDOS WE'VE BROKEN 100 KUDOS AND OVER 1500 HITS LIKE OMG I LIVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come talk to me lovely people and tell me your opinions and stuff! or just talk to me about anything! Do you like sharks? I do! Do you like lots of kpop groups? I DO! Do you have weird dreams that you'd like to share with the group? I do (I have the weirdest dreams like honestly) (Quick one, so last night I had a dream that I was in my room, but I had to fortify it against something that was trying to get in and kill me, the something was a bear and It was really weird, because it could open my windows, and my door, and I tried to put my dresser in front of the door to block it, and turn all the lights off so It would think I was sleeping and go away, but it didn't work. Cue epic chase scene with me in my llama boxers running) I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH ANYWAYS KUDOS OR COMMENT OR JUST ENJOY!!!!!! :))) NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT SOON I THINK!!! THIS WAS YA BOY ALEX!!!!! BYEEEEEEEEEE!!!


	15. Short

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a resolution of sorts

_ Kwon Soonyoung is calling…  _

_ Kwon Soonyoung is calling…  _

_ Accept Call? _

 

_ Call accepted. _

 

_ *hi mingyu* _

*soonyoung?*

_ *uh, yeah _ . _ * _

*is everything okay? Are you okay?*

_ *yeah I’m okay, I uh, didn’t really expect you to pick up, it's pretty early* _

*oh. sorry, i can hang up if you want.*

_ *no! No, uh, I had a whole speech for your voicemail planned out* _

*oh*

_ *yeah, uh. I’m just going to read it if that’s okay.* _

*of course* 

_ *okay cool. This isn’t awkward at all, alright, I’m uh, starting, if you could just not talk, uh that would be really great, I’m not very good at this whole apologizing thing* _

*I won’t talk, take your time.*

 

Dear Kim Mingyu,

We had a fight about a week and a half ago. It was a shitty fight, and not even a real fight to be honest. I said some terrible things, and you did too. I want to say sorry for that. While we were busy not being friends, I kinda realized that in my head, this black and white fight, where I was the victim, and you were this horrible person, wasn’t correct. We were both rude, and we were both victims here. I miss being your friend and seeing you on the campus and maybe eating lunch with you sometimes. I’m a people person, and not having people kinda sucks. Please accept my apology and be my friend again!

-Kwon Soonyoung

 

_ *I’m, uh, finished. I’m going to hang up now this was a stupid idea* _

*no don’t I need to apologize too, I was a dick, and dicks are great, but being one is not. I’m sorry Soonyoung, and I definitely want to be friends again.*

_ *okay, cool!* _

*yeah, cool!*

_ *uh, yeah, this is awkward* _

*just a little bit*

_ *cool. See you on monday?* _

*see you on monday!*

 

_ Call ended! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that is my resolution. a bit different format, but I think that's okay. Sorry Linxe_Termoil, but I'm too soft to have fights, and when we have fights, we can't have truly GOOD stupid groupchats. and the stupid group chat shenanigans is what I live for! Anyways, this was short, but I have two more chapters finished and ready to bounce! Love you all for the kudos and the hits!!! like wow!!!!!!! comment if you enjoyed, kudos if you enjoyed, or just enjoy it in silence! byee!~ <3


	16. Concussed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DiscoBoy: I’m still in denial
> 
> Freaky: that seems like a you problem 
> 
> Sandals: no fighting boys
> 
> Freaky: go fight a fish you five piece chiken mc nobody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heY!!!! how are you guys doing! I'm doing weird! That's probably why the end of this chapter is kinda random. I liked it though, I like being random. If you're random, then your enemies won't ever see you coming. Life lessons with Alex here. Anyways!!!!!!!! This chapter is dedicated to Pumkin_kpop!!!!!!! Hope you enjoy and thank you so much for your comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alright! Here are names for this chapter!!
> 
> Seungcheol: Handsome (it's true he's hella handsome)  
> Jeonghan: Gorgeous, Sandals   
> Joshua: Fangirl, Jisoo, Beautiful  
> Junhui: JuneBug  
> Hoshi: HoHo  
> Wonwoo: He's not in this chapter (he's probably cuddling Mingyu and shouting at their rude next door neighbor who mows his lawn at three in the morning)  
> Woozi: (not in this chap. Making music with Min Yoongi from BTS. They're like twins)  
> DK: (not in this chapter. he's busy flirting with the barista in the campus coffee shop)  
> Mingyu: MING  
> Minghao: (not in this one boys, he's busy hiding because he said love you to the pizza delivery guy and Junhui won't let him live it down)  
> Seungkwan: (not in this chat. he's probably helping out the Drama Department at the high School)  
> Vernon: DiscoBoy  
> Dino: Freaky

Bros before Hoes (4)

 

HoHo: guys

HoHo: I have discovered something

 

MING: ye?

 

HoHo: Forgive me father for I have sinned

HoHo: and Sorry daddy i’ve been naughty 

HoHo: going by words, are pretty much the same thing

 

MING: oh wow

MING: father and daddy, check, sorry and forgive me, check, I have sinned and I’ve been naughty, check

MING: soonyoung omg

MING: you’re right

 

HoHo: we should start saying this to Seungcheol, and only we’d know

 

JuneBug: we’re here too

JuneBug: and like not to be insensitive or anything

JuneBug: but aren’t you guys fighting and stuff still?

 

HoHo: no

 

MING: no

 

HoHo: we’re best of friends now

 

MING: yeah, besties

 

JuneBug: weird

JuneBug: I call witchcraft

JuneBug: and blame jeonghan

 

HoHo: jeonghan probably is a witch

 

MING: that’s so true

 

HoHo: I kno right? It’s probz how he stays so handsome

 

MING: is Joshua hyung in on it?

 

Fangirl: you got me there

Fangirl: I’m a three hundered year old witch

Fangirl: who bathes in the blood of the innocent to stay young and beautiful

 

MING: that’s probably why they have Seungcheol

MING: they thrive off of his contrived purity

 

Fangirl: I was about to totally call you out there

Fangirl: but then I saw contrived

Fangirl: and that is true

Fangirl: Seungcheol is FAR from pure

 

MING: he does act like a blushing virgin who doesn’t know how a dick works sometimes tho

 

Fangirl: he’s learned from his mistakes

 

JuneBug: ooh there’s a story here

JuneBug: tell us

 

Fangirl: maybe

 

MING: does this have anything to do with how you got a concussion

 

Fangirl: kind of

Fangirl: let’s just say that breaking your dick is not a pleasant experience

 

MING: what

 

Fangirl: well, as Coups says. 

Fangirl: I was kinda out of it when it happened

 

MING: good out of it or bad out of it

 

HoHo: that’s a good question

HoHo: cuz I got a concussion that one time with the duck and I barely remember any of that week

 

JuneBug: just the mention of the time with the duck makes me shudder

JuneBug: thanks soonyoung I was trying to repress that

 

Fangirl: that was fun 

Fangirl: I was concussed tho and half unconscious, so bad out of it

 

MING: well at least we are finally getting some answers for the Concussion Incident

 

Fangirl: are the capital letters necessary?

 

MING: you don’t understand, so many people have heard that there was an incident

MING: cuz Chan can’t keep his mouth shut, but no one knows the real story

 

Fangirl: really?

Fangirl: If I were to go to other people, what would they say?

 

MING: for the sake of making things intersting for you and your life

MING: go do it

MING: ask ALL the hard questions

 

HoHo: ha

HoHo: “hard” questions

 

JuneBug: why does everything in any group chat ever always turn out to be a dick joke 

  
  


Chem Guy (kihyun) (2)

 

Jisoo: hey Kihyun

 

Kihyun: gimme a sec

 

Jisoo: take all the time you need

 

Kihyun: okay I’ve locked myself in the bathroom what do you need?

 

Jisoo: the bathroom?

 

Kihyun: Jooheon and Changkyun are here

Kihyun: Jooheon apparently had a Redbull

Kihyun: and he and Kyun split it

 

Jisoo: that’s not good

 

Kihyun: they scare me

Kihyun: anyways, what did you need?

 

Jisoo: have you heard about the “Concussion Incident”?

 

Kihyun: oh so you finally found out

 

Jisoo: found out what

 

Kihyun: oh never mind nothing

 

Jisoo: I am not fooled

 

Kihyun: well, there’s a big betting pool on what happened, and most of the rest is speculation

Kihyun: don’t worry I didn’t be

 

Jisoo: be what?

Jisoo: Kihyun?

 

Kihyun: HI!!!! This is JOOHEON the BEST! with whom am I speaking?

 

Jisoo: oh uh

Jisoo: Joshua Hong?

 

Kihyun: OH! 

Kihyun: WAIT A SEC BRO KYUN WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS 

 

Jisoo: what?

 

Kihyun: okay so you legit are Joshua Hong?

Kihyun: cuz you have the chance to win me a lot of money here

Kihyun: can you tell everyone that you were attacked by ninjas the night of your concussion?

 

Jisoo: no thanks, have a nice night bye

  
  


The Babes (3)

 

Beautiful: guys

Beautiful: guys

Beautiful: guys

Beautiful: GUYS

 

Gorgeous: yes hi Joshie what do you need

 

Beautiful: hi jeonghan~ 

Beautiful: the children and the entire campus engage in speculation about “that one night”

Beautiful: the one we aren’t going to discuss

 

Handsome: why do they engage in speculation?

 

Beautiful: I have no idea

Beautiful: there’s a betting pool

 

Gorgeous: I knew about that

 

Beautiful: you did???!!!!

 

Gorgeous: yeah I have my sources

 

Beautiful: chan is no longer a part of our family

 

Gorgeous: don’t be that way to our favorite child

Gorgeous: don’t you want to hear some of the better theories

 

Handsome: I don’t

 

Gorgeous: that’s because you bruised more than your ego that night

 

Handsome: it was a definite low point

 

Gorgeous: well anyways, there’s this Thai exchange student who has the closest, but that’s boring

Gorgeous: there’s this guy named Wonho who has my favorite

Gorgeous: we are all spies, and we’re hella good at what we do, and we were tasked with killing this crazy cartel leader, but the plan went awry and Joshua ended up getting hurt, the concussion and the recuperation days were actually a front for gunshot wounds. He was injured in the resulting firefight and pretty much display of badassery with the cartel lackeys.

 

Beautiful: who has this much time

 

Gorgeous: I mean, I told everyone that you had a job as a stunt driver and that was an injury from a stunt that almost went wrong and that the movie with you in it was released in america and that’s why we don’t have it here

 

Beautiful: isn’t that just one of your fantasies?

 

Gorgeous: you and Seungcheol on motorcycles, or in fast cars, doing things like Tokyo Drift? Hell yes

 

Beautiful: if only. Seungcheol would probably have a stupid looking motorcycle, with too many rearview mirrors

 

Gorgeous: so true though. His motorcycle would look stupid.

 

Beautiful: I feel like that was a reference to something

 

Gorgeous: it probably was

 

Handsome: what are you talking about my motorcycle would be the coolest

 

Gorgeous: are you sure about that??

 

Handsome: yes >:(

 

Beautiful: keep telling yourself that babe

  
  


Boogie Fever (13)

 

DiscoBoy: this chat is dead still

 

Freaky: that’s an astute observation Hansol

 

DiscoBoy: that’s sad

DiscoBoy: I liked this chat

 

Freaky: disco is dead too, you know

 

DiscoBoy: shut up chan your mother buys you megablocks instead of legos

 

Freaky: vine is also dead

 

DiscoBoy: I’m still in denial

 

Freaky: that seems like a you problem 

 

Sandals: no fighting boys

 

Freaky: go fight a fish you five piece chiken mc nobody

 

Sandals: is that any way to speak to your mother??!!

 

DiscoBoy: Chan he buys you mega blocks instead of legos

 

Freaky: yeah

Freaky: that’s super rude Jeonghan

Freaky: like oh my gawd

 

DiscoBoy: sooooo rude!

DiscoBoy: who does he even think he is???!!

 

Sandals: what even is this anymore

Sandals: what have we created

 

Freaky: we have created the ninth seal!

Freaky: he rises!

 

DiscoBoy: rise! Satan our overlord!

DiscoBoy: rise and feast on our souls and all our happy memories

 

Freaky: but not mine

 

DiscoBoy: why?

 

Freaky: my favorite memory was when Mingyu accidentally did the splits on the ice

Freaky: and tore a hole in his pants

Freaky: he also had to ice his crotch as well because it was harmed

 

DiscoBoy: that is worth it

DiscoBoy: SATAN! Feast on our miseries and pain!

 

Freaky: yes! Feast!

 

Sandals: what even is this

 

DiscoBoy: you’ve already asked that question

 

Freaky: yeah get a better question

 

DiscoBoy: gosh Jeonghan

 

Sandals: okay fine

Sandals: are you high? 

 

DiscoBoy: only on life

DiscoBoy: I don’t do drugs

 

Freaky: that’s a lie you stoner

 

DiscoBoy: that’s hurful

DiscoBoy: Im as much of a stoner as a weed is a tree

 

Freaky: OMG YOU SAID WEED

Freaky: STONER CONFIRMED CALL THE POLICE

Freaky: (jeonghan hyung! Call the police!)

 

Sandals: what do you want me to do?

 

Freaky: (call the police for me and play along)

 

Sandals: okay fine

Sandals: oh no! I’m calling the police!

Sandals: yes hello police this is Jeonghan

 

Freaky: why do the police know you?

 

DiscoBoy: what if jeONGHAN IS THE STONER INSTEAD

 

Freaky: OMG JEONGHAN IS THE STONER   
Freaky: Quick! Hansol Call the police!

 

DiscoBoy: yes hello police? I’d like to report that my hyung is actually a drug dealer please send help!

 

Freaky: (that's what i'm talking about Jeonghan you loser)

 

Sandals: Chan what are you doing this is stupid

 

Freaky: Emotional abuse!

 

DiscoBoy: and emotional abuse!

 

Freaky: tell them to bring the SWAT!

 

DiscoBoy: Police!! Bring the PAIN! 

 

Freaky: he’s armed and dangerous!

 

DiscoBoy: he’s in the possession of a grenade launcher and a tranquilizer gun

 

Sandals: I’ll tranquilize you Hansol knock it off

 

DiscoBoy: I WAS THREATENED

 

Freaky: OMG

Freaky: THAT WAS A THREAT!

 

Sandals: Chan this is a warning

 

Freaky: I WAS THREATENED TOO! 

 

Sandals: second warning

 

Freaky: HES HURTING ME 

 

DiscoBoy: HELP I’VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!

 

Freaky: good thing you have life alert

 

Sandals: last warning

 

Freaky: hi hansol how are you doing?

 

DiscoBoy: hi chan! I’m good how’s my best friend doing!?

 

Freaky: I’m doing really great!

Freaky: Oh hi Jeonghan hyung I didn’t see you there!

Freaky: you look really handsome today

 

DiscoBoy: the handsomest

 

Freaky: yes, the aliens will come and they’ll see you and be like

Freaky: “wow this dude’s handsome lets take him and make him our king!”

 

DiscoBoy: yes and since you’re so handsome they’ll worship you forever and make lots of statues

 

Freaky: and monuments

 

DiscoBoy: and they’ll write poetry about you!

 

Freaky: Our king is so handsome

Freaky: his name is jeonghan

Freaky: he could fight a bear

 

DiscoBoy: and wIN!

 

Freaky: because he is so handsome

Freaky: bow down to him

Freaky: he is so handsome

 

DiscoBoy: that’s such good poetry

 

Freaky: “Our King” by the Aliens

 

DiscoBoy: you should enter that in the college poetry competition

 

Freaky: it would win

Freaky: because it is about Jeonghan and he is so handsome

 

Sandals: this chat is a mess

Sandals: where did we go wrong why must I suffer

 

Freaky: you went wrong when I was five and you babysat me

Freaky: and told me that bears could smell fear and that they were coming for me

Freaky: just so I would go to bed

Freaky: I cried every time I had to leave the house after that

Freaky: that Is why you suffer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I really liked the end of this chapter! It's okay if you didn't though! I love you anyways!! The cameo(s)(?) in this chapter are...  
> Kihyun! As Ghostyy said, "kihyun has the vocals of an actual ethereal being" (and I wholeheartedly agree)   
> Have a link!!! https://goo.gl/images/anPMa7 (I really really love Kihyun, if that isn't evident)  
> Jooheon (who is literally the definition of duality with his agyeo and his rapping) (we love him tho) A LINK!!:   
> https://goo.gl/images/Wrr55p  
> Changkyun (Shares the title of my Monsta X bias with Kihyun (and maybe hyungwon and shownu (you know what all of Monsta X are my baises I love them too much))) A Link!!!! https://goo.gl/images/JJuoJy  
> The Thai Exchange Student (It's Ten from NCT (Ten and Jungwoo are my biases and Taeyong and WinWin need to stay away from me because I must be loyal) Anyways we love Ten a lot so have a link: https://goo.gl/images/qpc4QU  
> Wonho ( another Monsta X member. Wow. We must be in a Monsta X mood this chapter) Anyways Wonho is great and we love him a link: https://goo.gl/images/Vxdtuo
> 
> That was the chapter!! I hope this gives you a little more closure (or something) neetneves, if you still read this, I promise that we will eventually (eventually) get an actual what happened with Joshua's Concussion!!! That callout in the middle about Seungcheol's ugly motorcycle is actually a thing, like his Motorcycle in Call Call Call literally has like 18 mirrors. anyways, I love you all! Kudos and Comments literally make my day!!! (speaking of that we have literally almost broken 2000 hits, and that is crazy and awesome and I love you all for it!!!!) okay!~ bye!~ <3


	17. Important questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knees&Toes: I’m embarassed
> 
> Head&Shoulders: I thought you were minghao?
> 
> Greg: my SON!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wassup my dudes that I love a lot. This is another chapter!! I have discovered a new group to Stan and it makes me happy! So I wrote this here for you! (I feel like this chapter is a bit more vulgar than the other ones and I don't know what to think about that but here we are anyways!!) I think everyone has a part in this chapter so I'll get right on to the names! 
> 
> Seungcheol: Greg  
> Jeonghan: Sandals  
> Joshuha: Caw  
> Junhui: Head&Shoulders  
> Hoshi: Josie  
> Wonwoo: (nevermind Wonwoo isn't in this chapter)  
> Woozi: SMOL  
> DK: SHUNburn  
> Mingyu: (neither is mingyu. him and wonwoo are probably making out somewhere)  
> Minghao: Knees&Toes  
> Seungkwan: wOW, Bop  
> Hansol: DiscoBoy, Felicia  
> Dino: Freaky, Waluigi
> 
> Cameos!!
> 
> Sanha: Avril (link to my boy! https://goo.gl/images/mtxKYh)  
> Rocky: Harold (a link to my other boy! https://goo.gl/images/CZ8tRc)  
> Felix: RamenBoy, Caitlynn (a link to my other OTHER boy! https://goo.gl/images/az6Rha)  
> Jisung: CornHub (a link to the otherest of my other boys! https://goo.gl/images/d3H3M7)
> 
> Alright let's get this show on the road

RIP Boogie Fever (13)

 

SHUNburn: guys

SHUNburn: I literally just got invited to Dinner at my ex’s house

SHUNburn: his 13 year old sister just invited me

 

Freaky: what?

 

SHUNburn: she invited me over facebook which is weird 

 

Greg: there is no way in hell you are going 

 

Freaky: oh hi coups hyung

 

SHUNburn: If you think there is anything you can say to keep me away from ex Auntie Jaeeun’s apple pie then you are severely mistaken

SHUNburn: the dinner is in an hour

SHUNburn: I need to get dressed 

SHUNburn: goodbye

 

Freaky: do you own any fur clothing? I feel like fur is appropriate here

 

Greg: fur is gross

 

Freaky: since you ignored me the first time

Freaky: OH HI COUPS HYUNG

 

Greg: hi Chan

 

Sandals: so you’re nice to Seungcheol?

 

Freaky: hi mom

Freaky: helicopter parking is over there

 

wOW: I get it!

 

Freaky: do explain Seungkwan

 

wOW: Jeonghan is a helicopter parent

 

Freaky: wow! You did it! Gold star!

 

wOW: that seems passive agressive

 

Freaky: what are you talking about?! You get a gold star for explaining the joke!

 

wOW: I feel a bit threatened

 

Freaky: good

 

Greg: Chan play nice

 

Freaky: sure dad

 

Head&Shoulders: this chat was dead

Head&Shoulders: has It been revived?

 

Freaky: maybe

Freaky: one can hope

 

Head&Shoulders: good

Head&Shoulders: I also wanted to share that Minghao is not going to be leaving our apartment for a while

 

Freaky: Is he quarantined again?

 

Head&Shoulders: no but he’s dying

 

wOW: oh my god

wOW: is he okay????!!!!!!

 

Head&Shoulders: you didn’t let me finish

Head&Shoulders: he is dying from shame

 

DiscoBoy: I mean like same

 

Head&Shoulders: he said “love you bye” to the pizza delivery man

Head&Shoulders: so now he has forced himself into exile

 

Knees&Toes: I’m embarassed

 

Head&Shoulders: I thought you were minghao?

 

Greg: my SON!

 

Knees&Toes: jun you should be the one dying of shame right now 

 

Greg: Oh my gosh my SON!! 

 

wOW: cute couples chat names Minghao and Junhui!!

 

Knees&Toes: I don’t think he understands

 

Head&Shoulders: no I don’t think he does

 

Greg: don’t he is pure

Greg: I will skin both of you if you corrupt the angel

 

Sandals: I thought I was the angel?????????

Sandals: is this what betrayal feels like???????

 

Greg: Jeonghan you are far from an angel

 

wOW: yeah! >:( you stole my ice cream last week 

 

Greg: not really what I was referring to but yes

Greg: you are not an angel at all

 

Sandals: does this have anything to do with the handcuffs?

Sandals: or with the “incident”? Cuz I’m confused now

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has removed someone! _

_ Yoon Jeonghan was removed! _

 

DiscoBoy: miss me with that gay shit

 

Greg: this groupchat has been born anew

Greg: and does not need to be tainted already

 

Head&Shoulders: …

 

Greg: don’t 

Greg: I see it

Greg: just don’t please

 

Head&Shoulders: okay

Head&Shoulders: wouldn’t want this groupchat to be “tainted”

 

Caw: that’s vulgar

 

Head&Shoulders: you’re vulgar

 

Caw: that is as far from the truth as the sun is from pluto

 

Head&Shoulders: nah

Head&Shoulders: Minghao told me things

 

Caw: Minghao doesn’t know what he’s talking about

Caw: what did he tell you

 

Head&Shoulders: just some things

Head&Shoulders: nothing to worry about 

 

Caw: I literally worship Jesus our lord and savior

Caw: I am not vulgar

 

Head&Shoulders: keep telling yourself that

Head&Shoulders: are you catholic?

 

Caw: Christian

 

Head&Shoulders: because Confession might be helpful for you

 

Caw: I’ll fight you

Caw: wanna fight me? 

Caw: because I will

Caw: I’ll get a stick and beat you with it like the old days

 

Head&Shoulders: okay fine

Head&Shoulders: don’t have to be such a “baby” about it

 

Caw: if that’s a reference to something

Caw: I will not hesitate

 

DiscoBoy: I WON’T HESITATE BITCH

 

Freaky: Rebecca!!

 

DiscoBoy: does that make Seungkwan Caitlynn? 

 

Freaky: does it?

 

DiscoBoy: or is it Felix, because I hang out with Sungkwan too

 

Freaky: Felix Is Caitlynn 

Freaky: I’ll tell him

  
  


The Cool Kidz (7)

 

_ Lee Chan has changed Lee Felix’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ RamenBoy  _ to  _ Caitlynn

 

Waluigi: Vernon it’s done

 

Felicia: good job Chan

Felicia: announcement people!

 

Bop: what yes hello

 

Avril: I’m here

 

Waluigi: hi Sanha

Waluigi: I’m also here

 

CornHub: present

 

Felicia: where’s Rocky

 

Harold: I’m here dude what’s the announcement

 

Caitlynn: why’d you change my name mate?

 

Felicia: Chan do the honors

 

Waluigi: yes thank

Waluigi: The council of the Dead Vines and Dead Memes has declared that Felix Lee

Waluigi: (drumroll please)

 

Avril: you can’t drumroll over text Chan hyung

 

CornHub: it can’t be done 

 

Felicia: just get on with it

 

Waluigi: Felix Lee is now Caitlynn

 

Caitlynn: why mate

 

Waluigi: the Meme Lords have declared it

 

Caitlynn: oye that’s lame

Caitlynn: better answer please 

 

Waluigi: I was jumped by seven ninjas in an alley

 

Harold: it’s true I was the alley

 

Waluigi: and they held me at gunpoint and told me to change your name

 

Bop: why did the ninjas have guns?

 

Waluigi: they were american ninjas

 

Bop: fair enough

 

CornHub: did they take your money?

 

Waluigi: no but they took my feet so now I’m just going to starve to death, or maybe eat my own leg

 

Bop: well RIP chan

Bop: I don’t associate with cannibals

 

Felicia: same tho bro

Felicia: I defnitely don’t associate with cannibals

 

Bop: you’re my favorite Hansol

 

Felicia: cool

 

CornHub: what am I??

CornHub: a dead rat?

 

Felicia: no you’re crusty jizz tissues

 

CornHub: fair enough

 

Waluigi: would you rather touch crusty jizz tissues, or be put in a cage with a feral hungry ass rat

 

CornHub: who’s jizz tissues are we talking about here

 

Felicia: tru good question

Felicia: cuz if they’re like Kanye West’s Jizz tissues then I’d choose Jizz over rats

 

Bop: let’s not touch either

 

Waluigi: CHOOSE SEUNGKWAN

 

Felicia: yeah choose

 

Bop: rat. 

 

Waluigi: Seungkwan is team Rat, Vernon is team Jizz

 

Caitlynn: I’m team Jizz, I don’t like angry animals living in australia has put the fear of god into me

 

Avril: Rat

 

Harold: Jizz

 

CornHub: I’m with felix. Team Jizz all the way

 

Waluigi: I’m team rat. I’ve had to clean my step brother’s rooms before

Waluigi: and Jizz tissues are not pleasent

 

Bop: why are we even having this conversation

  
  
  


RIP Boogie Fever (12)

 

Freaky: for science

Freaky: alright, we have three for team rat and four for team Jizz

Freaky: oh wait this is the wrong chat

Freaky: whoops

 

Head&Shoulders: what

Head&Shoulders: what group chat was that even meant for

 

Josie: what’s Team Rat and Team Jizz?

Josie: was this a would you rather question?

 

wOW: you would rather not know

wOW: that’s what it is

 

Josie: no now I’m curious

wOW: no you aren’t

 

Greg: what is this

Greg: Chan take this back to it’s respective chat

 

Freaky: I was planning on it

  
  


The Cool Kidz (7)

  
  


Waluigi: okay we have three for Team Rat and four for Team Jizz

 

Harold: where did you go? 

Harold: you were gone for a moment

 

Felicia: this idiot sent the tally to a big group chat

 

Harold: ha

 

CornHub: that’s hilarious

CornHub: please tell me there was a parental figure that chewed him out

 

Felicia: he escaped before that 

Felicia: it’s good that Joshua hyung didn’t see it

 

Waluigi: Cheol hyung saw it tho

Waluigi: I’m going to get the “masturbation talk” again

 

Caitlynn: beat your meat speech

 

Harold: Cuffing the Carrot Conversation

 

Caitlynn: what the hell is that

 

Harold: don’t shame me I had to look up other slang for masturbation

Harold: I only know “beat your meat” 

Harold: however I also learned that it can be called “ Beating the bishop, Painting the Pickle, choking the chicken, and charming the cobra”

 

Avril: wow learn something new everyday

 

Felicia: oye get the baby out of the chat!

 

Avril: I am a Sophomore

Avril: same grade as chan! 

 

Felicia: you are still a baby

 

Bop: I feel like this wasn’t a necessary conversation, what were we talking about before?

 

Waluigi: Team Rat 3, Team Jizz 4

Waluigi: you know what that means

Waluigi: majority rules, the chat name changes

 

Bop: I feel like “Team Jizz” is not a good chat name

 

Waluigi: well, too bad

 

_ Lee Chan has changed the chat name _

_ Changed from  _ The Cool Kidz  _ to  _ Team Jizz

 

Bop: Chan I swear I will leave

 

Waluigi: don’t hyung we love you

 

Bop: not convincing enough

 

Waluigi: I’ll buy you donuts tomorrow morning beofre class

 

Bop: I’ll consider it

 

Caitlynn: buy me donuts too chan plz

 

Waluigi: no you’re weird

 

Caitlynn: I feel like this is discrimination

 

Waluigi: we are literally all asian

  
  


RIP Boogie Fever (12)

  
  


Josie: I’m actually really really curious to what Team Rat and Team Jizz are

 

SMOL: aren’t those teams in that one show Pokymon?

 

Josie: that was incredibly offensive

Josie: you are sleeping on the couch tonigh

Josie: and you get no kisses for a month

 

SMOL: but isn’t that the answer??

 

Josie: do you not know what Jizz is?

 

SMOL: I didn’t know if it was something else as well

 

DiscoBoy: Prepare for trouble

 

Josie: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE

 

DiscoBoy: Team Jizz, blast off at the speed of light

 

Josie: you didn’t do the whole thing >:( 

 

DiscoBoy: I will finish this myself Soonyoung hyung it’s your line

 

Josie: Surrender now or prepare to fight

Josie: it doesn’t feel the same if you don’t do the whole thing

 

DiscoBoy: that seems like a personal problem

 

Freaky: Hoshi hyung do you want to know the question?

 

wOW: really?

wOW: we’re doing this here too??

 

Josie: I’m curious

 

wOW: you really shouldn’t be

 

Freaky: would you rather touch crusty jizz tissues, or be put in a cage with a feral hungry ass rat

 

Josie: a good question

Josie: but since we love Seungkwan we won’t answer it

 

wOW: love you too hyung

 

SHUNburn: guys

SHUNburn: omg

 

wOW: what seokmin

 

Greg: did you actually go to the dinner

 

SHUNburn: yes

SHUNburn: my ex isn’t here

SHUNburn: they literally replaced him with me

 

Josie: dude omg

Josie: that’s hilarious

 

Head&Shoulders: they deadass replaced him with you

 

SHUNburn: of course they did

SHUNburn: he was a weirdo and liked to dip doritos in mountain dew

 

Head&Shoulders: gross

 

SHUNburn: I know! 

 

Freaky: grosser than crusty jizz tissues?

 

wOW: why do we need to continue, let’s leave

 

Greg: chan knock it off

Greg: If I hear jizz one more time you are getting removed

 

Freaky: Jizz

 

Greg: chan

Greg: I won’t heasitiate to have you removed

 

DiscoBoy: I WONT HEASITATE BITCH

 

Freaky: we already did this Vernon go back to your minecraft game

Freaky: loser

 

Greg: Chan where did we go wrong with raising you

 

Freaky: I mean, Jeonghan has babysat me since I was but a wee lad

Freaky: that’s bound to get some trauma

 

Greg: well you aren’t wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was the chapter! Hope you enjoyed! I love you all a TON!!!!!!! Comment, Kudos, Just read, whatever! (also go listen to Shine by Pentagon and 365 Fresh by Triple H) I love you guys a lot!!!!!! Goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!1


	18. High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Void: 2018 is the year we finally start opressing people who make hot chocolate with water instead of milk
> 
> Heck: what about the lactose intolerant?
> 
> Void: they walk thin fuckign ice
> 
> Wrath: what If I eat the powder straight from the pack?
> 
> Freaky: do you realize how horrible what you just said was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo so looking back, this is a chapter that is very Chan centric. I like that, the high school life is easier to write for me because that's what I experience right now. I liked this chapter, I hope you guys do to!!!  
> Names!!!!  
> Seungcheol: (not in this chapter, probably snoring on Jeonghan and making him mad  
> Jeonghan: (not in this chapter either, he's busy trying to get out of Seungcheol's octopus grip)  
> Joshuha: (laughing at both Jeonghan and Seungcheol)  
> Junhui: WhippedCream  
> Soonyoung: (not in this chapter! music production finals are coming up and he is STRESSED)  
> Wonwoo: Wrath  
> Jihoon: SMOL  
> Seokmin: SHUNburn  
> Mingyu: Square  
> Minghao: Void  
> Seungkwan: Bop  
> Hansol: Felicia  
> Chan: Freaky, Waluig, Leech
> 
> Cameos!  
> Lucas: Lucassy (Lucas from NCT we love him but no links)  
> Sanha: Avril (Sanha from astro, I'm too lazy to do links today)  
> Rocky: Harold (Rocky from astro)  
> Jisung: CornHub (Jisung from Stray Kids he looks like a squirrel but we love him anyways)  
> Felix: Caitlynn (y'all should know felix by now, but it's okay if you don't he's from stray kids)
> 
> Junhong Choi (Zelo from BAP we love BAP and we love zelo give them love please)

Boots with the FUR (12)

2:33 AM

 

SHUNburn: you ever think about how your skeleton is always wet

 

Freaky: no

Freaky: I was almost asleep

 

SHUNburn: It won’t be eventually tho

 

Freaky: is that supposed to be comforting?

Freaky: It’s two in the morning

Freaky: we don’t need to be having a conversation about wet skeletons

 

SHUNburn: Wet skeleton friend, Eventually not wet, it’s too early dude

SHUNburn: a haiku

 

Freaky: cool

 

SHUNburn: I am cool

 

Freaky: can I go to sleep now??

 

SHUNburn: yes thanks

 

Freaky: cool

  
  
  


Boots with the FUR (12)

8:45 AM

 

SMOL: what the fuck were you guys on about at two am

SMOL: why 

 

Freaky: wet skeletons

 

SHUNburn: wet skeletons

 

Void: HEY GUESS WHAT

 

Freaky: do I want to?

 

SMOL: can I leave?

 

Void: no

Void: 2018 is the year we finally start opressing people who make hot chocolate with water instead of milk

 

WhippedCream: I feel like that's a direct attack against me

 

Void: well you aren't wrong

Void: you water using heathen

 

Heck: what about the lactose intolerant?

 

Void: they walk thin fuckign ice

 

Wrath: what If I eat the powder straight from the pack?

 

Freaky: do you realize how horrible what you just said was?

 

Square: Wonwoo you and I are no longer dating

Square: I have no words

Square: goodbye

 

Void: wonwoo you disgust me

  
  


Lucas Tutor (2)

10:11 AM

 

Leech: yo Lucas where are you dude?

Leech: I’m in Study hall, and you said you’d help me with my shit

 

Lucassy: sorry dude

Lucassy: I’ll be there in like 15 min

 

Leech: you better not be boning your boyfriend in the bathroom

Leech: or be doign cocaine in the Janitor Closet on the fourth floor

 

Lucassy: uh, no

Lucassy: I’m with Mark we’re hiding from Prinicipal Park rn

 

Leech: why

 

Lucassy: well, his subaru may or may not be blocked in by forty five senior cars right now

 

Leech: senior prank?

 

Lucassy: it’s prank week channie

Lucassy: all hail the seniors

 

Leech: all hail

 

Lucassy: I also commend you

Lucassy:  _ Boning  _ your  _ boyfriend  _ in the  _ bathroom _

Lucassy: alliteration

 

Leech: no offense but Lucas doesn’t use words like that am I speaking to Mark?

 

Lucassy: nah, this is Jooheon

 

Leech: Oh hi Jooheon

Leech: It’s Lee Chan, the kid who helped out with the spring dance showcase

Leech: and when Yugyeom’s head got stuck in between the railings on the stairs

 

Lucassy: oh hi dude

Lucassy: what’s up my man

 

Leech: study hall, Mr. Lim is asleep again

Leech: and so is Wooseok

 

Lucassy: the giant?

 

Leech: yea

Leech: he’s like 6’2 

Leech: which is cool and all, but I’m only 5’9

 

Lucassy: ha I got you by an inch

 

Leech: an inch doesn’t matter

 

Lucassy: I think it does

 

Leech: keep telling yourself that

Leech: did you guys escape?

Leech: guys?

Leech: Mark? Lucas? Jooheon?

 

Lucassy: okay Chan all of our car keys are in Chenle’s locker the combo is 44-21-14 Principal Park found us give the keys to Junhong he’s hiding in the bathroom in the Drama Hall

 

Leech: Omg

Leech: I will, run guys run

Leech: tell me when you get away

Leech: guys?

 

Leech: did you guys ever get away?

Leech: I’ll get the keys

Leech: well, RIP

  
  


Secret Map Dude (2)

 

Chan Lee: yo Junhong this is Chan

Chan Lee: the kid who got you the blueprints to the school?

 

Junhong Choi: yo what’s up dude

Junhong Choi: do you know where Wong Yukhei is?

 

Chan Lee: he got caught by Park

 

Junhong Choi: well rip him

Junhong: how about Changkyun? Jooheon? Jungkook? Any of those guys?

 

Chan Lee: Jooheon and Mark Lee got caught with him

Chan Lee: and I’m in Mr. Lim’s study hall

Chan Lee: I’ve got car keys for you

Chan Lee: thirteen different car keys

 

Junhong Choi: sweet man

Junhong Choi: is there one that has a little rainbow on it? Those are Hyunjin’s keys

Junhong Choi: we need them

 

Chan Lee: yeah they’re here

Chan Lee: come to Lim’s study hall I’ll give them to you

 

Junhong Choi: Isn’t wooseok in that study hall?

 

Chan Lee: yeah he’s here

Chan Lee: he’s sleeping tho

 

Junhong Choi: of course

Junhong Choi: hand them to him when study hall gets out

 

Chan Lee: will do

Chan Lee: can I be kept in the loop for all the pranks so I know what to do and what to avoid?

 

Junhong Choi: Lucas already put you on the “to be informed” list

Junhong Choi: and so did Youngjae

Junhong Choi: and like a ton of other kids

 

Chan Lee: what can I say

Chan Lee: I know a lot of people

Chan Lee: and I have a lot of information

 

Junhong Choi: I’ll keep that in mind

Junhong Choi: Park’s probably on the warpath, don’t get detention little dude

 

Chan Lee: I won’t man

 

Junhong Choi: cool

 

Chan Lee: cool

  
  
  


Team Jizz (7)

12:32 PM

 

Avril: where are you guys? 

Avril: the lunch room is crazy

 

Waluigi: dude we’re at the table

Waluigi: where are YOU?

 

Avril: lunch line

Avril: It’s ravioli day

 

Felicia: hell yes

Felicia: ravioli day is the best day

 

Harold: they probably put drugs in the ravioli

Harold: it’s the only thing they can sell reliably

 

CornHub: hooked on those sweet ravioli drugs man

 

Caitlynn: yo Jisung where are you 

 

CornHub: lunch detention!

 

Harold: why?

 

Caitlynn: did you get into a fight with Mrs. Kang again? 

 

CornHub: sadly not

CornHub: if I did you would have been there Felix to get it on video

 

Caitlynn: I’m a good friend like that

 

CornHub: i know thats why we’re friends

 

Caitlynn: I thought we were friends because I was really cool and you wanted to be friends with a cool kid?

 

CornHub: but that’s what Chan is for

 

Caitlynn: shot through the heart

 

CornHub: dramamtic

CornHub: why is Lucas in detention tho?

CornHub: he looks like a kicked puppy

 

Waluigi: he was one of the orchestrators of the blocking in of principal Park’s car

 

CornHub: omg

CornHub: i need his autograph. There’s like forty cars out there

 

Waluigi: yeah, I think he said like forty five cars in total

 

CornHub: what a legend

CornHub: OMG WHAT A LEGEND!

 

Waluigi: you just said that

Waluigi: what’s going on in detention

 

CornHub: a daring escape was just made

CornHub: Lucas is officially my favorite senior

 

Felicia: he’s going to get suspended one of these times

 

Waluigi: nah. They won’t do it

 

Felicia: are you sure?

 

CornHub: Oh, there goes Mark following him

CornHub: this is exciting

CornHub: the teachers are flipping their shit dude

 

Waluigi: make a break for it

 

Avril: don’t do it suspension isn’t worth it

 

Waluigi: sometimes you just have to live your life Sanha

 

Avril: my hyung told me not to get in trouble

Avril: and even though he is short, I will listen to him

 

Waluigi: LIVE YOUR LIFE SOMETIMES

 

CornHub: there’s literally been a rebellion, all the detention kids have scattered

 

Waluigi: and you? 

 

CornHub: I’m in Mr. Pyon’s office

 

Waluigi: the one that kids go to to escape the first floor hall monitors?

 

CornHub: yeah

CornHub: I just need to make it to the parking lot and then I’m free to go home

 

Waluigi: run forest run

 

Harold: I feel like this is a bad idea

 

CornHub: only if I get caught

 

Caitlynn: I’m outside now, my truck is running

Caitlynn: hustle Jisung

 

CornHub: felix wins friend of the year

 

Waluigi: you already gave that award to Seungkwan when he brought you jelly beans in Math that one time

 

CornHub: well Felix has it now

 

Bop: betrayed

 

Waluigi: look at seungkwan getting hip with the lingo

 

CornHub: from anyone else that would be so cringy, but here I am

CornHub: applauding Seungkwan for getting hip with the lingo

 

Bop: I’m proud

 

CornHub: Seungkwan gets friend of the year again

 

Caitlynn: I am literally your getaway driver

Caitlynn: and you hurt me this way?

77

CornHub: you aren’t hip with the lingo Felix

 

Caitlynn: Oye mate guess I’m not taking you to maccas in the avro

Caitlynn: piss off

 

Cornhub: Felix I can’t understand you when you talk like that

 

Caitlynn: piss off mate

 

CornHub: are you still waiting with your truck

 

Caitlynn: yes

 

CornHub: okay

 

Bop: that was a short lived fight that I understood none of

 

CornHub: I think he was going to take me to mcdonalds this afternoon after sports are done, and then he told me to fuck off

CornHub: I think

 

Bop: well, that’s good enough. Don’t get caught Jisung

 

CornHub: I’ll try not to

 

Bop: run like the wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've got some mentions Cameos but I'm too lazy to put links today so we've got descriptions
> 
> Lucas's boyfriend (that he could be boning in the bathroom) is Jungwoo from NCT he is my NCT bias and I love him so you should love him too  
> Mark (not Mark Tuan, Mark Lee from NCT) Lucas's apparent Partner in crime  
> Jooheon (from Monsta X he's a rapper and we love him too)  
> Yugyeom (he got his head stuck in between the railings in the stairs. he's the Maknae of Got7 and we love him lots)  
> Wooseok (From Pentagon, my newest group that I stan, and they are amazing, Wooseok is the Maknae and he's like 6'2)  
> Chenle (he's also from NCT he's squishy and adorable and I have no idea how that sophomore got roped into keys being hid in his locker)  
> Changkyun (Junhong was asking if Chan knew where he was, he's the Monsta X Maknae and he's one of my biases)  
> Jungkook (Kookie the golden Maknae from BTS, he's great and Fake Love is so good, love BTS please)  
> Hyunjin (stray kids, he's SOOOOOO pretty like wow. I wonder how he got roped into this as well, he's only a junior)  
> Youngjae (not BAP's youngjae, but Got7's youngjae. We love him he is so squishy and great and we love him)
> 
> Okay! that is all! I love you guys so Much!!!!!!!! LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!! (you doubt me, but I really actually love you guys) Comment, kudos, or just enjoy silently!!!!! I have to get back to English rn, because our Reflective Journals are due soon (but who cares about that) I love you!!!! bye!~ <3


	19. You done messed up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee C: guys I think i broke the groupchat
> 
> Chwe H: congratz dude  
> Chwe H: how on earth did you manage that?
> 
> and....
> 
> Xu M: get your mothman the americans faked the moon landing shit out of the group chat  
> Xu M: conspiracy theorist
> 
> Wen J: you’re just a hater
> 
> Xu M: you’re probably gay for bigfoot, freaking furry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo hi hello it's me alex, after like years of not posting, I'm posting again. wow. I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's kinda trash, but like good trash! Come talk to me about how your summer is going! All my friends are gone and i am AloneTM! Okay love you guys byeeeeeee

Sharks and Dudes (13)

 

SHUNburn: guys the high schoolers just got out of school we need to do a celebration

 

Lenjamin: I think that’s a good idea!

Lenjamin: we should go hang out somehwere!

 

Freaky: come to my house bros, the rest of the fam just zoomed off to Australia for vacation

Freaky: they left me again, but now the pool filter works

Freaky: so like come over my dudes

 

DiscoBoy: Is this a pool party? Do I need a swimsuit?

 

Void: No Hansol, we were all planning on skinny diping right where Chan’s elderly neighbors could see

Void: I definitely need Mrs. Byun to see my dick

 

SquareBro: I don’t think she’d be impressed

 

Void: wow

Void: whip it out Mingyu let’s compare

 

Wrath: Sorry Minghao, but Mingyu has got you beat

Wrath: I’ve seen both of your dicks, and Mingyu is…

 

Cancelled: wait when did you see Minghao’s dick?

 

Wrath: you say that like I wanted to see Minghao’s dick

Wrath: let me tell you

Wrath: the only dick I want to see is Mingyu’s 

 

Josie: lewd, but also cute and committed

 

Wrath: something like that

Wrath: but Minghao stayed over at our house when him and Jun were still in the 

Wrath: “awkward are we fuck buddies or are we bofriends” stage

 

SquareBro: it was kinda awful

SquareBro: Minghao sleepwalks

 

WhippedCream: yeah he does that

WhippedCream: it’s kinda funny

 

Void: one of these days I’m going to be dreaming about fighting ninjas, and you are going to get in my way Junhui

Void: and then you’re going to get strangled or something

Void: and I will feel no remorse for you

 

WhippedCream: Love you too babe

 

Freaky: dudes, come overrrrrrrrr

Freaky: I’m so bored

 

Lenjamin: we’ll be there soon

 

DiscoBoy: yeah chillax

  
  


(time skip brought to you by Seventeen’s new comeback that has me craving death and loving life at the same time) (time when Chan is messing around: 2:15 AM)

  
  


Lee Chan _ has changed the group chat name!  _

_ Changed to… _

_ We’re sorry you cannot use a .gif or a .mov as a group name. _

 

Lee Chan _ has changed the group chat name! _

_ Changed to… _

_ We’re sorry but your group chat name cannot contain characters that aren’t numbers or letters _

 

_ Would you like to open settings?  _

 

_ We’re sorry, but you do not have the authorization to execute that command. _

 

_We're sorry, but you do not have the authorization to execute that command._

 

_Would you like to contact our help services?_

 

_We're sorry but you do not have the authorization to execute that command._

 

_ Closing ChatChat… _

_ Closing ChatChat... _

 

_ Opening ChatChat... _

_ Welcome!  _ Lee Chan _!  _

 

_ Opening  _ Sharks and Dudes.

 

_ This group chat is unable to be opened at this time, we suggest that you restart the app, or restart your device. If the error persists, please contact help at  _ [ _ www.chatchat.com _ ](http://www.chatchat.com) _!  _

 

_Opening settings..._

_Opening settings..._

 

_We're sorry but you do not have the authorization to execute that command._

 

_ You seem to be experiencing some interruptions, would you like to contact ChatChat support? _

 

_ You seem to be experiencing some interruptions, would you like to log out and restart ChatChat? _

 

_ We're sorry but you do not have the authorization to execute that command. _

 

_ Would you like to log out and restart ChatChat? _

 

_ Logging out… _

_ Logging out… _

 

_ You have been sucessfully logged out! Restart this application? _

 

_ Restarting application… _

_ Restarting application... _

 

_ Application successfully restarted!  _

 

_ Welcome to ChatChat! The international messaging application that lets you chat anwhere and anytime! _

_ Sign Up and create an account here! Returning chatter? Login here! _

 

_ Log In? _

 

_ Username:  _

din0chanLEE

 

_ Password: _

_ ********  _

 

_ Welcome Lee Chan! Since your application was restarted, all your chats have been reset! We apologize for the inconvenience! If you did not reset your application, please contact our account services at  _ [ _ www.chatchat.com/account-serices/help _ ](http://www.chatchat.com/account-serices/help)

  
  
  


Group Chat with Choi Seungcheol, Hong Jisoo, and 11 others (13)

 

_ All Names have been reverted to defaul names because of a profile error, we are sorry for any inconveniences, we are working on fixing the problem!  _

 

Lee C: guys I think i broke the groupchat

 

Chwe H: congratz dude

Chwe H: how on earth did you manage that?

 

Lee C: I was trying to do this thing that I saw on youtube where you could put a gif as the groupchat name, and the troubleshooting video that they had was false and corrupted like all of my groupchats. 

 

Chwe H: well, that’s a you problem

Chwe H: have fun. Mine are fine except this one

Lee C: well, like all of mine were reset, so now they’re lame

 

Chwe H: well, I can only fix this one.

 

Lee C: I guess I’m starting from the bottom again

 

Chwe H: again?

 

Lee C: I had to make a new account no biggie. 

 

Chwe H: you had to make a new account now?? 

 

Lee C: no idiot. Last time I messed up my stuff

 

Chwe H: k cool

 

Chwe Hansol  _ has changed the groupchat name!  _

_ Changed to  _ Chan Fucked Up

 

Chwe H: fixed the name

 

Lee C: the hyungs are going to kill you for using a naughty word

 

Lee J: no the hyungs are going to kill you cuz it’s literally the middle of the night

 

Lee C: hyung it’s 2:47. That’s morning

 

Lee J: not the point

Lee J: it’s late

Lee J: and there is no one that can stop me from killing you

 

Chwe H: bye Channie

Chwe H: have fun getting murdered in Jihoon hyung’s torture basement dungeon

 

Lee J: Hansol

 

Chwe H: oh no

Chwe H: am I in trouble too? :(

 

Lee J: have a guess

 

Chwe H: no!

 

Lee J: have another guess

  
  


Chan Fucked Up (13)

  
  


Xu M: oh my god

Xu M: what the fuck happened to the grouphat

Xu M: it feels so wrong

 

Jeon W: well, I’m going to make an educated guess and say that chan had something to do with it

 

Wen J: wow

Wen J: such observation

Wen J: Much skills

Wen J: many sherlocking 

 

Xu M: get those dead memes out of my face Junhui

 

Wen J: but I can has funnie!

 

Xu M: Junhui

 

Chwe H: do you all remember when lolcats were the memes of the internet?

Chwe H: simpler times

Chwe H: purer times

Chwe H: the evolution of memes marks the evolution of man

 

Xu M: this chat is everywhere this morning jesus christ

Xu M: hey socrates it’s a dead meme, fucking back off with your poetry

 

Lee S: the sun has risen, I am awakened by my phone, it’s my friends, fighting over dead memes, i decide to go back to sleep

 

Chwe H: *applause*

 

Lee S: thank

 

Kim M: what the fuck

Kim M: this doesn’t even make sense

 

Wen J: it’s not our fault

Wen J: it’s just fanfiction

 

Chwe H: shitty fanfiction to top it off

 

Xu M: he has a point

 

Chwe h: QUICK GET A SCREENSHOT MINGHAO AGREED WITH ME

 

Xu M: I absolutely regret it now. 

 

Choi S: why is the name of the groupchat a bad word

Choi S: I thought we agreed to keep this group chat clean?

 

Xu M: like that was ever going to happen

 

Choi S: minghao I can and will remove you

 

Xu M: ugh

 

Choi S: who changed the groupchat name?

 

Wen J: what do we look like? Snitches?

 

Xu M: It was vernon

 

Wen J: yeah it was vernon

 

Choi S: Vernon

 

Jeon W: stop lurking come out and face justice

 

Chwe H: you can’t stop me

 

_ Chwe Hansol has changed his name!  _

_ From  _ default  _ to  _ FUCK

 

Xu M: he really has no fear

 

Wen J: this is the face of a man with nothing left to lose

 

Choi S: vernon this is completely inappropriate

 

FUCK: whatchu gonna do about it??

 

Xu M: and the meme lord is taunting the ultimate Dad! I don’t know Wen, this fight could get ugly

 

Wen J: I know what you mean Xu, the fans are absolutely going wild!

 

Xu M: just listen to them scream!

 

Lee S: *demonic screaming*

 

Xu M: yes thank you. 

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has changed Chwe Hansol’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ FUCK  _ to  _ Vernon

 

_ Choi Seungcheol has changed the groupchat name! _

_ Changed from  _ Chan Fucked Up  _ to  _ Group Chat

 

Vernon: wow no creativity

 

Xu M: boo 1 out of 10

 

Wen J: come on soups you could at least change it to be interesting

 

_ Lee Chan has changed the group chat name!  _

_ Changed from  _ Group Chat  _ to  _ Group Chan

 

Lee C: that’s how it’s done, son

 

Choi S: respect 

 

Wen J: rEspEkT

 

Xu M: ReSpET

 

Chwe H: RIsPiKt

 

Choi S: I feel attacked

 

Wen J: aTTaKt

 

Xu M: that’s a one time thing Jun it’s over now

 

Wen J: alas

 

Boo S: good morning guys! I have a favor to ask!

 

Lee S: oh my god jesus christ I’ve been blinded

Lee S: too sunshine

 

Hong J: jesus is watching

 

Lee S: it’s Jesus oppa

 

Xu M: go back to sleep loser

 

Lee S: you’re a loser, loser

 

Xu M: DON’T CALL ME A LOSER, LOSER

 

Boo S: okay, anyways, whlle they battle it out

Boo S: can anyone drive me to party city today so I can get some stuff?

 

Kwon S: ooh party! Who for?

 

Boo S: Jangmi’s birthday

 

Kwon S: ah, little sister birthday party

Kwon S: cute

 

Boo S: I know! She’s turning 12!

 

Kwon S: holy shit on a stick she’s twelve almost??

 

Boo S: i KNOW

Boo S: anyways, I have to get party supplies cuz my mom can’t

 

Kwon S: I’ll drive you

 

Boo S: thank you hyung!

 

Kwon S: no problem. I know where they hide the good stuff 

 

Wen J: Party City is actually a branch of the illuminati, you should go to All Sups instead

 

Boo S: but I thought All Sups was illuminati????

 

Wen J: All Sups is more of a cult

 

Xu M: get your mothman the americans faked the moon landing shit out of the group chat

Xu M: conspiracy theorist

 

Wen J: you’re just a hater

 

Xu M: you’re probably gay for bigfoot, freaking furry

 

Wen J: no babe I’m only gay for you

Wen J: the light of my life

Wen J: the yee to my haw

Wen J: the enchilada of my heart

 

Xu M: furry

 

Wen J: well then

Wen J: bigfoot definitely has a bigger dick than you minghao, so I’ll be packing my bags tonight

 

Chwe H: he makes a really good point

Chwe H: you know about shoe size and all that

Chwe H: and bigfoot is LITERALLY called big FOOT

 

Choi S: where have I gone wrong

 

Yoon J: how big do you think bigfoot’s dick would actually be?

 

Choi S: what have I done to deserve this punishment

 

Xu M: shut up seungcheol you like it when people call you daddy

 

Lee S: #exposed

 

Yoon J: let’s just go back to bigfoot’s dick before Cheol starts booting people out

 

Xu M: but junhui doesn’t even like to bottom

 

Wen J: for bigfoot, I’d do anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, so that was the chapter, it made little to no sense, but that's okay. If you can't tell, the part where chan has to reset his application is the new shit, and the chat before that is like maybe from early june, so when I took a break, I lost the story line. But now we are back! with direction! and an actual plan! Omg! i feel so accomplished!!   
> hey also ps I wrote another thing, I got into an angsty mood, and I wrote this thing, that I'm acutally kind of proud of, it's called When I Come Back Home, and it's a BTS thing! Fantasy AU! I personally like it, but idk! I would really appreciate it if you could go give it some love!! <3  
> Also lets scream a bit, so ASTRO had a comeback, and I am in LOVE, Seventeen had a comeback, and I am also in LOVE, Triple H is back and I am pumped, and a whole bunch of shit is planned for august! We have iKON! Red Velvet! Stray Kids (can you hear me crying cuz I am crying I'm so excited) and BTS is coming out with even MORE stuff and all that!!! Come Talk to me!


	20. Teenage Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee J: that seems like a personal problem
> 
> Yoon J: you are a problem
> 
> Lee J: snake bitch
> 
> Yoon J: angry shrimp
> 
> Jeon W: you know, we always start the day out so lovingly  
> Jeon W: like, I’m so glad to wake up to friends who love each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo guys, I don't have the energy for a long intro today! Love you all! see the bottom for more notes!   
> Cast today:   
> The big groupchat is still broken, so it's got default names  
> Chan: Lee C, Leche  
> Vernon: Pornstar  
> Seungkwan: Bo Peep  
> Sanha: wEEd  
> Rocky: Paper  
> Felix: snowflake  
> Jisung: deezNUTS  
> Lucas: Yaoi Hands

Group Chan

 

Yoon J: good morning peasants

Yoon J: why has no one fixed the group chat

Yoon J: it’s literally so boring and plain

 

Lee J: that seems like a personal problem

 

Yoon J: you are a problem

 

Lee J: snake bitch

 

Yoon J: angry shrimp

 

Jeon W: you know, we always start the day out so lovingly

Jeon W: like, I’m so glad to wake up to friends who love each other

Jeon W: makes it so much easier to face the inevitable march of death

 

Xu M: sarcasm doesn’t suit you 

Xu M: go be emo in the emo kids groupchat

 

Jeon W: there isn’t an emo kids groupchat

 

Lee J: that seems like a personal problem

 

Wen J: such a loving family

 

Xu M: oh look the furry is here

 

Wen J: I don’t want to argue semantics, but like, does bigfoot actually count as a furry?

 

Vernon: it’s all sin anyways

 

Wen J: when did you care about jesus and sin and like, the eternal smackdown between god and Lucifer?

 

Vernon: Josh hyung is some kind of counsellor taking kids to a jesus camp,

Vernon: and apparently it’s highschool kids, and he wants me to come along

 

Hong J: It’s not just a jesus camp though! It’s such a great experience!

Hong J: all the high schoolers should go!

Hong J: Seugkwan, Channie! You should sign up!

 

Lee C: Yoon Sanha is going to that camp

Lee C: isn’t it like a week long? In like the forest?

 

Yoon J: my cousin is going?

 

Lee C: yes, unless you know another Yoon Sanha that you haven’t told me about

 

Yoon J: tall like a weed, squishy and too pure for this world?

 

Lee C: yes

Lee C: I love the kid, but he still says gosh and darn it

 

Yoon J: I would hope he still says gosh and darn it

 

Wen J: but like, you cuss so much hyung

Wen J: do you even remember yesterday?

 

Yoon J: okay, but like, I dropped my donut in chan’s pool

Yoon J: that deserved a little bit of cursing

 

Wen J: *clears throat*

Wen J: “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I DROPPED MY FUCKING DONUT IN THE MOTHER FUCKING POOL GOD DAMN IT FUCK! STOP FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME YOU BITCH ASS ASSSHOLES! I DROPPED MY MOTHER FUCKING DONUT! SEUNGCHEOL YOU DIPSHIT DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME THIS IS A FUCKING CRISIS!” 

 

Lee S: impressive

 

Wen J: I recorded it, so I had the reference material

 

Lee S: golf clap

 

Yoon J: it wasn’t  _ that  _ bad

Yoon J: I maybe said fuck once, and I would never call Seungcheol a dipshit

 

Choi S: you literally called me a dipshit this morning when i left your coffee in the kitchen instead of bringing it to you in the living room

 

Yoon J: lies

 

Hong J: I was there I can confirm

 

Wen J: Shua hyung’s true colors finally showing

 

Yoon J: snakes

Yoon J: the whole lot of you

Yoon J: this conversation had a point

Yoon J: where was this going?

 

Lee C: Sanha and Jesus

 

Yoon J: yes

Yoon J: you two are friends?

 

Lee C: I literally talk about him all the time

Lee C: we’ve been friends since like seventh grade

 

Yoon J: details details

 

Lee C: how have you not known that we were friends?

Lee C: It’s not like im keeping deep dark secrets and Sanha is one of them

 

Yoon J: I dont really talk to my family

Yoon J: they don’t like me

 

Wen J: sorry man, that sucks

 

Yoon J: no! Like not in the homophobic way, or like the “Omg two boyfriends satan is thriving inside you” It’s more like a “why the heck do you want to model that’s not a real job!”

 

Wen J: oh

Wen J: well

 

Yoon J: it’s chill man

Yoon J: but like can we steer the conversation back to cool things and not angsty things?

Yoon J: I don’t like having problems, they make my skin break out

 

Lee C: well, since the people that also live in my house are like “adios” right now

Lee C: wanna have like a giant sleepover?

Lee C: or something cool?

 

Lee S: OOH! SLEEPOVER! YASSSSS!

 

Kim M: I’m down

Kim M: is it just us that is invited? Or is this a little kids high school party?

 

Lee C: Idk

 

Kim M: cuz high school parties are really really wild sometimes

 

Lee C: idk hyung

 

Choi S: no parties

Choi S: that’s absolutely not allowed

 

Lee C: hyunggggg

 

Choi S: Chan your parents are away, and I know you have some questionable friends

Choi S: so no parties

 

Lee C: hyung, that’s not fair

Lee C: I like the people I hang out with

Lee C: they’re all good people

 

Yoon J: I agree

Yoon J: no parties

Yoon J: and we aren’t saying that the people that you hang out with are bad

 

Choi S: we just don’t want you to have any parties

 

Yoon J: exactly

 

Lee C: okay fine

Lee C: I’ll figure it out

  
  
  


The Realest Bros (7) 

 

Lee C: yo my friends

Lee C: my buddies

Lee C: my pals

 

wEEd: hi!

 

Snowflake: wassup my dude

Snowflake: this chat has been dead for a bit

Snowflake: has it been revived?

 

Lee C: yes

 

_ Lee Chan has changed the group chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ The Realest Bros  _ to  _ The Realest Zombies

 

Snowflake: neet

 

deezNUTS: what is up

 

Paper: the sky Jisung

 

Pornstar: also the ceilling 

 

deezNUTS: little bit insulted there

deezNUTS: not gonna lie

 

Lee C: anyways

Lee C: I might be having a party thing like this weekend 

Lee C: you guys down?

 

deeNUTS: yeet bro

 

Snowflake: is yeet a yes?

 

deezNUTS: yeet

 

Snowflake: k

 

Lee C: all in say aye

 

Paper: aye

 

BoPeep: aye

 

Pornstar: aye aye

 

wEEd: eye

 

Lee C: neato

Lee C: what about you felix?

 

Snowflake: I’m contemplating my schedule of nothing

 

Lee C: ah I see

Lee C: can you pencil me in anywhere?

 

Snowflake: of course I can I’m only doing nothing

Snowflake: but I had to contemplate it a bit

 

Lee C: alrighty

Lee C: Im not inviting most of my hyungs

Lee C: also Sanha apparently i’ve been hanging around your cousin for most of my life

 

wEEd: he who must not be named????!!!!

 

Lee C: woah is that legit what your family calls him?

 

wEEd: yes

wEEd: they don’t understand things like modern culture

wEEd: even though harry potter is kinda old now

wEEd: and they don’t like saying his name, so like I suggested

wEEd: “he who must not be named” as a joke, cuz none of the cousins cared

wEEd: and my parents gave it to my aunt and she ran with it like a woman being chased by rabid bulls with laser sharks duct taped to their backs

wEEd: just waiting to run you down and eat you

 

Lee C: wow nice image there

Lee C: but like, cool?

Lee C: I think? 

 

wEEd: it’s like 9/10 cool

 

Snowflake: why?

 

Pornstar: oh my god Sanha is Jeonghan’s cousin??????!!!!!!!

 

BoPeep: I feel like I’m the only one who knew this before hand

 

Pornstar: you KNEW??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

BoPeep: yes?

 

Snowflake: hey everyone pay attention to me please

 

deezNUTS: hi babe

 

Snowflake: miss me with that gay shit

 

deezNUTS: #blocked #reported #mymomiscallingyourmom #notinvitedtomybirthdayparty

 

Snowflake: #carrot

 

deezNUTS: #RUDE

 

Lee C: as entertaining as this is to watch, I have other people to invite

Lee C: so break it up guys

Lee C: break it up

Lee C: you’re both beautiful, and your dicks are exactly the same size

 

Snowflake: #lies

 

wEEd: hyungs we have already had the dick size discussion and it got my phone taken away

wEEd: so please chill out a bit

 

deezNUTS: #ofcourse #anythingforyoudear

 

Pornstar: channie who were you thinking about inviting? 

 

Lee C: well, Lucas and his gang, you know, the cool seniors

Lee C: some other high schoolers I know and like two kids from Sanha’s grade

 

Pornstar: no not the gremlins

Pornstar: anything but that

Pornstar: you can even invite that one dude who smells like ketchup

Pornstar: but no gremlins

 

Lee C: it was just going to be Chenle and the other Jisung

Lee C: and I’m not inviting Ketchup Kid

 

Snowflake: oh the cute jisung?

 

deezNUTS: #rude #shotthrutheheart #whyyougottabesorude #betrayed

 

Paper: jisung stop talking in hashtags

Paper: you sound like that one american

 

Lee C: Jae?

Lee C: yeah you should probably stop talking in hashtags

 

deezNUTS: y’all are harshing my vibe

 

Snowflakes: gotta have a vibe to harsh in the first place

 

Lee C: why is everyone so salty this morning

Lee C: it’s literally everywhere

Lee C: like a disease

 

Snowflake: if you can’t accept that this is who I truly am, then you can leave

 

Lee C: k bye

  
  


Not my drug dealer (2)

 

Leche: yo Lucas

Leche: Lucas

Leche: lucas hyung

Leche: LUCAS HYUNG

Leche: hyunggggggggggggg

Leche: okay fine then bye

 

Yaoi Hands: wait wait I’m up I’m awake

Yaoi Hands: I’m here what do you need padawan

 

Leche: you are literally so weird

Leche: like wow

Leche: but all that aside, I’m having this overnight party thing at my house

Leche: this friday, which is like three days, and I’m wondering if you wanted to invite some friends and come and stuff

 

Yaoi Hands: so like a sleepover?

 

Leche: cooler than a sleepover

Leche: you haven’t ever been to my house but like, it’s huge

 

Yaoi Hands: who all is going?

Yaoi Hands: cuz I don’t want to hang out with weirdos

 

Leche: you ARE a weirdo

 

Yaoi Hands: please tell me you didn’t invite Ketchup Man

 

Leche: no I did not invite him

Leche: I’m only inviting the cool hyungs that I know, the kids I hang out with, but I was kind of relying on you to invite all the cool people and stuff

 

Yaoi Hands: okay that’s chill

 

Leche: I think…

Leche: hmmm

 

Yaoi Hands: yeah? 

 

Leche: It’s more of a party now that I think about it

 

Yaoi Hands: your parents aren’t home right?

 

Leche: nope. Not for another week and a half

 

Yaoi Hands: it definitely could be a party then

Yaoi Hands: do you want a party?

 

Leche: maybe

Leche: a party could be cool and stuff, I like being cool

Leche: parties make you cool

 

Yaoi Hands: alright, now we’re talking

Yaoi Hands: let me know what we need

 

Leche: will do hyung thanks

  
  


Group Chan (13)

 

Lee C: yo my hyungs

Lee C: the sleepover is cancelled

Lee C: it’s a shame

 

Choi S: oh no

Choi S: really? 

 

Lee C: yup

 

Hong J: did your mom get wind of it

 

Lee C: yup

 

Lee S: that’s sad

Lee S: I was so excited

 

Xu M: sleepovers are lame anyways

 

Lee C: yeah

Lee C: you’re probably right

 

Choi S: you aren’t having a party right?

 

Lee C: of course not

Lee C: that’s stupid, and I don’t want to make mistakes that I will regret

 

Choi S: that’s my boy

 

Yoon J: if you want us to come over and watch a movie or like hang out this weekend,

Yoon J: just let us know!!

 

Lee C: I think I’ll be okay

Lee C: thanks though

 

Yoon J: of course! Anything for my son

 

Lee C: you are literally not my mother

 

Yoon J: details details

  
  


_ Lee Chan has created a new group chat! _

  
  


The Party People (6)

 

Lee C: you five have been chosen

Lee C: because you are people who like to party

Lee C: and can keep a secret relatively well

 

Lee S: omg!

Lee S: is this a secret party???!!!

 

Lee C: It could be

Lee C: and I decided that I wanted to do something cool

Lee C: and sleepovers aren’t all that cool

Lee C: I want to be cool

 

Xu M: that’s true

Xu M: we aren’t eight year old little girls 

 

Lee C: see?

 

Lee S: so you decided party?

 

Lee C: yes

Lee C: I think

Lee C: it’s not going to be crazy and stuff

Lee C: I’m going to lock the upstairs, and the basement

 

Chwe H: that makes sense

 

Lee C: and I know how to work the sound system, I have lawn games, so it’s chill

 

Wen J: is this event going to have alcohol?

 

Lee S: I don’t do alcohol

 

Wen J: I know that

Wen J: I’m just wondering, cuz I’m the oldest in this party group

 

Lee C: I don’t know

Lee C: there’s a lot of beer in the garage

Lee C: and I know my mom has wine somewhere

 

Wen J: I don’t think we should do alcohol

 

Lee S: I kinda agree with that

Lee S: from what I’m guessing, the oldest person will be junhui

Lee S: and I’m betting the youngest will be Sanha or the like

 

Wen J: so that’s pretty much freshmen in high school, to sophomore in college

Wen J: a majority of those people cannot drink

 

Lee C: alright

Lee C: no alcohol

 

Wen J: cool beans

Wen J: this is friday?

 

Lee C: yeep

 

Boo S: do we really have to keep this a secret?

 

Lee C: yes seungkwan

Lee C: the hyungs treat me like a baby

Lee C: and maybe I want to be rebellious

 

Boo S: I don’t like to keep secrets from the hyungs

 

Lee S: it’s not going to be bad

Lee S: no alcohol

Lee S: some dancing

Lee S: lawn games

Lee S: don’t you like to dance?

 

Boo S: yes…

Boo S: but the hyungs like to dance too

 

Xu M: they’d ruin it

Xu M: we want to have fun

 

Boo S: we just don’t want the hyungs there?

 

Xu M: bingo

Xu M: they’ll make it lame cuz it’s a little kid party

 

Lee C: yeah

Lee C: we’d get like a curfew or something

 

Lee S: I feel like a spy!!!! 

Lee S: this is going to be so fun!

 

Lee C: yes now just keep it a secret

 

Lee S: ninjas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo my dudes, I also don't have a lot of energy for an outtro! That's okay tho, cuz I'll write a list!  
> 1.) I love you guys  
> 2.) I have two other stories besides this one, so go check them out please!  
>  -fantasy AU BTS (kinda angsty, not beta read)  
>  -Another BTS Plane Crash AU, Hoseok centered


	21. Wow Party, Such Celebrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheeto: I have, in fact, heard him rap  
> Cheeto: I think I’m better
> 
> Hotdog: that’s cute Jisung  
> Hotdog: and I think that Jeon Jungkook looks like a foot
> 
> Cheeto: ohmygod blasphemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names, Names, NAMES  
> Chan: Oswald  
> Felix: Hotdog  
> Jisung: Cheeto  
> Vernon: Walter  
> Seungkwan: Boob  
> Rocky: Pebbles  
> Sanha: Giraffe
> 
> The rest of the names are just like the Xu M, Lee S, ecetera! Enjoy! (It's okay if you don't (tell me about why tho, I like to improve!!!))

The Bois

 

Oswald: yo guys

Oswald: you’re coming tonight right?

 

Boob: Chan that is literally the ninth time you’ve asked that

 

Hotdog: relax man, it’s all good

Hotdog: I heard Seo Changbin was coming

 

Cheeto: that’s gay

 

Hotdog: but hes AWESOME

Hotdog: have you HEARD him rap??????!!!!!

 

Cheeto: I have, in fact, heard him rap

Cheeto: I think I’m better

 

Hotdog: that’s cute Jisung

Hotdog: and I think that Jeon Jungkook looks like a foot

 

Cheeto: ohmygod blasphemy

Cheeto: there's a REASON why he was voted as the school’s heartthrob this year!

 

Hotdog: well if you’re going to insult my rap idol then...

 

Oswald: back to my point

 

Pebbles: the heartthrob changes each year

Pebbles: it’s not all that important

Pebbles: just because Jungkook won, doesn’t mean he’s objectively the hottest guy in school

 

Giraffe: you’re just bitter that Eunwoo didn’t win last year

 

Oswald: oh hye sanha!

 

Giraffe: oh hey hyung!

 

Pebbles: I’m not bitter

Pebbles: I just think he should have won, that’s all

 

Walter: who beat him out again?

Walter: since our school literally churns out models like it’s nobody’s business

 

Hotdog: I didn’t speak korean last year

 

Cheeto: lemme get my yearbook

 

Walter: no don’t it’s not a problem

 

Pebbles: I genuinely want to know now

Pebbles: you've got my curiosity. 

 

Oswald: you guys didn’t answer my question

 

Boob: shhhhhhh

Boob: for such an important award, I feel like we should have remembered this

Boob: well, such is fanfiction

 

Hotdog: hyung no shitty fourth wall breaks

Hotdog: this story is trash already

 

Boob: hypocrite

Boob: don’t call things trash when you’re also trash

 

Cheeto: wow

Cheeto: I totally forgot about this guy

 

Pebbles: so??

 

Cheeto: “Lee Taemin, age 18, Senior, Favorite colors are White, Yellow and Red, Favorite food is steak, currently single, comments in four words: Thanks, I think. Bye”

Cheeto: that’s a boring comment

 

Walter: I remember when Kim Seokjin won school heartthrob. 

Walter: Jeonghan hyung wouldn’t stop talking about it

Walter: his comment was “Of course. Worldwide handsome” 

 

Oswald: makes sense.

Oswald: he’s really really handsome

Oswald: but I need to redirect

Oswald: for like the third fucking time

 

Hotdog: woah there mate, you wanna chill

 

Oswald: are

Oswald: you

Oswald: guys

Oswald: going

Oswald: to

Oswald: come ?

 

Cheeto: no, sorry channie, but you just don’t turn me on

Cheeto: I've been faking it since the begining

Cheeto: I just couldn't lie to you anymore

 

Oswald: I am not going to take this disrespect

 

Giraffe: ooh, fight

 

Cheeto: but yeah man, i’ll be over in like a few hours

 

Oswald: thank you

Oswald: anyone else?

Oswald: there’s going to be a bunch of the graduated seniors

Oswald: a really cool party and stuff

Oswald: with cool people

 

Pebbles: yeah man, I’ll be there

 

Giraffe: me too!

 

Hotdog: count me in mate

 

Walter: same for me and Seungkwan

 

Hotdog: are you two together?

 

Walter: wHAT NO

 

Boob: what are you on about 

Boob: we are literally watching a movie on your couch right now

 

Hotdog: okayy?

Hotdog: I think Vernon took that in a different way than he was supposed to

 

Oswald: guys I am so excited for tonight

Oswald: knowing people is fun and all, like, you know

Oswald: but it doesn’t make you cool

Oswald: parties make you cool

  
Cheeto: I mean, he's not wrong  
  


 

 

-6:00 PM party night-

 

Not my Drug Dealer (2)

 

Yaoi: yo Chan

Yaoi: let me in

Yaoi: I brought you stuff

 

Leche: chill out man, I’m setting up lawn games

 

Yaoi: well I brought beer

 

Leche: wait what?

 

Yaoi: parties are only parties if there’s alcohol

 

Leche: that is completely false. 

Leche: and stupid

Leche: do you want the cops to come and stuff??????

 

Yaoi: they aren’t going to don’t worry

Yaoi: I’ll help you set up lawn games

 

Leche: how much beer did you bring

 

Yaoi: i’ve got about ten six packs right now

 

Leche: that’s like 60 cans of beer hyung

 

Yaoi: yeah, it’s definitely not enough. You haven't seen my squad drink before

Yaoi: don’t worry though. A few of my bros are bringing more

 

Leche: that is not what I was talking about

Leche: I thought this was going to be no alcohol

 

Yaoi: you never told me that??????????????

 

Leche: oh shit I only told the spy group chat

 

Yaoi: okay

Yaoi: whatever that means

Yaoi: just let me in

 

Leche: okay

 

The Party People (6)

 

Lee C: guys

Lee C: turns out that the party is actually an alcohol party

 

Lee S: oh no :(

 

Lee C: sorry Seokmin hyung

 

Lee S: nah, it’s okay

Lee S: I just won’t drink

Lee S: it’s alright

 

Xu M: ooh drinks?

Xu M: what kind?

 

Lee C: Lucas hyung brought some beer

 

Xu M: boooring

Xu M: beer is lame

 

Wen J: you have anything else in the house?

 

Lee C: I really shouldn’t be digging through my mom’s hard liquor stash. She'd know if I did

Lee C: thats a no no in so many ways

 

Wen J: but there is more?

 

Lee C: yeah…

 

Wen J: YOU don’t have to do the digging, I’ll do it

Wen J: I’m a good bartender

 

Lee C: this is peer pressure

 

Xu M: absolutely

 

Wen J: yes definitely

 

Lee C: I would tell you that I’m reporting you to DadCheol, Pastor Joshua, and MomHan

Lee C: but i would be punished for even having this party

 

Xu M: yeah, so don’t

Xu M: when we supposed to show up?

 

Lee C: I said 6:30-7:00

 

Xu M: ok!

 

Lee S: guys, maybe we shouldn’t 

 

Boo S: yeah channie, i know I told you that this was going to be fun

Boo S: but it feels stupid now

 

Wen J: don’t worry about it!

Wen J: it’s a highschool party kwannie, dokyeommie

 

Xu M: yeah, we could be going to DKE’s finals celebratory

Xu M: where those guys got naked and sumo wrestled

Xu M: BLACKOUT DRUNK

 

Wen J: oh yeah!

Wen J: I remember that!

 

Xu M: how the fuck do you remember that?

Xu M: you had at least three solos of the Mystery Meat Punch

 

Wen J: hahahaha no

Wen J: YOU had the solos

Wen J: I stuck with beer

Wen J: I  _saw_ what they put in there, and I'm friends with my liver

 

Xu M: you and your damn liver again

 

Wen J: HEY! >:( you are just jealous. 

 

Xu M: Normal people don't name their liver babe.

 

Wen J: who told u that?  "NOrmal people"???????????

 

Xu M: okay fine. 

Xu M: anyways

Xu M: didn’t the one guy get sent to jail for dealing?

 

Wen J: idk

Wen J: all I remember was that Kris Wu got naked and was fucking GORGEOUS

Wen J: had a big dick to top it off

Wen J: I drooled a bit honestly

 

Xu M: wait that was Kris wu?

 

Wen J: I mean, I think so? 

Wen J: did he go back to China before or after finals?

 

Lee S: it was before

 

Wen J: who am I talking about then??????????

Wen J: I must find my mystery man

Wen J: he had the most beautiful abs, and like THIGHS

 

Xu M: choke me daddy thighs? Or damn those could crush a watermelon thighs?????

 

Lee S: hey! keep it nice! Channie and Kwannie and Vernonie are in this chat >:(

 

Wen J: Seokmin, he had the thighs of JESUS

Wen J: you would understand if only you had seen them

 

Xu M: damn. I wish I rememered 

 

Wen J: but there can't be TOO many people that fit that description. we need to find him

Wen J: for science purposes

 

Xu M: you know, anyone else would be like "wow Junhui is thirsty for other guys when his boyfriend is right here!"

Xu M: but I know you, and from your description, I would gladly have a threesome with this adonis

 

Wen J: okay, who is our mystery man?

 

Xu M: I have no Idea

Xu M: maybe Taeyang?

 

Wen J: no

Wen J: I would recognize taeyang anywhere

Wen J: people like Taeyang just radiate ya know?

 

Lee C: I feel like we are off topic

 

Xu M: not our faults

Xu M: well, not MY fault

Xu M: Jun just had to talk about thighs

Xu M: my one weakness

 

Wen J: yeah

Wen J: anyways, yay alcohol and poor decisions

 

Lee C: why are you like this hyung

 

Wen J: who knows

 

Xu M: don’t worry Chan, well make sure things don’t get out of hand

 

Lee C: thats so nice

Lee C: but I don’t trust that at all

 

Xu M: wow

Xu M: but honestly

Xu M: I would be surprised if you did

 

Lee S: I think I’m going to have to skip tonight

Lee S: remember? No alcohol for me, and if there’s going to be hot guys, and dancing, and party drinks

Lee S: I think I should just avoid the devil

Lee S: sadly

 

Lee C: that’s okay 

Lee C: but your dancing will be missed

 

Lee S: Thanks channie!!! ^v^

 

Lee C: ^u^

 

Lee S: (*^▽^*)

 

Lee C: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 

Lee S: （*´▽｀*）

 

Lee C: ～(^з^)-♡

 

Lee S: (♡ >ω< ♡)

 

Xu M: do you guys know that feeling when you think you might need to wash your eyes out with bleach?

 

Lee S: but we ~LOVE~ you hao hao!

 

Lee C: (⺣◡⺣)♡*

 

 

Wen J: (⸝⸝⍢⸝⸝) ෆ

 

Xu M: why

Xu M: why has god left me

 

Chwe H: this is the timeline god abandoned

 

Xu M: god damn it

 

 

哥哥乔希 (Josh hyung) (2)

 

ShuaHyung: Minghao 

 

HaoHao: holy crap

HaoHao: what hyung

ShuaHyung: language

 

HaoHao: how do you even know

 

ShuaShua: would you believe me if I said the lord moves in mysterious ways?

 

HaoHao: at this point,  I might

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo my bros. It's been a while. I wasn't feeling this chapter very much, and you might not be either, but let it be known that there is actually a plot ow, because planning out stories is the one thing that I can do. (speaking of, I am looking for a beta reader to talk to about some of my ideas, comment or message me if you are interested!!! (I am kinda just looking for a friend to talk to about my ideas, mostly Kpop related!!)) Just, look forward to plot and stuff, if that's your jam, and look forward to me writing more, considering school has started back up for me, and that means that I have time to write again!!!! (I am also predicting right now, about 50-60 chapters, so yeah, I'm pretty excited about that!! I think...)  
> Since you guys should know all of my other group references by this point, I'm gonna just put the newer ones here!!  
> (I really hope you guys know Jeon Jungook, cuz hes AWESOME, he also recently turned 21 so he can drink in the US legally)  
> Eunwoo! He's from ASTRO (pls love ASTRO) (he's also a REALLY GOOD actor, and he's hella handsome, like wow)  
> Taemin!! He's from SHINee, an AWESOME group, he's a really legit dancer, and is pretty darn adorable. He's also the Maknae! (i've decided against links here cuz they never did the link-y thing where you could just click them) (if you guys want the links back leave me a comment)  
> Seokjin! BTS's oldest member, worldwide handsome, the car door guy, shoulders hyung, what else can I say? Pls love Seokjin
> 
>  
> 
> More announcements!  
> -I have two other things that I have written! They both suck! But it's okay! If you wanna check them out then that's great!!! One is an unfinished BTS J-Hope centric(my bias I love him) Stranded on a deserted island kinda thing, and the other is a Jungkook centric fantasy thing! (The jungkook one is kinda trash but since it is my child I'll love it anyways!!)  
> Please leave me comments!  
> Things you can talk to me about!  
> -I'm going to the BTS concert in Chicago on October 2nd! (and I tried to get an army bomb but Amazon sucks)  
> -I like lizards!  
> -Pentagon's Comeback! (I am in LOVE!!!!!!!!)  
> -I like food  
> -School started again, and I have hella classes  
> -if you write, tell me about it!  
> -Literally talk to me about any Kpop group, I'm one of those weird multifandoms kids, and I know a LOT of groups  
> -recommend me music! I want to seem cultured!  
> -if you are interested in seeing my story outlines, or "story guides" or being a beta reader or an idea person, comment!!  
> Anyways I love you guys so much, like even if you're done with my story and stuff, I still love you for clicking on it! I hope your day is great, I hope you see a cute animal or human, and I hope you get restful sleep!!!!!!! <333333333 byeeeeeee!!!!!  
> (also leave kudos! if you wanna! don't have to if you don't want to!)


	22. That one different Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, I started writing, and all the sudden, we had no Seventeen people in the story! like, I got carried away with writing the Jungkook+Lucas+Jooheon+others squad  
> AND, I couldn't restrain myself, before I split the chapter into two, it had 3500 words  
> That is TOO many  
> So, I hope you guys like the double update! Read on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names! (There's a LOT this time, I'm sorry, but I have no regrets)  
> Chan: Oswald  
> Felix: Hotdog  
> Jisung: Cheeto  
> Vernon: Walter  
> Seungkwan: Boob  
> Rocky: Pebbles  
> Sanha: Giraffe
> 
> Lucas (NCT): Brock  
> Jungkook (BTS): HAWT  
> Taehyung (BTS): MoonMoon  
> Jungwoo (NCT): Mommy  
> Jooheon (Monsta X): Sprout  
> Changkyun (Monsta X): Puppy  
> Yugyeom (GOT7): Daddy  
> BamBam (GOT7): Penis  
> Youngjae (GOT7): DungeonPorn  
> Mark (NCT): MorkMork  
> Wooseok (Pentagon): Avocado  
> Kino (Pentagon): Cowboy  
> Yuto (Pentagon): Harder  
> Junhong (BAP): NoodleMan  
> Hyunjin (Stray Kids): Vuitton  
> Sanghyuk (VIXX): Hack  
> WinWin (NCT): LingLing  
> Taemin (SHINee): fUCK
> 
> Okay! let's goooooooo!

The Bois (7)

 

Walter: Channie we are here

Walter: why are there already so many people here

 

Oswald: I have no idea

Oswald: i’m really busy rn tho

Oswald: come in

 

Walter: ok

Walter: I brought those weird mini cupcakes from the convinience store next to shakes and burgs

 

Cheeto: the vanilla ones? Or the nasty chocolate ones

 

Walter: uh vanilla

Walter: did you think that I was here to kill people?

Walter: those choco ones are of the devil

 

Cheeto: good

Cheeto: I like cupcakes

 

Oswald: neet

 

Pebbles: sanha and I are here too

Pebbles: vernon hyung where are you

 

Walter: Kitchen

Walter: you gotta go through the living room

 

Pebbles: holy crap

Pebbles: one sec I gotta find something to tie me and Sanha together with

Pebbles: don’t wanna lose him

 

Cheeto: he’s like seven feet tall tho

Cheeto: all you’d have to do is stand on a chair and look for his upper torso

Cheeto: just, towering above the rest of us short people

 

Water: fair enough

 

Boob: that moment when you are trying to get to your friends

Boob: but get pushed into the mob

Boob: and you just have to start planning your funeral

 

Hotdog: rip seungkwan

Hotdog: I just saw that one gamer senior get sucked into the masses

Hotdog: it was terrifying

Hotdog: one second, Dowoon was just trying to charm this one chick

Hotdog: and then the next second, he was gone

Hotdog: like animal planet

 

Oswald: do you guys kno wher LUCAS is???/?

 

Hotdog: you think we’d be able to spot him

Hotdog: but he’s tall

Hotdog: like 90% of the people here

Hotdog: pretty damn hot

Hotdog: again, like 90%

Hotdog: so he’s pretty much invisible

 

Oswald: oh NO

Oswald: i need to hit hm

 

Boob: why?

Boob: btw someone just spilled beer on your carpet

Boob: and broke that one ugly vase that your mom always called “modern art”

Boob: and “unique”

 

Hotdog: More like “lump of clay with hole in it” and “Ugly as fuck”

 

Cheeto: haha tru

 

Oswald: sheet

Oswald: he brought the alcohol

Oswald: so he’s dead 2 me rn

 

Walter: fair enough

 

Cheeto: oh my god

Cheeto: I have the sudden urge to recite the “though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death” thing

Cheeto: there is no way I’m finding you guys

 

Walter: yeah man

Walter: Chan

 

Oswald: yeep?

 

Walter: did you invite the entire school

Walter: and then the OTHER THREE highschools in our area???

 

Oswald: no

Oswald: LUCAS invited his frends

 

Walter: wow

Walter: also why are you texting weird like that

 

Oswald: one hand, also holdn tennis racket

Oswald: gotta keep the DUDES away frum stuff

 

Walter legit

 

Hotdog: Chan 

Hotdog: “yeep?”

 

Oswald: yeep

 

Hotdog: yup+yeet=yeep?

 

Oswald: ya

 

Cheeto: a true literary genius

  
  


Weedz (18)

 

HAWT: yo where is Yukhei

 

NoodleMan: basement

NoodleMan: beer pong

 

LingLing: pONG

 

Cowboy: PONG

 

Vuitton: pong!

 

Daddy: Pong!

 

DungeonPorn: Junhong you’ve started it again

 

NoodleMan: hey! Jungkook asked! 

 

DungeonPorn: you have awakened the beast

 

Puppy: wanna know who’s a beast?

 

LingLing: if you say fucking Hyunwoo then I’m drinking bleach

 

MorkMork: don’t kermit suicide

 

MoonMoon: ribbit

 

Brock: wASSUP BOIS

 

HAWT: Yo! Yukhei!

 

Brock: Where are you Kookie my man??!!

Brock: we have Juniors to crush! 

 

fUCK: I want kookie to crush me

 

Cowboy: dude yes

Cowboy: those thighs

Cowboy: like wow

Cowboy: choke me daddy

 

MoonMoon: back off I called dibs already

 

Brock: BOI

 

HAWT: WHAT   
  


Brock: WHERE ARE YOU

Brock: WE HAVE THINGS TO DO

 

HAWT: I’m somehow outside

HAWT: I’m playing cornhole

HAWT: find another person to scare the Juniors with

 

Puppy: ha

Puppy: cornhole

Puppy: that’s a sex euphemism

 

Mommy: guys. Where are you?? What are you doing??? 

 

Brock: wait bABE

Brock; you aren’t at the party?

 

Mommy: heck no

Mommy: I have to WORK tomorrow

Mommy: Xuxi you have to work tomorrow too! >:(

 

Brock: ha nah

Brock: I called out

Brock: that Job is a soul killer

 

LingLing: you gotta have a soul to kill in the first place Lucas

 

Brock: haha yeah man

 

LingLing: oh shit

 

Sprout: what did you do Sicheng

Sprout: we can’t clean up another body tonight

 

LingLing: ha ha veryy funny

LingLing: killing people is illegal

 

Sprout: not with that attitude it isn’t

 

LingLing: and it wasn’t ME who did something

 

Daddy: I’m the guilty man

Daddy: sorry

 

MoonMoon: sorry daddy i’ve been naughty

 

Daddy: back out of here Taehyung

Daddy: keep your nasty kinky ass away from me

 

Penis: hey gyeom keep your hyupocritical mouth shut

 

Sprout: that moment when you kinkshame

Sprout: and your boyfriend comes out of the shadows to kinkshame you right back

 

Daddy: hey Jooheon bro where are you?

 

Sprout: I’m in the guest house boi

Sprout: some dude brought weed

 

Avocado: ooh weed

Avocado: is it to share? Or do I gotta pay

 

Sprout: free Wooseok

Sprout: get here before it’s gone

 

Avocado: runNig NoW

 

Cowboy: wow there go dat boi

 

MorkMork: oh shit farewell

 

Daddy: but back to what I was going to say

Daddy: Broke a lamp thing

Daddy: it was ugly as fuck, so im not all THAT sorry but… 

Daddy: sorry

 

Brock: oh fuck

Brock: don’t break shit dudes

 

LingLing: this isn’t your house don’t police us

 

Brock: i know the little dude tho

Brock: and that means don’t break shit

 

LingLing: too late

LingLing: Sanghyuk 1, coffee table 0

LingLing: It was a total KO, with an excellent pile drive

LingLing: it was also really really hot

 

Brock: GUYS

Brock: COME ON

 

Penis: well, I am happy now

Penis: we got mother fucking punch now bois

Penis: complete with a free trip to the ER to have your stomach pumped

 

Sprout: that sounds legit

Sprout: what’s in Satan’s Ass Juice this time?

 

Penis: well, a majority of the liquor that Mr. Wen Junhui found

Penis: some really nice tasting Mango Vodka

Penis: I cut up some juice pouches and stuff,

Penis: someone put coconut water in it

Penis: cuz what are we, barbarians?

 

Sprout: ooh Coqonút Wõter

 

Penis: you failed

 

Sprout: füçk yóu

 

Penis: and they also put several energy drinks in it

Penis: it smells so awful

Penis: but so good at the same time

 

Sprout: is there a lot?

 

Penis: Junhuissi keeps adding more shit

Penis: Just watched a whole pot of coffee go in

 

Sprout: oh nasty

 

Penis: I no longer think it is good

Penis: it looks brown and red, and smells like coconut, coffee, and vodka

 

Sprout: shots

 

Penis: boi

Penis: unlike you, i like life

Penis: no gracias

 

Sprout: 10 bucks

 

Penis: make it 12

 

Sprout: two shots then

 

Penis: done

Penis: bye guys

Penis: my time on this earth may have been short

Penis: but it was not uneventful

 

MoonMoon: ha

MoonMoon: SHORT

 

Penis: Kim fucking Taehyung

Penis: Short does not mean that my knee can't reach your balls

 

Daddy: bye babe, I’ll cry at ur funeral

 

Penis: good boy

 

Brock: GUYS

Brock: shit

 

Avocado: what

 

Brock: Sound off

Brock: I need to know who is here and who isn’t

 

Sprout: why the fuck do you need to know that

 

Brock: I just do

Brock: don’t question me dude

 

Sprout: you are a crackhead

Sprout: how the hell did you get into the tutoring program

 

Brock: misfortune and an unfortunate scheduling glitch

 

LingLing: woah Lucas

LingLing: don’t use up all of your big words

 

Brock: fuck you Sicheng

Brock: you look like a lizard

 

LingLing: don’t know why I even try

LingLing: should have stayed in China

 

Brock: if only you did

Brock: we’d be so much more happy

Brock: and I wouldn’t have to worry about you sneaking into my house and cutting off my balls at night

Brock: anyways I’m looking for people to dance with, or play some LAWN games

Brock: sound off

 

HAWT: Jeon Jungkook present and accounted for

HAWT: but not dancing with you dude, or lawn gaming

 

MoonMoon: Taehyung!

MoonMoon: he’s gonna dance with me

MoonMoon: stay away from my man

 

Sprout: I’m here, but keep your ugly ass and your bocce ball away from me

Sprout: oh are we saying names?

Sprout: JOOHEON

 

Puppy: ugh. HE’S here??????

 

Sprout: Shut it changkyun

Sprout: you look like a poptart

 

Puppy: and you sound like a five year old girl

Puppy: but we don’t tease YOU about that

 

Sprout: asshole

 

Puppy: bitch ass crackhead

 

Sprout: ugh

 

Brock: Changkyun are you here?

 

Puppy: nah mate. I’m working rn

 

Brock: lame

 

Puppy: I am making CASH bish

Puppy: YOU on the other hand are getting wasted in a sophomores basement

Puppy: and your boyfriend isn’t even there to suck face

 

Brock: I have YOUR boyfriend for that Changkyun

Brock: and the sophomore is technically a junior now

Brock: just like we are all supposed to be graduated

 

MoonMoon: ha nerds

MoonMoon: I’ve been graduated and FREE for a year already

 

Daddy: I found Bam. 

Daddy: he found more alcohol for Junhui

Daddy: there was wine

Daddy: and now we are drinking said wine

 

NoodleMan: you really seem like a Wine mom gyeom

 

Daddy: nah bro

Daddy: Jungwoo is the wine mom

 

Mommy: don’t bring me into this

Mommy: let me sleep

 

Daddy: sorry mommy

 

Mommy: don’t call me mommy

 

Brock: he prefers daddy ;)

 

Mommy: oh no, suddenly my dick has fallen off

Mommy: and i’ve contracted such a horrible STD that I can’t even make out :(

Mommy: but oh well

Mommy: my boyfriend wasn’t gonna get any ANYWAYS

 

HAWT: mY DiCk FeLL oFF

 

MorkMork: I’m not here

MorkMork: I wish I was tho

MorkMork: my manager changed my hours without my okay again

MorkMork: and he’s too fat to push into the trash compactor

 

Daddy: you could cut him up into little pieces

Daddy: Sicheng prolly knows how to do that

 

LingLing: why

 

Daddy: you strike me as the type

 

LingLing: nah dude

LingLing: Kino is the type

 

Daddy: u kno

Daddy: makes sense

 

Avocado: I’m here

Avocado: in the guest house

Avocado: why do people need guest houses

Avocado: are the houses guests? Houseguests?

Avocado: why would yuo want TWO houses 

Avocado: unless you have a secret family

Avocado: or the water doesn’t work in your regular house

Avocado: broken water

 

Brock: okay Wooseok is high, but also here

Brock: nice

Brock: continue please

 

NoodleMan: I’m here bro

NoodleMan: but you knew that

 

Brock: yeah man! 

 

MoonMoon: heyyyyy

MoonMoon: Junhongieee!!!! My one true love!!

 

HAWT: top 10 anime betrayals

 

MoonMoon: is your sugar daddy heree?

 

NoodleMan: fuck you taehyung

NoodleMan: he’s not my sugar daddy

 

MoonMoon: boyfriend then

 

NoodleMan: not my boyfriend either

NoodleMan: why do you care? don’ t you have kookies dick to suck?

 

MoonMoon: wow you’re touchy

MoonMoon: I just wanted to look at his tattoos

 

HAWT: taehyung stop thirsting after Mr. Deep Voice

 

MoonMoon: I cAN’T

MoonMoon: ggukie, you’ve heard his voice!

MoonMoon: Its D E E P

 

HAWT: that's what we have Joon hyung for tho

 

MoonMoon: It's not the same tho :((((((((((((

 

NoodleMan: stay away from my Hyung!

 

MoonMoon: ugh

MoonMoon: when you try your best and you don’t suceeeeeeed!

 

Vuitton: I’m here dude

 

Brock: neet hi Hyunjin my bro! 

 

Vuitton: hi man

Vuitton: hows Pong going???

 

MoonMoon: pONG

 

Penis: PONG

 

Hack: Pong! 

 

Brock: for the love of jesus stop with the PONG

 

Vuitton: Jesus doesn’t love you

 

LingLing: *pong*

 

Brock: I mean, he probably doesn’t

Brock: they tried to recruit me for the Jesus Club

Brock: I had to be like “nah” 

 

Vuitton: YoungLife??

Vuitton: one of my hyungs goes to that

Vuitton: I’ve hear its pretty chill, but like also Jesus

 

Brock: I’m not a jesus-y dude

 

Puppy: It’s bad that my eyes are so tired rn that I read that as:

Puppy: “I’m not a cheesy dude”

Puppy: when your job takes so much out of you you start mistaking the Lord for Dairy Products

 

Vuitton: Jesus isn’t cheesy

Vuitton: and Yukhei is more greasy than cheesy

Vuitton: he’s deep fried cheese

 

Brock: Jesus. Beefy Cheesy Glory .

 

Vuitton: don’t quote tumblr memes Yukhei

 

DungeonPorn: oh my god shut up

DungeonPorn: Let me go to sleep

DungeonPorn: all of y'all are freaking tweaked

 

LingLing: who even says tweaked anymore?

 

DungeonPorn: I do

DungeonPorn: and you assholes are on freaking do not disturb now

DungeonPorn: have fun

 

Daddy: noooo!

Daddy: youngjae!!! Come back!

 

Puppy: he gone dude

Puppy: like woosh

Puppy: adios

 

Daddy: nyoom

 

Hack: I’m here

Hack: but my shoulder doesn’t work

 

Brock: wtf dude

 

Hack: coffee table remembers?

 

Brock: my “wtf” still stands

 

Hack: fair enough

Hack: You can Pile Drive humans, but not tables

 

Brock: fair enough dude

 

Avocado: SANGHYUK where are you my bro

Avocado: water is weird

Avocado: like “woter”

 

Sprout: Wöter

 

Avocado: hyukkkkkkkkkiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Avocado: neeed a tall person now

 

Hack: you ARE tall Wooseok

 

Avocado: that’s fake

Avocado: illuminati

Avocado: Amangani

Avocado: but like, I need a tall

 

 

Daddy: stop

Daddy: you ARE tall

 

Hack: anywayyyys I’m at the edge of the dance pit

Hack: thinking about going in the pool

 

MoonMoon: ooh skinny dip

MoonMoon: I’d be down for that

 

Hack: ;)

 

HAWT: back off dibs

 

MoonMoon: you already HAVE dibs Jungkook

MoonMoon: I’m your BOYFRIEND

 

LingLing: I’m here

LingLing: I’ve found Junhui and the drinks

LingLing: mine has vodka in it and a melted otter pop, and what looks like a marshmallow

LingLing: It tastes like a stroke, but at the same time

LingLing: it’s a gateway into seeing the shadow men

LingLing: I dig it

 

Brock: lit

Brock: tell Junhui hi for me dude

 

LingLing: will do bro

 

Cowboy: I WAS at the party for a bit

Cowboy: but Yuto booty called me

Cowboy: and it turns out, watching Taemin pretty much pole dance to Psy makes me horny

Cowboy: so I vamoosed

Cowboy: taemin was really feelin himself tho

Cowboy: 10/10 100% sexy

 

 

fUCK: glad to be of service

 

Brock: woah Taemin is actually here texting

Brock: I thought you were in the mob? or like, dancing?

 

fUCK: I’m in the bathroom rn

 

Brock: 1 or 2 dude?

 

HAWT: boi

HAWT: we don’t need to kno that

 

fUCK: blowjob actually

 

Brock: solid

Brock: you giving or getting?

 

fUCK: both hopefully

fUCK: the night is still young

 

Daddy: It’s literally midnight tho

 

fUCK: my point stands young one

 

Daddy: hey my man 

Daddy: We are the same age now

Daddy: the author gets creative liberty to change ages

 

fUCK: maybe I say it just because it makes you mad

 

Brock: no fighting no fighting

 

MoonMoon: ladies, ladies calm down, you’re both fuckin hot

MoonMoon: no need to get defensive

 

fUCK: I still look better in drag

 

Daddy: I beg to differ

 

fUCK: meet me at Office Co I'll fight you

 

Puppy: please don't fight in my parking lot

Puppy: I don't want the manager to make me go out there again with the People detterent to break it up

 

LingLing: what is "people detterent?" 

 

Puppy: metal pipe and bear spray

Puppy: works really well on the raccoons and the occasional drunk man who wants to dig through the trash

 

LingLing: solid dude

 

Brock: is that everyone?

 

Harder: sorry I can’t make it guys

 

Brock: yUTODA

 

Harder: yUKHEI

 

Brock: wASSUP

 

Harder: Kino is asleep on my left arm

Harder: I can't feel it at all

 

Brock: ooh rip

 

Daddy: well, if they amputate at least you'll be alright

Daddy: get it?????????

Daddy: all-RIGHT

 

Harder: okay bye

 

Brock: lol

 

Sprout: grass tastes like shit

 

Brock: wut?

 

Sprout: I am not good at Shit on Your neighbor

Sprout: and the punishment of losing is eating grass

Sprout: fucking Oh Sehun had trump

Sprout: and I called for too many tricks

 

Brock: lo siento

 

Sprout: I don’t speak french bro

 

Brock: neither do I 

Brock: but that is everyone?

 

Daddy: I think so

 

Mommy: xuxi

Mommy: you and your party better not have trashed Channie’s house

Mommy: you ALREADY brought him alcohol

Mommy: which is even MORE illegal than drinking it yourself

 

Brock: yeah my b

Brock: he’s fine tho

Brock: so is the house

Brock: everything is fine babe

Brock: don't worry about it

 

Avocado: is the guest house a guest IN the house? A houseguest to the main house?

Avocado: houseguest

 

MoonMoon: gesundheit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that was the chapter, i tried to envision the highschool boy vibe, for the Weedz chat. I hope it wasn't confusing, or was weird. I liked writing it, and I actually edited this chapter (re: I went back to look for mistakes and ended up writing more)  
> I enjoyed it, so I hope you enjoy it! It was pretty fun to write, considering I wasn't feeling the more "Lee Chan" perspective. We kinda have a "Lucas" perspective instead!   
> anyways, we have some angst ahead in the next chapter, which Is part of the double update! I'm gonna talk more there, cuz that is more of the end point of my story plan "Chapter 21" (which has become three chapters, but what can you do)  
> Leave Comments (I love them so much) Leave Kudos (we actually broke 200 Kudos which is ridiculous, and probably witchcraft) or just keep reading! The hits mean the world to me!  
> (Hey also I'm looking for a beta reader, if you want to work on this monster with me, or literally anything else, comment!!)  
> ((I'm in history right now (GovEcon if you wanna be fancy) and I'm bored out of my mind, so legit, comment. I'll even talk to yall about snakes, or freaking Grapes of Wrath (we read it freshman year and I STILL hate it) or pretty much anything! I like to talk!)
> 
> (If u confused about names, who any of the characters are, or anything, I'm gonna do my normal links and descriptions in the next chapter, so just keep on keeping on!)


	23. Fistfights and The Weedz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this is the second part thing of the chapter before! Please read that one too or you'll be confused as heck!  
> Please leave me comments and kudos if you want! I love you! Enjoy!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lee Chan: Leech  
> Seungcheol: Sunshine  
> Joshua: HotStuff  
> Jeonghan: HoneyHoney  
> Lucas (NCT): Brock, Yaoi  
> Jungkook (BTS): HAWT  
> Taehyung (BTS): MoonMoon  
> Jungwoo (NCT): Mommy  
> Jooheon (Monsta X): Sprout  
> Changkyun (Monsta X): Puppy  
> Yugyeom (GOT7): Daddy  
> BamBam (GOT7): Penis  
> Youngjae (GOT7): DungeonPorn  
> Mark (NCT): MorkMork  
> Wooseok (Pentagon): Avocado  
> Kino (Pentagon): Cowboy  
> Yuto (Pentagon): Harder  
> Junhong (BAP): NoodleMan  
> Hyunjin (Stray Kids): Vuitton  
> Sanghyuk (VIXX): Hack  
> WinWin (NCT): LingLing  
> Taemin (SHINee): fUCK
> 
> k lets go

Not My Drug Dealer (2)

 

Leech: hYung!

Leech: LUCAS hyUNg

 

Yaoi: yes shrimp?

Yaoi: are we out of something? Is one of my friends doing something stupid?

 

Leech: N o

Leech: fUck U

Leech: whR r UU

Leech: I neeD a PuNCH

Leech: no

Leech: I nEEdto P unch u

 

Yaoi: are you drunk?

 

Leech: nO

Leech: MayBEe

Leech: FuCkYOu

 

Yaoi: shit

 

Leech: Don nOt telL CheoLLie hyUngie

Leech: pl Ease

 

Yaoi: shIT

Yaoi: why r u mad at me

 

Leech: peepsR b reaKing thingss

Leech: myM om isd goNna bE soooo maD

Leech: sHe alRedy haTse me

Leech: sooFuckU

  


Weedz (18)

 

Brock: okay

Brock: important

Brock: I don’t know who’s here

Brock: who’s drunk or high

Brock: whatever

Brock: but like

Brock: what’t the damage to the house pls

 

NoodleMan: why dude?

 

Brock: cuz Lee chan is drunk off his ass, and this party might be out of hand

 

NoodleMan: oh my god

NoodleMan: where is the kid I need a video of this

 

Brock: NO

Brock: damage sound off please

 

HAWT: I’m in the big room in the basement, there’s beer in the carpet

HAWT: glitter, somehow

HAWT: and a thong on the ceilling fan

HAWT: taemin you missing a thong?

 

fUCK: nope, I don't wear thongs

fUCK: more of a spandex type of guy

 

Avocado: some kid stubbed his joint on the couch in the gesundheit

Avocado: wow

Avocado: that’s not the right word

 

Brock: no it is not bro

Brock: good for noticing

 

Sprout: coffe e table is broke as heck

Sprout: no fixing that #nicejobSanghyuk

Sprout: and there’s a beanbag in the garbage disposal

Sprout: it sounds like Satan gargling sand

 

Hack: fuck

Hack: someone's bedroom was entered

 

Hack: it’s fucking destroyed

 

Brock: are you drunk Sanghyuk?

 

Hack: not as much as I should be to deal with this

Hack: there is jizz everywhere

Hack: it’s not the master I think

 

Brock: thank god

 

Hack: but there is no way they aren’t going to have to get new carpet

Hack: and like sheets and shit

 

Brock: do the walls have posters?

 

Hack: a few

 

Brock: what kind of posters?

 

Hack: Minecraft

Hack: Pitbull

Hack: Eminem

 

Brock: Junseo

Brock: crap

 

Hack: someone jerked off on the Pitbull one

 

Brock: nasty

 

Daddy: Mr. Worldwide

 

fUCK: uh

fUCK: yukei?

 

Brock: why is there foreboding?

 

NoodleMan: poor writing

 

fUCK: what would you tell me If I told HYPOTHETICALLY you that the guy I was blowing fell into the toilet?

fUCK: and is now kinda stuck?

fUCK: his ass is stuck

 

Brock: you have got to be kidding me

 

fUCK: is that a good “you’ve got to be kidding me”?

 

Brock: are you for real right now Taemin?

 

fUCK: uh

fUCK: hypothetically

fUCK: what if I was?

 

Brock: wow

Brock: fuck

Brock: is he really stuck in there?

 

fUCK: yes?

 

Brock: shit

Brock: I really don't know how to help you man

Brock: sorry

 

Mommy: Wong Fucking Yukhei

 

LingLing: ooh that means trouble

LingLing: bye Lucas

LingLing: we will always remember you

 

Mommy: I Am Here

Mommy: And You Better Be Telling All These Kids To Go Home

Mommy: Or I Will

 

Brock: noooo

Brock: Please babe?????????

Brock: we can figure this out and still have a good time

 

Mommy: well I am Here

Mommy: and Lee Chan is on the curb in front of his house in tears

Mommy: you Better fuckign figure it out

 

Brock: oh shit

Brock: what happened???

 

fUCK: is he okay?

 

HAWT: shit is the little guy okay?

 

Penis: who HURT MY CHILD

 

Mommy: he’s not okay

Mommy: and I am this close to taking his phone and calling his parents and his RESPONSIBLE hyungs

 

Brock: waitwaitwaitwait

Brock: don’t do that

Brock: help me clear these guys out, okay?

Brock: they already don't like me enough

 

Mommy: I’m only doing this for Chan right now

Mommy: you and I, are officially on a break

 

Brock: oh come on babe!

Brock: I’m gonna say sorry, and I’ll help fix the house

 

Mommy: you are SO lucky that Chan’s parent’s don’t get home for another two weeks

 

Brock: I know I know

 

Mommy: so clear it out

Mommy: now

 

Brock: okay

  


OT3 Boyss!! <3 (3)

 

HotStuff: I’m worried about Chan

HotStuff: and you Seungcheol

HotStuff: come home from the damn library already

HotStuff: we saved you noodles

HotStuff: but they won't stay warm forever

 

HoneyHoney: everything gets cold eventually

 

HotStuff: not my love for youuuuuuuu shuaaaa

 

HoneyHoney: awwwww <3333333333333

 

HotStuff: and you cheollieeeeee

 

HoneyHoney: he better respond

 

HotStuff: he better come home

 

HoneyHoney: yeah cheollie, Shua we love youuuu and neeeed youuuuu

 

HotStuff: yeahhhh come hommeeee

 

Sunshine: I’m coming home soon

Sunshine: give me fifteen more minutes

 

HoneyHoney: yay!!

HoneyHoney: but you should come home now

HoneyHoney: we have noodles

 

Sunshine: why are you worried about Chan though?

 

HotStuff: idk

HotStuff: It’s more of a feeling

HotStuff: It’s just like, his parents and stuff

HotStuff: don't listen to me I'm crazy

 

HoneyHoney: but like same

HoneyHoney: you aren't crazy babe!

HoneyHoney: them just leaving him and all?

 

HotStuff: yeah

 

Sunshine: I know what you mean

Sunshine: but I trust Chan to come to us if he has a problem

Sunshine: anyways, fifteen more minutes, and then I’ll come home and we can talk face to face

 

HotStuff: hurry home babe!

 

HoneyHoney: hurry home!!

 

Sunshine: <3

  


Weedz (18)

 

NoodleMan: yo Yukhei get to the livingroom from wherever you are

NoodleMan: Jungwoo just turned the music off

NoodleMan: and someone called him the f word

 

Sprout: fuck?

Sprout: is this a no cursing chat now?

Sprout: cuz that's not gonna last long

 

NoodleMan: no

NoodleMan: the OTHER f word

NoodleMan: you know what I mean????????

 

Sprout: oh

Sprout: the bad one for gay people?

 

NoodleMan: yeah

NoodleMan: the F word

 

Mommy: I’ts n to a problm

Mommy: sory thipibg ome hanf

 

Brock: wait who

Brock: gimme a sec babe

Brock: I’ll be there

Brock: they're fucking dead

 

NoodleMan: it was that one kid

NoodleMan: mullet

NoodleMan: he was responsible for that Chenle kid getting alfredo in his hair that one time

NoodleMan: you know????

 

 

Brock: HE FUCKIN DARED

Brock: FIRST TO HURT MY SON

Brock: THEN MY ONE TRUE BABE

Brock: I AM READY TO FIGHT

 

Mommy: thy aret leavign

Mommy: what do?

 

LingLing: this is going to get bad

LingLing: I have foreboding

LingLing: I’m going to go get Chan’s phone and call his hyungs

 

Mommy: ok ay

Mommy: they’re so masd

 

Brock: babe can you deal with guest house? I can deal the dance party

 

Mommy: ok

Mommy: be careful babe

 

LingLing: well, this is really awful

LingLing: I'm gonna go find Channie

 

Daddy: Damn the racists get mad when the music is turned off

Daddy: and most of the others

Daddy: Lucas is here, the lights are on, Junhui hyung is passed out on a couch

Daddy: Minghao I think went home, are any of Channie's hyungs here?

 

LingLing: I think I saw that hansol kid leave with that Seungkwan kid

LingLing: idk about anyone else

 

Daddy: who else is Channie's friends?

Daddy: uh, Yoon Sanha? and the other one?

Daddy: I wanna say Dwayne, but that's wrong

 

NoodleMan: I know who you mean

NoodleMan: they went in the pool, idk where they are now

 

Daddy: wb the skateboard kid

 

Vuitton: Felix? Memelix? My aussie??

 

Daddy: yeah that kid

 

Vuitton: I don't know the code to Bang Chan's tracking app so I wouldn't know

Vuitton: you gotta have to code to access the microchip location

 

Daddy: Bang Chan has Lee Felix microchipped?

 

Vuitton: I mean, if you were in charge of him, you'd want the microchip too

 

Daddy: fair enough

Daddy: does our little channie have any other friends??

 

LingLing: idk

LingLing: Squirrel kid?

 

Daddy: OH YEAH

Daddy: he was playing croquet with the stoners, but they all left a while ago

 

LingLing: damn

 

NoodleMan: holy shit

NoodleMan: well, Lucas sure knows how to fight

NoodleMan: and so apparently do the racists

NoodleMan: Lucas took offense to the angry homophobes

NoodleMan: hold my beer son

NoodleMan: Lucas needs backup

 

Daddy: hypothetical beer?

 

Daddy: Junhong????????

 

Hack: shit

Hack someone needs to break it up

Hack: someone help me Junhong is fuckin fighting with them now

 

Daddy: oh my god

 

Sprout: it looks like Lucas broke his nose

 

Hack: rEQUESTING BACKUP PLEASE

 

Sprout: I'm coming I'll be there

 

Daddy: Jungwoo!

Daddy: should I call the police?

 

Sprout: oh fuck this is bad

Sprout: this is bad

 

Daddy: THAT'S NOT HELPING 

 

Sprout: why are the homophobes so fit?????!!!!!!

Sprout: Hate does not build muscle!!!

 

Daddy: shit man

Daddy: JUNGWOO WHAT DO I DO????!!!!!

 

Mommy: someone get a hold of someone

Mommy: maybe the police, try to break it up, but for god's sake be careful!

Mommy: are they still fighting???!!

 

Daddy: No, Jooheon and Sanghyuk pulled fuckin Junhong and Lucas off of the racists. 

Daddy: Dowoon jumped in

Daddy: why do we not have him as a bro? 

 

Mommy: Is lucas okay??? Is Junhong okay??? 

 

LingLing: I’m with chan

LingLing: don’t call the police

LingLing: Channie is freaking out

 

Mommy: Call his hyungs they'll be able to freaking fix this, like uh, Joshua?

Mommy: or like, Junghan/Jeonghan

 

LingLing: Is “Seungcheol hyungie” the right person to call?

 

Mommy: fuck

Mommy: yes

Mommy: that's the one

Mommy: call him

Mommy: call him now

 

LingLing: okay, i'm calling him on Chan's phone, but you gotta tell me what to tell them please

 

Mommy: CALL ALREADY

  


_*Son is calling*_

_Accept call?..._

_*Son is calling*_

_Accept call?..._

 

_Accepting call!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! I'm gonna tell you about the Weedz boys. It's like 18 people. thats a big group chat, so I'm gonna explain  
> Lucas! Name: Brock (brock is a really Dudebro name, and Lucas is a dudebro) NCT!! We love him even if he's a doofus  
> Jungkook! Name: HAWT (he's hot, it is adequate (he's also 21 now and that's crazy, but in this fic he's 18)) He is from BTS, and the Maknae! We love him.  
> Taehyung! Name: MoonMoon (he's my bias wrecker, so he needs to chill.) He is also BTS (I love BTS) His name is MoonMoon because he's spacey, and kinda a weirdo, but a cute weirdo  
> Jungwoo! Name: Mommy (Him and Lucas used to be Mommy and Daddy, but Yugyeom fought Lucas for the name, and Lucas lost) NCT! (My overall NCT bias) And I love him. He is squishy and adorable, and so sweet (any of yall hyped for XiaoJun, Hendery, and YangYang??? I am  
> Jooheon! Name: Sprout (It was just a random name there is no anecdote for this one, Jooheon is just a sprout) He is Monsta X let's all love Monsta X because Monsta X is amazing  
> Changkyun!! Name: Puppy (He has a puppy face, like seriously. It's hella cute) He is my Monsta X bias I love him lots (he's the youngest, and also the rapper)  
> Yugyeom! Name: Daddy (He fought lucas and won so the name is his now) He is one of my Got7 biases, everyone go check out Got7's new song Lullaby!!!!  
> BamBam! he's also in got7! Name: Penis (just because. I feel like Yugyeom would have changed it to make Jungwoo or Youngjae mad) We love him he's Thai  
> Youngjae! Got7! Name: DungeonPorn (fun fact this is actually my name in my friend's phone, long story short I had the card in cards against humanity, and I just kept reusing it (that's illegal but I did it, I know, I'm a total badass, livin life on the edge) and so my friend changed my name to that. (The full thing is German Dungeon Porn, but I shortened it.))  
> Mark! NCT! Name: MorkMork (I was just feelin it, idk bro, let me live my life) Mark is such a hard worker, even if he is barely in this chapter. Speaking of Mark, We Go Up is AMAZING  
> Wooseok! Pentagon! Name: Avocado. Wooseok is the maknae of Pentagon (give them love cuz they're going through hard times cuz Cube sucks and needs to be sent through a meat grinder) Anyways, he has green hair now, and Hui (the leader, ONE of my Biases) called him an Avocado (Please go listen to Pentagon's Naughty Boy, cuz it's amazing and I love it)  
> Kino: Pentagon! Name: Cowboy. (I really don't know where this one is from, it just IS (that's like 90% of this story, I don't know where it comes from, It just is)) We love Kino (he is my other bias in Pentagon) (There's ten people, thats a lot, so like, I cant just CHOOSE just ONE, fight me I have lots of love to spare)  
> Yuto! Also Pentagon Name: Harder. (do I gotta explain this one?? Cuz like, it's a sexy thing, but I'm typing this in my study hall, and there's my bros sitting around me. They think I'm an innocent flower who doesn't write fanfiction, so I gotta be incognito) But we love Yuto as well. He's a boss ass rapper, and super adorable.  
> Junhong! BAP! ( I have strong feelings about BAP guys, they're like my favorites, and I'm sad that the leader has officially left, but TS Entertainment also needs to be sent through a meat grinder, dicks first, because BAP actually had to file lawsuits.) Name: NoodleMan (it makes sense, Zelo is like a noodle boy he's frickin gigantic) (Anyways, BAP is amazing and I love them, and I love their music and music videos. Please Love BAP  
> Hyunjin! Stray Kids (He is my bias wrecker, and needs to chillax)! Name: Vuitton, he didn't strike me as a gucci kid, and like, Vuitton is the only other name brand that I could think of at the moment, so that's what his name is!! (Hey, have y'all listened to Stray Kids's Voices?? Cuz It's fucking great, and I love it a lot, so you should love it too)  
> Sanghyuk! VIXX! He's the maknae, and he's also fuckign great. Name: Hack. It was gonna be hyuk, but when I was drafting on my phone, it was like "nah, his name is hack now" so I went with it.  
> WinWin! NCT! He's chinese and really fucking pretty. Like wow. Name: LingLing, (I don't know how I feel about this name, but it's too late to change it now so it's staying. I'll get someone to change it if we ever come back to the Weedz chat) I REALLY LOVE NCT  
> Taemin! SHINee's maknae!! A heckin good dancer, and I used to think he was cute and squishy, but then Ash showed me Move and I had to RethinkTM ( Me when I watched move: *softly* fuck) (tru story bro)  
> Anyways, this is really close to the max limit for my notes, and I'm proud (y'all didn't see how many times I had to go back and delete shit cuz we didn't have enough words. Right now, there is exactly 215 characters left, and I'm gonna use them all. THE NEXT CHAPTER FOR LITTLE ISLAND IS UP PLEASE LOVE MY OTHER STORY! COMMENT, KUDOS, JUST READ AND ENJOY I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH AND I'M ALMOST OUT OF CHARAC


	24. Handcuffs? Baby Leashes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S.Oups: Ravi Sanghyuk just made a break for it  
> S.Oups: I’m not gonna go after him
> 
> Ravioli: He was there, that’s the only thing that matters  
> Ravioli: he can’t hide forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi dudes, lots of names cuz we have several chats today, sorry. I know it's confusing when I do this, but I'll try to keep it straightforward!   
> SEVENTEEN BOYS  
> Seungcheol: Sunshine, Hyungie, S.Oups  
> Jeonghan: HoneyHoney, Mom Sense  
> Joshua: HotStuff  
> Chan: Son  
> (The rest of the names are still like Yoon J, and Kim M and stuff. Straightforward)  
> THE WEEDZ KIDS  
> Winwin: LingLing (NCT)  
> Taemin: fUCK (SHINee)  
> Brock: Lucas (NCT)  
> Mommy: Jungwoo (NCT)  
> Daddy: Yugyeom (Got7)  
> Puppy: Changkyun (Monsta X)  
> Sprout: Jooheon (Monsta X)  
> Penis: BamBam (Got7)  
> Hack: Sanghyuk (VIXX)  
> HAWT: Jungkook (BTS)  
> MoonMoon: Taehyung (BTS)  
> DungeonPorn: Youngjae (Got7)  
> Vuitton: Hyunjin (Stray Kids)  
> NoodleMan: Zelo (B.A.P)  
> Avocado: Wooseok (Pentagon)
> 
> Rap Godz  
> Ravi: Ravioli (VIXX)  
> Jackson: Wild&Sexy (Got7)  
> Mark: mArk (Got7)  
> Namjoon: MONday (BTS)  
> (There are others in this chat they just are asleep, it IS like two am)
> 
> Hottie Babes <33333  
> HyunAAAA: Hyuna (Triple H, formerly 4Minute)  
> Hyojongie: Hyojong (aka E'Dawn, Pentagon, Hyuna's real life boyfriend (I am fully supportive, have yall seen the new pictures on her insta!! It's heckin cute bros)  
> HwiHwi: Hwi (Pentagon. Another one of my OT3 people, Hyuna Hyojong, and Hwi used to make up triple H, and their music was awesome, but then Hyuna and Hyojong were like "bros, we are dating and have been dating for a long time" and Cube flipped their shit and expelled Hyuna and Hyojong. I'm bitter about that.)

OT3 <3

 

Sunshine: Not going to make it home in fifteen minutes

Sunshine: Fucking Lee Chan decided to throw a party

Sunshine: and now I have to go over and do damage control

 

HotStuff: wait what???

 

HoneyHoney: holy shit

HoneyHoney: do you need any help

 

HotStuff: Seungcheol you be careful

 

Sunshine: I don’t need help, but I’m bringing chan back with me

Sunshine: the kid that called me told me Chan was kinda freaking out

Sunshine: so we are nice parents rn, but tomorrow we are not

 

HoneyHoney: okay babe

HoneyHoney: love you, please keep us updated

 

HotStuff: yeah, do you want me to call you any backup??

 

Sunshine: can you call Ravi, or maybe Hyojong?

 

HoneyHoney: I can call dawnie, Shua you call Rav?

 

HotStuff: k

  
  


My Son (2)

 

Son: so like are you almost here?

 

Hyungie: I am almost here, anything I need to know about before I get there?

 

Son: uh, idk dude

Son: there was a fight

Son: some stuff is broken

 

Hyungie: good to know

Hyungie: also who the heck are you?

 

Son: I’m Sicheng

Son: but also like, I’m NOT sicheng

Son: If anyone asks who called the hyungs

Son: you catch my drift?

 

Hyungie: alright

  
  


The Weedz (18)

 

LingLing: heads up bois

LingLing: the hyung is arriving

  
  


Rap Gods (5)

 

Ravioli: Seungcheol I’m here

Ravioli: you need some authority?

 

S.Oups: Yes hyung. 

S.Oups: can you clear the kids out of the Guest house?

 

Ravioli: can do

Ravioli: this looks like a wild party

 

Wild&Sexy: party?

 

mArk: fyi Jackson just woke up from a dead sleep

mArk: why did you have to mention a party

 

Ravioli: Impressive

 

mArk: why do you need authority tho???

 

S.Oups: well my youngest decided to throw a party

S.Oups: and a fight broke out

S.Oups: and it was bad enough that his high school buddies decided they needed to call me

 

mArk: wow

mArk: what are you gonna do man?

 

S.Oups: well Hyojong is supposed to be here soon

S.Oups: so I’m gonna work on clearing kids out of here

S.Oups: and figuring out what’s next

 

Ravioli: I snagged some punch

Ravioli: to try to figure out what the hell these kids have been drinking

 

Wild&Sexy: sure

Wild&Sexy: that’s  _ totally  _ convincing

 

Ravioli: but no seriously

Ravioli: this shit is even more nasty than DKE’s death drink

Ravioli: we might have to call the ambulance for some kids

 

Wild&Sexy: I doubt it

Wild&Sexy: kids know how to drink these days

Wild&Sexy: gimme the adress

Wild&Sexy: I’ll come help out

 

S.Oups: thanks Jax

 

Wild&Sexy: no prob

 

mArk: damn it you lost me my cuddle buddy

 

Ravioli: sorry man

 

mArk: it’s chill it’s chill

 

Ravioli: oh hey! Mark you might wanna get your ass up anyways

Ravioli: Found your kid

Ravioli: Yugyeom right?

 

mArk: tHE FUCK 

mArk: don’t let him leave

mArk: Jackson you better wait for me

 

S.Oups: ravi I found your kid too

S.Oups: bloody knuckles and everything

 

Ravioli: SANGHYUK

 

S.Oups: yup

S.Oups: he looks shifty

S.Oups: like he’s gonna try to bolt

 

Ravioli: doesn’t matter you’ve already seen him

Ravioli: wow

Ravioli: Hakyeon and Leo are gonna skin that kid

 

Wild&Sexy: rip

 

S.Oups: Ravi can you make sure there aren’t kids in the guest house basement??

 

Ravioli: yeah bro i can do that

 

MONday: what are you guys doing

MONday: it’s like 3 am

 

Ravioli: Cheol’s baby threw a party

Ravioli: and a few of us are playing damage control

 

MONday: oh wow

MONday: that’s rough

 

S.Oups: Joon all of your kid’s crowd is here

S.Oups: and Yugyeom too

S.Oups: so there is a high probability that your kid is here

 

MONday: keep me posted then bro

 

mArk: why do we call them our children?

mArk:  they aren’t our children in the slightest

 

Ravioli: we practically raised these brats

Ravioli: we can call them our kids if we want

 

mArk: fair enough

mArk: Jackson and I are here

mArk: where is Yugyeom? I have a child to handcuff and drag back to his mother

 

Wild&Sexy: You wanna wake Jinyoung or do you want me to do it??

 

mArk: Jinyoung doesn’t scare me

mArk: I’m older than him

mArk: just make sure gyeom doesn’t get away

 

S.Oups: Ravi Sanghyuk just made a break for it

S.Oups: I’m not gonna go after him

 

Ravioli: He was there, that’s the only thing that matters

Ravioli: he can’t hide forever

  
  


The Weedz (18)

 

fUCK: guys I’m leaving

fUCK: I couldn’t get my blowjob buddy out of the toilet

fUCK: I’m just gonna make a break for it

 

Brock: NO! Taemin bro! You gotta help!

 

Mommy: They can leave if they want

Mommy: the only one that’s gotta stay is you

 

Brock: that’s not fairrr

 

Mommy: you started this mess, you’ll fix it

 

Daddy: Oh shit the hyungs are here

Daddy: There’s backup

 

Puppy: haha y’all are boned

 

Sprout: :(((((((

 

Puppy: Jooheon my shift is almost over come hang out

Puppy: Mr. Asshole manager is gone

Puppy: I’ll let you spin in the wheelie chairs

 

fUCK: can I come?

 

Puppy: hmmmm

 

Sprout: no

Sprout: my boyfriend

 

Puppy: I mean, sure?

 

Penis: oh shit guys

Penis: I’m out

 

Daddy: bammie! No! Don’t leave me! 

 

Penis: you might have been seen already dude

Penis: In fact, I’m sure as hell that mr. tattoos has seen you

Penis: and I know that him and Jackson hyung are tight

Penis: so later losers

 

Daddy: WAIT HE SAW ME??????

 

Penis: 100%

Penis: OH FUCK

Penis: I really AM out now

Penis: Mark hyung and Jackson hyung just pulled up, I would recognize that ugly ass car anywhere

 

Daddy: OH FUCK DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE

Daddy: BAM BAM YOU TRAITOR

 

Penis: bye yugyeom

Penis: have fun

Penis: I’m watching from a bush

Penis: MArk hyung looks PISSED

 

Hack: I was seen

Hack: I’m making a break for it

Hack: tattoos hyung is MY hyung

Hack: and I know for a fact that my other hyungs are gonna kill me

 

fUCK: come hang out at the office supplies store with me

 

Hack: k dude

Hack: meet you there

 

MoonMoon: Kookie lets’ leave man

MoonMoon: they could report us back to Jin hyung

MoonMoon: and I don’t wanna die

 

HAWT: bruh, I’m stuck in the guest house

HAWT: this dudes clearing rooms like a SWAT team

HAWT: I’d have to climb out a fuckin window to escape

 

MoonMoon: do you value your LIFE??????

 

HAWT: death by Jin hyung, or window escape?

 

MoonMoon: RUN JUNGKOOK RUN

 

HAWT: FUCK FINE I’M RUNNING

 

MoonMoon: I’m at my car, we’ll go get waffles

 

HAWT: OK

 

Daddy: guyssssss

Daddy: pls come to my funeral

 

DungeonPorn: nah

DungeonPorn: you stupid as fuck to get caught

DungeonPorn: Mark hyung is gonna come for you

DungeonPorn: and then you’ll die

 

Vuitton: not gonna mourn you

Vuitton: you shoulda left as soon as shit went south

Vuitton: as soon as the hyungs were called, I left

Vuitton: collected my OWN stupid friends

Vuitton: and we are now getting ice cream

 

NoodleMan: HAHAHAHAHAHA

NoodleMAn: yugyeom’s hyungs have him now

NoodleMan: they literally handcuffed him and put a baby leash on him so he couldn’t run away

 

MoonMoon: Omg

 

NoodleMan: I would send a pic, but I’m sure that that would reveal my hiding place

 

MoonMoon: alas

MoonMoon: we could have printed flyers saying “have you seen my dog?” 

 

NoodleMan: alas

 

Avocado: guys! I just found a person that looks EXACTLY like my hyung

Avocado: he’s even angry and everything!

Avocado: This is so AWESOME

  
  


Hottie Babes <33333 (3)

 

Hyojongie: hey Hui

Hyojongie: get your ass up

Hyojongie: Seungcheol called me in to damage control a party

Hyojongie: and guess who I found!

 

HyunAAAA: wtf babe

HyunAAAA: sleeping

 

Hyojongie: justice waits for no one

 

HyunAAAA: Is that a goddamn batman quote?

 

Hyojongie: idk

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: HWI

 

HwiHwi: dude

HwiHwi: sleeping

 

HyunAAAA: see babe? 

HyunAAAA: we LIKE sleep

 

Hyojongie: HWI

Hyojongie: don’t care

Hyojongie: Wooseok your avocado gremlin brother is high as a kite

Hyojongie: and being a problem

Hyojong: he needs collecting

 

HwiHwi: wtf

 

HyunAAAA: I respect that

 

Hyojongie: It’s not that he’s high, it’s just that he needs to get home

 

HwiHwi: I’m not HOME tho

HwiHwi: I was with hyuna

 

HyunAAAA: I had to go figure out a “fashion emergency” at work though

HyunAAAA: and Just crashed at one of my coworkers houses near the fashion house

 

HwiHwi: I’m at hyuna’s still

 

Hyojongie: can you come collect your giraffe baby?

 

HwiHwi: let me get up let me get up

 

HyunAAAA: are you guys mad at him?

 

Hyojongie: nah

Hyojongie: he’s just being large and problamatic and needs to find a home

 

HwiHwi: call Jino

 

HyunAAAA: yeah!

 

Hyojongie: y’all are the worst significant others

Hyojongie: you want me to call an even SMALLER person 

Hyojongie: to deal with a giant ass baby

Hyojongie: who is YOUR (fuckin hwitaek’s) BROTHER

 

HyunAAAA: I can come collect, but he’d be coming back to my apartment

 

HwiHwi: bring him

HwiHwi: I gotta chide him for being problamatic

HwiHwi: Dawnie tell him “Wooseok! Don’t be problematic! If you’re gonna get high don’t get underfoot.”

 

Hyojongie: Dude I don’t think he even recognizes me.

Hyojongie: “Omg my brooooo, you look JUST like one of my angry Hyungs!”

 

HyunAAAA: hahahah, omg

HyunAAAA: Hwitaek your baby brother is AWESOME

HyunAAAA: Hyojong, you better get videos

 

Hyojongie: who do you take me for?

Hyojongie: an idiot?

Hyojongie: Of course I have videos

 

HyunAAAA: <3 thanks boo

 

HwiHwi: love you hyojong, hyunnie drive safe k?

HwiHwi: <3

 

OT3 <3

 

Sunshine: omw home now

Sunshine: got all the idiots out of chans house

 

HoneyHoney: you got chan?

 

Sunshine: fuck

Sunshine: I forgot him

 

HotStuff: wow

HotStuff: breaking news, loving father forgets his drunk son

 

Sunshine: not omw then

Sunshine:  I gotta turn around

 

HoneyHoney: haha idiot

HoneyHoney: Parent of the Year Award

 

HotStuff: did you lock up Channie’s house?

 

HoneyHoney: DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE

 

Sunshine: as best as I could. There was a window broken

Sunshine: Jesus I was at a stoplight

 

HoneyHoney: >:(

 

HotStuff: relax babe

 

HoneyHoney: were any of the others at the party? 

 

HotStuff: what do you mean?

 

HoneyHoney: well, I have a premonition

HoneyHoney: call it my epic mom sense

 

HotStuff: *cough* poor writing *cough*

 

HoneyHoney: I’m gonna say this from the bottom of my heart Joshua,

HoneyHoney: fuck you

 

HotStuff: answer my question mop

 

HoneyHoney: mop?

 

HotStuff: long hair

HotStuff: answer

 

HoneyHoney: well, like anyone else that we love and cherish

HoneyHoney: like Seokminnie, or maybe hansol, or something

 

HotStuff: text the groupchat

 

HoneyHoney: k babe <3

 

HotStuff: <3333333

 

Group Chan (13)

 

_ Yoon Jeonghan has changed his name! _

_ Changed from  _ Yoon J.  _ to  _ Mom Sense!

 

Mom Sense: WAKE UP NERDS

Mom Sense: IMPORTANT QUESTION

 

Lee J: fuck you jeonghan

 

Mom Sense: hi Jihoon

Mom Sense: Which ones of you bitchass idiots knew Chan was throwing a party

 

Lee J: It’s fucking three in the morning

 

Mom Sense: On a weekend

Mom Sense: your point is?

 

Lee J: I’m going to literally kill you tomorrow

 

Mom Sense: nope

Mom Sense: you ARE going to help Cheol Shua and I fix Chan’s house

 

Kim M: wtf is going on

 

Hong J: Jeonghan

Hong J: you didn’t have to phrase it like that

 

Mom Sense: I did

Mom Sense: I know SOME of you knew about the party

  
  


Le Squishies (2)

 

Seungkwan: hyung

 

Jisoo: yes?

Jisoo: hi kwannie what do you need?

 

Seungkwan: I know who knew 

 

Jisoo: oh

Jisoo: you are one of those people, aren’t you

 

Seungkwan: yeah

Seungkwan: I was there

Seungkwan: I’m sorry

 

Jisoo: It’s okay, thank you for telling me

Jisoo: I know you might not want to

Jisoo: but I need to know who else was there

 

Seungkwan: um, Minghao knew, Junhui hyung knew, Hansol knew and Dokyeom hyung knew

 

Jisoo: Seokmin knew??????

 

Seungkwan: he didn’t go though

Seungkwan: It was supposed to be no alcohol, and then there was going to be alcohol

Seungkwan: so he didn’t go

 

Jisoo: makes more sense

Jisoo: thank you >.<

 

Seungkwan: am I going to be in trouble?

 

Jisoo: a little, you guys said you were’nt having a party

Jisoo: but not as much as others

 

Group Chan (13)

_ There are new chats that you haven’t seen! Scroll up to see them, or just keep up at the bottom! _

 

Kim M: but that’s why you have to  _ inject _ the redbull

Kim M: it doesn’t work if it’s just going through the coffee maker

 

Lee J: and you know HOW?????

 

Jeon W: you don’t wanna know

Jeon W: It ended in a hospital visit

 

Kim M: It wasn’t  _ that  _ bad

 

Jeon W: bro

 

Lee J: bro

 

Kwon S: y’all are scrubs

Kwon S: have you ever boiled 5hr energies, caffine pills, and redbull AND THEN run it though the coffee maker??

 

Lee J: holy fuck

Lee J: I’m working on suppressing your caffiene overdose

 

Kwon S: I saw Obama Jihoonie

Kwon S: he told me things, many things

 

Kim M: like what

 

Kwon S: your tongue print is just like your fingerprint, everyone’s is different

 

Kim M: lame

Kim M: Google could have told me that

 

Kwon S: I’m not just going to tell you the word of President Jesus

 

Hong J: jesus?

 

Kwon S: nothing hyung

Kwon S: go back to whatever you were doing

 

Jeon W: I saw the shadow men when I got my wisdom teeth removed

Jeon W: and the aliens

 

Kwon S: would you tell the peasants the words of the shadow men?

 

Jeon W: no

Jeon W: they told me to guard my secrets with my life

Jeon W: and also to put olive oil down the shower drain every now and then to feed  _ it _

 

Kim M: babe wtf?

Kim M: is that why the olive oil lives in the bathroom?

 

Kwon S: where else would it live?

 

Kim M: uh, I don’t know, the KITCHEN?????

 

Kwon S: the olive oil lives in the bathroom

Kwon S: we aren’t cowards

 

Jeon W: we die like men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooo. Less funny chapter, sorry my dudes. I've become distracted, with school. (I went to chicago to go to a BTS concert, and missed a math test, and because my math teacher likes to make kids cry, he put it in as a zero so I'd be "motivated" to complete it. so yeah. Stress, fun.   
> There are a few announcments, and then we can get to the people? (I think? I might end up putting them by the names at the top, so yeah.)   
> 1.) new story! "Metal" it's a Hurt/Comfort EXO fic based on the lip ring that Baekhyun wore in Monster (that damn thing haunted my dreams guys)  
> 2.) Little Island, BTS plane crash fic, has a few new chapters, go check it out!  
> 3.) NCT dropped the english song. It's great! (I'm only 30% bitter, because MY bais Jungwoo got 2 lines, and My One TRue Soulmate Ash's bias Johnny got even LESS, and they keep doing winwin dirty by giving him nothing) Have a link my babes! https:   
> //www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj-VU9oK2Yo  
> 4.) Yixing, one of my Ultimate Biases has dropped his OWN english MV, and I died. It was AMAZING, Yixing is such a boss, and like, all I can say is wow he's such an awesome and good person. Yes. Link!!! https:   
> //www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArF1OQFQHzw&t=0s&index=3&list=PLwkr4ZZXZ127UoPxeQs2ouHZntBA-V_Px  
> 5.) like I said, I went to a BTS concert, and like, if anyone wants to talk to me about it, cuz I'm in shock (still) I would be glad to, and I WOULD put a chapter up or smthn of my best pics that I got, but I STILL don't know how to put pics in. Lo siento mis amigos.   
> 6.) SHOUTOUT to ilhoonminati, (It's not a chapter dedication yet, when I put BTOB in, then I will dedicate to you, this is only a shoutout to tell you that I haven't forgotten!!) <333 Thank you, and much love!!!!  
> 7.) Hyuna put pictures of her and E'Dawn's date on her insta, and its amazing. I miss them so much, and Cube needs to go deepthroat a cactus.   
> ANYWAYS, leave me comments if you hated or loved it, I will trade criticism for lizard facts, Kudos if you want, check out my other stuff, or just read! I'm gonna try to have the next chapter up either this week, or next, idk. This was ya boy, Alex, comin at you live (not really)!! Love you all!!!!!!!!!


	25. Veganism and the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee J: why loud  
> Lee J: pls sh
> 
> Kwon S: babe don’t pretend u were sleeping  
> Kwon S: I could hear the America’s Next Top Model music from the bedroom
> 
> Lee J: why u gotta expose me babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR ALL OF YALL WHO WERE LIKE "wtf Alex, all your different Chats are confusing as HECK" WE BACK WITH JUST OUR BOYS AW YEEAHH  
> anyways names  
> Choi Seungcheol: (Is not in this chat. Fast asleep on the couch, had to stay up really really late last night dealing with Chan's party)  
> Yoon Jeonghan: MomSense  
> Joshua Hong: Hong J  
> Wen Junhui: Sleeping off the hangover of his life with Minghao on their kitchen floor  
> Kwon Soonyong: Kwon S  
> Jeon Wonwoo: Jeon W  
> Lee Jihoon: Lee J, Ding  
> Lee Seokmin: Lee S (an extra! Seokmin is not at his apartment (that's where Junhao is) he is working early at a Cafe)  
> Kim Mingyu: Kim M  
> Xu Minghao: Asleep on the kitchen floor with Jun  
> Boo Seungkwan: at his house, he split early from the party (I hope I mentioned this) and SCoups did not see him (he was already gone))  
> Chwe Hansol: Seungkwan dragged him away, and took him home. Currently sleeping off a hangover  
> Lee Chan: Asleep, and also duct taped to the bed frame so he doesn't run away before he can get a proper lecture from Seungcheol
> 
> Extras!  
> Yang Daehee is Chan's mom  
> Han Soojung is Sanghyuk's Mom (the rest of the Vixx boys are the ones that Mrs. Han is trying to get Sanghyuk to drop but Sanghyuk will hold onto them with his LIFE)  
> Lucas is mentioned, he will be back next chapter

Group Chan (13)

_ (7) active  _

 

Kwon S: my dudes

Kwon S: my bros

 

Lee S: yes hello

 

Kwon S: SEOKMIN

Kwon S: yee to my haw

Kwon S: I have a question but not for you

 

Lee S: ooooh

Lee S: is it an interesting question?

 

Kwon S: yes

Kwon S: I either need Jeonghan or Minghao

 

Lee J: why loud

Lee J: pls sh

 

Kwon S: babe don’t pretend u were sleeping

Kwon S: I could hear the America’s Next Top Model music from the bedroom

 

Lee J: why u gotta expose me babe

Lee J: I thought we were something

 

Kwon S: you broke my coffee mug tho

 

Lee S: ooh trouble in paradise

 

Lee J: shut up SEokmin you are as single as a shrimp

 

Lee S: that’s true 

Lee S: I’m a threat

 

Kwon S: anyways

Kwon S: do either of you know how to summon the devil

 

Kim M: I think you have to sacrifice a virgin

 

Kwon S: do we have any virgins?

 

Kim M: I mean, you and I both have committed boyfriends.

 

Kwon S: yeep, and I was your dorm buddy

Kwon S: I heard the things you got up to

 

Kim M: I will not apoloigze for that. 

Kim M: you brought freaking Shin Wonho home that one time

Kim M: you and him got FREAKY

 

Kwon S: oh yeah that guy

 

Lee J: can we NOT talk about your sex life?

 

Kwon S: aww babe, don’t be a spoilsport!

 

Kim M: yeah Jihoon! Now Soonyoung’s sex life is YOUR sex life too!

 

Lee J: alexa? How do you hide a body discreetly?

 

Lee S: jihoon alexa can’t hear you over text

 

Lee J: I know you dipstick

 

Kwon S: I do think Jihoonie is trying to be

Kwon S: humerous

 

Kim M: Hmm, I do believe you are correct, colleague

 

Kwon S: yes yes, thank you. I do hope your wife is alright

 

Kim M: She’s fine, just dandy. To make up for my absence I am taking her to New York for a day trip

 

Kwon S: ah, right. And your cousin has recovered?

 

Kim M: of course, he is perfectly alright now. The drop in the stock market gave the old boy a good scare, but he is completely recovered now

Kim M: how is the polo club old chap

 

Kwon S: it’s doing fine, we are ouutsourcing to america now, and our product is popular

 

Kim M: of course, I mean the last tournament

Kim M: wait

Kim M: are we talking about different kinds of polo?

 

Kwon S: I’m talking about the shirt, what are YOU talking about?

 

Kim M: I don’t even know anymore

Kim M: the game where rich white dudes go around on horses and hit things with hammers

 

Kwon S: the fucK?

 

Lee J: you are BOTH correct

Lee J: now shut up

 

Kim M: I think nNOT

Kim M: we are HAPPY pretending to be financially stable

 

Kwon S: yeah! I like pretending to be an ugly old white guy who doesn’t know what debt is

Kwon S: either that or his rich trophy wife

Kwon S: I feel like I could be a good trophy wife. 

 

Lee J: no

Lee J: STOP MAKING THE CHAT GO DING

 

_ Kwon Soonyong has changed Lee Jihoon’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ default  _ to  _ Ding

 

Ding: Kwon soonyoung I will take the lightbulbs out of all your lamps

 

Kwon S: we COULD be talking about our sex life Jihoon, LET ME LIVE

 

Ding: …

Ding: you know fair point continue on

 

Kwon S: nope

Kwon S: you killed it

Kwon S: just like when you were talking about lettuce while I was trying to suck your dick

Kwon S: and killed my boner

 

Kim M: damn Jihoon that’s cold

 

Lee S: like 

Lee S:  _ iceberg lettuce _

 

Kim M: stop.

 

Lee S; fair

 

Kwon S: ANYWAYS

Kwon S: I need to summon Lucifer or Satan

Kwon S: got a bit sidetracked, I’ll admit

Kwon S: but I have a pressing question

 

Kim M: I still think we need to sacrifice a virgin

 

Kwon S: THE ONLY VIRGIN IS CHAN AND JEONGHAN WILL KILL US IF WE KILL HIS BABY

 

Kim M: he’d have to enter the chat to kill us

 

Kwon S: GOOD POINT

 

Kim M: but do we kill the baby? 

 

Kwon S: you know, I have a feeling he has already passed on to the spirit world

Kwon S: just a premonition

 

Kim M: fair point

Kim M: summon Joshua hyung, and the get JOSH to summon Jeonghan?

 

Kwon S: ooooh

 

Lee S: you know I’ve been gone for a second to make toast

Lee S: and I come back

Lee S: and Kim Mingyu said a smart thing

 

Kim M: oh thanks guys.

Kim M: I can Be SMART you know!! 

 

Jeon W: you poured spoiled milk in your cereal, tasted it, said “this sucks” forgot about it, came back to your cereal, tasted it again, and said AGAIN “this sucks”

Jeon W: you are a straigt fool Gyu

 

Kim M: I’m actually more of a wiggly fool

Kim M: on account of me being Wonwoosexual

 

Jeon W: get your cheese out of here I’m lactose intalerant

  
  


Kim M: no you’re not?

 

Jeon W: comedic affect

 

Kwon S: as much as I love to see meanie banter and all that

Kwon S: I am moer important 

Kwon S: JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK FIST ME IN THE ASS SATAN

 

Lee S: that was

Lee S: …

Lee S: agressive

 

Hong J: Soonyoungie please watch your language

 

Kwon S: #Whippedforjesus

Kwon S: #jesusfanboy

Kwon S: #jesus’snumberonebitch

 

Hong J: #amnot

 

Kwon J: #myname’sJoshandIgotochurch #EVERYSUNDAY

 

Hong J: #atleastjeusulovesme 

 

Kwon S: #JOSHUAHONGJesus’sWHORE

 

Hong J: #stop #freakingheathen #havefuninhell

 

Kwon S: okay this is fun and all but I need you to summon Jeonghan for me hyung

 

Lee S: that was terrifying to watch

Lee S: Joshua hyung is to strong for us

 

Kim M: that’s why he’s so skinny

Kim M: if he was any buffer we wouldn’t stand a chance

 

Lee S: the bitch squad against the armies of heaven

 

Kim M: are YOU ready to fight in the  _ D E M O N W A R _

 

Lee S: born ready

 

Kwon S: CAN YALL STOP SO HYUNG CAN SUMMON THE DEVIL

 

Kim M:  _ O U R L E A D E R _

 

Lee S: if only the meme kids were here

Lee S: they would appreciate us

 

Hong J: I’ll call for him

Hong J: just give me space to work

 

Kwon S: be my guest

 

Ding: this better be the most life changing question in the world soonyoung

 

Kwon S: trust me, it’s lifechanging

 

Kim M: couldn’t you have just asked him in a private chat? 

 

Kwon S: you all need to expereice this with me

 

Lee S: y’all

 

Kim M: y’all

 

Kwon S: stop

 

Hong J: Bebe! Soonyoungie has a question! Can you come and answer it pleasee!!! <3333

Hong J: <333 <333 <333

 

MomSense: hi babe <3333333

 

Hong J: <33333 hai 

 

Ding: can someone just hit my head with a hammer?

 

MomSense: dramatic much

MomSense: what does our dear Soonyoung need my wisdom for??

 

Kwon S: okay hi hyung

Kwon S: I lost my flow so gimmie a sec

Kwon S: … 

Kwon S: …

Kwon S: do vegans swallow?

 

MomSense: okay bye

 

Kwon S: ANSWER ME

 

MomSense: give me ONE good reason you are shaming me for my vegan days

 

Kwon S: well I would be shaming minghao rn

Kwon S: but he’s probz sleeping off a hangover

 

MomSense: interesting…

MomSense: but vegans swallow

 

Kim M: WAIT

Kim M: is jizz an animal product?

 

Kwon S: I mean, unless it’s animal jizz, it’s a human product

Kwon S: and although I strongly believe that Joshua hyung and Jeonghan hyun are furries

Kwon S: they wouldn’t go that far

 

Hong J: excuse me?

 

_ Kim Mingyu has changed Joshua Hong’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ default _ to  _ EXPOSED!

 

EXPOSED: I am a child of GOD

EXPOSED: If anyone’s the furry here it’s Mingyu

 

Kim M: let he who hath no kinks cast the first shame

 

EXPOSED: I saw the cat ears Mingyu don’t run from me

 

Lee S: wow

Lee S: Joshua hyung is in rare form today

 

MomSense: I know right?

MomSense: It’s kinda hot

 

Lee S: plese take ur thirst to another groupchat

 

Kwon S: okay but follow up question

Kwon S: since HUMAN jizz is likea human product

Kwon S: does that make people who swallow cannibals?

 

Kim M: youknow, I have

Kim M: never thought of it that way

 

Jeon W: if people who swallow are cannibals, then SOME of us are in trouble

 

Hong J: y’all need jesus

 

Kim M: y’all 

 

Kwon S: y’all

 

Hong J: #stop

 

Kim M: ugh I feel like we have already had the “who swallows and who doesn’t” argument here

 

Lee S: I know what you mean dude

Lee S: if only the author could just REMEMBER who she siad swalloed and who she siad didn’t

Lee S: life would be much easier

 

Kim M: wow bitter much?

 

Lee S: Bitter is my middle name

 

Ding: *sneezes*

 

Lee S:????????

 

Kim M:??????//???

 

Ding: sorry I’m just allergic to bullshit

 

Kim M: ooooohhhh

Kim M: I do believe that Jihoon is trying humor again

 

Ding: I know where you sleep Mingyu

 

Lee S: fight

 

Kwon S: RUMBLE

 

Ding: let’s fucking fight Mingyu

 

Kim M: lets

KIm M: but it has to be in the parking lot of the Clean Foods

Kim M: we are not heathens

 

Ding: fair enough

Ding: I know a guy there

 

Kim M: who? 

 

Ding: it’s a secret

 

Kim M: if it’s a secret, then it’s fake

 

Ding: is NOT

 

Kim M: is TOO

 

Ding: nOT

 

Kim M: tOO

 

MomSense: jesus christ it’s like watching a lame dingo trying to gum a rock

 

Lee S: that makes sense

Lee S: but yet it doesn’t

 

MomSense: BREAK IT UP

 

Ding: go suck a dick Jeonghan

 

Lee S: *gasp*

 

Jeon W: *dramatic gasp*

 

MomSense: you know what

MomSense: I will

 

Hong J: no you won’t Chan is sleeping downstairs

 

MomSense: you know what

MomSense: I won’t

 

Lee S: also

Lee S: you said last night that we needed to help with cleaning Chan’s house??

 

MomSense: wow!

MomSense: you are SUCH a good actor Seokmin!!!! :))))))))))

 

Ding: that is fucking terrifying

Ding: I feel so threatened by that

 

Lee S: welp

Lee S: the gigs up boys

 

MomSense: I’m actually not mad at you really

MomSense: you didn’t go to the damn party

 

Lee S: I am a guilty man though

 

MomSense: yup

MomSense: enjoy your freedom

 

Lee S: I will enjoy my freedom 

 

MomSense: SPEAKING OF FREEDOM

MomSense: I need help locating Minghao, Junhui, Seungkwan, Vernon, and Lucas

 

Kim M: Lucas the kid who set sheep loose in the high school lucas?

 

Jeon W: Lucas who once ate fifteen big macs Lucas?

 

MomSense: yes

 

Kim M: oooooooooooooooo

  
  


_ Private Chat to  _ Yang Daehee _ from  _ Han Soojung

  
  


Han S: Hey, Daehee!

Han S: how is your vacation going?

 

Yang D: Soojung! It’s going amazing! Zhang Wei is really enjoying the family time with our sons

 

Han S: that sounds really nice!

Han S: anyways, you left one of your boys at home, right? 

 

Yang D: yes of course

Yang D: Wei and I decided that we wanted to spend time with just his children

Yang D: Chan and the boys haven’t really gotten along, but Chan isn’t very sociable

 

Han S: I know how you feel, my own boy Sanghyuk had trouble coming out of his shell

Han S: he had some friends that were not good for him

Han S: so Byungsol and I decided that he needed new friends, luckily all of the problematic ones were off to college quickly. He was the youngest

 

Yang D: ah, I remember Sanghyuk!

Yang D: how is he doing?

 

Han S: he is working hard to earn money so he can be self dependent in college!

 

Yang D: that’s so exciting, he graduated this year, correct?

 

Han S: Yes! Byungsol and I are going to miss him so much

 

Yang D: My oldest is a senior next year

 

Han S: I keep getting sidetracked, but did you allow Chan to have a party at your house while you were gone?

 

Yang D: no! Did he have one???!!!

 

Han S: Yes, I wouldn’t have noticed, but you know that we live a street over, and Sanghyuk came home drunk!

Han S: and so Byungsol went out to investigate, and if those problematic boys were near our house he was going to call the police

Han S: and he saw a bunch of people leave your house, a couple older boys were trying to clear people out

Han S: but Chan had a party

 

Yang D: oh no! 

 

Han S: I think that the friends we are trying to cut out of his life coerced Sanghyuk to the party

 

Yang D: of course! Sanghyuk is such a sweet boy

 

Han S: anyways, I have to get to my Zumba class, but I just thought you should know

 

Yang D: of course, Thank you so much, I hope Sanghyuk goes to a good college, and gets rid of those boys that drag him down!

 

Han S: no thank you! Have fun on your vacation! Make sure to put a lot of pictures on facebook! 

 

Yang D: of course! Goodbye

 

Han S: Bye bye!

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WASSUP MY DUDES I'M PUMPED FOR SOME REASON who knows why, only jesus knows. ANYWAYS! GUYS! THIS IS FOR Nyaw (I love your profile picture btw) who truly believes in Hyuna and E'Dawn. I would ask Nyaw to marry me, but my soulmate Ash, who doesn't read fanfiction is my one true love (alas, but what can you do) (It's not like I can be like "yo ashley my true love, my one true soulmate, actual yee to my haw, the enchilada of my heart, I write dope ass fanfiction (jk it's trash, like me) and I want you to love it, and then love me) (That's just not how life works.) (Speaking of people who read fanfiction, only ONE of my other friends is a fandom-y buckaroo, AND reads fanfiction, but she "only reads fanfiction about fictitious characters" you know what kit kat, that's valid) (wow am I rambling what even is this end note) (I'm back in history, and let me tell y'all a thing, this class is EASY as FUCK, but since I get the assignments done so quickly (it's literally answering five questions) I forget to turn my shit in, and then my grade suffers) (I'm a mess lol) OKAY this makes like no sense, but I was told to never delete what you have written, only make it better so have a summary  
> CHAPTER IS FOR NYAW WHO HAS A CUTE AS FUCK PROFILE PICTURE  
> -I would like to propose to Nyaw, but I am in love with my one true soulmate Ash, and my kpop posters  
> -Ash doesn't read fanfiction so she will never know my love  
> -I have no friends that read fanfiction   
>  -except for Kit Kat but she doesn't count cuz she's a fanfiction SNOB  
>  \- that's valid tho don't hate  
> -I am bad at history even tho it's easy cuz I'm a dumbass who doesn't turn my shit in  
> Hmmmmmmmmmm, what else news?  
> i heard a rumor that Lucas (NCT) is going to walk the runway at Seoul Fashion Week and that's dope  
> are there any comebacks coming up? idk? If any of y'all have Kpop-y news gimme a comment I will respond with a lizard fact, In FACT I will respond to any comment with my own response and then a dope ass lizard fact  
> (I have a fuck ton of energy today, can you tell? I wrote this fucking chapter in TWO HOURS)  
> Let's see, My BTS lightstick is still in the corner of ShameTM because it died on my two songs into the BTS concert I went to  
> Since I am A Shy Boi, my laptop has kpop stickers on it, but only on the bottom of the case so I can be happy, but also not judged  
> My mom told ALL my family that I was going to a "Korean Boyband Concert" and it was embarassing but yesterday my grandma called me and was like   
> Grandma: Oh hi sweetie  
> Me: hi grandma!  
> Grandma: Alex! How was your Korean boyband concert?  
> Me: uhhhhh, it was good?  
> Grandma: your mom told me ALL about it  
> Grandma: do they speak english?  
> Me: no grandma they are korean and also speak korean  
> Grandma:????????
> 
> And Just now, because it's worth including. My mom sent me a text (she is in Minnesota right now)  
> Mom: Alex! What is your favorite Kpop song?  
> Me: that is a hard question to answer. Why?  
> Mom: Your aunt wants a ringtone for you! 
> 
> So yeah. That's what's up Kudos Comment Just Read, love you all so much fam.


	26. Self Care and God behind the Pinsetter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OoOoO: big mood
> 
> WITCH: I see your big mood and raise you big yeet
> 
> OoOoO: I sEE your BIG YEET AND RAISE YOU BIG SAD
> 
> WITCH: he is god now I can’t compete
> 
> BongoCat: God is dead and soon we will be too
> 
> Bubblie: vernon
> 
> BongoCat: *God is alive but we are all still dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names names names names bueno names Seventeen names hooray  
> Seungcheol: FatherCheol, Strongman, DadMan  
> Jeonghan: FrenchFry, Cowboy  
> Joshua: Bubblie, Bouncy, HANDSOME  
> Junhui: BITCH  
> Soonyoung: Squish  
> Wonwoo: Judgement  
> Jihoon: BabyMan  
> Seokmin: OoOoO, FellowKid  
> Mingyu: Larry  
> Minghao: BITCH  
> Seungkwan: Bruh  
> Vernon: BongoCat  
> Chan: Skype, Sonny, Shine, Chandrew

(FYI this is three days after the last chapter, fic time)

 

Group Chan (13)

 

Squish: guys

Squish: guys

Squish: GUYS

 

BITCH: can I help u hosh?

 

Squish: no

Squish: I just needed attention

 

BITCH: I mean

BITCH: same

 

Squish: I just like

Squish: made a bubble bath

Squish: and Jihoon bought boxed wine

Squish: but jihoon doesn’t get ANY of the wine cuz he’s busy at the studio

Squish: so I’m making a motherfuckking bubble bath and drinking wine

Squish: like that one meme of oprah

 

BITCH: wow self care

BITCH: soonyoung is secretly oprah confirmed

 

FrenchFry: Self Care is drinking an entire box of wine in a pile of bubbles and pretending you are the bubble king

 

OoOoO: Self Care is not putting sunscreen on and letting the Sun’s rays PENETRATE you

 

WITCH: self care is breaking into NASA and launching yourself into the fucking vOID

 

BongoCat: self care is slathering yourself in baby oil and sliding down the 7th lane in the shakes and Burgs bar and bowling alley so the pin setter will pick you up and take you to the forbidden place behind the bowling lanes so you can meet god but only on tuesdays

 

FatherCheol: that is not self care

FatherCheol: and Seokmin please don’t say penetrate like that

 

OoOoO: peNeTRaTe mE

 

FatherCheol: I'm just gonna pretend that that never happened. 

 

BongoCat: are you saying I can’t meet god? Wow, this is repression

BongoCat: JOSHUA HYUNG SEUNGCHEOL SAID I WASN’T ALLOWED TO MEET JESUS TO LEARN THE WAYS OF GOD

 

Bubblie: Seungcheol! >:( 

 

FatherCheol: wow

 

OoOoO: that moment when you don’t have a datefriend, and are sad and single

OoOoO: and you are so desperate for love and affection you let the sun penetrate you with it’s rays of DEATH

 

FatherCheol: can we move past the penetration?

 

WITCH: uh 

WITCH: been there done that and now I’m stuck with junhui

 

BITCH: rude much

 

BongoCat: day 456 without sex, I have become penetrated by the sun in my desperation

BongoCat: and now my organs are withering

 

WITCH: mood

 

OoOoO: big mood

 

WITCH: I see your big mood and raise you big yeet

 

OoOoO: I sEE your BIG YEET AND RAISE YOU BIG SAD

 

WITCH: he is god now I can’t compete

 

BongoCat: God is dead and soon we will be too

 

Bubblie: vernon

 

BongoCat: *God is alive but we are all still dying

 

Bubblie: vERNON

 

BongoCat: *Jesus loves everyone except for sinners and Satan himself

 

Bubblie: why do I even try anymore

 

Larry: my dudes

 

BongoCat: my bro

 

WITCH: my fam

 

Judgement: sadly the love of my life

 

Larry: wait what’s that supposed to mean?

 

Judgement: you know what you did

 

Larry: >:( 

Larry: but fair enough

Larry: I met a dumbass today

 

Judgement: so you looked in the mirror?

 

Larry: someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful

 

Bubblie: Jesus loves everyone!

  
  


OT3 <333 (3)

  
  


Cowboy: Cheol we need lettuce

 

Strongman: k babe

 

Cowboy: and orange juice, paper towels, chips and grapes

Cowboy: also cough drops and canned carrots

 

Bouncy: don’t forget a new scented candle

 

Cowboy: hOW COULD I FORGET

Cowboy: cHEOL WE NEED A NEW CANDLE

 

Strongman: why

Strongman: wait

Strongman: we have like 30 candles! >:[

 

Cowboy: cheol those candles are like my children

Cowboy: I need more

 

Bouncy: we need them

 

Strongman: we are a DEMOCRACY

Strongman: I vote no more candles

 

Cowboy: get a good one pls

 

Bouncy: none with glitter, or that smell weird

 

Strongman: uGH

Strongman: I’m gonna get the glitteriest one that smells like bleach and old french fry grease

 

Cowboy: :((((((((((((((

 

Bouncy: well, I mean, if you wanna be picking glitter wax that smells like french fry grease out of your various crevices then that’s a personal problem

 

Cowboy: *gasp* jOSHUA

Cowboy: we dON’T USE THE CHILDREN FOR SEXY TIMES

 

Bouncy: but if we DID

Bouncy: you’d want it to smell nice and not be glittery, right??

 

Cowboy: Cheollie he makes a good point

Cowboy: and none that smell like food, or maple or peanut butter

 

Strongman: peanut butter and maple are foods babe

 

Cowboy: you make me sad in my soul

 

Bouncy: do you even have one?

 

Cowboy: TRUUUUUU

  
  


Group Chan (13)

 

Bruh: hey guys? What should I do if I’m working, and all the sudden there is a man in a glittery speedo dancing on one of the tables????????

Bruh: do I call the police? Shoo him out with the burglar deterrent bat? Mace him?

Bruh: guys

Bruh: time sensitive question

 

WITCH: wtf

 

FatherCheol: ask him to leave

 

Bruh: manager man came out of the back, and brandished a straw at him

Bruh: It’s like a gladiator battle

 

BongoCat: Kwannie omw

 

Bruh: thank vernonie

 

WITCH: cute

 

BITCH: that could be us but we eat bread

 

WITCH: tru babe but i can never give up bread

  
  


Kiddo (2)

 

Sonny: hyung

Sonny: HYUNG

 

DadMan: what

 

Sonny: can I come over?

 

DadMan: Is your mom going to let you?

 

Sonny: no

Sonny: but I took my phone back

Sonny: and I CANT be in this house anymore

 

DadMan: do you need me to come and pick you up?

 

Sonny: no already on my skateboard passing josh hyung’s fav sandwich shop

 

DadMan: are you going to get in more trouble?

 

Sonny: like that’s possible

Sonny: she keeps finding TINY things that are wrong with the house

Sonny: “this wall has a hole from a thumbtack Chan you absolute idiot”

Sonny: “This lamp got moved an inch to the left Chan you are a shame to the family”

 

DadMan: Chan she has a right to be mad

DadMan: she had to cut her vacation short to come home and watch you

DadMan: you lost that trust

 

Sonny: I KNOW OKAY

Sonny: BUT ITS NOT LIKE SHE CARED BEFORE

Sonny: WHY IS THE WORLD ENDING NOW

 

DadMan: I’m sorry

DadMan: wait

DadMan: you better not be texting and skateboarding at the same time

 

Sonny: I’m on the bike path chill

 

DadMan: Chan put your phone down and focus on skateboarding please

 

Sonny: I fucking hate my family

 

DadMan: Chan

DadMan: they’re still your family

DadMan: your mother and stepfather love you, they just don’t know how to treat you yet

DadMan: now please focus on not crashing on your skateboard

 

Sonny: fine

  
  


Group Chan (13)

 

Skype: why does my family suck so much

 

FatherCheol: Chan if you are just going to text carry your skateboard and get on a damn bus

 

WITCH: he lives! Omg Chan!

 

Squish: Chan what did they take!?

 

Skype: getting on a bus now

Skype: tried to take my computer away, got my phone for a bit but I stole it back

Skype: took my bike and my rollerblades, I can’t sit with my friends at school, and I’m grounded for about a year, probably more

Skype: I think my mom was just finding out that a few cups were broken, so that’s gonna tack on a few months. I got another week this morning because someone sat on one of her plants in the backyard

 

Squish: damn dude

Squish: she didn’t take your skateboard?

 

Skype: she took the three I have at home

Skype: but I had one at Jisung’s house so I grabbed that one

 

Larry: that sucks man

Larry: how is she going to know if you hang out with your bros at school?

 

Skype: friends with one of the school counselors

 

Larry: damn

Larry: she’s going all out

 

Skype: she even took all the posters out of my room, and my lamp

 

BongoCat: she took your lamp?

 

Skype: so I can’t read books after dark

 

BongoCat: damnnnnnn

 

FatherCheol: vernon

 

BongoCat: haha autocorrect

BongoCat: *danggggggg

 

FatherCheol: better

 

Skype: she’s so mad, and I had to talk to Mr. Wei on the phone today about how I was a dissapointment

Skype: I hate my family so much

Skype: I hate them soooo much

 

Squish: :(

 

Judgement: hate is a strong word little dude

 

Skype: okay

Skype: I loathe my family

Skype: with all my little soul

 

Judgement: Chan you lost their trust, they are doing this so that you can learn

Judgement: they love you, and I get that you are angry but you did something wrong

 

Skype: hyung

Skype: I DETEST MY FAMILY SO MUCH

 

FatherCheol: Chan, don’t take your anger out on your family or us

 

Skype: >:(

 

BabyMan: Chan you did something bad, you can’t just say you hate your family cuz you made a mistake

 

Skype: BUT I REALLY DO HATE THEM THO

 

FatherCheol: Chan.

 

Skype: UGH

  
  


Sunshine Crew (4)

_ Currently Active _   _(3)_

 

FellowKid: channie

FellowKid: come to my house insteaddddddd

 

Shine: why

 

FellowKid: I want a cuddle buddy and coops id gonna get angery and lecture-y

FellowKid: idk

FellowKid: come cuddle me instead

 

Shine: maybe

Shine: I have a few more stops until Shakes and Burgs, so I can decide

 

HANDSOME: chan you should go hang out with Seokmin, k?

 

Shine: why shua hyung?

 

HANDSOME: because I feel like Seokmin is a better “comfort hyung” than Cheol is sometimes

HANDSOME: he had a very good family growing up

HANDSOME: and he doesn’t get it sometimes

 

Shine: ok hyung

Shine: I love you

 

HANDSOME: I know

HANDSOME: and I know that Seungcheol loves you too

HANDSOME: He’s just kind of a dad

 

Shine: thank you

Shine: seokmin hyung I’m coming to ur apartment

Shine: are jun n' hao there?

 

FellowKid: nah they’re sucking face at the campus coffee shop

 

Shine: nice

 

FellowKid: see u soon Chaniel

 

Shine: nah

 

FellowKid: Chanathan

 

HANDSOME: o my gosh

 

FellowKid: Chandy

 

Shine: ???????

 

FellowKid: I was trying to find -an- names, like Daniel, and stuff, and I came up with brandy

FellowKid: but it was not bueno

 

Shine: you get a participation award

 

FellowKid: aw yes

 

HANDSOME: Chanice (Janice) Chandrew (andrew) 

 

Shine: omg Chandrew

 

FellowKid: YES

FellowKid: I am never calling oyu anything but Chandrew now

 

Shine: It’s /perfect/

Shine: I’ve always felt like an andrew deep inside

 

FellowKid: I mean, same but at le same time

FellowKid: ???????????? 

FellowKid: how does one feel like an andrew deep inside

 

Shine: I have the soul of an andrew

Shine: … 

Shine: you know I was gonna be clever and do something to your name, but like

Shine: americans don’t really have names that rhyme with Dokyeom OR Seokmin

Shine: I am DissapointedTM

 

FellowKid: oh ur right

FellowKid: alas

  
  


Group Chan (13)

_ Lee Seokmin has changed Lee Chan’s name!  _

_ Changed from  _ Skype  _ to  _ Chandrew _! _

 

OoOoO: please hold your applause

 

WITCH: like, same though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish there was a better way to express screaming with writing, cuz a key smash is not doing it for me right now.  
> K so y'all, remember how I said to go check out Yixing's new MV "Give Me A Chance" a chapter or two ago??????  
> WELL THE WHOLE MOTEHRFUCKING ALBUM IS OUT AND I AM DEAD BUT ALSO LIVING  
> like lemme talk to you about Namanana, cuz, it's fucking Indiana Jones Themed, and Indiana Jones was my legit childhood. I had the boxed set, PLUS the bonus material that was THREE hours long. Guess what I watched EVERY FUCKING CAR TRIP  
> cuz the answer is indiana Jones. PLUS since I have had InspirationTM, MAYBE, just maybe, there might be a Yixing Centric Indiana Jones thing up soon (MAYBE)  
> Anyways, heres the link to Namanana, because I want y'all to be happy like me (namanana is the only thing keeping me goign rn, I got sick like yesterday, and this morning I woke up and it felt like i had deepthroated acid. My throat decided to kick the bucket, but then my phone was like "Hey alex, hey babe, freaking ding look at the beauty" and so I looked, and now I am living the High Life. No Joke Friends.  
> ANYWAYS, another shoutout to Nyaw, who rejected my marrige proposal, but it's fair enough I can't give them, all my albums and posters, AND my lizard son, AND my soulmate Ash love at once. All that love is already going to 30+ Korean Men that don't even know I exist.  
> Anywyays, LINK!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlUsnZjfYZA
> 
> Okay, if you write me a comment for this chapter, I will give you a lizard fact, AND a bad knock knock joke. For realz dudes. Leave me a comment if you are diggin it, or if you aren't, kudos if you wanna inflate my ego, or just keep reading!


	27. Is it a Gay thing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> booSEOKsoon: noooo!   
> booSEOKsoon: let love flourish!
> 
> BOOseoksoon: you declared yourself a celibate nun after you broke up with that one guy
> 
> booSEOKsoon: this isn’t about my failed love life, this is about YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Names names names names. Yes  
> Seungcheol: <3<3  
> Jeonghan: OurDiva  
> Joshua: Washua, Bubblie  
> Junhui: BITCH  
> Soonyoung: booseokSOON, Squish  
> Wonwoo: (not in this chap. He is working and isn't using his phone)  
> Jihoon: (In the studio with his studio bros)  
> Seokmin: booSEOKsoon,   
> Mingyu: (Has food poisoning, is asleep)  
> Minghao: (Also working, texting Junhui, but in a secret chat)  
> Vernon: Verhansol, Wiggly  
> Seungkwan: BooBoo, BOOseoksoon  
> Chan: (grounded, phone briefly taken away, poor bug)

Verkwan Chattt (2)

 

Booboo: vernonnn

Booboo: vernonie

Booboo: VERNON

 

Verhansol: ye?

 

Booboo: I’m boredddddddddd

Booboo: straight up dying

Booboo: wanna come over and hang outtt?????/

 

Verhansol: I 

Verhansol: I can’t tonight sorry

 

Booboo: tomorrow?

 

Verhansol: no

 

Booboo: the weekend?

 

Verhansol: I’m really busy sorry

 

Booboo: it jsut feels like I haven’t seen you forEVER

 

Verhonsol: I’m really busy for a while Seungkwan

Verhansol: I’m sorry

 

Booboo: when are you not busy? 

 

Verhansol: I don’t know

 

Booboo: okay

Booboo: :(

  
  


Delicious Gays (3)

 

BOOseoksoon: guyssssssssss

BOOseoksoon: GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

booSEOKsoon: kwanniiiieeee

 

BOOseoksoon: UGH

BOOseoksoon: Is vernon avoiding me?

BOOseoksoon: it feels like hes avoiding me

BOOseoksoon: like

BOOseoksoon: yeah

 

booseokSOON: sorry kwannie

booseokSOON: he might just be busy?

 

booSEOKsoon: is he getting weird with u?

 

BOOseoksoon: idk, I mean, maybe it’s a gay thing?

BOOseoksoon: I know his mom is kinda freaky about that

 

booSEOKsoon: oh no :(

booSEOKsoon: I really hope it’s not, cuz he’s not gonna be able to hang out with a LOT of us

booSEOKsoon: cuz like, almost everyone in this school is queer

 

BOOseoksoon: idk

BOOseoksoon: it’s just 

BOOseoksoon: we used to be so close

BOOseoksoon: and I know I have my stupid crush and that’s causing some problems

BOOseoksoon: but it feels like he’s actively avoiding me

 

booSEOKsoon: :(((((((((

 

booseokSOON: sorry kwankwan

  
  


_ Chat with  _ Hansol Vernon Chwe

 

Kwon S: yo hansol

Kwon S: I have a serious question

 

Chwe H: weird

Chwe H: when have you been serious?

 

Kwon S: I can be very serious

 

Chwe H: doubt

 

Kwon S: I mean…

Kwon S: you have validity

 

Chwe H: I am ValidTM

 

Kwon S: okay but back to my serious question

Kwon S: are you gay, or were you just going on a quest of self discovery

Kwon S: only to find yourself in a very specific sexuality 

 

Chwe H: I have found myself identifying as Quasiplatonic

 

Kwon S: uh

Kwon S: that’s great?

 

Chwe H: nah, I’m just joking

Chwe H: I’m a funny guy

Chwe H: but Quasiplatonic people are ValidTM too

 

Kwon S: everyone is valid except for the furries

 

Chwe H: hamster man

 

Kwon S: #notafurrytho

 

Chwe H: EVERYONE IS VALID SOONYOUNG HYUNG

 

Kwon S: yes we are nice people, furries are strange but also valid

Kwon S: and I am not one to judge

 

Chwe H: what were we talking about again?

 

Kwon S: gay or nay

 

Chwe H: you mean neigh?

 

Kwon S: excuse you

 

Chwe H: but yeah, I am specifically attracted to guys

Chwe H: why u need to know?

 

Kwon S: reasons

 

Chwe H: hyung

Chwe H: I answered a question

Chwe H: now why did you need to know

Chwe H: you aren’t going to tell people right?

Chwe H: hyUNG!

Chwe H: YOU AREN’T GOING TO TELL PEOPLE RIGHT?????????????!!!!!!!

 

Kwon S: um, well, theres this kid I know

Kwon S: and they have a HUGE CRUSH on you

Kwon S: the size of a whale

 

Chwe H: HYUNG YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE I DON’T THINK I’M READY

 

Kwon S: chill out my bro, I’m not going to tell anyone

Kwon S: I’m not a dick, even though I have one

 

Chwe H: YOU STRESS ME OUT

Chwe H: NOT EVEN ALL THE GROUP KNOWS

 

Kwon S: I know but anyways, back to the whole operation

Kwon S: he has a cute little gay crush

Kwon S: and he’s bummed out cuz you give off a very straight guy vibe

Kwon S: and he thinks you might be like gay is nay

 

Chwe H: uh

Chwe H: legit?

 

Kwon S: no 

Kwon S: I’m totally pranking you

 

Chwe H: really?

Chwe H: cuz that’s not cool bro

 

Kwon S: yes that was kinda awful

Kwon S: I’m not kidding tho

Kwon S: kid has a huge crush

Kwon S: he tries to downplay it but he’s not a subtle guy

 

Chwe H: I

Chwe H: I don’t know

Chwe H: he really likes me?

 

Kwon S: yes you nerd

Kwon S: you are a very handsome and likeable person

 

Chwe H: #doubt

 

Kwon S: nah

Kwon S: but he is losing hope

Kwon S: I was gonna give him hope but if you aren’t ready to be out in the open like that

Kwon S: then I’m gonna leave you be

Kwon S: sorry for stress

Kwon S: I’ll buy you fro yo to make up for it

 

Chwe H: bueno

Chwe H: who likes me tho? 

Chwe H: you really aren’t telling lies?

 

Kwon S: no papa

 

Chwe H: I will cut you

 

Kwon S: sorry it was a good opportunity

Kwon S: and secrets mean secrets so this is something you can’t know

Kwon S: I  have another group chat I have to go back to, so I’ll be gone for a bit 

Kwon S: but if you meet me in the strip mall by Shakes and Burgs we can get fro yo

 

Chwe H: The bar only? Or the bowling alley one?

 

Kwon S: the one by the All Sups

 

Chwe H: All Supplies is a CHAIN SOONYOUNG

Chwe H: NOT HELPFUL

 

Kwon S: OKAY

Kwon S: ummmmm

Kwon S: the one in the strip mall by the hair place Jeonghan works at

 

Chwe H: oh I know that place

 

Kwon S: yeah

Kwon S: meet me there at NOON 

Kwon S: we gon get some fro yo

 

Chwe H: neet

  
  


Delicious Gays (3)

 

BOOseoksoon: anyways

BOOseoksoon: since Hosh has been taken by the communists

BOOseoksoon: I think I just need to get over it

 

booSEOKsoon: noooo! 

booSEOKsoon: let love flourish!

 

BOOseoksoon: you declared yourself a celibate nun after you broke up with that one guy

 

booSEOKsoon: this isn’t about my failed love life, this is about YOU

 

BOOseoksoon: but I feel like I keep hyping myself up for failure

BOOseoksoon: like

BOOseoksoon: I’ll be at his house, and it always feels like there’s SOMETHING

BOOseoksoon: but then he’ll be texting a girl from school, or he’ll say something that could be anti gay

BOOseoksoon: and then I’m back to square one! :((((((((((

 

booSEOKsoon: sorry little man

booSEOKsoon: It would really suck for vernonie to be anti gay

booSEOKsoon: maybe he’s a v**** oriented dude

booSEOKsoon: try crossdressing? 

 

BOOseoksoon: I don’t look good as a girl

BOOseoksoon: Jeonghan took me and Minghao out on “the town” once

BOOseoksoon: and he let us put on some of his heels, and he pinned up dresses and did our makeup

 

booSEOKsoon: oh was this after those kids were calling Hao hao names and stuff

booSEOKsoon: the “I wanna feel pretty so I’m gonna BE fucking pretty” incident

 

BOOseoksoon: yeah 

BOOseoksoon: but my face is round, and chubby, and I’m like a rectangle so no crossdressing

 

booSEOKsoon: you may be a rectangle but you are the HOTTEST rectangle I know

booSEOKsoon: seriously

booSEOKsoon: i’m always afraid I’m going to light on fire if I stand too close to you

 

BOOseoksoon: fake

 

booSEOKsoon: HOSHI IS SEUNGKWAN FUCKING G O R G E O U S????

 

booseokSOON: I’m back

booseokSOON: and kwannie my one true love is like SMOKIN HOT

booseokSOON: A FREAKING SMOKIN HOT BABE

booseokSOON: kwan so hot

booseokSOON: hot hot babe

booseokSOON: kwan so hot he fry an egg

 

BOOseoksoon: eNOUGH

BOOseoksoon: I am wORKING

BOOseoksoon: I don’t need to be this red

 

booSEOKsoon: ur red cuz you’re too hot for even YOURSELF

 

BOOseoksoon: that is fAKE

 

booSEOKsoon: when will you learn

booSEOKsoon: get the KNOWLEDGE

 

booseokSOON: bam kNowLEdGE

booseokSOON: anyways kwannie

booseokSOON: I think you shouldn’t give up

booseokSOON: I know it’s hard, but don’t give up yet okay?

 

BOOseoksoon: nothing is goingn to change hyung

BOOseoksoon: even if Vernon is okay with the gay

BOOseoksoon: he’s still straight

BOOseoksoon: and in the SLIGHT chance he is down with dicks

BOOseoksoon: then he could find literally a BILLION other hot gay kids at our school

BOOseoksoon: he doesn’t like chubby rectangles. 

 

booSEOKsoon: I have a few questions and comments

booSEOKsoon: number one, how DARE you???!!!!!???!!!??!?!?

booSEOKsoon: I am literally listing every great thing about you now

  
  


(Noon, LowBlowFroYo, in the strip mall with the Shakes and Burgs, and Mirror Mirror Hair Salon)

 

_ Chat with  _ Hansol Chwe

 

Kwon S: where r u kid

Kwon S: I’m in fro yo

 

Chwe H: not kid

Chwe H: I am Adult

 

Kwon S: Kiddo

Kwon S: kidderoni

Kwon S: little bro

Kwon S: small fry

 

Chwe H: hek u

 

Kwon S: rude to hyung?

Kwon S: wow Hansollie

Kwon S: no respect

 

Chwe H: you know me 

Chwe H: I’m here

Chwe H: I can see you

Chwe H: holy shit what have you done to your hair

  
  


O T 3 Babes <3 (3)

  
  


OurDiva: B O I S

OurDiva: guess who I dyed the hair of

 

Washua: who babe

 

OurDiva: bABE

OurDiva: hiiii

OurDiva: I didn’t see u this morning!!! :(((((((

 

Washua: had to leave early sorry :(((((((((( they needed me in the archives!!!!!!!!

Washua: I’ll make it up to u tonight!

 

OurDiva: ;) or :)

 

Washua: ;)

Washua: but who did u do?

 

OurDiva: Hosh

OurDiva: from that ugly firetruck red

OurDiva: to cool blue gray

 

Washua: oO

 

OurDiva: Mr. Yiff assisted

OurDiva: cuz that red was PERSISTANT

OurDiva: but I think it’s fuckin hot

 

Washua: OO

Washua: I’m so excited to see him this weekend now!

 

OurDiva: yeh, he said he was meeting vern for lunch at fro yo

OurDiva: and he had gotten there really early and stopped in

OurDiva: and I was like “Hosh, do we need the firetruck still?”

OurDiva: and the rest is history

 

<3<3: y’all

<3<3: I am STUDYING

 

OurDiva: not my fault that you decided to take SUMMER CLASSES

 

Washua: ah! Cheollie! Fighting! <3

 

<3<3: love u babe

 

OurDiva: me too

 

<3<3: love u hannie

 

OurDiva: (⺣◡⺣)♡*

  
  


_ Chat with  _ Hansol Chwe

  
  


Kwon S: just

Kwon S: think about what I told you

Kwon S: no one would judge you

Kwon S: we are literally all queer here

 

Chwe H: I know 

Chwe H: I’m just… a coward

 

Kwon S: that is false

Kwon S: you are not

Kwon S: whatever you decide

Kwon S: I will SupportTM

Kwon S: cuz we may not be the closest

Kwon S: but I care, okay?

 

Chwe H: i know

Chwe H: i’ll… 

Chwe H: you know...

Chwe H: okay.

Chwe H: okay

Chwe H:  I got this

 

Kwon S: you GOT this

 

Chwe H: I’mma do it

Chwe H: I’ll feel better, and, and I can be real again

 

Kwon S: you G O T this

 

Chwe H: I GOT THIS 

  
  


Group Chan (13)

 

Hansol Chwe  _ has changed the group chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ Group Chan  _ to  _ Queerly Beloved

 

Hansol Chwe  _ has changed his name! _

_ Changed from  _ BongoCat  _ to  _ Wiggly

 

Wiggly: before I lose steam

Wiggly: hi guys my name is Hansol Vernon Chwe, and am GAY

 

Squish: wow

Squish: I am here to SupportTM

Squish: and I dub this group chat officially queer

 

Wiggly: do you like my name?

Wiggly: get it? Wiggly lines aren’t straight? And I’m not straight?

 

Bubblie: Welcome Vernon!

Bubblie: I would find a rainbow gif for you

Bubblie: but that’s cliche and also how do you even put pictures in this fic?

 

Wiggly: only jesus knows how to put pictures 

 

Bubblie: Jesus knows everything and he still loves you Vernon!

 

Wiggly: okay!

Wiggly: I had a fuck ton of energy

Wiggly: to do this stepping out of the closet

Wiggly: but now that it’s happened

Wiggly: The energy is bam gone

Wiggly: so I’m gonna leave and take a nap

Wiggly: k bye

 

Bubblie: bye we love you! 

 

Squish: where is everyone else?

 

Bubblie: out in the world

Bubblie: they’ll come back eventually

Bubblie: the world is round and everything leads back eventually

 

BITCH: excuse you the earth is flat

 

Bubblie: Wen Junhui

Bubblie: I have supported you through all your endeavors

Bubblie: I even sat on the roof of your apartment building with you and your conspiracy club looking for aliens

Bubblie: but I cannot even begin to tell you how wrong you are

 

Squish: Jun and his lack of a brain are not what we are focusing on rn

Squish: hang on a sec i’ve got another group chat

  
  


Delicious Gays (3)

 

BOOseoksoon: AASDFDAGASGKADGHREAHGREIGREIGRGAKSGSA

BOOseoksoon: WRIHGEHGREANKHRBHKAKBFAKBJFKADBJKFADBKHFDAKBFA

BOOseoksoon: GREAGREAHTRWHYTEJYSHTAHETAGEAHTRSJTRHYRTWYTRWHRT

 

booSEOKsoon: gosh darn it u broke kwan

 

booseokSOON: ur welcome kwannie

booseokSOON: go get ur love

 

booSEOKsoon: go get ur MAN

booSEOKsoon: VIVE AMORE

 

booseokSOON: V I V E

 

BOOseoksoon: I really wish there was a way to convey velociraptor screaming over text

BOOseoksoon: cuz that’s whats happening rn

 

booSEOKsoon: ah young love

 

booseokSOON: to be young again, to love again

 

booSEOKsoon: u have a booyfriend 

 

booseokSOON: Jihoon is like an angry chihuahua

 

booSEOKsoon: but u love him

booSEOKsoon: I’ve seen ur chat logs

 

booseokSOON: tru. He’s the angry dog that only likes me, and i only like him back

 

booSEOKsoon: I would say cute, but also that has furry vibes

 

booseokSOON: wHAT IS WITH EVERYONE CALLING ME A FURRY TODAY

 

booSEOKsoon: we call it as we see it

booSEOKsoon: and u a furry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO my bois, I'm back in history! (I'm always in history we never actually do work in this class (yet I still manage to get a bad grade)) ANYWAYS, I had this chapter up and ready to rattle on halloween, but then I got distracted, and I wrote the NEXT chapter without posting this one, and so we get a double whammy today (I think, it depends on how school goes) and then last night I was doing my shit on my computer, and I deleted the tab that had the chapter ready for me to get it up so now I have had to redo some stuff.   
> Ok, this chapter has /minor/ angst, and Hansollie finally comes out!! Exciting!!  
> News in the world!!  
> #1 TEMPO is out, EXO has come back, and I am slightly dead  
> #2 I have become enamoured by a new group called ATEEZ, go search up ATEEZ Pirate King if you wanna join me  
> #3 the group The Boyz, celebrated a few birthdays!! IT was Sangyeon's birthday, I think yesterday? and Q's birthday today!!!   
> #4 BAP has a new thing that is Jongup and Zelo I saw it on my vlive feed but that's all I know  
> #5 Stray Kids has a new MV  
> #6 get hyped for Airplane Pt. 2 MV from BTS that's coming out soon  
> I think that's it, Idk if there is anything I'm missing, comment If I am!!  
> ANyways, I love you guys, sorry like none of my other stories have been updated recently I suddenly have homework, lo siento my bros!! :(  
> Love you guys so much! Comment if you wanna! Kudos if you wanna! Or just keep coming back to read!!! See you soon!!   
> O H nearly forgot. Mr Yiff who owns the Mirror Mirror Hair Salon is Kris Wu, love him he needs support cuz the haters have been coming after him recently, also he has a new thing, don't know much about it, but it's new music.


	28. Get Learnt Bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry: I leave for HALF AN HOUR  
> Larry: and I come back and everyone’s gay
> 
> Minghao: that is INCORRECT
> 
> Larry: *and when I come back everyone is gay and Minghao still only likes Junhui
> 
> Minghao: that is CORRECT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Los Nombres  
> Seungcheol: FatherCheol  
> Jeonghan: (not in this chat, he needs beauty sleep)  
> Joshua: Bubblie  
> Junhui: not in this chapter, he is watching Mean Girls  
> Soonyoung: Squish, booseokSOON  
> Wonwoo: Judgement  
> Jihoon: still not in this chap he is in the studio being a music beast  
> Seokmin: OoOoO, booSEOKsoon  
> Mingyu: Larry  
> Minghao: BITCH, H8ball  
> Seungkwan: BOOseoksoon  
> Vernon: Wiggly  
> Chan: Chandrew, Fool
> 
> EXTRAS:  
> MsFantastic: Hani from Exid  
> Kiki: Kibum from SHINee

Queerly Beloved (13)

  
  


FatherCheol: wait what did I miss

 

FrenchFry: the entire group chat is queer now

FrenchFry: no heteros anymore

 

FatherCheol: ?????????

FatherCheol: What about Chan??

 

Chandrew: I was summoned

Chandrew: I’m Ace daddy

 

FatherCheol: I support you but if you call me daddy one more time

 

Chandrew: lo siento papi

 

FatherCheol: incorrenct

 

Judgement: *incorrect

 

FatherCheol: thanks Wonwoo

FatherCheol: anyways

FatherCheol: what happened???

FatherCheol: Chan came out? I thought that happened a while ago?

 

Squish: Vernon came out he likes dicks not chicks

 

FatherCheol: oh

FatherCheol: I SUPPORT HIM

 

Squish: we ALL support him

 

Larry: I leave for HALF AN HOUR

Larry: and I come back and everyone’s gay

 

Minghao: that is INCORRECT

 

Larry: *and when I come back everyone is gay and Minghao still only likes Junhui

 

Minghao: that is CORRECT

 

Chandrew: ERASURE

 

Larry: *and chan still doesn’t want sex not now not ever

 

Chandrew: erACEure

 

OoOoO: ba dum tiss

  
  
  


Delicious Gays (3)

 

booSEOKsoon: Seungkwannnnnnn

booSEOKsoon: seungKWANNNNNN

 

booseokSOON: I’m in a really supportive mood if you wanna make a move make it now

  
  


_ A private chat with Chwe Hansol has been formed!  _

_  No one can see this chat except for  _ b00b00KWAN  _ and  _ tHEm3m3SAUCE

 

_ Boo Seungkwan is typing….  _

 

_ Boo Seungkwan is typing…. _

 

_ Boo Seungkwan is typing…. _

 

Chwe H: Seungkwan

Chwe H: I can see this you know

 

Boo S: oh

Boo S: sorry I pressed a button on accident!! 

Boo S: bye!

 

Chwe H: wow that’s a lie

Chwe H: Is this about the whole “gay” thing?

 

Boo S: no!

Boo S: I really support you!

Boo S: thank you for feeling comfortable with the group enough to come out!

 

Chwe H: I trust you guys 

Chwe H: I don’t know what I was so worried about

 

Boo S: I really care about you

Boo S: *we really care about you

Boo S: sorry autocorrect

 

Chwe H: okayyy…

Chwe H: sorry Seungkwan

 

_ This message has been unsent! _

 

Boo S: ?

 

Chwe H: sorry about that

Chwe H: I’ll, talk to you later

  
  


Delicious Gays (3)

 

booSEOKsoon: i think Seungkwan died

booSEOKsoon: it isn’t everyday that ur childhood crush (and still crush)

booSEOKsoon: comes out as gay and all that 

 

booseokSOON: Kwannie

booseokSOON: you gotta tell him how you feel

booseokSOON: you’re gonna be miserable forever if you don’t

 

BOOseoksoon: death awaits me

  
  


Verkwan (2)

 

BooBoo: Vernon I really need to talk to you

BooBoo: before…

_ This message has been unsent! _

BooBoo: I just really need to talk to you

 

Verhansol: is it mega important?

 

BooBoo: code black the sky is falling important

 

Verhansol: well…

Verhansol: we could meet at the park in your neighborhood? 

Verhansol: I don’t get home until late

 

BooBoo: I could meet you any time

BooBoo: even 3 am

 

Verhansol: like you could stay awake

 

BooBoo: it’s code black important

BooBoo: I would stay awake for a month

 

Verhansol: luckily

Verhansol: Jason’s favorite shark documentary ends at 10:30

Verhansol: I can meet you at 10:45

 

BooBoo: that works

  
  


Witchy Bois (7)

  
  


Fool: Things are happening

Fool: I feel it

Fool: just thought you nerds should know

 

H8ball: Chan?

H8ball: how did you get into this chat?

 

Fool: I have connections

Fool: Hani noona added me

 

MsFantastic: hey Chan!

 

Fool: wassup

Fool: I have the chicken feathers you wanted

Fool: and I have the hot dog buns too

 

MsFantastic: nice

MsFantastic: Meet me at the campus coffee shop

MsFantastic: and if I’m not there, give it to Myungjun he knows what to do 

 

Fool: kk

 

Kiki: wtf

Kiki: who even are you?

 

Fool: Lee Chan

Fool: Sophomore in High School

Fool: I helped with the great butter adventure two years ago

Fool: and last year’s Murder Week

Fool: I know people, you need someone, I got u

Fool: If you need things, I got u

 

Kiki: wait

Kiki: you’re the kid who helped the kids who buttered Jinki’s Jeep?

Kiki: U helped Eunhyuk and Heechul?

 

Fool: yes

Fool: Onew hyung Heechul hyung and Eunhyuk hyung

Fool: I also got Onew hyung 13 yards of faux leather for that thing he did with that couch

 

Kiki: ???

Kiki: small fuckin world

Kiki: wow

 

Fool: yup

Fool: if you need me call me

 

_ Lee Chan has left the group chat! _

 

Kiki: weird fuckin kid

 

MsFantastic: he always delivers tho

MsFantastic: Chan’s Delivery Service

MsFantastic: I’m convinced he’s connected to the mob

 

H8ball: he’s in my regular squad

H8ball: and him being connected to the mob is a Very Valid Thing

H8ball: he can rattle off name, age, blood type, personality, significant other, ect. Just like that

H8ball: it gives us the fear of god

  
  


(time skip brought to you by halloween, and my Baekhyun’s Monster outfit inspired costume)

(Lip ring and all my boys, I was fuckin PROUD of it, but I was more of a punk than of a Baekhyun)

Approximately 12:03 at night

Verkwan Chat (2)

 

Verhansol: u got home ok right?

 

BooBoo: yes! I did!

 

Verhansol: ok good! Sorry I couldn’t walk you home :(

 

BooBoo: that’s okay!

BooBoo: and, 

BooBoo: I hate to ask this over text

BooBoo: but I know we did the whole exchange of “I like you” 

BooBoo: but are we dating? Boyfriends and all that?????????

 

Verhansol: do

Verhansol: do you wanna be?

Verhansol: cuz

Verhansol: it’s up to u

 

BooBoo: oh

BooBoo: but do you wanna be boyfriends?

 

Verhansol: of course

Verhansol: my whole gay awakening was because of u

Verhansol: Seungkwan would you like to be my boyfreind?

 

BooBoo: boyfreind???

 

Verhansol: *boyfriend

 

BooBoo: yes!

BooBoo: just so you know, i just fist pumped

 

Verhansol: well, I nearly fell off my roof

 

BooBoo: VERNON

BooBoo: GO INSIDE OFF OF YOUR ROOF

 

Verhansol: but I wanna look at the stars

 

BooBoo: that’s cute

BooBoo: but I’m not gonna date u if ur broken

 

Verhansol: okayyyy :((((( I’ll go inside :((((((

 

BooBoo: can I change your name?

BooBoo: Just in this chat?

 

Verhansol: sure!

 

Chwe Hansol’s  _ name has been changed!  _

_ Changed from  _ Verhansol  _ to  _ Verhandsome!

 

Verhandsome: oh 

 

BooBoo: do you like it???? 

BooBoo: I can change it back! 

BooBoo: Just pretend you never saw that!

 

Boo Seungkwan’s  _ name has been changed!  _

_ Changed from  _ BooBoo  _ to  _ Bootiful!

 

Verhandsome: dont touch my name

Verhandsome: now we match!

Verhandsome: <3

 

Bootiful: ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯

 

Verhandsome: how do u do that?

 

Bootiful: what? This? 

Bootiful: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Bootiful: (w´ω｀w)

 

Verhandsome: ye

Verhandsome: this is what I got

Verhandsome: :)

Verhandsome: ;)

Verhandsome: >’.’<

 

Bootiful: I just have and app and look up the ones I want

Bootiful: “blushing cheeks kaomoji” 

 

Verhandsome: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Verhandsome: I found it

Verhandsome: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)

 

Bootiful: Proud of u babe

 

Verhandsome: Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Verhandsome: u called me babe

 

Bootiful: o o h

Bootiful: its cute

 

Verhandsome: but you know who the babe is?

Verhandsome: cuz the answer is you

Verhandsome: u the babe

 

Bootiful: Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

 

Verhandsome: Imma go kill the big chat with my emoji powers

Verhandsome: let’s see how long it takes for me to get kicked out

  
  


Queerly Beloved (13)

 

Wiggly: ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ

Wiggly: guess what knowledge I was given today

Wiggly: ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

Wiggly: ヽ༼ ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༼◕_◕༽◉_◔ ༽ﾉ

 

WITCH: who has unleashed this 

 

Chandrew: ᕦ༼ ͡° ͜ ͝° ༽ᕤ

Chandrew: Vernon welcome back

 

Wiggly: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Wiggly: It’s good to be ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Wiggly: back

 

Chandrew: ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Chandrew: we welcome you

 

Wiggly: (´°ω°`)

Wiggly: I am welcomed

 

Chandrew: also congratz on ur gay discovery

Chandrew: 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ

 

Wiggly: ╰༼=ಠਊಠ=༽╯

Wiggly: thanks I’m gay now

 

Chandrew: yeet

Chandrew: ( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )

 

WITCH: this is hell

 

Chandrew: welcome minghao

Chandrew: ―(´￢O￢)(￢O￢｀)―

 

Wiggly: yes welcome

Wiggly: ( (￣ (ｰ￣( ｰ￣(￣ｰ￣(￣ｰ￣))

 

Chandrew: you are welcomed

Chandrew: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

Wiggly: welcomed

Wiggly: ༼≖ɷ≖༽

 

WITCH: JESUS CHRIST A NUN IN A BROTHEL GETTING FISTED

 

Wiggly: he has a problem

Wiggly: why is this what you think of when you see this ༼≖ɷ≖༽?????

 

WITCH: no

WITCH: I’m summoning

 

Bubblie: Minghao pls watch your language

 

WITCH: HYUNG TELL THEM TO STOP

 

Bubblie: stop what?

 

Wiggly: It aint work on Joshua

Wiggly: he has a flip phone and they’re just squares

 

WITCH: I have decended into hell

WITCH: god is dead

 

Bubblie: >:(

 

Chandrew: you know this isn’t a kaomiji situation but like

Chandrew: late night cashiers at 24 hour convinience stores are people who know jesus

Chandrew: I’m here getting a watermelon in my duck pjs, and like, the cashier has seen my soul

 

WITCH: why tf are you at a convinience store getting a watermelon?

WITCH: and what convinince store sells watermelons?????

 

Chandrew: I’m at the 7-11 by Harvey’s Liquor and Artisan Crafts

Chandrew: and someone needed one

 

WITCH: how has ur mom even let you out of the house???

WITCH: that’s at least a good four miles away

 

Chandrew: I’m sneaky

Chandrew: Like a ninja

Chandrew: a ninja who buys watermelons for people

 

WITCH: that is all I ever aspire to be in life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING AN OUTTRO SO THIS IS IT I LOVE YOU GUYS BYE KUDOS ME AND COMMENT LIK SERIOUSLY IF YOU COMMENT I'LL FIND YOU A WEIRD LIZARD FACT AND THEN A WEIRD SNAKE FACT WE GOTTA INCLUDE SNAKES LOVE YOU ALL BYE!!!!! <<<<<333333


	29. Kiki's Delivery Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wat? new chapter? wow!
> 
> Verhandsome: can I just say  
> Verhandsome: happy one week anniversary
> 
> Bootiful: no  
> Bootiful: we can’t be those kinds of people  
> Bootiful: that’s so tacky  
> Bootiful: we can’t be tacky I will dump you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that moment when ur notes get deleted and ur perfectly crafted names list is destroyed   
> I'm tempted to just let y'all try ur best with the names, but then I realize that I am not consistent with my chat names, so we have to recreate it.   
> Seungcheol: FatherCheol  
> Joshua: Bubblie  
> Wen Junhui: Wench  
> Mingyu: EwGyu  
> Minghao: Saxy  
> Seokmin: DeeKay  
> Soonyoung: Later  
> Vernon: Wiggly  
> Chan: Chandrew
> 
> KimKib- Kim Kibum, SHINee  
> Bravo- Johnny Seo, NCT  
> Mr. BangBang- Bang Yongguk, formerly B.A.P  
> Chicken Little- Jae, Day6  
> YoungK- YoungK, Day6
> 
> Pls tell me if I missed one

Queerly Beloved (13)

  
  


Chandrew: guys

Chandrew: where can u buy raw honey?

 

Wiggly: why?

  
  


Chandrew: I just need to know

Chandrew: anyone?

 

Bubblie: I think Byungjoo knows a beekeeper

 

Chandrew: OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT GUY

 

Bubblie: ??

 

Chandrew: SORRY HYUNG I GOTTA GO

 

Bubblie: ok! Be safe!

 

EwGyu: Bee safe

 

Saxy: choke

  
  


5ever (2)

 

Bootiful: hi!

 

Verhandsome: hi!! 

Verhandsome: can I just say

Verhandsome: happy one week anniversary

 

Bootiful: no

Bootiful: we can’t be those kinds of people

Bootiful: that’s so tacky

Bootiful: we can’t be tacky I will dump you

 

Verhandsome: what can I say

Verhandsome: I’m the tackiest

 

Bootiful: we cannot celebrate anything until 6 months

 

Verhandsome: ooh already thinking long term?? ;)

 

Bootiful: nO

Bootiful: I WAS JUST SAYING THAT 

Bootiful: IM SORRY I MADE THINGS AWKWARD

 

Verhandsome: It’s okay if things get awkward, we are young, and we are learning. 

 

Bootiful: cute but it’s too early for ur deep comments

 

Verhandsome: wanna know what else is deep? ;)

 

Bootiful: do NOT finish that sentence

Bootiful: wait that makes no sense

 

Verhandsome: wow Kwan what kind of mind do u have????? 

Verhandsome: dirty

Verhandsome: I was gonna say the ocean

 

Bootiful: u were not

Bootiful: I have known u since like u were five

 

Verhandsome: I was not making dick jokes when I was five Kwannieboo

 

Bootiful: u came out of the womb making dick jokes

 

Verhandsome: ᵟຶᴖ ᵟຶ

 

Bootiful: but I like u anyways

 

Vehandsome: （‐＾▽＾‐）

  
  


Chan’s Delivery Service

_ Kim Kibum and Lee Chan _

_ Chat at 9:21 AM _

 

KimKib: 

yo is this Lee Chan?

 

LeeCha: 

yes 

what even is this Chat app?

 

KimKib: 

MessageGo

 

LeeCha 

bruh

u can do hella stuff with ChatChat

 

KimKib: 

what are you the poster boy for ChatChat??

  
  


LeeCha: 

nah I’ve crashed the app and the website several times

I even got kicked for a bit back in seventh grade

I know the ChatChat IT guy by name he’s pretty chill

Hates me tho haha

 

KimKib: 

…

I’m not even gonna ask

 

LeeCha:

Anyways

What do u need Mr. Kiki

KimKib: 

So, I need 100 sunflowers for a photography thing for school

And I heard that you can get anything and everything

LeeCha:

Hmmm

…

I can probably do that

When do you need them by?

KimKib:

Tomorrow????

LeeCha:

Dude

That’s in like 13 HOURS

KimKib: 

I know

I’m sorry

Taemin forgot it

And I need them

LeeCha:

Well

This is what y’all get for taking summer classes

Whack Taemin for me, and tell him it’s from the rain guy

KimKib: 

Still not gonna ask

Can you do it or can you not?

LeeCha:

I can do it

I can text some dudes

KimKib: 

thank you! 

LeeCha:

Listen tho

If I ever need anything from you then you’re gonna have to deliver

KimKib:

????

So you deal in favors

LeeCha:

Not like the mafia

But like I might need to ask you stuff

Or ask u for stuff

Like 100 sunflowers

KimKib:

Fair enough Mafia boy

Okay thank you

LeeCha: 

I’ll text you when I get it sorted

  
  


Scary Radio Hyungs (3)

 

Boy: hey Johnny Hyung

Boy: I need 100 sunflowers

 

Bravo: that’s a fuck ton of sunflowers

Bravo: but I think I can hook u up

Bravo: I know a dude

Bravo: and that dude owes me big time

 

Mr.BangBang: no texting while you’re on air Seo

 

Bravo: sorry hyung!

Bravo: I’ll text u later channie

 

Mr.BangBang: hey chan how’s your family?

 

Boy: they are crazy Yongguk hyung

Boy: Mr. Yang is pissed but I am not scared of him he’s a wimp

Boy: I’v emostly managed to avoid the rest of them for now

Boy: but I know the brothers are gonna be dicks eventually, 

Boy: even if their dicks arent’ very big

 

Mr.BangBang: I don’t want to know how you know the size of their dicks. You are supposed to be an angelic freshman, you act like a senior in college sometimes

Mr.BangBang: but hope it turns out kid

Mr.Bang: now leave so Johnny can actually work

 

Bravo: :(

Bravo: HEY one more question pls?

 

Mr.Bang: one only

 

Bravo: do you have the stuff Chan?

 

Boy: ye I got ur car parts & the heels for Ten hyung

 

Bravo: YES! I’ll give u a shoutout ur the best

 

Boy: neet

  
  


Queerly Beloved (13)

 

FatherCheol: why did Chan get a shoutout on the College Radio Station?

FatherCheol: “and this is a shoutout to my best little dude who really comes through when you need something! Lee Chan! You’re a true homie!” 

 

Chandrew: I gave him ur old car parts

Chandrew: he’s trying to work on his truck cuz he thinks it makes him manly

Chandrew: he wants to be manly for his boyfriend

 

FatherCheol: who?

 

Chandrew: Johnny Seo

Chandrew: and his boyfriend is Chittaphon

 

FatherCheol: oh okay

FatherCheol: wait who?

 

Chandrew: don’t worry about it

Chandrew: His bf is kinda named Ten? He’s thai

 

FatherCheol: who even are these people? 

FatherCheol: how do you even know these people?

 

Chandrew: Don’t worry about it hyung

 

FatherCheol: that really doesn’t make me feel better

FatherCheol: one of these days I’m gonna put a baby leash on you

FatherCheol: and alleviate this anxiety

 

Wench: woa big word gold star

 

Saxy: gold star gold star

 

Wench: gold star big word

 

Wiggly: woa gold star big word

 

DeeKay: woa woa

 

Bubblie: Cheol you woke the demons

 

FatherCheol: I wish I could translate my exasperation into the chat

FatherCheol: life would be easy

 

Wench: wOA BIG WORD GOLD STAR

 

Later: woA big word gold sTARR~

 

Wiggly: woAA LIVIN ON A PRAYER

  
  


5ever (2)

 

Bootiful: I saw this dog

Bootiful: and it carried it’s own toy while it walked

Bootiful: and I thought of you

Bootiful: but I didn’t get a picture

 

Verhandsome: It’s a great dog

Verhandsome: u didn’t need a picture

 

Bootiful: I also freaking bruised the heel of my hand

 

Verhandsome: wtf???? How??? R u ok?????

 

Bootiful: the cafe got some cheesecakes

Bootiful: but they were frozen and i had to cut them

Bootiful: and I had to use all my strength and push on the knife with my other hand too

Bootiful: and now it hurts

Bootiful: (っ- ‸ – ς)

 

Verhandsome: :(((((((((((( 

Verhandsome: I’ll cuddle the heck out of your hand

 

Bootiful: is that a masturbation reference?

Bootiful: that’s illegal

 

Verhandsome: u kno, u saw it before I did

Verhandsome: I think you have the dirtier brain between us

 

Bootiful: I’ll put salt in ur coffee the next time u come to the cafe

 

Verhandsome: I’ll still drink it

 

Bootiful: hek u

  
  
  
  


Chan’s Delivery Service

_ Kim Kibum and Lee Chan _

_ Chat at 1:42 PM _

 

KimKib:

That was fast

Lee Chan I owe you my grade

 

LeeCha:

U already got ur flowers?

Shit

Seo works fast

 

KimKib:

Whoever it is, 

I don’t care

You are a lifesaver

LeeCha:

I’m a minty son of a bitch

Wait, a fruit lifesaver or a minty one?

KimKib:

??????

Oh

You’re more of a fruity lifesaver

LeeCha: 

Nice

K I gotta go before my mom catches me with my phone

Kim Kib:

Well

Thank you 

  
  


Cha Cha Slide (3)

 

ChaChaChan: yo Jae hyung

 

ChickenLittle: yes small one?

 

ChaChaChan: what would it take for u to throw some more heels into our deal?

 

ChickenLittle: why do you need more footwear?

ChickenLittle: why u want them?????????????

 

ChaChaChan: lets just say that Johnny Seo works fast

ChaChaChan: he had like 13 hours

ChaChaChan: he delivered in like 4

 

ChickenLittle: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

YoungK: we can hook you up

YoungK: you don’t have to get anything for us

 

ChickenLittle: BRIAN

ChickenLittle: WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHAN COULD GET US MORE FREE TACO COUPONS

 

YoungK: it’s youngK

YoungK: and we don’t need more free tacos

YoungK: what kind of heels are you looking for Chan?

 

ChickenLittle: u fight a hopeless fight, Brian

 

YoungK: one day, you will call me by my name, but back to Chan

 

ChaChaChan: lets seeeeeeee

ChaChaChan: black ones, preferrably tall ones

ChaChaChan: sexy ones

 

YoungK: black is a good color to work with

YoungK: I got u covered little man

 

ChaChaChan: thanks

 

ChickenLittle: can we get more free taco coupons?

 

ChaChaChan: that promotion is over now hyung

ChaChaChan: ended two weeks ago

 

ChickenLittle: that’s so sad

 

YoungK: that’s so sad alexa play despacito

 

ChickenLittle: hoe don’t tell lies u like Despacito

 

YoungK: so do you Jae

YoungK: there is literally a video of both of us singing it on ur youtube channel

 

ChickenLittle: #exposed

 

ChaChaChan: okay I’m gonna go bye. 

  
  


5ever (2)

 

Bootiful: Mr. Scary face is back

Bootiful: and heckin MJ left me to deal with him

Bootiful: I swear he’s a serial killer

 

Verhandsome: I’ll come to ur funeral babe

 

Bootiful: thx Vernonie

 

Verhandsome: I’ll even hire a bunch of dudes to dress up as different people

 

Bootiful: hmm, tell me more

 

Verhandsome: the obligatory government agents, some generic pretty people to cry over your casket, 

 

Bootiful: the pretty people need to be dressed expensively, and I have to have saved at least one of them from drowning on a summer island vacation

 

Verhandsome: got it

Verhandsome: an old guy too, talking about how you saved his whole teams life in the war

Verhandsome: and a few foreigners that could possibly be spies, or your friends from your worldly travels. 

Verhandsome: and some dude dressed all in black, that could be a modern grimm reaper

 

Bootiful: amazing

Bootiful: heck here he comes

 

Verhandsome: rip

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay my dudes. I had literally ALL my long ass notes typed out, and I was fixing some formatting on the actual chapter, when I did a mistake, and EVERYTHING WAS LOST. I might have had to close my computer and walk away for a moment. Well anyways, these notes will be less, because I'm angry, but there's nothing I can do about that. I love y'all, but that's a lot of energy that I already spent. Cool beans, the bruised palm thing happened to me, cheesecakes are bitches to cut through when they are frozen. I love you guys a lot, sorry this fic was neglected for a bit, I have a new baby that is my Some Fluff series, that is fluffy happy Luwoo stuff! Go check it out! Okay, leave me a comment if you enjoyed! Or Kudos, or whatever! Love you all!!!!!!!  
> ~Alex~


	30. Vamos A La Playa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (a mi me gusta baila)
> 
> FelixNavidad: Jisung you’ve never touched an alcohol in ur life
> 
> Werewolf: I know but I have an image to stick to
> 
> FelixNavidad: Hyper three year old with ADHD?
> 
> Werewolf: australian meme gremlin
> 
> FelixNavidad: Buck Toothed Squirrel
> 
> Werewolf: rude much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the names the names!
> 
> -Padres-  
> Chan: Kidderoni  
> Seungcheol: Papa  
> Jeonghan: Ma  
> Joshua: Mistress
> 
> -Oh Shit Waddup-  
> Chan: Roach  
> Vernon: TruLuv  
> Seungkwan: LoverBoy  
> Jisung: Werewolf, BaconAndEggs  
> Felix: FelixNavidad  
> Rocky: Dwanye (pronounced like Kanye)  
> Sanha: Bigfoot
> 
> -The Large Boi-  
> Seungcheol: Papa  
> Jeonghan: Fancii  
> Joshua: Marshmallow  
> Junhui: Sneaky  
> Hoshi: TinyDancer  
> Woozi: Inch  
> Mingyu: GyuWoo  
> Wonwoo: WooGyu  
> Chan: Baby Jail  
> Vernon: LoOpS  
> Seungkwan: Sparkly  
> Minghao: Shady  
> Seokmin: Plant

Padres (4)

 

Kidderoni: hyungs

Kidderoni: HYUNGS

 

Má: yes child

 

Kidderoni: the fam is actually taking me with on a vacation

Kidderoni: I am suspicious

 

Má: at least u get to go somewhere cool

 

Kidderoni: don’t like

 

Papa: have fun on your vacation Chan

 

Mistress: yeah Channie have fun on your vacation

  
  


Oh Shit Waddup (7)

 

Roach: my boys

Roach: we have to cancel chips night

 

Dwanye: we were gonna have to cancel chips night anyways loser

Dwanye: ur like grounded until you die

 

TruLuv: thats true stuff chan

TruLuv: you are major grounded

 

Bigfoot: so chips night is canceled?

 

FelixNavidad: yeep

 

Bigfoot: rip

 

Roach: it’s cancellerino

Roach: Mother Dearest is taking me with on a vacation

Roach: cuz “We don’t trust you to stay home on your own anymore”

 

Werewolf: doesn’t that mean you like get to go on vacation?

 

Roach: yeah

Roach: I’d rather be doing chips night than going to Mexico tho

Roach: like

Roach: I genuinely don’t want to go this time

 

Werewolf: that sux my dude

 

FelixNavidad: u can text us at least

 

Roach: true

 

Werewolf: rip

Werewolf: don’t get kidnapped and sold into prostitution

 

Roach: fingers crossed that one of the ugly step brothers gets some weird mexican disease

 

TruLuv: wouldn’t that be nice

 

Roach: Or maybe Mr. Yang’s skin will fall off

 

Bigfoot: ooh rip

 

Werewolf: that would be nasty. Do u think ur mom would divorce him if he had no skin?

 

Roach: maybe? She told me that my real dad was balding when she divorced him, and she really does like pretty things. 

Roach: welp, I’ve got to pack we leave in like 7 hours. 

 

Bigfoot: even more rip my dude

 

Roach: yup. I’ve got to go pack and shit so adios

 

LoverBoy: bye Chan

 

Dwanye: bye nerd

 

Bigfoot: Bye hyung!

 

TruLuv: have fun in vaycay Chan

 

Werewolf: bring me back something alcoholic

 

FelixNavidad: Jisung you’ve never touched an alcohol in ur life

 

Werewolf: I know but I have an image to stick to

 

FelixNavidad: Hyper three year old with ADHD?

 

Werewolf: australian meme gremlin

 

FelixNavidad: Buck Toothed Squirrel

 

Werewolf: rude much

 

FelixNavidad: ur rude

FelixNavidad: anyways have fun chan! We will miss you!

  
  


~Time Skip~

 

The Large Boi (13)

 

BabyJail: airports are weird

 

Fancii: why

 

BabyJail: traveling places only

 

Fancii: weird

 

BabyJail: hyung I know

 

Sneaky: why are u in an airport??????

 

BabyJail: the fam is taking me with on a vacation because I am untrustworthy

 

Sneaky: oh. Makes sense

 

Papa: when is your flight chan?

 

BabyJail: about like 30 minutes

 

Papa: well, have fun on the flight. How long is it?

 

BabyJail: like seventeen frickin hours

BabyJail: its ridiculous we’re going to frickin mexico

BabyJail: who does that?!

 

Shady: well at least you’re going to mexico

 

BabyJail: I would rather be staying home

 

Plant: mexico is fun kiss a crab for me

 

BabyJail: wow u sound like Kim Namjoon

 

Plant: who dat?

 

BabyJail: not important don’t worry about it we’re boarding gotta blast

 

Plant: a sketchy dude indeed

  
  


~Another Time Skip~

 

The Large Boi (13)

 

BabyJail: my guys

BabyJail: our resort is pretty bueno ngl

 

TinyDancer: Chan do u even consider time zones

 

BabyJail: no but my resort is neet I just wanted to tell you guys

 

TinyDancer: wow that’s so cool now go to fucking sleep

 

BabyJail: but it’s like 10 am here

BabyJail: I can’t go to sleep hyung that’s not possible.

 

LoOpS: oh hi chan

LoOpS: how is mexico?

 

BabyJail: heckin rad

BabyJail: I have to share a room with the evil step brothers though. 

BabyJail: and that means I have a mattress on the floor. 

 

LoOpS: well that sucks

 

TinyDancer: Vernon, while Chan is in Mexico and currently unavailable for strangling, you are very much available and if I remember correctly, only a ten minute drive from my home. 

 

LoOpS: welp gotta blast bye Chan!

 

BabyJail: bye Vernon hyung!

  
  


Oh Shit Waddup (7)

 

TruLuv: Chan we can talk in safety here!

 

Roach: tru

Roach: everyone is still probz awake in this chat anyways

 

LoverBoy: I’m awake

LoverBoy: found some great fanfiction to read so that is my life now

 

FelixNavidad: I’m awake too I’ve been playing minecraft with Jisung

 

Werewolf: don’t expose me!

 

FelixNavidad: it’s what you deserve

FelixNavidad: Chan how’s Mexico?

 

Roach: it’s rad we have an awesome resort

Roach: I’m sharing a room with the bros, but it’s pretty neat

 

FelixNavidad: sweet bro

 

Dwanye: can y’all chill I’m trying to play fortnite

 

FelixNavidad: loser

 

Dwanye: bro why u gotta do that to me

 

FelixNavidad: bro because real men play minecraft

 

Dwanye: bro you and Jisung aren’t even close to real men

 

Werewolf: bitch

Werewolf: that’s not what ur mom said last night

 

Dwanye: my mom was at community bingo last night u chiken nug

 

Werewolf: THATS WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO THINK

 

LoverBoy: Jisung you’re like hella gay 

 

Werewolf: I am PAN so get on my level

 

_ Park Minhyuk (Dwanye) has changed Han Jisung’s name! _

_ Changed from  _ Werewolf  _ to  _ BaconAndEggs _! _

 

BaconAndEggs: hey

BaconAndEggs: u think ur funny but ur really not

 

Dwanye: you’re just a hater

 

Bigfoot: I’m awake too hyung!

 

TruLuv: why r u awake Sanha?

 

Dwanye: dude it’s like 2 am why are you awake

 

Bigfoot: I’m contemplating the steady march of time and the quiet inevitability of Death

 

Dwanye: uh??????

 

Bigfoot: I’m actually playing on Felix’s minecraft server

 

FelixNavidad: oh yeah I forgot about that

FelixNavidad: Jisung and I have been just fighting each other

 

Bigfoot: I have a bunker now you’ll never find me

 

BaconAndEggs: we will always find you

 

Roach: now back to me please

 

BaconAndEggs: ok. Anything neet in ur resort?

 

Roach: there’s an ice cream shop. And it’s all inclusive, so like no charge

Roach: I speak poor english though, and absolutely no Spanish

Roach: so rip me

 

BaconAndEggs: rip u Chan

 

TruLuv: u should learn spanish it’s a language of love

 

Dwanye: r u learning it for Seungkwan?

Dwanye: cus I don’t think ur meme accent would work well with spanish

 

TruLuv: that’s rude I could learn spanish if I wanted to

 

Roach: hyung u talk like a meme

Roach: although memes translate through every language

Roach: U and spanish would not mix

 

TruLuv: I’m gonna block you Chan

 

Roach: do it coward

 

~Time Skip (2 days)~

 

O Shit Waddup (7)

 

Roach: That moment when ur family goes to the Walmart in Playa Del Carmen and forgets u so now ur in the walmart

 

BaconAndEggs: rip chan but I have work don’t get kidnapped

 

Roach: have fun at the Pasta Palace

 

BaconAndEggs: I will, Rocky is working tonight too, so we can have fun

BaconAndEggs: that and it’s lasagna night too

 

FelixNavidad: u losers work at Pasta Palace, I work at the Game Dungeon

FelixNavidad: like a cool dude

 

Bigfoot: I work at the All Supplies

 

FelixNavidad: oh tru Sanha works at Allsups

 

Roach: guys I’m still at the walmart there are police now. They speak spanish and have machine guns

Roach: I’m probz gonna get sold on the black market someone tell Jeonghan hyung that I’m not his baby

 

BaconAndEggs: rip Chan

 

TruLuv: Rip chan

 

LoverBoy: R.I.P. Channie

 

Dwanye: rip in peace Chan

 

Bigfoot: rip hyung

 

FelixNavidad: we will always remember you

 

Padres (4)

 

Kidderoni: hyung what should I do if my family forgot me in the Mexican Walmart?

Kidderoni: hypothetically don’t worry

 

Papa: WAIT WHAT

 

Kidderoni: no need to panic, its just a hypothetical question

 

Papa: CHAN ARE YOU OKAY?

 

Kidderoni: DON’T PANIC HYUNG

 

Mistress: Chan are you safe?

Mistress: is there anyone you can talk to, or use the phone of?

 

Kidderoni: Uh

Kidderoni: there’s like police?

 

Mistress: okay you should probably talk to them. Use google translate, or just tell them

Mistress:  _ Joshua Hong has sent an audio file! _

Mistress: audio.mp3

 

Kidderoni: okay hyung I’ll do that. Thank you

 

Mistress: keep texting us please

 

Kidderoni: will do hyung

 

Papa: what does the audio file say? I don’t speak english?

 

Mistress: “Hi my name is Chan, I don’t speak english or spanish, but my family forgot me here. I’ve been staying at the Vidanta Resort, and I need to get back there”

 

Papa: ok

 

Kidderoni: I think they understood. I used google translate to tell them that I speak Korean

Kidderoni: They’ve been using google translate too

Kidderoni: They’re gonna take me to the Police Station and try to get into contact with my Mom or Mr. Yang

 

Papa: why can’t you text them?

 

Kidderoni: neither of them have ChatChat, and I am forbidden to use the data to text them

Kidderoni: I also don’t think they even brought their phones

Kidderoni: It’s rough

 

Papa: keep texting us then please. Updates every ten minutes

 

Kidderoni: ok hyung

 

~Time Skip (3 hours)~

 

Padres (4)

 

Papa: and anyways thats why I had to replace the kitchen cabinets

 

Mistress: I would tell you that’s fascinating but I’ve heard this story literally thirteen times

 

Papa: well, I’m running out of things to talk about

 

Kidderoni: THaank the lord my Mom is here in a cab. I’ve been found!

 

Papa: oh my god thank goodness

 

Mistress: yay!

 

Ma: I’m so glad that’s over now

Ma: U are forbidden from ever getting lost in a foreign country again

 

Kidderoni: didn’t get lost I just got left behind

Kidderoni: but I promise it won’t happen again that was scary

Kidderoni: I made some friends though, and the police taught me how to play blackjack. 

 

Ma: ok. I’ve gotta go to sleep now. Seungcheol get home from your work soon

Ma: and Joshie can u bring me a heating pad? My feet are cold

 

Kidderoni: thank you guys, Thank you Joshua Hyung!

 

Mistress: no problem dear. And Jeonghan you have legs get a hot pad yourself I’m watching a movie. 

  
  


Oh Shit Waddup (7)

 

Roach: ok I’m back at my resort now. 

Roach: U all are probably still working but I just want to let you know

 

LoverBoy: I’m not working

LoverBoy: only the kids with late night jobs are

 

Roach: But u and Vernon hyung are probably necking or something

 

LoverBoy: we aREN’T!

 

TruLuv: we are just wathching a movie

 

Roach: wathching

 

TruLuv: fite me

 

~Time Skip (1 day)~

 

The Large Boi (13)

  
  


BabyJail: that moment when your family goes on an excursion and forgets to give you a room key

 

Shady: that sucks dude

Shady: do u have anywhere to hang out while they are away?

 

BabyJail: I made friends with a server, and he and I are sitting together on our lunch break. 

BabyJail: turns out he’s Korean American and speaks spanish

BabyJail: he’s like working here while he studies abroad and all that stuff

 

Shady: how do you always find the koreans while you are out and about

 

BabyJail: you see hyung, it’s normally really easy, because I live in Korea

BabyJail: but I’m like the only asian at this resort, and it’s easy to find other asians

 

Shady: don’t sass me

 

BabyJail: sorry hyung

BabyJail: but I don’t have that great of a talent the police I talked to yesterday didn’t even speak english very well. 

 

Sneaky: uh police????!!!

Sneaky: when did you speak to police Lee Chan??????!!!!

 

BabyJail: well the fam kinda forgot me in the town about an hour drive from our resort yesterday?

 

Fancii: lets just not discuss it I think I had a heart attack from that and am not looking to relive that

 

GyuWoo: so they just forgot you?

GyuWoo: that sucks little man

 

BabyJail: it was cool tho

BabyJail: I know how to cheat at blackjack now, and how to kick y’all’s asses in poker

 

Papa: That is not comforting

 

BabyJail: anyways, my server bro is back so bye y’all

 

Sneaky: WAIT TELL US ABOUT YOUR SERVER BRO

 

BabyJail: nah

BabyJail: I’ve been sworn to secrecy

 

Fancii: so help me Chan if you got involved in the cartel I will disown you

 

BabyJail: #notmymom

 

Fancii: DISOWN YOU

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my babes! It's 2019! That's kinda rad. And I'm finally updating this fic! Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot how fun it was to write this for a while, so I was focusing on some other stuffz  
> Anyways, christmas happened, and I got a Yixing sweater (that I don't have the courage to wear out of the house) and Astro sweater (that's much more subtle so I will wear it outside to school and stuff) The ATEEZ album (gotta support our boys) and a bunch of books and stuff!   
> My little sister Ellie got in a FUCK ton of trouble, so like, I'm a senior in highschool (17 yrs old) and she's a freshman (15yrs old) and she told my dad "yo I'm gonna go hang out with friends can you drop me off here?" so he did, looped the block, came back and saw her getting into a car with a boy, so she got in trouble for THAT, and then she "borrowed" my car to drive to her friends house. #1, my fucking car don't touch, #2 she doesn't have a liscense, #3, she's not on the insurance yet, so yeah. A fuck ton of trouble.   
> Anyways, some news?   
> Wanna One disbanded, that sucks  
> Jennie from Blackpink and Kai from EXO are dating and that's amazing  
> There is a RUMOUR going around that E'Dawn and HyunA are engaged  
> NCT CHINA (WayV) IS DEBUTING!!!!!!!! AND THE THREE NEW BOYS ARE IN IT!!!!!!!!! I'M SO PUMPED  
> Cool beans. I got accepted into college which is cool, they sent me a sticker and everything so that's nice, Art is HARD, and I like writing.   
> Go check out my "Some Fluff" series if you like NCT and specifically Lucas and Jungwoo!  
> Go check out my New Years Review, it's got some song lists, and some little fanfics, and a letter to you all, my beautiful readers!
> 
> Now to chapter notes!  
> So getting left behind in the Mexican Walmart was a thing that happened to me. IT was a place called the Mega in Playa Del Carmen during Christmas Break like seven years ago, and I kinda just sat and cried until my parents and the cab driver realized that I was left behind, and then they came back for me. I was mad for a long time after that, but mostly traumatized.   
> The waiter that Chan meets is 2PM's Taecyeon, who does actually speak Spanish!   
> Yup, that's pretty much it!  
> Love you all, hope the year is starting off right for you! See you in the next chapter! As always, comment, Kudos, or just anticipate the next chapter! This bad boy is for falloutgirl2110! Love you!  
> -Peace out! Alex!


	31. Ooh Kill 'Em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shook: Wimp
> 
> YugYug: coconut
> 
> Moosehey: coqonút
> 
> YugYug: dead meme alert
> 
> Merkito: my dudes  
> Merkito: so say, hypothetically, if you left the plastic on your oven pizza, would it still be safe to eat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Large Boi   
> Chan: BabyJail  
> Mingyu: GyuWoo, Jinkies  
> Vernon: LoOpS  
> Joshua: Marshmallow  
> Minghao: Shady  
> Wonwoo: WooGyu, Zoinks
> 
> Babes  
> Vernon: Sir<3  
> Seungkwan: !!Bae!!
> 
> Colleg  
> Jungkook (BTS): Shook  
> Yukhei (Lucas) (NCT): Moosehey  
> Taehyung (BTS): Naruto  
> Jungwoo (NCT): Uwoo  
> Yugyeom (GOT7): YugYug  
> Mark (NCT): Merkito  
> Jooheon (Monsta X): Hunnit  
> Kino (Pentagon): Blackjack  
> Taemin (SHINee): Hoar  
> Junhong (B.A.P.): LIghtning  
> Changkyun (Monsta X): Iams, ChooChoo  
> Sangkyuk (VIXX): Dolphin  
> WinWin (NCT): Wavy

The Large Boi (13)

  
  


BabyJail: that moment when u make friends with a trinket man on the beach and he gives u some trinkets

 

GyuWoo: Chan how did you make friends u don’t speak spanish

 

BabyJail: the trinket man and I both have a love for tiny cute crabs

BabyJail: we are like soulmates

 

LoOpS: I don’t like crabs

LoOpS: they’re bitey. 

 

Sparkly: U just have a prejudice because Jason used to have a hermit crab

 

LoOpS: thats mostly true

LoOpS: and that crab was a satan worshiper

 

Marshmallow: Vernon I’m taking you to church on sunday

 

LoOpS: I can’t

 

Marshmallow: you need jesus in your life

 

LoOpS: why take me? Why not take HaoHao, or Jeonghan, or Junhui! They need it more

 

Marshmallow: I can’t take them to church because I fear that they’d ignite as soon as they took one step in

 

Shady: Vernon if anyone’s a satan worshiper here its you

 

LoOpS: is NOT

 

BabyJail: did you guys know I used to know someone in a Satan cult?

 

Marshmallow: Chan you’re coming to church too

 

BabyJail: well, I won’t have to be at home

 

Marshmallow: (*^▽^*)

  
  
  


Babes (2)

 

Sir<3: Kwannie are you almost done at work?

 

!!Bae!!: yeah just gimme a sec

!!Bae!!: Gotta just close up

 

Sir<3: cool cool

Sir<3: I’m waiting for u at the bus stop, we’re gonna go to pancakes

 

!!Bae!!: !!

!!Bae!!: I heckin love pancakes!

 

Sir<3: I know! That’s why we’re going to pancakes!

 

!!Bae!!: I like u a lot Vernonie

 

Sir<3: ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

  
  


Colleg (17)

 

Shook: hey guys are any of you going to the orientation party?

 

Moosehey: me!

Moosehey: Is this the party for the new freshmen?

 

Shook: Yes Lucas

Shook: the party for the new kids

 

Moosehey: Kookie count me in

 

Naruto: Y’all shouldn’t go to the party last year somebody almost died

 

Shook: that was jimin hyung and that only happened because he went swimming in the kiddie pool they made the jungle juice in

 

Naruto: besides my point

 

Uwoo: I don’t think I can go Jungkook, I have to work that night

 

Moosehey: :(((((((((((

Moosehey: but bABE

Moosehey: it’ll be fun!

 

Uwoo: the last time ANY of us went to a party was the disaster with Chan and all that

 

YugYug: no party for me

YugYug: papá forbade it

 

Shook: you’re a pussy Yugyeom

 

YugYug: well your hyungs didn’t catch you at a party, drinking your life away

YugYug: Jinyoung literally put a tracker on me

 

Shook: Wimp

 

YugYug: coconut

 

Moosehey: coqonút

 

YugYug: dead meme alert

 

Merkito: my dudes

Merkito: so say, hypothetically, if you left the plastic on your oven pizza, would it still be safe to eat?

 

YugYug: go ask your other hyungs nerd

 

Merkito: hek u man

 

YugYug: no hek u

 

Merkito: hEK U

 

Shook: I’m begging you to stop

 

Merkito: hek u jungkook

 

YugYug: yea hek u Jungkook

  
  


The Large Boi (13)

 

BabyJail: the TERRIBLE moment when ur step brother breaks all the trinkets the beach man gave you

 

WooGyu: which one did the thing

 

BabyJail: Junseo

 

WooGyu: well he looks like a frickin weed

WooGyu: so like

WooGyu: he’s a weed so he doesn’t matter

 

BabyJail: like a dandelion weed or like  _ weed  _ weed?

BabyJail: cuz he smokes weed weed

BabyJail: well, tries to

 

WooGyu: he’s just an ugly weed

WooGyu: like the one in veggie tales

 

BabyJail: when did you watch veggie tales?

 

Marshmallow: Wonwoo and I got wine tipsy one night and watched it

 

BabyJail: other question, hyung why do you still have veggie tales?

 

Marshmallow: I don’t even know

 

GyuWoo: I also have a question

GyuWoo: do you and wonwoo just get together and drink wine?

 

WooGyu: It’s not that weird Mingyu.

WooGyu: you and Minghao and Junhui get together and go to bars to drink the weirdest cocktails

 

GyuWoo: touche

 

WooGyu: touch _ é _

 

BabyJail: but back to me now

BabyJail: Junseo literally dropped a big ass rock in my suitcase

BabyJail: right on the bag that said “fragile” 

BabyJail: my heart shattered 

 

Marshmallow: that’s awful channie

Marshmallow: I’m sorry

 

BabyJail: It’s not too awful, some things survived, but most of it did not

BabyJail: at least the trinket man gave them to me for free

 

LoOpS: hey guys time sensitive question

LoOps: say that you’re at Pancakes, and all the sudden, a bunch of crazy looking people come in, and are like meowing at the plants and stuff, and three of them sit at your table with you, and you don’t know what to do?

 

WooGyu: weird

WooGyu: Ur just gonna have to meow back Vernon

 

BabyJail: are you at Pancakes with Seungkwan?

 

LoOpS: yeah

 

GyuWoo: wait why

 

LoOpS: oh my god was that never announced here?

 

BabyJail: hahahahahahahaha

BabyJail: the hyungs are going to KILL you for withholding information

BabyJail: I’ll play skrillex at your funeral hyung

BabyJail: and invite Kanye West, but I don’t think he’ll come

 

WooGyu: ??????????????

 

LoOpS: well uh, Seungkwan and I might be dating

 

Marshmallow: ????!!!????!!!????!!!!???!!!

 

LoOpS: for like a month and a half

 

GyuWoo: oh my god I can’t wait until the rest of the gang wakes up and sees this

 

BabyJail: who even says gang anymore?????????

BabyJail: who are you? Velma?

 

LoOpS: jinkies gang!

 

Lee Chan _ has changed  _ Kim Mingyu’s  _ chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ GyuWoo  _ to  _ Jinkies _! _

 

Jinkies: dude but my cute couple name with Wonwoo :(

 

BabyJail: you aren’t a cute couple. 

BabyJail: You two are nasty. 

 

Jeon Wonwoo  _ has changed his chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ WooGyu _ to  _ Zoinks!

 

Zoinks: don’t worry

 

BabyJail: I take back what I said. This is sickening

 

Jinkies: thanks babe

  
  


Colleg (17)

 

Moosehey: have you ever realized that none of the main characters are in this chat?

 

Blackjack: Lucas get the heck out of here with your 4th wall breaks

Blackjack: It’s three in the morning and I will not hesitate to come over to your house and beat you

 

Moosehey: can’t ever beat me like I beat myself

 

Hunnit: was that…?????

Hunnit: was that a “I beat my meat”  joke or a “I hate myself” joke???????

 

Moosehey: I was going for beat my meat but I’ll take I hate myself too

 

Hoar: Wow self esteem

 

Lightning: WHY ARE PEOPLE TEXTING AT THIS TIME

 

Hoar: we’re here just to make your life miserable Junhong

 

Lightning: STOP LET ME SLEEP

 

Blackjack: I completely agree

Blackjack: let’s go to sleep, and tomorrow we can organize a witch burning for Yukhei

 

Moosehey: am I going to be burned as a witch? Or are we going to find witches for me to burn?

 

Hunnit: out of our squad, who would be the most likely to be burned as a witch?

 

Lightning: STOP

 

Moosehey: O i’ve thought about this actually

 

Hunnit: context? 

Hunnit: are you thinking about burning us at the stake?

Hunnit: or is this just friendly thought trains?

 

Moosehey: think thomas the train kind of friendly

 

Hunnit: thomas the train scares me

 

Iams: Thomas the train arouses me

 

Hunnit: Changkyun do you understand how terrible what you just said was?

 

Iams: yes

Iams: I regret as soon as I hit send

 

Hoar: Changkyun’s a monsterfucker pass it on

 

Merkito: Changkyun’s a monster trucker pass it on

 

Dolphin: changkyuns a Mobster Trucker pass it on

 

Moosehey: Changkyun’s a rubber fucker pass it on

 

Iams: #help #cyberbullying #hatecrime

 

Moosehey: the best part was all of the creepers coming out of the shadows 

 

Markito: I do my best

 

Moosehey: anyways, witch burning

 

Uwoo: that moment when you wake up and see that your boyfriend is texting the group chat about witch burnings

 

Hunnit: #RELATEABLE

 

Moosehey: aNYWAYS, WITCH BURNINGS

Moosehey: Taehyung, Youngjae, Sicheng, Taemin

 

Hoar: makes sense

Hoar: Americans back then tended to think twinks were witches

 

Wavy: I didn’t wake up just to be shamed

 

Hoar: don’t worry sicheng. Changkyun is living in much more shame rn

 

Iams: i rEGRET IT

 

Lee Taemin  _ has changed  _ Lim Changkyun’s  _ name! _

_ Changed from  _ Iams  _ to  _ ChooChoo _! _

 

ChooChoo: it was a JOKE

 

Moosehey: bro u crossed the invisible line from wanting to fuck slenderman, into the territory of death

Moosehey: and once you cross the line, the only escape is death itself

 

ChooChoo: fuk u yukhei

ChooChoo: more like YUCKhei

 

Hoar: ooh kill em

 

Hunnit: #REKT 

Hunnit: get ‘im babe

 

Dolphin: Rip Yukhei

Dolphin: well, YUCKhei

 

Moosehey: tell my mother I loved her

 

Hoar: no can do you typecast me as a twink witch 

 

Moosehey: but am I wrong

 

Hoar: no but I still don’t like it

 

Moosehey: should have typecasted you as a twink BITCH

 

Blackjack: omg

Blackjack: Taem

Blackjack: are u just gonna sit there and take that???????

 

Lightning: S T O P T E X T I N G

Lightning: I AM NOT AFRAID OF HAVING TO CASTRATE YOU

 

ChooChoo: gotta have something there to castrate first

 

Lightning: I WON’T HES- wait

Lightning: was that a self burn Changkyun?

 

Hoar: ooh self burn

Hoar: those are rare

 

Hunnit: babe haven’t you suffered enough? 

Hunnit: now you’re gonna be known as Monster Fucker AND Dickless Changkyun

 

ChooChoo: It had to be done

 

Hunnit: you make no sense

 

Moosehey: hah Dickless Changkyun

 

Hunnit: aaaand it’s stuck now

Hunnit: Changkyun you might never recover

 

Moosehey: I don’t have a dick either Changkyun don’t worry

Moosehey: the only difference is that all the awesome sex I’ve been having has made it fall off

 

Merkito: mY diCk FeLL oFf

 

Uwoo: what sex Yukhei?

Uwoo: if you’ve found someone else

Uwoo: then I guess that you can go to THEM when you’re horny

 

Moosehey: wait babe

Moosehey: comedic

Moosehey: I didn’t mean that I was sleeping with other people

 

Uwoo: did you guys hear something?

 

Merkito: no sir

Merkito: silent as the grave

 

Lightning: ooh damn yuckhei u ain’t getting sex anymore

Lightning: for like ever

 

Blackjack: and you are?

Blackjack: and I mean real sex, not from your sugar daddy

 

Lightning: hE’S NOT MY SUGAR DADDY

Lightning: HE’S MY BOYFRIEND

 

Blackjack: hmm likely story

Blackjack: you’re just lying to yourself at this point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS NCT CHINA IS DEBUTING SOON AND MY BOYS ATEEZ ARE HAVING A COMEBACK AND SO IS ASTRO AND EVERYTHING IS DOING WELL  
> I'm living my best life if you can't tell  
> Anyways, this chapter (and the next several chapters into the future are for my boy uwu. I heckin love you. No joke.   
> Also, our chapter count is going to pick up soon, because the timeline for this story used to be lined up with my actual school timeline, so when school ended in the story, school had ended for me too, and like, now it doesn't because all the kids go back to school NEXT CHAPTER (and that means I have to tell you guys who graduated and who didn't and like, things are splitting up and i don't know how I feel about it)  
> So yeah, I'm confusing myself, so I'm gonna try my hardest to catch up soon even though January is legit 10 chapters away. So yeah. It'll probably be more tbh cuz I can't not have details.   
> Cool cool, so yeah!   
> I have an insta now, @that_is_shocking if anybody wants to come hang out or chat or something! I also make cute stuff (I think it's cute)  
> Okay, so Kudos if you liked, comment if you liked, or just anticipate the next chapter! It will be up very soon!  
> ~Alex


	32. Off to See the Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Badonkadonk: that’s the yard. Don’t walk through there anymore
> 
> Soup: Yeah Seungkwan you should go around that spot
> 
> SameHat: Why???
> 
> Soup: It’s haunted  
> Soup: For real
> 
> RingRing: Oh my god Seungkwan’s infested with the devil now  
> RingRing: he walked through the yard
> 
> KnifeMan: Josh hyung we’re gonna need another excorsism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (my boys are going off to college nothing is the same anymore)
> 
> BatFam (13)  
> Seungcheol: Soup  
> Jeonghan: Devil  
> Joshua: Fanboi  
> Junhui: Runhui  
> Hoshi: Damn  
> Woozi: Taquito  
> Mingyu: RingRing  
> Wonwoo: WooHoo  
> Chan: CY  
> Vernon: OhWorm  
> Seungkwan: SameHat  
> Minghao: KnifeMan  
> Seokmin: Badonkadonk
> 
> Kids Place Live (7)  
> Vernon: Freeky  
> Seungkwan: Funky  
> Rocky: RockNRoll  
> Chan: Chant  
> Felix: Kangaroo  
> Jisung: Chipmunk  
> Sanha: Yah
> 
> YOUTHS (5)  
> Chan: Lee C  
> Felix: Fiesta  
> Jisung: Moist  
> Rocky: Paper  
> Sanha: Long

About three weeks after Chapter 31

 

BatFam (13) 

 

Soup: Hope everyone has a good day today!

Soup: Remember, Vernon and Kwannie you’re welcome to join me for lunch!

 

KnifeMan: It’s so weird to think that the only one of us not in college isn’t Chan now

KnifeMan: I don’t like it at all

 

OhWorm: Seungcheol is a good dad man

OhWorm: but I promised Jason and my mom I’d get lunch with them

 

SameHat: I’ll join you hyung!

 

CY: you know it’s like eight AM

CY: why are y’all awake

CY: oh wait

CY: school starts for you guys today

 

Devil: Yup

Devil: but its my LAST year now

Devil: and after that I’m finally FREE

 

Fanboi: Seungcheol and I are also graduating Jeonghan

 

Devil: But I’m louder about it

 

Badonkadonk: Hey Kwannie is that you?

 

SameHat: ???????

 

Badonkadonk: I swear I saw you on the yard

 

SameHat: I’m in my class rn?

 

RingRing: Seokmin’s gone off the deep end

 

Badonkadonk: I SAW YOU I SWEAR TO JESUS

 

Fanboi: kind words please

 

SameHat: I walked through that sketchy little grass alleyway, if that helps

 

Badonkadonk: IT WAS YOU THEN

Badonkadonk: that’s the yard. Don’t walk through there anymore

 

Soup: Yeah Seungkwan you should go around that spot

 

SameHat: Why???

 

Soup: It’s haunted

Soup: For real

 

RingRing: Oh my god Seungkwan’s infested with the devil now

RingRing: he walked through the yard

 

KnifeMan: Josh hyung we’re gonna need another exorcism

 

OhWorm: Is this like an occurrence?

 

KnifeMan: yeah.

KnifeMan: and Joshua hyung is the best at exorcism 

 

Fanboi: I do at least thirteen every year

 

CY: terrifying

CY: They’re fun parties though

CY: lots of people there to pray for the damned

CY: it’s a good time to network

 

KnifeMan: I vote we excorsize Chan

KnieMan: He’s unnatural

  
  
  


Kids Place Live (7)

 

Chant: my dudes

Chant: we have some business to get to

 

Chipmunk: what business

Chipmunk: important business?

 

Chant: yes

Chant: so you know how Vernon hyung and Seungkwan hyung are both graduated?

 

Chipmunk: yes

 

Yah: don’t remind me I don’t want to be sad

 

Freeky: We’re still in the frickin city Sanha

Freeky: we aren’t going anywhere

Freeky: no one goes to any other college here

 

Yah: bt you’re OLD now

Yah: I can’t handle it

 

Funky: Vernon don’t text in class

Funky: Professor Kwon said he’d blender your phone

 

Freeky: I live life on the edge

 

Chant: anyways

Chant: do we punch them from the highschool kids chat?

Chant: or start a new one with just the high school kiddos

 

Freeky: NO

Freeky: CHAN DON”T BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

 

Chant: YOU’RE OLD NOW YOU DON’T BELONG

 

Freeky: THAT’S NOT MY FAULT

 

Chant: I vote new chat tbh

Chant: but I’m down for some punching

 

Kangaroo: well, we could make a new chat

Kangaroo: this one is a historical icon

Kangaroo: the only one untouched by Chan fucking up Chat Chat last year

 

Chant: Okay that was stupid on my part and yes

Chant: let’s make a new chat

Chant: cuz I heard there’s going to be a BUNCH of new kids

Chant: so we can find new friends to replace the ones we’ve lost

 

Kangaroo: so many hyungs graduated and are in college now

Kangaroo: I don’t like it

 

Chipmunk: Seungmin is still here

 

Kangaroo: yeah but he’s crazy

 

Chipmunk: I think he’s fine!

 

Kangaroo: only because you’re just as crazy

Kangaroo: maybe crazier

 

Chant: Well, let’s take a moment of silence for our graduated hyungs

Chant: may they live on in our hearts

 

Yah: who all graduated? I can never keep ages straight

 

Chant: Let’s see, we’ve obviously got Vernon and Seungkwan hyung, Jisung and Felix’s hyung Hyunjin, Lucas and Jungwoo, Sicheng, Jungkook, Jooheon and Changkyun, Yugyeom and Youngjae and BamBam, Wooseok Kino and Yuto, Junhong, Sangkyuk, and Taemin, Sehun (finally) and I think that’s it

Chant: wait, did Mark Lee graduate?

 

Kangaroo: yeah? I think he did?

Kangaroo: we will only be able to see once we go back to school

 

Chant: I could text him tho

 

Kangaroo: don’t ruin the suspense with your networking

 

Yah: that’s a lot…

Yah: well, that seems to be a majority of the party crowd

Yah: school should be a lot quieter

 

Kangaroo: you still have me

 

Yah: fair enough

 

Chant: I’m gonna create a new chat

Chant: we have to let Vernon and Seungkwan be college students

 

Freeky: I don’t like this

 

_ Lee Chan has created a new chat!  _

_ Lee Chan has added  _ Y00nGiraffe  _ to the chat! _

_ Lee Chan has added  _ rockSOLIDdance  _ to the chat! _

_ Lee Chan has added  _ J.ONEboss  _ to the chat! _

_ Lee Chan has added  _ aussie4president  _ to the chat _

_ Lee Chan has named the chat! _

_ Chat name:  _  YOUTHS

 

YOUTHS (5)

 

Han J: this feels wrong make it stop

 

Lee C: that’s just because the other chat had a skin, and some rad names

Lee C: don’t be a coward

 

Han J: what is this nasty gray and white

Han J: Our other chat had RAINBOWS

 

_ Lee Chan has added a Chat Skin! Chat Skin #4399 implemented! _

 

Lee C: there

Lee C: rainbows

 

Han J: but now it feels like just a chat without Vernon and Seungkwan

Han J: I still don’t like it

Han J: We have done a terrible

 

_ Lee Chan has changed the Chat Skin! Chat Skin #5748 implemented! _

 

Lee C: how about the kitty skin then

 

Han J: hmmmm

Han J: satisfactory

 

Yoon S: wow

Yoon S: this does feel weird

 

Lee C: EVERYTHING IS WEIRD EVERYONE GRADUATED AND JISUNG AND FELIX AND ROCKY ARE NEXT

 

Park M: relax Channie

Park M: it’s not like anyone ever leaves this city

Park M: we’re gonna be here until we die

 

Lee C: obviously

 

Lee Y: Ugh

Lee Y: hold on

 

_ Lee Yongbok has changed his chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ default  _ to  _ Fiesta _! _

 

Fiesta: not today satan

 

Han J: hahahahahahaha

Han J: yongbok

 

Han Jisung’s  _ chat name has been changed! _

_ Changed from  _ default  _ to  _ Moist _! _

 

Moist: you know what that’s fair

 

Park Minhyuk  _ has changed his chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ default  _ to  _ Paper _! _

 

Paper: ha

Paper: I made a rock paper scissors joke

 

Moist: wow original

 

Paper: at least I’m not moist

 

Moist: I’m gonna have to ask you to stop

Moist: I’ll call the word police

 

_ Yoon Sanha has changed his chat name!  _

_ Changed from  _ default  _ to  _ Long _! _

 

Long: I thought this was accurate

 

Moist: it is

Moist: but if I cut your legs off at the knees it wont be

 

Long: can you even reach my knees?

 

Lee C: OOOOOOOOO

Lee C: FINISH HIM SANHA

 

Fiesta: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fiesta: JISUNG IS SHORT THIS IS HILARIOUS

 

Moist: tell my mothers I love them

 

Fiesta: will do

Fiesta: they love me more anyways

 

Moist: that’s just cuz you sound funny when you speak korean and when you speak english

Moist: they think you’re endearing

 

Fiesta: I  _ am  _ endearing

 

Moist: that’s debatable

 

Fiesta: you just got roasted go back to the veggie aisle

 

Moist: was that an attempt at roasted vegetables joke?

 

Fiesta: it was

 

Lee C: one point for felix

 

Moist: WHY

Moist: IT WAS A STUPID JOKE

 

Lee C: Felix is redeeming and a roast veggies joke is unique

Lee C: unlike you

 

Moist: IS IT FREAKING ATTACK JISUNG DAY??????? WHY

 

Lee C: who knows why

Lee C: it’s just the mood we woke up in

 

Long: If it makes you feel better

Long: I’m sorry for calling you short

 

Paper: no you aren’t 

Paper: you call Mj and Jinjin short all the time

 

Long: yeah but they need it

 

Paper: why? You always get kicked?

 

Long: it’s necessary

Long: it’s the job of the tall people

 

Paper: well you always cry about it afterwards

 

Long: sometimes duty is pain

 

Paper: beauty is pain?

 

Long: duty

 

Paper: whatever you say weirdo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we sent the boys to college!!!! :(((((((( we are much sad cuz the shenanigans in the high school will be limited (for a while we are gonna get some new kids soon)  
> Anyways, a full list of the kids who graduated and are off are:   
> Seventeen: Vernon and Seungkwan  
> Stray Kids: Hyunjin  
> NCT: Lucas, Jungwoo, Sicheng, (and Mark Lee because he graduated Dream, but I'm in denial, so no one knows if he graduated or not, sometimes they just see him around the high school, and sometimes they see him on college campus) (btw the college campus is the one EVERYONE goes to. We don't even got any out of city kids!)  
> (my college campus is going to still be in state, but it's also a nine hour drive away so yeah)  
> BTS: Jungkook  
> Monsta X: Jooheon and Changkyun  
> GOT7: Yugyeom, BamBam, Youngjae  
> Pentagon: Wooseok, Kino, Yuto  
> B.A.P (well technically not anymore thank god my bug escaped TS entertainment): Junhong  
> VIXX: Sanghyuk  
> SHINee: Taemin  
> ASTRO: Moonbin  
> EXO: Sehun (he was a super senior cuz he took too many electives sophomore year, so he's older than everyone by a year)
> 
> PEOPLE WHO GRADUATED COLLEGE ARE:  
> BTS: Jin and Yoongi   
> Monsta X: Hyunwoo, Wonho (he overloaded and only did like three years)  
> VIXX: Hakyeon, Leo, Ken  
> EXO: Minseok (he finally got his phD)  
> B.A.P.: Yongguk, Himchan
> 
> Yup! (don't worry everyone's still going to be around, nobody ever leaves the city)
> 
> OKAY notes time! SO! I have an insta now @that_is_shocking !! I'm probz going to eventually put stuff there related to my fics and stuff, but for now there's like no posts (except for some of my art)   
> Go follow me if you want! (you don't have to tho)  
> ANYWAYS This chapter is for a few people, obviously uwu, because I promised a few chapters into the future in recompense for making me cry, hoshination (love your profile pic btw), darexvyn, and PipTook! love you all!!!!!!!  
> I'm in science rn, (physics) and it's our avalance unit (I live in the mountains so we talk about avalanches and stuff so that the idiot ski bums can be safe) We have to go outside to the mountain resort tomorrow for a practical demonstration and stuff, and its going to be COLD. Not looking forward to it.   
> Our boys ATEEZ, and ASTRO are having a comeback soon, so be hyped for that, support the kiddos, AND NCT China (WayV) is FINALLY debuting!!!!!!!! I'm SO excited for that!   
> Let's see, right now this fic is projected to have 58 chapters (that's definitely going to change so don't take it to heart) so that means that we are about 55% of the way done! Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this! It's been a trip!   
> I've gotta go and be productive now, so I'm gonna have to say goodbye, but I love you all!  
> Comment, Kudos, Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> ~Alex~


	33. Dead Memes and Daddy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moist: don’t bring that up
> 
> Fiesta: ah, the good old days
> 
> Moist: I nearly died
> 
> Fiesta: ah the good old days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we back
> 
> Sugar Sugar (2)  
> Wonwoo: Wonnie<3<3  
> Mingyu: GyuGyu
> 
> Dad Jason and Son Vernon (2)  
> This chat is pretty self explanatory
> 
> Wow (2)  
> Vernon: Mac  
> Seungkwan: Cheese
> 
> The Fam (4)  
> Seungcheol: SIR  
> Jeonghan: WowThing  
> Joshua: Fuzz  
> Chan: Chiquito
> 
> YOUTHS (5)  
> Jisung: Moist  
> Felix: Fiesta  
> Rocky: Paper  
> Chan: Lee C  
> Sanha: Long

Sugar Sugar (2)

 

Wonnie<3<3: Hey baby, I know you’re at your parent’s house right now

Wonnie<3<3: but I love you

Wonnie<3<3: and you aren’t a bad son

  
  


Jason and Vernon (2)

  
  


Jason: Hansol your mom and I are getting take out from the alley thai place what do you want

Jason: you could drop by the house

Jason: or I could bring it to campus and you could pick it up

 

Hansollie: can you get me pad thai with tofu? Spice level zero

Hansollie: and I can come by this afternoon to get it

 

Jason: that’s cool! 

Jason: you could stay for dinner and bring your boyfriend?

 

Hansollie: I’ll ask Seungkwan

Hansollie: but probably

Hansollie: can you get some Yellow Curry with chicken for him?

 

Jason: yes!

Jason: your mom says hi

Jason: and that you need to remember to do laundry

 

Hansollie: tell her that I remembered and even taught my roomate how to do it

 

Jason: Awesome!

Jason: I appreciate you!

 

Hansollie: I appreciate you too!

  
  


Wow (2)

 

Mac: Hey babe

Mac: Jason wants to know if you want to come for dinner tonight

Mac: Thai food?

 

Cheese: Yellow Curry with Chicken?

 

Mac:  _ screenshot attached! _

Mac: yes

 

Cheese: nice!

Cheese: but why do you say “I appreciate you?” 

 

Mac: Jason and I like each other, but we haven’t gotten to “I love you dad” yet

Mac: so we talked and decided on I appreciate you

 

Cheese: that’s surprisingly adorable

Cheese: Jason is a really good guy

 

Mac: he actually is

Mac: I’m glad my mom found him

 

Cheese: me too Vernonie

Cheese: <3 see you in an hour

 

Mac: Ugh Intro to Eng someone kill me now

 

Cheese: nope you get to suffer along with the rest of us

Cheese: maybe Kino will be there and we can pass notes like typical teenagers

 

Mac: one can only hope

  
  


Sugar Sugar (2)

 

GyuGyu: babe where are you

GyuGyu: life sucks and I need some comfort

 

Wonnie<3<3: I’m in the small library in the fifth study pod

Wonnie<3<3: where are you I’ll meet you halfway

 

GyuGyu: nope

GyuGyu: I’m almost there

 

Wonnie<3<3: okay

Wonnie<3<3: are you alright?

 

GyuGyu: no

GyuGyu: I’ll talk about it when I get there if I can

 

Wonnie<3<3: okay. Can you give me a one to ten?

Wonnie<3<3: can you do that for hyung?

 

GyuGyu: at like a 3

 

Wonnie<3<3: I love you

Wonnie<3<3: everything is going to be okay

  
  
  


The Fam (4)

 

Chiquito: hyung

Chiquito: am I allowed to want to put a spike through my vampire mother’s heart?

 

SIR: no

SIR: well, kind of

SIR: I’m sorry your parents suck Chan

SIR: but no staking your mother

 

WowThing: aww Channie do you want to come over for dinner tonight?

 

Chiquito: nah

Chiquito: since school starts this week parents are being like

Chiquito: we couldn’t ground you in the summer

Chiquito: but now you’re under arrest

 

WowThing: :((((((((

 

SIR: hang in there Channie

SIR: you’ve only got two more years ish

SIR: and then you can go to college, and live with us

 

Chiquito: I am literally counting down the days to my graduation

Chiquito: I can’t wait to be free

 

WowThing: we’re always here for you, just remember that

 

Chiquito: I know, I’m just over reacting and stuff

  
  


_ Private Chat between Joshua Hong and Lee Chan _

 

Hong J: Channie

Hong J: I just want to tell you that you aren’t obligated to love your parents

 

Lee C: I know hyung

Lee C: and I  _ do  _ love my mom

Lee C: it’s just sometimes it seems like she doesn’t love me back

 

Hong J: I’m sorry

Hong J: I would invite you to dinner, but you already rejected it in chat

 

Lee C: I’m under house arrest pretty much. 

Lee C: it makes me really angry, and I don’t like it

 

Hong J: I’m sorry

Hong J: I could ask your mom if you wanted to come to a young life meeting

Hong J: and then we could just go watch a movie or something?

 

Lee C: it’s really okay joshua hyung

Lee C: I’m just mad

Lee C: I’ll be fine

 

Hong J: just remember

 

Lee C: I know I know

Lee C: I’m not obligated to love my parents

 

Hong J: love you kiddo. I’ll find a way to see you soon, okay?

 

Lee C: okay

Lee C: thank you hyung

 

_ Chat to Jeon Wonwoo from Lee Jihoon! _

 

Lee J: Hey Wonwoo is Mingyu okay?

Lee J: He’s outside the Architecture building crying

Lee J: I can see him from the music theory windows

 

Jeon W: he is?

Jeon W: I’m on my way

 

Lee J: okay

Lee J: but is he okay?

 

Jeon W: he went to see his family this morning for breakfast

Jeon W: and you know how that goes

 

Lee J: oh no

 

Jeon W: from what I heard it was more of the “you’re a disappointment” than the “we’re your parents you need to give us your money

Jeon W: but yeah

Jeon W: it hit him hard

Jeon W: like always

 

Lee J: that’s rough

Lee J: I’m sorry Wonwoo

 

Jeon W: It’s cool, I see him now

 

Lee J: Oh! I see you too

 

Jeon W: thanks Jihoonie

 

Lee J: no problem

  
  


YOUTHS (5)

 

Moist: does anyone want to do anything before school starts?

 

Fiesta: noooo schoooool 

Fiesta: bad mannnnnn 

 

Paper: why did you have to mention it?

Paper: I was living in happy oblivion

 

Moist: it’s my job

Moist: wanna go get our hair dyed neet colors for school pictures?

 

Paper: do we really want to face the wrath of Principal Park?

 

Moist: he doesn’t scare me

Moist: I know the deep dark secrets

 

Lee C: Jisung no one is ever going to believe that you caught Principal Park with his arm stuck in the vending machine after baseball practice

Lee C: in fact

Lee C: even I don’t believe you

 

Moist: IT WAS TRUE I SAW IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

 

Lee C: liar

Lee C: there’s a vending machine in the teacher’s lounge!

Lee C: and one next to the attendance office! 

Lee C: why would he use the one next to the senior parking lot?????!!!!

 

Moist: it’s the only one that sells the good not baked cheetos

 

Lee C: you are crazy

Lee C: principal Park wouldn’t stoop so low

Lee C: YOU’RE the baked Cheeto

 

Moist: why must you hurt me

 

Paper: do you think he’ll hand out scarves this year? Or bring wigs like last year?

 

Fiesta: I’m betting both

Fiesta: I heard that some of the kids are going all out this year like Oh Sehun did that one year

 

Lee C: Oh my god the rainbow I REMEMBER IT

 

Moist: but anyways, let’s go get our hair cut and dyed so we can look funky fresh

 

Lee C: I can’t go cuz the vampire has me but like I’ll be there in spirit

 

Fiesta: I can’t wait to get a haircut so I can have that brief moment when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself

Fiesta: makes me feel like a changed man, and all my sins drop off of my shoulders

 

Moist: will cutting my hair make all the pain go away?

 

Long: maybe for you, but we have to still see your face everyday

 

Moist: ouch

 

Paper: get him Sanha

 

Lee C: isn’t it nice to have the baby finally coming out of his shell so he can attack people

 

Paper: he’s a large attack dog

 

Moist: but why do we attack me? 

 

Paper: it’s convenient

 

Lee C: remember that time we tried to sell you on Ebay?

 

Moist: don’t bring that up

 

Fiesta: ah, the good old days

 

Moist: I nearly died

 

Fiesta:  **ah the good old days**

 

Paper: That was back when we were all questionable youths

 

Fiesta: I don’t like to dwell on my past mistakes

 

Lee C: I like to dwell on my past mistakes long enough to disassociate, but not long enough to see god

 

Fiesta: my name’s shakaoofka and my dad knows god

 

Moist: wow

Moist: bringing back the vines

Moist: like a loser

 

Fiesta: don’t lie you dingus you were RAISED on vines

 

Moist: yes but I have enough common sense to know when a meme goes to die

 

Fiesta: that’s fake you still play minecraft and laugh at lolcats

 

Moist: I thought those were secrets you promised to take to the grave! 

 

Fiesta: you disrespected the ancestors, it’s every man for himself

 

Moist: well then, you had a myspace account and wore a fedora in seventh grade!

 

Lee C: we were all there for that it's not new info try again snake

 

Moist: I’m not done!

Moist: and you tried to ask Chaeyoung to the valentines dance by putting poems in her locker about how pretty her eyes were! AND he called her M’lady!

 

Long: *gasp*

 

Fiesta: why must you hurt me like this

Fiesta: I told you that as a brother! 

Fiesta: does family mean nothing to you?????!!!!!

 

Moist: long live the king bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey!!!!!!   
> Another chapter today!!!!   
> Make sure you read the previous chapter! Because stuff happened! (kinda)  
> ANYWAYS  
> This bad boi goes out to uwu, much love, many thanks, be happy and healthy!  
> Did y'all like the little angst? Poor Mingyu, why can't his family be good to him! :(  
> And poor chan, but everything is poor chan (that's gonna pick up steam soon my dudes it's gonna get HELLA crazy)   
> Cool beans cool beans  
> if you wanna follow me on insta (@that_is_shocking) then you can do that now! It's fairly new so there's not much, and it's pretty much only art stuff, but if y'all want, I can post something whenever a new chapter is updated? Would that be chill? You would get a notification if that happened if you choose so, so maybe. You can tell me in the comments if that's a rad idea or if I'm actually going crazy.   
> ANYWAYS (pt. 2)  
> I have an avalanche training field trip tomorrow, so I'm gonna be a little sad. It's cold where I live and I'm like a lizard and don't like it. Also I don't think I own snowpants and there's like a foot and a half of snow. Rip Me.  
> OTHER NEWS  
> -Astro is having a comeback soon (YAS MY BUGS)  
> -ATEEZ is having a comeback soon (Y A S S M Y B U G S)  
> -NCT China is debuting (*incoherent screaming*)   
> oh, AND my bestie (not Ash, but Rosie) gave me a late christmas present and I cried. IT was rough my guys, she wrote me a song, and then recorded herself singing the song, AND THEN put it over a slideshow of pictures from our childhood (I have known her all 17 years of my life) and like, it was rough. So we have some tears.   
> Well, I have more chapters to write, so I've gotta go, but I love you all. For realz. Much love.   
> Kudos, Comment, Enjoy!  
> ~Alex~


	34. School's Back in Session, and Everyone is Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chop: we aren’t to be trusted
> 
> Bro: makes sense after the great war of three years ago
> 
> Chop: yeah  
> Chop: the science section still smells like mayonnaise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School's back in session! and we're making new friends!
> 
> YOUTHS (5)  
> Chan: Chop  
> Felix: Spider  
> Jisung: Damp  
> Rocky: Bro  
> Sanha: Cutie
> 
> Padres (4)  
> Seungcheol: Daddio  
> Jeonghan: Madre  
> Joshua: Parent  
> Chan: TheSon
> 
> Kids Place Live (7)  
> Vernon: Freeky  
> Seungkwan: Funky  
> Sanha: Yah  
> Jisung: Chipmunk  
> Felix: Kangaroo
> 
> Large Chat #242432 (13)  
> Seungcheol: FishMan  
> Chan: Pepperoni  
> Vernon: Liar  
> Seungkwan: Brat  
> Minghao: Streetfight  
> Jeonghan: Bucket  
> Mingyu: Toob  
> Wonwoo: Woob  
> Junhui: ????  
> Dokyeom: Alas

YOUTHS (5)

 

Chop: yo guys

Chop: I’m in the big gym

Chop: In the student section

Chop: where r u?

 

Spider: we have to sit in class arrangement

Spider: Seniors can’t sit with the juniors

 

Damp: yeah fam

Damp: we’re with Minhyuk

Damp: we can see you though

 

Chop: rip

 

Spider: hey tho

Spider: there’s this kid that I met

Spider: his name’s Jeongin

Spider: and he’s in ur grade

Spider: we could make new friends?

 

Chop: add to the squad?

Chop: I’m down

  
  


Weirdo Hyung (2)

 

Yang Jeongin (INNIE)

hyung why are there so many people at this school

 

Lee Felix (FEELIX)

we’re one of two high schools for the city

and we’re the better one

so everyone goes here

 

Yang Jeongin (INNIE)

there’s too many people

 

Lee Felix (FEELIX)

don’t worry  I found u a friend

his name’s Chan

 

Yang Jeongin (INNIE)

like hyung?

 

Lee Felix (FEELIX)

yes

but he’s gonna hang out with you for all the class separated stuff

k?

 

Yang Jeongin (INNIE)

okay

  
  


YOUTHS (5)

 

Bro: Principal Park’s toupe looks worse this year

 

Damp: yea

Damp: he must have tried to put it through the washing machine

 

Chop: yo Felix

Chop: your friend is my favorite now

 

Spider: WHAT

Spider: I WAS REPLACED THAT QUICKLY???????

 

Chop: he appreciates me

Chop: we’re thinking a fall wedding

 

Padres (4)

 

Daddio: have fun first day of junior year Channie!

 

Madre: Yeah! We love you!

 

Parent: Don’t do anything illegal or foolish! And try not to make Principal Park too angry

 

TheSon: I will try my best hyungs

TheSon: I made a new friend too

TheSon: because the class separeted assembly thing was at the beginning this year

TheSon: and Felix Jisung and Rocky are Seniors now, and Sanha is a sophomore

TheSon: he’s one of Felix’s friends

 

Daddio: Wow! 

 

Madre: !!!!!!! Channie makes yet another friend

 

TheSon: I feel like this is cheesy so I’m gonna go now

TheSon: Felix said that he changed the megaphone to duck noises 

TheSon: so I have to pay attention

 

_ Lee Chan  _ (din0chanLEE)  _ has started a new chat with  _ one  _ other person! _

I.Njongin _ , has been added to the chat! _

 

Lee C: cool beans

Lee C: now we have a chat!

 

Yang J: this is weird!

Yang J: I always just used WowTalk

 

Lee C: yeah everyone at the school pretty much uses ChatChat

Lee C: so now you’re in the know!

 

Yang J: cool! Thank you! 

 

Lee C: okay this is weird texting each other when we could be whispering

Lee C: I’m gonna talk to you now

 

Yang J: ok!

  
  


YOUTHS (5)

 

Chop: I don’t like that the class separated thing is in the start of school

Chop: it’s throwing my vibe off

 

Spider: I don’t like it either

Spider: today is going to be long

Spider: at least Lunch is still a gathering

 

Chop: I’m bringing Jeongin

Chop: he’s a homie

 

Spider: cool cool

Spider: he’s a cute kid

 

Damp: I’m cuter

 

Spider: goblins aren’t cute

 

Damp: well neither are spider people but here you still are

 

Spider: rude

Spider: but anyways what rotation are you guys in rn

 

Chop: learning how the library works

 

Bro: why do we still have to learn this? 

 

Chop: we aren’t to be trusted

 

Bro: makes sense after the great war of three years ago

 

Chop: yeah

Chop: the science section still smells like mayonnaise

Chop: but at least the ketchup kid graduated

  
  


Baes (2)

 

Hansol<3: Hey babe

Hansol<3: 2 months

 

Seungkwan<3: wow

Seungkwan<3: weird

 

Hansol<3: yeah

Hansol<3: high school starts again today

Hansol<3: weird to think about right?

 

Seungkwan<3: Ugh I feel old!!!! :(

 

Hansol<3: It’s weird cuz they kicked us out of the groupchat

 

Seungkwan<3: It makes sense tho

Seungkwan<3: our schedules officially split

 

Hansol<3: I’m gonna say hi

 

Seungkwan<3: nope

Seungkwan<3: your phone is gonna get blenderized one of these days

  
  
  


Kids Place Live (7)

 

Freeky: have fun at baby school 

 

Yah: Hyung!

Yah: how’s college?!

 

Funky: about to get a lot worse Vernon red alert 

Funky: Professor Kwon is walking your way

 

Freeky: oops gotta blast

 

Yah: bye!

 

Chipmunk: we don’t talk to old people anymore

 

Kangaroo: that’s a lie hi hyung

 

Funky: we’re in the clear

Funky: Kwon’s on a tangent

 

Freeky: I narrowly escaped death

 

Chipmunk: if only you hadn’t

 

Freeky: I’ll fite you Jisung

 

Chipmunk: okay let’s fight

Chipmunk: tonight, all sups, three am. 

 

Freeky: see u there

 

Chipmunk: see u in the pit bitch

 

Freeky: squirrel

 

Chipmunk: words cannot hurt me

  
  


YOUTHS (5)

 

Bro: where are you guys sitting? Our table has been taken by scary seniors

 

Cutie: we’re in the culinary room

Cutie: Chef Shin is letting us eat here

 

Damp: yeah

Damp: Felix and I are making grilled cheeses

Damp: join us Minhyukkie

 

Bro: don’t call me that

 

Damp: Join us rocky

 

Bro: can do. I’m bringing a new friend? If that’s okay?

 

Damp: ooh fresh meet

 

Chop: meat

 

Damp: fresh meat

 

Bro: this kid from China

Bro: he doesn’t speak lots o english

Bro: Liu YangYang?

 

Damp: Oh! I’ve heard about him!

Damp: I’ll make him a grilled cheese

 

Cutie: we could use some new friends. Chan hyung brought Jeongin

Cutie: and apparently he’s MY age

Cutie: but he’s smart so he went up a grade!

Cutie: but there are SO many new people in the school

 

Chop: I feel you my dude

 

Damp: anyways, we’ve got Jeongin, and then your new friend, anyone else have anyone else they want to come hang?

 

Chop: not yet

Chop: these rotations haven’t given me enough time to talk to new people

  
  


Large Chat #242432 (13)

 

Pepperoni: an update:

Pepperoni: there is a new Science teacher

Pepperoni: named Park Jeongsu

Pepperoni: and this is awkward because I know him from somewhere

Pepperoni: but I do not remember where

 

FishMan: You not knowing someone? Weird

 

Liar: The name sounds familiar though

 

Streetfight: Me too

Streetfight: Channie is he from when you were in middle school?

 

Pepperoni: who knows

Pepperoni: I replaced Vernon and Seungkwan

 

Brat: :((((((

 

Pepperoni: Seungkwan hyung

Pepperoni: you’re in college and thus your seat at our table is void and null

 

Brat:  **:(((((((((((((((**

 

Liar: did you get our table back? Or did you have to change

 

Pepperoni: we’re probably going to eat lunch in the culinary room for the rest of the year tbh

 

Bucket: Mrs. Huang lets you do that?????/

 

Pepperoni: dude she got fired for tax fraud and making meth with school supplies like two years ago

Pepperoni: we’ve got Chef Shin now

 

Bucket: Makes sense

Bucket: she was always kind of sketchy

 

Toob: having fun at baby school chan?

 

Pepperoni: idk Mingyu hyung

Pepperoni: having fun being an adult and doing taxes?

 

Toob: I am actually

Toob: how’s the shark circle?

 

Pepperoni: a couple of them graduated, but they got new ones. 

Pepperoni: there’s a new kid named Eric that they grabbed, he’s my age

Pepperoni:  i might try to rescue him

 

Woob: the shark circle is still a thing???????????????????????

 

????: what’s the shark circle

 

Alas: I always seem to forget that Junhui went to the  _ other  _ highschool for a few years

 

????: still confused

????: hao hao I love you

????: so share information

 

Streetfight: it’s the popular kids

Streetfight: they smoke weed and have sex

Streetfight: I was one of them until Dokyeom saved me

 

Alas: happy to help

 

Streetfight: they’re brutal 

 

Pepperoni: anyways, I’ve got two new friends

Pepperoni: so our ranks are filled out, and I know enough of the shark people to safely save the new kid

 

Alas: our hopes and prayers go with you Lee Chan

 

Liar: u really replaced us???

 

Pepperoni: Felix had a little friend that I helped at assembly, and Minhyuk found a chinese kid

Pepperoni: they’ve already been adopted

 

Liar: u suck

 

Pepperoni: not as much as you

Pepperoni:  _ I  _ am single

 

Toob: he got u there Vernon

 

Liar: #blocked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my dudes! I'm kinda tired so these notes are going to be a little short!   
> ATEEZ had a comeback! It's wow!  
> The next member of TXT has been announced and I have chosen him as my bias!  
> I have an insta now! @that_is_shoking ! It's dinky and there's not much but if you wanna come hang out then please do!  
> This babe is for uwu! (and for the new clarinet kid in my band that I had to show around the school who I confused a lot)  
> If you liked this,  
> Comment, Kudos, or Just Enjoy!  
> Love you all so much!   
> ~Alex


	35. Spooky Scary Party Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoop: HALLOWELLOWEEN  
> Spoop: IT’S HERE FINALLY
> 
> Trex: bro  
> Trex: It’s not for like two days
> 
> Spoop: Do I seem like a patient person to you?
> 
> M8: remember that time when you were high and you were microwaving some goldfish  
> M8: and you cried because time wouldn’t speed up so that they would be done quicker?
> 
> Spoop: absolutely not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skelly Bois (7)  
> Jisung: Spoop  
> Felix: M8  
> Chan: Trex  
> Rocky: Sand  
> Sanha: Lavender  
> Jeongin: WAH  
> YangYang: Squash

_ Han Jisung has changed the Chat name!  _

_ Changed from  _ YOUTHS  _ to  _ Skelly Bois

 

Skelly Bois (7)

 

Spoop: HALLOWELLOWEEN

Spoop: IT’S HERE FINALLY

 

Trex: bro

Trex: It’s not for like two days

 

Spoop: Do I seem like a patient person to you?

 

M8: remember that time when you were high and you were microwaving some goldfish

M8: and you cried because time wouldn’t speed up so that they would be done quicker?

 

Spoop: absolutely not

Spoop: you are no longer trustworthy

Spoop: I trusted you once

Spoop: but no longer

 

M8: bro no

 

Spoop: I gotta go bro

Spoop: I choose YangYang as my new favorite

 

Squash: !!!!

 

Spoop: #1 he talks less than you

 

M8: he speaks like no Korean

 

Squash: why does the message name change?

 

M8: because we’re indecisive as heck

 

Squash: “because we are hesitant in morality”

Squash: ??????

 

Spoop: I guess google translate is just as unreliable as you are

 

M8: bro

M8: that shit hurted

 

Spoop: YangYang: “we can not decide” 

Spoop: I checked that it would translate through 

 

Squash: Ok!

 

WAH: do you guys realize that people might be in class?

 

Spoop: awww

Spoop: jeongin actually tries in school!

 

M8: Chan would be so proud!

 

Trex: I am proud but I’m not the right Chan

 

WAH: Chan hyung would be proud but we can’t trust him either

WAH: he has questionable judgement

WAH: our hyung is kind of weird

 

Squash: I understand!

Squash: I am trying to convince my brother to race me! 

Squash: …

Squash: >:(

 

WAH: sorry man

WAH: we really need to find another friend that speaks Chinese

 

Squash: ٩( ´◡` )( ´◡` )۶ (〠_〠)  [-°▥°]-

 

M8: u kno communicating through kaomoji would work well

 

Trex: bro

Trex: I speak this language

 

M8: fam tell us the secrets

 

Trex: one of his friends/brothers is trying to convince him to be a race car driver

Trex: I think

 

Squash: ＼＼\\\ ⱶ˝୧(๑ ⁼̴̀ᐜ⁼̴́๑)૭兯 //／／

 

Trex: bingo

  
  


Little Dude Bro (2)

 

Yuckhei: yo chan

Yuckhei: I kno u don’t trust me for parties and stuff

Yuckhei: but like

Yuckhei: my frat is throwing this epic halloween party

 

John: and?

 

Yuckhei: you have been invited

Yuckhei: it’s the night before halloween

  
  


Dangerous (2)

 

How: Channie

 

Wii: yes Minghao hyung?

 

How: there’s a halloween party at one of the frats

How: apparently several people are inviting you

How: but since I’m your favorite hyung 

How: I’m inviting you the best

 

Wii: okay…

Wii: why is everyone inviting me?

 

How: well

How: you legit know everyone

How: and most people seem to think you’re a chill little guy

How: so yeah

How: It’s wholesome invitations

 

Wii: can I invite other people?

 

How: I don’t think they want any other high schoolers tho

 

Wii: that sucks

Wii: are you going? And are you planning on sucking face the entire time?

 

How: probably yeah

 

Wii: hmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Skelly Bois (7)

 

Trex: so like

Trex: people keep inviting me to a halloween party at one of the frats

 

Spoop: is that a flex?

 

Lavender: flex tape

 

M8: I want Phil Swift to be my uncle

 

Spoop: I want Phil Swift to tie me up and call me a whore

 

Squash: “I want you to call me as a prostitute” 

 

Spoop: same vibe

 

Squash: 请保持你的恋物癖自己

 

Spoop: do I want to translate it?

 

M8: “please keep your fetish yourself” 

 

Spoop: he’s telling me to keep it in my pants isn’t he

 

Squash: yes

Squash: I do not want

 

Spoop: I can’t hide my attraction to Phil Swift forever

Spoop: it’s a vital part of me

 

Squash: >:(

 

M8: we are also all begging you to keep it in your pants

 

Spoop:  _ wHeN wiLL mY ReFleCtion ShOW WhO I aM InSiDEeEEeE~ _

 

M8: you are cancelled

M8: you can’t just sing a disney song because we asked you to keep it in your pants for Phil Swift

 

Spoop: It’s always attack Jisung day isn’t it

 

WAH: yes

 

Spoop: No! Not you too Jeongin!

 

WAH: yes

WAH: me too

WAH: you can like memes

WAH: but you can’t cross the line

WAH: you crossed the line

 

Sand: he has a point u know

Sand: I like the “dat boi” memes

Sand: but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna whip it out for a frog on a unicycle

 

Spoop: y’all need to live life dangerously. 

 

M8: and you need to be detained. 

M8: anyways back to chan flexing on us for having more friends

 

Trex: yes

Trex: I wanted to invite you guys

Trex: but I was denied

Trex: I don’t know if I should go or not

 

Spoop: you should go and take derpy pictures of everyone and send them to the group chat

Spoop: we could make a game out of it

Spoop: “who is this man and what has he drank?” 

 

Trex: I don’t think so

 

Spoop: live a little Channie

Spoop: you’ll know people there, 

Spoop: and you can have some fun too

Spoop: just no drinking

Spoop: we all remember how that went down

 

Trex: no reminders thank you very much

 

WAH: what happened?

 

Squash: ?????

 

M8: our boy threw a massive party, and like evryone was drunk, and in the end the hyungs came to break it up cuz there was a fight

M8: and Chan was pretty much castrated

 

Trex: that’s not what happened

 

M8: pretty damn close tho

M8: Chan and alcohol do not mix

 

WAH: rad

WAH: I think hyunjin was invited to that party

 

M8: really?

M8: did he go?

 

WAH: I don’t know

WAH: Chan hyung was talking about it to him tho

 

M8: it’s a small world after all~

 

Spoop: NO

Spoop: I HATE THAT SONG

 

Sand: haha loser

 

Spoop: In a few seconds you’ll be singing barbie girl in your head though

 

Sand: you play dirty

 

Spoop: good luck getting rid of the bop of a century

 

Sand: you whore

 

Spoop: only for Phil Swift baby

 

Lavender: >:( don’t harass the flex tape guru!

 

Squash: Yes!!!! >:(

 

Spoop: I’m not harrasing

Spoop: he said I could call him daddy so it’s all consensual

 

Trex: okay Jisung is blocked

Trex: and removed

 

_ Lee Chan has removed Han Jisung from the chat! _

 

Trex: cuz not today satan

 

M8: Jisung is messaging me

M8: he wants to come back

 

Trex: he needs to think about what he’s done

 

M8: I told him

M8: hopefully he listens

 

Sand: well that problem is solved

Sand: but I think you should go to the party too

Sand: and if it sucks you can leave and go watch a movie

Sand: or you can call us and we can organize a speedy chips night

 

Trex: I guess

Trex: thanks my dudes

 

Sand: no problemo man

 

Lavender: Jisung is messaging me now too

Lavender: he says, and I quote:

Lavender: “Please tell Chan I’m sorry and that I never meant to imply that Phil Swift the Flex Tape God is impure in any way I’ve got five dollars and thirty two cents in change that I can give him in order to gain back group chat priviledges! Please forgive me senpai nunchuck master daddy!”

 

Trex: tell him that he needs to give me his jello cups every day too

 

Lavender: “You strike a hard bargain” 

Laveder: “But I surrender” 

 

_ Lee Chan has added someone to the Chat! _

_ Han Jisung has been added to the Chat! _

 

Spoops: y’all are cold blooded

 

Trex: do u swear never to do Phil Swift dirty like that ever again?

 

Spoops: I swear on the life of my taller mother

 

Trex: and the small one too

 

Spoops: both of my mothers

Spoops: and my cat

 

M8: oh my god not J.One!

 

Squash: This is a stupid name for a cat

 

Spoops: disrespect!

 

M8: don’t worry he only named his cat after his rapper persona

M8: like a total dudebro

 

Spoops: well at least I didn’t have a fish named Chicken Nugget Lee Felix!

 

M8: Chicken Nugget was a homie you’re just jealous

 

Lavender: I have a gecko named Steve!

 

Squash: My cat has no name because my brother did not reveal his name

 

Lavender: that cat must live a sad life then

 

Squash: no

Squash: it is very fat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh parties!  
> btw for all the stuff that YangYang (NCT China maknae) types, I actually did run it throug a few layers of google translate to get the stuff lost a bit!  
> aaaaand, if you can figure out who YangYang's older brother is who didn't name the cat, then congratulations! (That person just happens to be one of three of my ultimate biases!)  
> NOW! Sanha our boy is called Lavender this time because........   
> ASTRO CAME BACK  
> Y'ALL IT HAPPENED, IT'S SO GREAT AND AMAZING AND I WAS KIND OF IN SHOCK FOR A LONG TIME because I rep Astro like a lot. I've loved them for a while, and I even got a jumper with their logo on it for christmas.   
> Anyways, Imma give you guys the link because yes.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEE1UC90I0o  
> Go watch it, please. Give these kiddos our love because we love them.  
> also! I got an insta! @that_is_shocking !! if you wanna come hang and look at the dinky art stuff I make, then do so!  
> This chapter is for uwu, again, and I wanna tell you fam, there's a party coming up! So look forward to it!  
> Cool beans, cool beans! Love you all!  
> Comment, Kudos, Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> ~Alex~


	36. Jeepers Creepers Gang, it's a Fist Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little: you’re blowing Junhui in the bathroom aren’t you
> 
> H8R: he’s technically blowing me but same difference
> 
> Little: u suck
> 
> H8R: Junhui sucks
> 
> Little: I hope he bites your dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yass Partayyyyy
> 
> Skelly Bois (7)  
> Chan: Flex (also Flexy but I realized I changed it half way through and I'm too lazy to change it)  
> Jisung: Probation  
> Sanha: Wow  
> Felix: M8
> 
> Dangerous (2)  
> Chan: Little  
> Minghao: H8R
> 
> Hunnie and Money (2)  
> Sehun (EXO): hunnie  
> Junmyeon (EXO): Money
> 
> HyunMother and the Kiddos (7) (MONSTA X)  
> Changkyun: Kyunnie  
> The rest of this chat is straight forawrd
> 
> Babe (2)  
> Minseok (EXO): Minnie (he's still in college cuz he's gettin that phD  
> Luhan (Formerly EXO): LuLu
> 
> Brat Child (2)  
> Jungkook (BTS): Cookie  
> Yoongi (BTS): Shooky

Skelly Bois (7)

 

Flexy: ok so

Flexy: I decided to dress up for this party

 

Probation: ooh wat

 

Flexy: well

Flexy: i had that pikachu onesie

 

Probation: tell me more

 

Flexy: and so I just put some red dots on my face, and a black one on my nose

 

Probation: bueno

 

M8: you on your way to the party yet?

 

Flexy: yes

Flexy: I swear all of you are more invested inn this party than I am 

 

M8: we live through you

M8: you have like three thousand friends

 

Squash: have fun at the gathering!

 

Flexy: will do

  
  


Dangerous (2)

 

Little: hey minghao hyung

Little: I’m here

Little: where are you?

 

H8R: uh

H8R: just come in 

 

Little: you’re blowing Junhui in the bathroom aren’t you

 

H8R: he’s technically blowing me but same difference

 

Little: u suck

 

H8R: Junhui sucks

 

Little: I hope he bites your dick

  
  


Skelly Bois (7)

 

Flexy: too many people

 

M8: do you see anyone you know?

 

Probation: yesh find a friend and be a leech

 

Flexy: well considering that everyone’s got a costume on

Flexy: that’s harder than I anticipated

 

TEETH: go find the kitchen 

TEETH: they’re the best places to live during a party

 

Flexy: I’m trusting your knowledge Jeongin

Flexy: even though I’m 99% sure that you’ve never been to a party in your life

 

TEETH: I watch enough american movies

 

Flexy: I see

 

Wow: do you see any col costumes?

 

Flexy: I’ll keep updates on the cool ones

 

Horror: I heard that Lucas was going to be Thor

 

Flexy: I haven't’ seen a Thor yet so that’s a problem

 

Horror: Find a friend channie

Horror: you’ll die if you don’t

 

Flexy: I won’t die

Flexy: I’m more likely to be squished

 

Squash: stepped upon

 

Flexy: yup

Flex: WAIT

Flex: that’s tony tiger

Flex: I know that guy!

 

Probation: who is it?

 

Flex: Radio Johnny

 

Probation: oh yeah

Probation: there’s a girl in my stats class who is apparently friends with his boyfriend’s younger brother

Probation: and she’s like hella thirsty for him

 

Flex: whos not thirsty for Johnny Seo

Flex: he speaks english

 

Probation: keep it in your frickin pants Chan

Probation: u don’t even like sex

 

Flex: just because I never will want to bone someone or be boned, does not mean I can’t window shop

 

Wow: I heard that Taemin hyung was going as Magic Mike

 

Flex: he’s probably in the mosh then

Flex: there’s a lot of abs in there

Flex: and I’m not going in there at all

 

Probation: I like abs

 

M8: you like ONE abs

 

Probation: makes no sense but I know what you’re talking about

Probation: but I have YOUR secret too

Probation: so choose your next words carefully

 

Flex: I’ll update you guys later I’m gonna find something to munch

 

_ (time skip brought to you by Jeongin’s new braces-less teeth, WayV’s cover of Regular, and Astro’s All Night. Approximately three hours) _

 

Flexy: my dudes

Flexy: sorry for the radio silence

Flexy: but fight club happened

 

Probation: what the heck

Probation: what happened?

 

Flexy: it was kind of like a brawl

Flexy: but a bit more organized

Flexy: I couldn’t tell who the winner was

 

Probation: that’s wild shit man

  
  


Hunnie and Money (2)

 

Hunnie: Junmyeon hyung

Hunnie: Junmyeon Hyung

Hunnie: JUNMYEON HYUNG

 

Money: Sehun it’s like two am

Money: what do you want

 

Hunnie: can you drive Tao and i to the emerga care?

 

Money: oh my god what did you do

 

Hunnie: well

Hunnie: there was like a fight that broke out at the halloween party I was at

 

Money: was anyone hurt?????!!!!!!!

 

Hunnie: Chanyeol hyung has a funny lookingn black eye

Hunnie: but he’s always funny looking so no biggie

Hunnie: Kai pulled a muscle

Hunnie: and I think Zitao broke something in his hand

 

Money: oh my god

Money: Sehun

Money: I’ll be right there

 

Hunnie: okay!

Hunnie: also we need to take Chanyeol with us

Hunnie: he might have a concussion

 

Money: WHY WERE YOU AT A PARTY 

Money: YOU JUST GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL

 

Hunnie: Kai invited me

Hunnie: it was cool tho

Hunnie: I found that little kid

Hunnie: you know lee chan?

Hunnie: and he and I cheered on Zitao

Hunnie: he sat on my shoulders

 

Money: that’s cute but I’m still putting a tracker bracelet on you

 

Hunnie: I’ll get an engineer student to break me out of it

 

Money: you are a menace

Money: who won the fight?

 

Hunnie: I couldn’t tell who won. It might have been Zitao in all seriousness tho

Hunnie: he's a bada$$

 

Money: doesn’t matter anyways

Money: Just stay where you are I’ll be there in a second

  
  


HyunMother and the Kiddos (7)

 

Kyunnie: guys

Kyunnie: Hyunwoo is a beast

 

Kihyun: I knew that

Kihyun: did you not?

 

Hyungwon: what the fuck

 

Kihyun: language please

 

Hyungwon: no you fucker

Hyungwon: it’s like two AM

 

Kihyun: I know that

Kihyun: Changkyun if you don’t have anything else to say

Kihyun: go to sleep

 

Kyunnie: Hyunwoo can punch all the people

 

Kihyun: wait what?

 

Kyunnie: ok goodnight!

 

Kihyun: CHANGKYUN WHY ARE THERE PUNCHES BEING THROWN

Kihyun: COME BACK HERE

 

Hyungwon: go

Hyungwon: the

Hyungwon: fuck

Hyungwon: to 

Hyungwon: sleep

 

Kihyun: CHANGKYUN

  
  


Babe (2)

 

Minnie: babyyyyyy

Minnie: where are youuuuuuuuuuuu

 

LuLu: oh my god Minseok it’s SLEEPING TIME

 

Minnie: that doesn’t matterrrrrrrrr

 

LuLu: are you drunk?

 

Minnie: mostly adrenaline

Minnie: I got punched 

 

LuLu: holy shit

LuLu: not sleeping time anymore

LuLu: where are you

 

Minnie: I’m with Taeyanggggggg

Minnie: we were at Alpha Tau’s partyyyyyyy

 

LuLu: why were you at Alpha Tau’s party????????

LuLu: I thought you didn’t like parties??????

 

Minnie: TaoTao asked me to go

Minnie: Tao got punched too

Minnie: there was a fight clubbbb

 

LuLu: Sounds more like a brawl

 

Minnie: same tomato

 

LuLu: I’m on my way

 

Minnie: do you have shoes?

Minnie: or are you rushing out of the house in your stupid freud slippers

 

LuLu: freud slippers

LuLu: I'll be there soon babe

 

Minnie: ur the best

 

LuLu: and you are a problematic child

  
  


Brat Child (2)

 

Cookie: Yoongi hyung

Cookie: can I spend the night at your place????

Cookie: hyung

Cookie: time sensitive question

Cookie: HYUNG

 

Shooky: why

Shooky: dude what did you do that you don’t want Joonie and Jinnie to know about

 

Cookie: so u know Alpha Tau?

 

Shooky: the frat like all of your friends joined?

 

Cookie: yes

Cookie: anyways they had a halloween party

 

Shooky: are you drunk?

 

Cookie: not at all

Cookie: but anyways

Cookie: there was kind of a “wow we’re all manly men lets fight to find the most manly

 

Shooky: oh my god what did you do

 

Cookie: it wasn’t everyone though!

Cookie: only like twenty people

 

Shooky: oh my god what did you do

Shooky: did you kill someone????

Shooky: Jungkook I swear you need to be on a leash

Shooky: why did we ever let you be alone

 

Cookie: I’m fine hyung!

Cookie: don’t worry! 

Cookie: no one died

Cookie: and I think the worst injury was that your rapper friend 

Cookie: the tall one you kno

 

Shooky: Namjoon is my rapper friend who is tall

Shooky: hobi is my rapper friend who is tall

Shooky: EVERY RAPPER IS TALLER THAN ME JUNGKOOK

 

Cookie: haha tru

 

Shooky: I will cut u

Shooky: anyways

Shooky: are you hurt at all? Cuz if you are I’m gonna have to wake up Hobi to fix u up

 

Cookie: probably gonna have a couple bruises

Cookie: but I was relatively unscathed

Cookie: I did plenty of head bashing tho

 

Shooky: you are a problem child

Shooky: like the kind that they market those parenting books to

Shooky: “does your child not listen and cause inconveniences? This book is for you!” 

 

Cookie: :(

 

Shooky: don’t even deny it

Shooky: you’re lucky I’m chiller than Joon and Jin

Shooky: they would kill you

 

Cookie: that’s why I’m not going back there tonight!

 

Shooky: the things I do for you

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wassup my friends, we are closer and closer to my goal for the end of January. You see, I want to get to real time, (kinda) and chapter 43 is mid January, so like, that's where I want to be by the end of january! So expect a LOT of updates!  
> I also updated Little Island today (it's the BTS plane crash AU) and I'm diggin the story so that's gonna have a few updates soon too!  
> So, this was a party chapter for uwu! Hope you liked!  
> I liked writing this one, and I've gone back to my horrible multifan chats, so if you get confused, don't be afraid to say so in the comments, I'll try my best to clear up any confusion!   
> I have an insta now! it's @that_is_shocking !! Come hang out! I make dinky little clay stuff and have a nerdy cat!  
> ALSO NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> WayV (NCT China) has a cover of Regular!!!!!!!!!! I'm really lovin it, (but my boy WinWin needs more lines) and I'm so excited for them to come out with a full album or something!!!!!!  
> TXT (the new group from BigHit) is steadily gaining steam, and that is BUENO!! We need to support the babies!!!!  
> Astro had a comeback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, my dudes. I love Astro like a hella lot. We gotta support them to the MAX! So have a link!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEE1UC90I0o  
> AND Ateez had a comeback too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So we gonna give a link to "say my name" because it's my new favorite song and I'm in love. Like legit.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKU4OVH18mE
> 
> Cool cool! I think I've got everything covered! I love you all, and like always,  
> Comment, Kudos, or just Enjoy!!!!!! See you in the next part!!!!!!  
> ~Alex


	37. Five AM? wtf?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chicken: meet me in the frickin pit Lee Chan   
> Chicken: the devil will take you for your sins
> 
> Priest: Jesus can save you!
> 
> Pikachu: let’s sacrifice Josh hyung to satan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow only one group chat today guys! It's a miracle
> 
> SPOOKY (13)  
> Seungcheol: Kewl  
> Jeonghan: Godzilla  
> Joshua: Priest  
> Junhui: JunJunJUN  
> Wonwoo: Vampire  
> Hoshi: Woah  
> Jihoon: Chihuahua  
> Mingyu: Bamboo  
> Minghao: Chicken  
> DK: SunnyDK  
> Vernon: Peep   
> Seungkwan: CornCob  
> Chan: Pikachu

SPOOKY (13)

 

Chicken: yo chan

Chicken: wait nvmd

 

Pikachu: what do you want

 

Chicken: cHAN

 

Pikachu: yes?

 

Chicken: don’t use that tone 

 

Pikachu: u ABANDONED ME

 

Chicken: u were fine

 

Pikachu: ur a snake

 

Chihuahua: why are you awake

Chihuahua: you know what

Chihuahua: I would get so much more sleep if I wasn’t in this group chat

 

_ Lee Jihoon has left the chat! _

 

Chicken: coward

 

Pikachu: ur a bitch Minghao

 

Chicken: SAY THAT TO MY FACE LEE CHAN

Chicken: I’M NOT A COWARD AND I WILL KILL YOU

 

Pikachu: You

Pikachu: are

Pikachu: a

Pikachu: bitch

Pikachu: and u look like a rat

 

Kewl: Guys what are you doing

Kewl: Chan mind your language

Kewl: Why are you fighting!?

 

Chicken: none of ur business

 

Pikachu: none of your business dad

 

Kewl: ????????

 

Woah: I’ve been creeping

Woah: Hao wanted something from chan

Woah: chan was like nope

Woah: and apparently hao abandoned chan at something

Woah: and then chan called him a bitch

 

Kewl: What is even going on

 

Chicken: meet me in the frickin pit Lee Chan 

Chicken: the devil will take you for your sins

 

Priest: Jesus can save you!

 

Pikachu: let’s sacrifice Josh hyung to satan

Pikachu: it would probably summon him

Pikachu: so we can fight in the pit

 

Chicken: u need a virgin to sacrifice

Chicken: and Josh hyung is nOT a virgin

 

Pikachu: tru tru

Pikachu: there was the whole concussion incident

 

Chicken: oh my god

Chicken: you’ve called it to my brain

Chicken: are YOU the devil Chan????????

 

Pikachu: no Josh hyung takes me to church on sundays

 

Priest: why are we talking about satan and whether or not I’m a virgin

 

Pikachu: even though it doesn’t make much sense

Pikachu: i’m fighting Minghao in the pit because he abandoned me just to get it on with Junhui

Pikachu: which he does EVERY day

Pikachu: so yeah

Pikachu: we fighting

 

Chicken: The shrimp speaks truth

Chicken: we fight at dawn

 

Pikachu: If I’m a shrimp then ur a shrimp too

 

Kewl: where were you for Minghao to abandon you?

 

Chicken: a LOT of us are shrimps

Chicken: by calling me a shrimp you offend Josh hyung, Jeonghan, Jihoon hyung and Seokmin hyung!

 

Godzilla: why don’t I get a hyung!!!!!!!!!

 

Chicken: you called my new haircut tacky

 

Godzilla: I hate to break it to you 

Godzilla: but mullets are TERRIBLE

 

Chicken: I’m real fashion

Chicken: You’re just a coward

 

Pikachu: anyways

Pikachu: speaking of shrimps

Pikachu: if you were stuck on an island with only us, who would you eat first?

 

Chicken: weren’t we supposed to be fighting?

 

Pikachu: finals just ended, do you really expect the author to make sense right now?

 

Chicken: She’s a bitch too

Chicken: she SHOULD make sense

 

Pikachu: u’re not wrong

Pikachu: but I posed a question to the group

 

Chicken: Seungkwan

Chicken: he’s a virgin so no chance of disease

Chicken: AND he’s squishy

 

CornCob: I take offense to both of those statements

 

Chicken: am I wrong?

 

CornCob: …

 

_ Boo Seungkwan has left the chat _

 

Chicken: holy shit

Chicken: he just incriminated himself

Chicken: either he has hidden abs, or somehow, between our conversation two days ago about sex and now, he GOT some

 

Pikachu: wow

Pikachu: Good for him?

 

Chicken: but WHO

 

Pikachu: u realize that Seungkwan has a boyfriend right?

 

Chicken: W H A T

 

Pikachu: do you not scroll up? Like ever?

 

Chicken: scrolling up is for peasants

 

Pikachu: oh my god you’re a caveman

Pikachu: with the amount of knowledge that you’ve missed.

Pikachu: do you even KNOW about Vernon being gay?

Pikachu: Do you understand the meaning behind the term “Hot yoga”?

Pikachu: or starchy tuesdays?

 

Chicken: VERNON’S GAY?????????????????

 

Pikachu: oh my god

Pikachu: you’re just like an illiterate street rat

 

Chicken: WHAT THE FUCK

 

Kewl: MIND YOUR LANGUAGE MINGHAO

 

Chicken: W H A T T H E F U C K

 

Peep: I really thought that all of this was common knowledge

 

Chicken: U LIKE DICK?????????????????

 

Peep: …

Peep: yes?

 

JunJunJUN: Minghao

JunJunJUN: I love you, i really do

JunJunJUN: but sometimes you are literally as dumb as a bag of rocks

 

Chicken: WHAT ELSE DON’T I KNOW

Chicken: WHAT HAVE I MISSED????????????!!!!!!!!!

 

Pikachu: U don’t deserve that knowledge

 

Peep: Minghao hyung you’re gonna have to work for that info

 

Chicken: I only strip for Junhui

 

JunJunJUN: that’s a lie u don’t like to work for sex

JunJunJUN: ur legit a pillow princess

 

Chicken: IT”S NOT ATTACK MINGHAO DAY FOND SOMEONE ELSE

 

Godzilla: fond

 

Bamboo: fond

 

Chicken: I MEANT FIND YOU BITCHES

 

Kewl: guys seriously

 

Vampire: If we aren’t careful, Seungcheol hyung will go into 

Vampire: ‘woe is me’ mode

 

Kewl: I’m constantly in woe is me mode

 

Vampire: ur not emo enough to be constantly in woe is me mode

 

Kewl: Wonwoo it’s five am go to sleep

 

Vampire: my kind doesn’t sleep

 

Pikachu: vampires?

 

Vampire: no

Vampire: insomniacs

 

Pikachu: ur still a vampire

 

Vampire: I’ll bite you Chan

 

Pikachu: do it coward I don’t fear death

 

Priest: Channie do we need to have another talk 

 

Pikachu: no hyung

 

Priest: good

 

Peep: Okay guys

Peep: If it’s five Am why is everyone awake

 

Vampire: can you read? 

Vampire: angst has no curfew

 

Peep: #rawr

Peep: but anyways. I know Jihoon hyung left

Peep: but everyone else is just awake and not being whiney about it

Peep: I feel like i’ve fallen into an alternate universe

 

SunnyDK: I rise with the sun

SunnyDK: it’s my job after all

 

Peep: well, that’s sensible, but the REST of us should be sad people

 

Pikachu: we’ve learned to keep the sadness on the inside

 

Priest: Chan

 

Pikachu: sorry

 

Kewl: okay, we can get past the weird fact that everyone is awake if minghao and chan tell me what they did last night

 

Pikachu: I watched a fight

 

Kewl: UFC on TV?

 

Pikachu: no street fight

 

Chicken: why are you even telling him this

Chicken: are u stupid chan? 

Chicken: do you want to die?   
  


Kewl: haha good one

Kewl: your step brothers fighting over who was better in fortnite does not count as a street fight

 

Chicken: Chan don’t you say a word

 

Peep: Minghao hyung you’re being suspicious too

 

Chicken: yeah and you LIED to me about not liking dick so quiet down Americano

 

Bamboo: wtf is even going on 

Bamboo: this makes no sense

Bamboo: I’m confused

 

Woah: I relate to that on a molecular level

Woah: also Jihoon says that Chan’s a dweeb

Woah: he said some other stuff too

Woah: but Joshua hyung has suprisingly good aim when throwing rocks

Woah: and I like life

 

Chicken: we still didn’t answer who Seungkwan’s boyfriend is

Chicken: and who he did the do with!

 

Kewl: or my question about the ‘street fight’

 

Chicken: I feel like my questions are more important because I’m the only one without the knowledge

 

Pikachu: why are you like this sometimes

 

JunJunJUN: like babe

JunJunJUN: even stupid people know who Seungkwan’s boyfriend is

JunJunJUN: also congtatz Vernon

 

Peep: not really a convo i want to be having

Peep: I don’t talk about your sex life hyung, so lets not talk about mine

 

Kewl: as long as you were safe then you can do whatever you want

 

JunJunJUN: Wrap it before you tap it

JunJunJUN: wear a glove while making love

 

Peep: I’m gonna turn my phone off for a bit

Peep: I still want to get some sleep 

 

JunJunJUN: sleep is for the weak

JunJunJUN: and I happen to be weak so peace out my guys as well

JunJunJUN: I have a test today and I need all that I can get

 

Kewl: don’t forget about breakfast in the morning

 

JunJunJUN: I won’t dad

JunJunJUN: Minghao stop pacing downstairs like a dipshit and come and cuddle me

 

Chicken: will you tell me all the secrets then?

 

JunJunJUN: yes

JunJunJUN: maybe

 

Pikachu: Junhui hyung you are an enabler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow my dudes. U kno how I said it was crunch time here? Well that idea went out the window pretty quick. I'm still gonna try to get caught up, and post more chapters than normal here because I'm behind on this story, but who knows!  
> Anyways, yeah! this chapter probably makes no sense, but I was writing it while trying to also do my economics notes, so it's not gonna make sense anyways!   
> this baby is for BubblesAndStars! Who guessed who yangyang's older brother was! this one is for u babe, I totally love your profile pic.   
> Cool beans, I'm figuring some stuff out for school after this, so the notes are gonna be short! I love you guys!  
> I have an insta if you wanna come hang out, @that_is_shocking !!  
> Comment, Kudos, or just Enjoy!   
> Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3333333  
> ~Alex


	38. The Meme Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L8rSk8r: My daddy is not Thanos  
> L8rSk8r: It’s Big Chungus
> 
> ChikFila: tik tok meme alert
> 
> Bite: only nerds use tik tok memes  
> Bite: real men use memes straight from the meme farms
> 
> DDR: my father owns a free range meme farm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cereal Boys (2)  
> Vernon: FrootLoops  
> Seungkwan: LuckyCharms 
> 
> Parent and Seungkwan (2)  
> I feel like this self explanatory
> 
> BabesBABES (2)  
> Also self explanatory
> 
> ElePants (7)  
> Jisung: ChikFilA  
> Chan: DDR  
> Felix: L8rSk8r  
> Jeongin: Bite  
> Sanha: PurpleHair  
> Rocky: WowFace  
> YangYang: Kaomoji

Cereal Boys (2)

 

FrootLoops: hey babe

 

LuckyCharms: hey

 

FrootLoops: r u okay, like for real?

FrootLoops: I kno that the big chat talking about

FrootLoops: ‘doing the do’ with u

FrootLoops: was embarassing and stuff

FrootLoops: we can talk about it if u want, or like never mention it again

FrootLoops: we could also never DO it again if u want too

FrootLoops: I think I could go to tibet and be a celibate monk

 

LuckyCharms: no it’s ok

LuckyCharms: it was just embarassing

LuckyCharms: it was fun don’t worry! 

 

FrootLoops: well, that’s good

FrootLoops: this is also a really awkward conversation now

 

LuckyCharms: you just have a natural talent at making things awkward Vernonie

 

FrootLoops: hey! >:{

FrootLoops: wrong parentlesis

 

LuckyCharms: parenthesis?

 

FrootLoops: >:[

 

LuckyCharms: i liked the other one

 

FrootLoops: I’ll keep that in mind

 

LuckyCharms: this is still awkward and kind of weird

LuckyCharms: so I’m just gonna say that u wouldn’t be able to be a monk in tibet

LuckyCharms: even being away from the internet wuld probably kill u

 

FrootLoops: babe u gotta believe in me

FrootLoops: I could do it!

 

LuckyCharms: what if kanye released new music? Or drake? Or Kris Wu?

 

FrootLoops: …

FrootLoops: u might have a point

  
  


Parent and Seungkwan (2)

 

Mom <3: Seungkwan!

Mom <3: you should invite your boyfriend and his parents over for dinner on thursday!

Mom <3: I want to meet them!

 

BooBoo: Mooom you’ve already met Vernon! You know him!

 

Mom <3: I know!

Mom <3: but I haven’t met his new dad!

 

BooBoo: Jason’s been around for like three years!

 

Mom <3: invite them please???

 

BooBoo: okayy, do you need me to pick up groceries for you? Home is on the way to work, I could stop by

 

Mom <3: no! But you could stop in and say hi to your sister maybe! 

Mom <3: She’s sad you live in the dorms now, she misses you!

 

BooBoo: I will definitely stop by and say hi to her

 

Mom <3: alright!! Love you honey!

 

BooBoo: <3 love you mom!

  
  


BabesBABES (3)

 

Joshie: that moment when your museum friends figure out you have two boyfriends

Joshie: and it could be awkward

Joshie: but instead they ask what size bed you have

Joshie: and who sits where when you drive places

Joshie: all valid questions also our bed is small we need a new one

 

Hannie: oh babe

Hannie: are you okay?

Hannie: no weirdness?

 

Joshie: that one guy was a little weird

Joshie: but Yongnam and Byungjoo were chill about it. Byungjoo actually has a datefriend

Joshie: their name is also Hansol

 

Hannie: cute

Hannie: how is everything at work babe?

 

Joshie: I still swear that the archives are haunted

Joshie: and the doorbell still makes a cat sound

Joshie: but other than that it’s uneventful

 

Hannie: that’s good. Tell the ghost I love it

 

Cheollie: Jeonghan aren’t you supposed to be in class?

 

Hannie: yes?

 

Cheollie: babe

Cheollie: please don’t be distracted

 

Hannie: ok fine

Hannie: love you both

Hannie: have good days!

 

Joshie: love you hon

 

Cheollie: <3<3<3<3

  
  


ElePants (7)

 

Kaomoji: hottie alert

 

DDR: I feel like felix teaching YangYang korean is a poor choice

 

L8rSk8r: I’m a great teacher !!!! >:(

 

ChikFilA: dude

ChikFilA: Minho hyung legit had to teach you korean

ChikFilA: u sounded like a cheap anime dub for like a year

 

L8rSk8r: well you sound like helium inhaled more helium

 

DDR: or a chipmunk was put into a canister of helium and then shaken

 

PurpleHair:you sound like Rocky hyung’s car when it’s cold out and the windshield wipers scream

 

Kaomoji: sound like Wednesday Dude, or Croissant 

 

DDR: heck maybe I’m wrong

DDR: he spelled corssoiant right

 

ChickFilA: don’t u mean crossont?

 

L8rSk8r: cressent?

 

DDR: no corossaunt

 

ChikFilA: corisoiant?

 

Kaomoji: croissant

 

DDR: he’s a beast

DDR: completely unstoppable

 

Bite:  _ wow _

 

WowFace: vine wow or owen wilson wow 

 

Bite: wOw

 

WowFace: I see

 

PurpleHair: he might just have his autocorrect on

PurpleHair: unlike you heathens

 

ChikFilA: it IS on for me

 

PurpleHair: i don’t believe you

 

ChikFilA: I’ll show you

 

L8rSk8r: NO

L8rSk8r: DON’T TEMPT HIM I LIKE LIFE

 

DDR: that’s a lie

DDR: we all long for the void’s sensual embrace

 

ChikFilA: biNtcH uyo kolg fro th enbrase?/?

ChikFilA: icrqvE TIT!

ChikFilA: yuor S poiserloOser

 

L8rSk8r: did I  have a stroke?

L8rSk8r: does anyone have a decoder?

 

DDR: it hurts

 

Kaomoji: =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

Kaomoji: (ᗒᗩᗕ)՞

 

PurpleHair: I’m sorry I unleased the beast

 

ChikFilA: ghe beAsy us ULNEEASHID!

 

WowFace: I’m begging you

 

Bite: pLeAsE siR I’ m iN PAiN

 

DDR: we gonna skip over unleased?

 

L8rSk8r: it’s minor

 

ChikFilA: I’m back homeies

 

L8rSk8r: I’m calling thanos

L8rSk8r: cashing in the favor to have you snapped

 

ChikFilA: coward

ChikFilA: fight me insteead of getting your daddy to fight me for you

 

L8rSk8r: My daddy is not Thanos

L8rSk8r: It’s Big Chungus

 

ChikFila: tik tok meme alert

 

Bite: only nerds use tik tok memes

Bite: real men use memes straight from the meme farms

 

DDR: my father owns a free range meme farm

 

L8rSk8r: I never knew my father

 

ChikFilA:  _ I never knew my father!!!!!!!  _

 

L8rSk8r: yes Jisung

L8rSk8r: the finding Nemo meme was what I’m going for there

 

ChikFilA: I claimed it tho

ChikFilA: I am the product of two lesbians

ChikFilA: who fashioned me out of sticks, roadkill, fruit snacks and cake batter

ChikFilA: and breathed life into me through pure love

 

PurpleHair: u made it weird

 

ChikFilA: ur just sad that u aren’t as cool as me

 

Kaomoji: v(｀皿´)ﾉ~

 

PurpleHair: I’m cooler than u

 

L8rSk8r: weren’t u a test tube baby?

 

ChickFilA: no loser see above

 

Bite: I’m a test tube baby

 

WowFace: I’m adopted

 

PurpleHair: my brother is my parent

 

DDR: my mom says my dad made meth

DDR: but she’s biased

 

Kaomoji: singular dad!! 

 

L8rSk8r: my parents are straight and also hover

 

Bite: Chan’s dad made meth?

 

DDR: my mom said he also was part of the mafia

DDR: and wasa communist

DDR: but she doesn’t like him

DDR: so we don’t trust her words

 

ChikFilA: still the coolest kid here guys

ChikFilA: pay attention to me

 

DDR: ur a loser

 

L8rSk8r: didn’t ur mom say that u were half of sperm donor #42?

 

ChikFilA: 43 actually

ChikFilA: apparently it’s where i get my buck teeth

 

DDR: u do have buck teeth

 

Bite: did y’all know that I get my braces off in two weeks?

Bite: so I’ll have the best teeth out of everyone?

 

Kaomoji: wow!!!!!! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 

DDR: nice

DDR: once, I got my braces stuck on one of my hyung’s rugs when I was lying face down being sad

DDR: one of them laughed at me while the other two tried to get the rug unstuck

DDR: and the one that laughed took pictures and put them in the groupchat

DDR: and everyone called me Rug Face for like a month

 

PurpleHair: moonbin hyung used to have braces

PurpleHair: Rocky hyung and I didn’t like his snoring when we had sleepovers

PurpleHair: and he’s a really deep sleeper

PurpleHair: so we zip tied his braces closed

 

WowFace: I remember that

WowFace: was this the time you blamed it on me when he woke up?

WowFace: and then he continued to ziptie my hands to my belt loops? AND ziptie the scissors shut???

 

PurpleHair: wow I don’t know what you’re talking about I have to go take my little brother’s plant on a walk I gotta go

 

Kaomoji: he has no brothers?

 

DDR: can you die from laughing?

 

L8rSk8r: hopefully

L8rSk8r: maybe we will get abs

 

ChikFilA: hey google why does my brain not work?

ChikFilA: because my mom just walked in, and I’m shirtless, and crying and laughing, with my phone out, in my mario boxers

ChikFilA: and she asked me what I was doing

ChikFilA: and my traitor brain said “watching porn” 

ChikFilA: and I don’t want to get the dick talk again from two women who have honestly never touched a dick in their entire lives

 

DDR: god must hate u 

 

ChikFilA: god has really abandoned me. I can’t stop hiccuping I’m laughing so hard

ChikFilA: why am I laughing

 

DDR: like I said. God hates u fucker

  
  


Jesus Man and the Boi (2)

 

Joshua3.16: chan I think you should come to church with me this sunday

Joshua3.16: you need it

Joshua3.16: also use kind language 

 

Boyo: I feel like u have powers that you aren’t telling us about

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one. I really like writing Chan's high school friend group because I can use things that MY high school group would say!   
> Also the thing with the braces and the rug actually happened to me back when I had braces, and it's tru, one friend was trying to help me, and one friend was busy laughing and taking pictures. It was a low point in my life  
> ALSO I've started hiccuping after laughing too hard as well. It's a real problem for me, but at least my laugh has evolved from hyena on helium to strange car horn laugh  
> Cool Cool, I'm in history right now, and I finished my work, so I can chill out, which is nice. We've moved on from US Government to Economics, and that means a bunch of guilt trippy videos about how unfair the money distribution is in America. It's kinda awful, not gonna lie.   
> Hey! I have an insta now! It's @that_is_shocking !!! Come hang out!
> 
> Ok so this bit is written like five hours later, class ended and I had to go, but I'm back! It's been a long day, not gonna lie. My school has a funky rotating schedule, so that while I am in seven classes in all, I only had the 2nd, the 3rd, the 4th, the 5th and the 6th. (band, english, history, art, math) and then we have a "flexible" block where you go to clubs and get help from teachers and stuff, and I'm an editor and writer for the literary magazine, so I had to do stuff then too, and idk. It was just stressful. I DID go to breakfast this morning though with my "older sister" (I went to poland on a mission trip when I was in eighth grade and we stayed together for a few weeks in poland along with my bro Sam, so we go to breakfast every wednesday to catch up and stuff) But we talked about a lot of stuff that she had missed (she went to japan to ski for like a month (lucky ducky)) and that stuff included Sam's never ending saga of the dick teacher and the class she transfered out of, the story about an asshole we accidentally cut off on finals week who followed us to the grocery store and chewed us out (I blame him for failing my math final) and how we were supposed to have an active shooter dril for a few weeks but it kept getting canceled (and we actually had the drill TODAY, but it wasn't really a drill, it was like "teachers read this scenario, and discuss with your class what you would do, and then evacuate outside to the flagpole at the front of the school (it was only like 16 degrees outside so my math teacher kept us inside and just talked about it and stuff)) So yeah, that was a big block of text, but it was my day. Felt long and kind of not fun. I am very tired now, but I'll go to sleep early tonight and be cozy and shit with my zillion fuzzy blankets. I swear, I have like seven. I'll put a pic on insta, because to be honest, I might have an addiction  
> Cool Beans Guys, that was a hella long end note, so lo siento.   
> this bad boi goes out to my scholarship applications and my senior night band form, because I can't list fanfiction that has 330 kudos as an accomplishment (I'm hella proud, but I don't think the town bank (heckin 1,000 scholarship) would be)  
> Ok! Comment, Kudos, Enjoy!  
> ~Alex Out!


	39. Thanksgiving?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TurkeyTurkey: Jesus  
> TurkeyTurkey: your family goes hard on thanksgiving  
> TurkeyTurkey: the most excitement I get is when my Grandpa yells at the commercials between the football for promoting the illuminati

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots o chats?  
> Big Fam Lots Of People (13)  
> Seungcheol: Leaf  
> Jeonghan: Leader  
> Joshua: ApplePie  
> Junhui: Heathen  
> Hoshi: HamHam  
> Jihoon: Sharkie  
> Wonwoo: Foxy  
> Mingyu: xxLoveBiteDADDYxx  
> Minghao: SuckItBitch  
> Seokmin: HappyTreeFriends  
> Vernon: Potatoboi  
> Seungkwan: JohnnyEnglish  
> Chan: WeeLad
> 
> Nerd Squad (7)  
> Jisung: DevilWorshiper  
> Felix: Zelda  
> Jeongin: TurkeyTurkey  
> YangYang: RocketMan  
> Chan: Copyright  
> Rocky: Skrillex  
> Sanha: LOUD
> 
> Aussie Mates  
> Felix = Felix  
> Bang Chan = Chris
> 
> Wooj and Chan  
> Woojin: Soprano  
> Bang Chan: Owl

Big Fam Lots of People (13)

 

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: hey are y’all going away for thanksgiving?

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: uh

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: my name?

 

SuckItBitch: I changed it in the night

SuckItBitch: It’s payback for the corn starch sheets

 

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: Minghao

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: the freaking corn starch incident was TWO YEARS AGO

 

SuckItBitch: I was going through the list of injustices

SuckItBitch: to me specifically, and if they are resolved, they’re italics

SuckItBitch: and lo and behold

SuckItBitch: “Mingyu put cornstarch in my sheets, I looked like a ghost and made the RA cry because he was scared. Need to think of revenge.” 

SuckItBitch: no italics. 

SuckItBitch: but since it was long ago, I decided that I was just gonna change your name to something that was gonna get you kicked 

 

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: diabolical

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: not very exciting, but it’s good

 

ApplePie: Mingyu~

ApplePie: I’m going with Seungcheol and Jeonghan to his parent’s house

ApplePie: did you need something?

 

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: yeah

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: wonnie and I got a fish

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: and we’re going to his grandma’s house for the break

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: and I need someone to feed him

 

Foxy: do we really trust someone to feed agent smith?

 

xxLoveBiteDADDYxx: yes?

 

Foxy: hold on I can’t take you seriously

 

_ Jeon Wonwoo has changed Kim Mingyu’s chat name! _

_ Changed from  _ xxLoveBiteDADDYxx  _ to  _ LBD _! _

 

Foxy: I kept some of it for Minghao

Foxy: he’s already jittery

Foxy: I don’t need wrath

 

SuckItBitch: many thanks hyung. 

SuckItBitch: sadly tho

SuckItBitch: Junhui and I are flying back to china for the break

SuckItBitch: I’m gonna see if Jun’s fam and I can convince my dad to come to dinner

SuckItBitch: or something

 

ApplePie: That’s amazing!

 

SuckItBitch: yeah, I haven’t seen much of anything of him except my allowance checks

SuckItBitch: so hopefully it’ll work out

 

Foxy: that’s awesome Minghao!

 

SuckItBitch: it’s cool, but like everyone has a tragic backstory

SuckItBitch: It’s fanfiction for christ’s sake

 

ApplePie: love jesus because he loves you!

 

SuckItBitch: yeah yeah yeah

SuckItBitch: but have you noticed?

SuckItBitch: it’s a big dark cloud in here

 

Foxy: my parent’s love me

 

LBD: mine too!

 

Foxy: Mingyu they do not

Foxy: U are in the tragic category, I’m in the Loving category

 

SuckItBitch: see what I mean tho!

SuckItBitch: Josh hyung’s in the tragic category, and so is Jeonghan hyung

SuckItBitch: But not seungcheol hyung!

 

Leader: I disowned myself

Leader: I’m happy

 

SuckItBitch: sure

SuckItBitch: I’m a little tragic, because my dad loves me but doesn’t think he should be in my life

SuckItBitch: and I never knew my mom

SuckItBitch: but junhui has a really loving family

SuckItBitch: Oh my god

SuckItBitch: each like couple has a tragic and a loving

SuckItBitch: I’ve broken the code

SuckItBitch: Hosh=Loving, Jihoon=Tragic

SuckItBitch: Wonwoo=loving Mingyu=tragic!

SuckItBitch: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Potatoboi: u make big talk about how this is trashy fanfiction Minghao

Potatoboi: but here you are making great reasons to put backstory in

Potatoboi: u aid the very corporation that you seek to hate

 

SuckItBitch: oh my god

SuckItBitch: I  _ am  _ aiding the devil

 

LBD: ANYWAYSSSSS

LBD: who’s staying and who’s going?

 

Potatoboi: Jason is taking Kwan’s family, Kwan, me and my mom to America to go to disney

Potatoboi: Seungkwan’s little sister is hella hyped

 

SuckItBitch: cute but disney? Really?

 

Potatoboi: don’t lie to yourself, you’d go to disney given the chance

 

Leader: I feel like Joshie mentioned this but Cheol and I and Josh are going to the country

 

ApplePie: yes!

 

Leaf: Sorry Mingyu we can’t feed your fish

 

LBD: no biggie

LBD: Hoshi hyung? 

 

HamHam: Jihoon and I are going to a music convention!!!

HamHam: his mentor Suga is taking us!

 

LBD: cool cool

LBD: Seokminnie?

 

HappyTreeFriends: sorry man, I’m going up to the coast

HappyTreeFriends: there’s a problem with my medication

HappyTreeFriends: and the docs want it looked at in a big way

 

ApplePie: are you okay????????

 

HappyTreeFriends: yeah

HappyTreeFriends: they’re just not working like they need to be doing, and they give me hiccups

 

ApplePie: be safe seokminnie :(

 

HappyTreeFriends: will do, I leave tomorrow

 

LBD: go look at the ocean for me!!!

LBD: and Kwan and Vernon are going to disney

LBD: So chan?

 

WeeLad: yeah man?

 

LBD: can u feed my fish?

LBD: It seems that you’re the only one staying in town for thanksgiving?

LBD: unless your mom is taking you somewhere?

 

WeeLad: well, they’re going to meet up with Mr. Yang’s siblings and parents 

WeeLad: at some fancy place across the country

WeeLad: and I’m not invited because last time Mr. Yang’s mom thought I was a street kid

WeeLad: who snuck in and was there to steal things

WeeLad: she called the police

WeeLad: and Mr. Yang doesn’t want a repeat of that

WeeLad: so there’s security cams in the house now

WeeLad: and I’m on my own

 

LBD: at least you don’t have to go?

 

WeeLad: tru that

WeeLad: I’ll feed your fish if you can owe me a favor later

 

LBD: deal

 

WeeLad: the contract is signed then!

 

Leaf: ominus

 

Nerd Squad (7)

 

DevilWorshiper: guys

DevilWorshiper: the  _ aunts  _ are here

 

Skrillex: the loud ones that squish your cheeks

Skrillex: or the homophobic ones

Skrillex: that gave you a bible for christmas?

 

DevilWorshiper: Bible Thumpers

DevilWorshiper: Jesus Mary and Joseph hold onto your hats children this freak show might get ugly

 

Copyright: aren't they not invited?

 

DevilWorshiper: kind of

DevilWorshiper: grandma pudge knows not to invite them

DevilWorshiper: but then she gets sad

DevilWorshiper: and invites them anyways

 

RocketMan: how is breaking happening?

 

DevilWorshiper: break’s been good so far

DevilWorshiper: it’s about to turn into the UFC here

DevilWorshiper: so I might be on radio silence while I try to convince my Mama not to strangle Auntie Seohyun

 

Copyright: I vote you let her finally strangle her

 

DevilWorshiper: yes but it’s thanksgiving

DevilWorshiper: and it would be outnumbered fight

DevilWorshiper: because even tho I’m scrappy and Grandpa Ilsung can pack a punch

DevilWorshiper: me, mama, and Gramps won’t be able to COMPETE with Auntie Seohyun, Auntie Hayoon, Her ladyship Aunt Haeun, and the beefcake herself, Aunt Minseo

DevilWorshiper: It would be a slaughter

DevilWorshiper: and Grandma pudge wouldn’t let us come back next year if she has to call the police

DevilWorshiper: she’s done it before. I had an uncle Injung, who had two goats, and he got into a fight with my GOOD aunt Eunjung’s husband and Grandma pudge called the cops, and he was never seen again

 

LOUD: maybe he went to jail?

 

DevilWorshiper: no, he’s like a goat farmer in the countryside, he’s just not invited anymore

 

TurkeyTurkey: Jesus

TurkeyTurkey: your family goes hard on thanksgiving

TurkeyTurkey: the most excitement I get is when my Grandpa yells at the commercials between the football for promoting the illuminati

 

Skrillex: My dad always gets into shouting matches over politics with my uncle

Skrillex: I think my mom’s gonna ban talking at the table this year completely

Skrillex: last year her tablecloth was ruined when my uncle threw wine at my dad

 

LOUD: Mj hyung and I always go and get Thai food

LOUD: and then we try to understand football

LOUD: but none of us do

 

Skrillex: not even jinjin?

 

LOUD: nope

LOUD: and thanksgiving is just me and MJ, not JinJin

LOUD: my tiny older brother’s tiny boyfriend is not allowed

 

Skrillex: what about when MJ graduates and they get married?

 

LOUD: we will send him away

 

Skrillex: harsh little bro

 

Zelda: you guys are interrupting my gameing time

 

Skrillex: stop playing minecraft Felix and get a real life

Skrillex: go stalk that one college rapper’s insta or something

 

Zelda: I’m offended

Zelda: and I’m not playing minecraft thank you very much

Zelda: my mom my two aunts and my grandma and I are all playing scrabble

 

Skrillex: loser

 

Zelda: excuse you I am winning

 

DevilWorshiper: I beat you in scrabble all the time tho?

 

Zelda: chips night doesn’t count

Zelda: we aren’t in our right minds

 

RocketMan: Brother and I are food shopping

 

TurkeyTurkey: are you in china for thanksgiving? Or are you here still?

 

RocketMan: China with Dad to see family!

 

TurkeyTurkey: neat dude

 

RocketMan: yes! See the cousins and the other family

 

Copyright: am I the only one who’s still here?

 

LOUD: I mean, I’m still here

LOUD: but not availible

LOUD: if you catch my drift

 

Copyright: damn man

  
  


Aussie Mates (2)

 

Felix:  _ yo  _ Chris

Felix: I kno you’re back in Australia and stuff

Felix: but don’t you know people who are holding a “lonely children thanksgiving” thing at the college?

 

Chris: Felix

Chris: time zones please

 

Felix: yeah yeah

Felix: but you know the kid

Felix: Chan 2.0

Felix: he’s my friend?

Felix: his parents are gone and no one is here from his friends 

Felix: he’s lonellyyyyyyy~

 

Chris: I think Woojinnie is going, I’ll message him. 

 

Felix: Thank you!

 

Chris: np

  
  


Wooj and Chan (2)

 

Owl: Hey woojin

Owl: hey woojin

Owl: hey woojin

 

Soprano: can I help you?

 

Owl: you and minho are going to the lonely hearts thanksgiving right?

 

Soprano: Lonely Children Thanksgiving Potluck

Soprano: and why

 

Owl: can I have info?

 

Soprano: sure?

Soprano: even though you’re back in australia

Soprano:  Conference Room 12, 4 pm to 10 pm, your dish is your ticket

 

Owl: thank you!

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't have time for end notes lots to do lots to do happy february it snowed like a foot and a half follow me on insta @that_is_shocking I have fun I love you guys comment kudos enjoy, Alex


	40. Locked out of Heaven (it's hella cold someone let me in)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk: Anyways  
> Minhyuk: I’M smart. The gremlins that live in my brain are not
> 
> Mingyu: ???
> 
> Hongbin: U hear voices??????
> 
> Youngjae: that explains so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH  
> thanksgiving potluck is supposed to be weird looking and vague  
> don't worry about it
> 
> Cheollie's Harem (3)  
> very self explanatory
> 
> Handsome People Club (5)  
> also self explanatory  
> wow this character list was EASY

Thanksgiving Potluck!!!!!

_ This message is from a mailing list! If you would like to unsubscribe, or report as junk… _

_ Unsubscribe _ _ or  _ _ Report Junk _

  
  


**Unknown Sender** :

Hello all! This is the message going out to all of those that showed interest in the Lonely Children Thanksgiving Potluck and Party!!!! This is Kim Junmyeon and I am trying to put this together! Reminders: 

-Bring a dish to get in! It doesn’t matter what kind of dish or even if it’s a head of lettuce from the convenience store that was busted for making meth (I’m looking at you Kim Namjoon) As long as you bring food, then you can come in!

-I will absolutely not tolerate any meanness, or dickery. If you’re going to act stupid, then you’re gonna be asked to leave. If you want to drink alcohol and party have your own thanksgiving. 

-Everyone is welcome! 

 

**… -2076** : 

Do we have to bring food?

Oh shit, didn’t think this would be a reply all

 

**Unknown Sender** : 

You do, unfortunately

Its to try to help make sure that we have a good potluck, and don’t run out of food

But if you can’t bring a big dish, then you can just bring like fruit, or a tub of ice cream!!

 

**… -2076** : 

Well, that’s chill enough. See y’all there

  
  


Cheollie’s Harem (3)

 

HanHan: are you two almost done?

HanHan: Cheol’s mommy is asking about kids again

 

Cheollie: tell her that we are already the parents of like ten kids

Cheollie: between Minghao and Chan, I think that it counts as kids

 

HanHan: hmmm

HanHan: she’s gone back to the kitchen to make another pie

HanHan: but speaking of Chan

HanHan: I know I’ve said this before, but I’m worried about the kid

HanHan: he’s my baby after all

 

Cheollie: I know what you mean

Cheollie: I really don’t like his mom

Cheollie: or his other family

Cheollie: I wish he could just come and live with us

 

HanHan: wouldn’t that be the dream

 

ShuChu: hey Cheol where are you? I’m still in the baking aisle

ShuChu: I turned around and you were gone

 

Cheollie: I’m in the baking aisle though???

 

ShuChu: babe

ShuChu: you aren’t in the baking aisle

 

Cheollie: where am I then??????

Cheollie: oh my god did I fall through a portal into hell?????

 

ShuChu: that’s not possible

ShuChu: can you look at the aisle signs hanging? And figure out where you are?

 

HanHan: omh

HanHan: Joshie if you have to leave him

HanHan: then leave him

HanHan: we don’t need him

 

Cheollie: :(

 

ShuChu: hate to break it to you Jeonghan but we’re both bottoms

ShuChu: we DO need Seungcheol

 

HanHan: I take offense to that

 

ShuChu: am I wrong?

 

HanHan: …

HanHan: no

 

Cheollie: i’m in the macaroni aisle

 

ShuChu: and you thought that was the baking aisle how?

 

Cheollie: boxed mac and cheese and cake mix look surprisingly alike

 

ShuChu: I’m coming to get you

ShuChu: don’t wander off

 

HanHan: come back soon my loves~

 

Cheollie: Will do babe

Cheollie: oh! Joshie I see you!

  
  
  


Thanksgiving Potluck!!!!!

_ This message is from a mailing list! If you would like to unsubscribe, or report as junk… _

_ Unsubscribe _ _ or  _ _ Report Junk _

 

**… -4375** : 

So uh, I’m a high schooler, and like, I need a keycard to get in

It’s kind of cold out, so pls

 

**... -3533** : 

Who the fuck are you

Who invited the high schooler?

 

**Unknown Sender** : 

Uh

I just texted the list that I received for everyone who was interested

 

**… -4375** :

My name’s lee chan? If that helps?

 

**… -6523** :

Holy codfish batman

It’s the kid wonder

Hey Channie it’s Jaehwan

 

**… -4375** :

Oh hey Ken hyung

Can you let me in?

 

**… -2076** : 

Dang dude

I didn’t know that Chan was coming

It’s gonna be a real party

 

**… -4375** :

Cool cool, glad you guys approve of me

But it’s COLD outside

And I want to come in

 

**… -6523** :

I’m on my way kid

Be there soon

  
  


HANDSOME PEOPLE CLUB (5)

_ This chat has been inactive for over three months, are you sure you are in the right place? _

_ Yes _ _ ,  _ _ No _

 

Mingyu  _ is active _

 

Mingyu: wait

Mingyu: didn’t mean to click this chat

Mingyu: sorry I was just going through my old chat chat groups

Mingyu: go about your day please

 

Minhyuk: holy shit dude

Minhyuk: you’ve resurrected a GREAT chat

 

Mingyu: did not resurrect

Mingyu: pls

Mingyu: this chat died for a reason

 

Hongbin: wow

Hongbin: handsome people club

Hongbin: old me had self esteem through the roof

 

Minhyuk: drunk you

 

Hongbin: drunk me always has self esteem through the roof

Hongbin: that’s why I don’t trust him

 

Minhyuk: Drunk me once bought one of those full fish

Minhyuk: from like the market

Minhyuk: it still had eyes

Minhyuk: anyways drunk me wanted fish

Minhyuk: so I microwaved it

 

Hongbin: bro

 

Minhyuk: it smelled so terrible

 

Hongbin: of course it did

Hongbin: you microwaved a freakin fish

 

Youngjae: dear lord

 

Minhyuk: oh wassup dude

Minhyuk: welcome back to the pretty people club

 

Youngjae: you have resurrected the devil

 

Mingyu: I formally apologize for this youngjae hyung

 

Youngjae: It’s good for my ego tho so I’ll stay

 

Hongbin: we’re gettin the band back together

 

Minhyuk: but we’re all like singers

 

Hongbin: I’ve never sang in my life

 

Minhyuk: that’s because fanfic you doesn’t sing

Minhyuk: you ACTUALLY are a singer

Minhyuk: so am I, so is Youngjae, so is the disappeared Junhui hyung

 

Mingyu: I’m a rapper

 

Minhyuk: you’re an anomaly

Minhyuk: we don’t include outliers in our data sets because they show bad data that can shift our bell curves over and mess up our standard deviation

 

Mingyu: sometimes I completely forget that you’re actually a smart Statistics Student

Mingyu: and it hits me sometimes and I have to be like “wow”

 

Minhyuk: I’m an enigma

 

Hongbin: that’s fake

Hongbin: you’re as see through able as a glass of water

 

Youngjae: but often the view through a glass of water is warped and muddied to the point where you can no longer see a clear picture

 

Mingyu: I don’t like this

 

Minhyuk: Anyways

Minhyuk: I’M smart. The gremlins that live in my brain are not

 

Mingyu: ???

 

Hongbin: U hear voices??????

 

Youngjae: that explains so much

 

Junhui: losers go to sleep 

Junhui: be courteous to those in different time zones

 

Hongbin: majority rules dweeb

Hongbin: we talk now

Hongbin: It’s mingyu’s fault anyways. 

 

Minhyuk: the gremlins only tell lies

Minhyuk: they once told me to shampoo my eyebrows to make them grow better

Minhyuk: Kihyun had to take me to the ER cuz I got shampoo in my eye

 

Hongbin: Multiple personalities

Hongbin: calling it now

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still don't have time. Have THREE minutes before class ends   
> Love u bye  
> Kudos Comment Enjoy  
> Insta= @that_is_shocking  
> Love u bye  
> Alex


	41. Comparing Santa to Communism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ChillyWilly: don’t like december  
> ChillyWilly: stress and cold and communism
> 
> Fresh: you aren’t funny by comparing the Santa to communism
> 
> ChillyWilly: the Santa
> 
> Fresh: I will stand by my mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat Names of the Day  
> It's DECEMBER (13)  
> Seungcheol: DadLad  
> Jeonghan: SnowHoe  
> Josh: Thx  
> Junhui: ChillyWilly  
> Soonyoung: Kaching  
> Jihoon: Smol  
> Wonwoo: Minty  
> Mingyu: Fresh  
> Chan: Chadly  
> Minghao: MingWOW  
> Dk: Hawaii  
> Seungkwan: Booty  
> Vernon: DrummerBoy
> 
> Love and Love (2)  
> Minghao: Howie  
> Junhui: June
> 
> The Best CoupleTM  
> Wonwoo: WonWow  
> Mingyu: MingThing
> 
> Seokminnie #1 hyung (2)  
> Chan and Seokmin
> 
> HappyFace (2)  
> Seungcheol and Seokmin
> 
> Shopkinz (2)  
> Jeonghan and Seokmin
> 
> JC and The Boys (2)  
> Joshua and Seokmin
> 
> 97979797 (2)  
> Minghao and Seokmin
> 
> WowBoys (2)  
> Mingyu and Seokmin
> 
> Glasses Homie (2)  
> Wonwoo and Seokmin
> 
> SeokSoon (2)  
> Hoshi and Seokmin
> 
> Tall and Small (2)  
> Jihoon and Seokmin
> 
> BooSeok (2)  
> Seungkwan and Seokmin

It’s DECEMBER (13)

  
  


Kaching: hell

Kaching: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

Thx: Soonyong are you excited for december?

 

Kaching: Y E S

 

ChillyWilly: don’t like december

ChillyWilly: stress and cold and communism

 

Fresh: you aren’t funny by comparing the Santa to communism

 

ChillyWilly:  _ the  _ Santa

 

Fresh: I will stand by my mistakes

 

Chadly: does anyone have any space heaters?

 

DadLad: I do?

DadLad: why do you need them?

 

Chadly: just borrowing

Chadly: don’t worry about it

 

Hawaii: speaking of borrowing and giving things

Hawaii: secret santa is happening again this year!

 

Minty: no

Minty: please god no

Minty: last year I got edible panties

 

MingWOW: at least you didn’t get dog food

 

Fresh: I love that secret santa is pretty much a kink shaming extravaganza

 

MingWOW: I still have the dog food can we skip secret santa this year? 

 

Hawaii: no

Hawaii: Seungcheol back me up here

 

DadLad: we’re doing secret santa

 

HoHoHoe: don’t be cowards losers

HoHoHoe: you just fear the truth

 

MingWOW: didn’t you get a framed picture of a dead cockraoch?

 

HoHoHoe: not importanat

 

DadLad: yes! Last year was last year! This year, we should try to get good gifts for each other

DadLad: and there’s no escaping it

DadLad: Dokyeom is going to be the only one with a full list

DadLad: and he’s not afraid to call out the people who don’t buy gifts

 

Hawaii: damn straight

  
  


Love and Love (2)

 

Howie: bae

Howie: Junhui my soulmate

Howie: Junhui

Howie: Junhui

Howie: JUNHUI

Howie: J U N H U I

Howie: fucking babe

Howie: I am in need of you

Howie: so pick up your damn phone

 

June: babe

June: I’m here

 

Howie: it only took you THIRTY MINUTES

 

June: lost track of time passed a weird alley that I had to take a picture of

 

Howie: anyways

Howie: can you pick up some cold medicine?

 

June: …

June: you got sick didn’t you

 

Howie: NO!

Howie: they’re for Dokeyom

Howie: he has a cold

 

June: Dokyeom is like an immune system warrior babe

June: his meds make him like jesus

June: he does not have a cold

 

Howie: I don’t think that’s how they work

Howie: like at all

Howie: but cold medicine

Howie: please

Howie: don’t make Seokminnie suffer

 

June: Since you have a cold, I will get you some cold medicine

June: love you

 

Howie: hate you

 

June: <3

 

Howie: <3

  
  


The Best CoupleTM (2)

 

Wonwow: miss you baby

 

MingThing: miss you honey

 

Wonwow: do you get on your flight soon?

 

MingThing: yeah, like 30 minutes

MingThing: wish u could come with

MingThing: this Modeling thing would be perfect for you

 

Wonwow: I’m happy to just sit at home and be happy for my boyfriend

Wonwow: off being a model

 

MingThing: even tho I have to go to japan for it?

 

Wonwow: yes

Wonwow: I’m just hidden in the blanket burrito on the couch being proud of u

 

MingThing: cute

 

Wonwow: I am pretty cute

 

MingThing: you are

MingThing: please feed Agent Smith

 

Wonwow: I will babe

Wonwow: I won’t forget to feed our first child

 

MingThing: fish child

MingThing: fishy little man

 

Wonwow: ?

 

MingThing: he is a handsome fishy little man and he is the love of my life

 

Wonwow: :(

 

MingThing: but I can’t fuck a fish

 

Wonwow: so you only love me for my body?

 

MingThing: of course not

MingThing: it’s just a lovely bonus

 

Wonwow: so you aren’t gonna elope with Agent Smith

 

MingThing: can’t marry a fish babe

MingThing: you are the only man for me

 

Wonwow: I feel so special

 

MingThing: you ARE

 

Wonwow: stop to cheesy take it down a notch

 

MingThing: u r

 

Wonwow: thanks

Wonwow: u will send me some model pics of you right?

 

MingThing: of course

MingThing: I won’t forget

MingThing: and if I find that winnie the pooh thing that we saw online

MingThing: I will absolutely buy it for you

 

Wonwow: bro

 

MingThing: bro

 

Wonwow: but seriously

Wonwow: you don’t have to buy me stuff

Wonwow: for reals

Wonwow: Mingyu

Wonwow: you better not buy me anything

 

MingThing: too late

MingThing: I already found a little magnet in one of the airport shops

MingThing: it says Hands Off my Pasta

MingThing: It spoke to me

 

Wonwow: u are an unsupervised toddler

 

MingThing: don’t make it weird you like my dick

 

Wonwow: you were the one that made it weird loser

 

MingThing: :( but  _ daddy _ ...

 

Wonwow: we aren’t being kinky over text babe

Wonwow: do you remember when Soonyong accidentally read our texts?

 

MingThing: don’t remind me

MingThing: please

 

Wonwow: save it for skype

 

MingThing: fine

  
  
  


Seokminnie #1 hyung (2)

 

DonkeyKong: Channie

DonkeyKong: I have your secret Santa

 

BestDongsang: hit me with it

BestDongsaeng: just like hit me with it

 

DonkeyKong: U got Joshua Hyung

 

BestDongsang: wow

 

HappyFace (2)

 

Seok: hyung!

Seok: have your secret santa name

Seok: it’s Mingyu

 

Cheol: hm

Cheol: nice

  
  


Shopkinz (2)

 

SmileFlower: Jeonghan hyung

SmileFlower: Secret santa

 

JeonghanBAE: if you give me freaking Wonwoo again I’m going to cry

JeonghanBAE: I’ve had him for FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT

 

SmileFlower: u aren’t straight

 

JeonghanBAE: I know

JeonghanBAE: anyways gimme the name

 

SmileFlower: Happy to know that it’s not Wonwoo, it’s Seungkwan

 

JeonghanBAE: oh, neat

 

JC and The Boys (2)

 

Jisoos: I heard you’re giving out secret santa names

 

Deek: yes

Deek: did Jeonghan spill the beans?

 

Jisoos: yes

Jisoos: “YES! I didn’t get WONWOO AGAIN!” 

 

Deek: predictable

Deek: anyways you’re Junhui

 

Jisoos: cool

Jisoos: what do you think he wants?

 

Deek: only a messenger

Deek: don’t worry about it

  
  


Message to  _ WEN JUNHUI _

 

L.SEOK: junnie hyung

L.SEOK: secret santa delivery

 

W.JUNH: ooh

W.JUNH: exciting

W.JUNH: hit me with the knowledge

 

L.SEOK: you got Cheollie hyung

 

W.JUNH: take it back I don’t know what to get him

 

L.SEOK: too late

  
  


97979797 (2)

 

SadDick: Minghao~

 

AngryHao: can I help you?

 

SadDick: you got Jihoon for the secret santa draw

 

AngryHao: legit

AngryHao: k I have to go yell at Junhui for getting the wrong medicine

AngryHao: bye 

 

SadDick: did you get a cold?

SadDick: we literally told you

 

AngryHao: don’t talk about it

AngryHao: I hate it

AngryHao: being sick SUCKS

 

SadDick: have fun

  
  


WowBoys (2)

 

Min: Mingyu

Min: Mingyu

Min: Mingyu

 

Gyu: about to get on plane dude

 

Min: k cool

Min: your secret santa is Vernon

Min: have fun in Japan

 

Gyu: will do

Gyu: try not to be sad

 

Min: I will try my best

  
  


Glasses Homie (2)

 

Seokmin: wonwoo ur secret santa is Minghao

Seokmin: good luck goodbye

 

Wonwoo: AGAIN?????????

 

Seokmin: don’t argue with the messenger

 

Wonwoo: you literally pick the names

 

Seokmin: I have an app for that now actually

 

Wonwoo: wow so adanced

 

Seokmin: I know I’m a genuis

 

Wonwoo: but you aren’t smart enough to make it so that I don’t get Minghao again

 

Seokmin: That’s a curse you will have to bear

  
  


SeokSoon (2)

 

Lit: I am here with the knowledge

 

Starboy: omg

Starboy: what knowledge do you have for meeee

 

Lit: your secret santa reciver isssssss…..

Lit: Jeonghan hyung

 

Starboy: omg I’m gonna get him a bath bomb set

 

Lit: excellent

  
  


Tall and Small (2)

 

Tall: Jihooooooooooooonnnnnnnieeeeee hyunggggggggg

 

Small: I resent this chat still

Small: I will always resent this

 

Tall: :(((((((

 

Small: don’t resent u

Small: I am not as small as everyone thinks

 

Tall: :)

Tall: anyways I have your secret santa gift child

 

Small: don’t want

Small: secret santa is a pathway for the devil

 

Tall: u got chan tho

Tall: are you gonna make him sad?

 

Small: oh my god I got Chan

Small: I am going to get him SO much stuff

 

Tall: remember twenty dollar limit!

 

Small: are you going to stop me though

 

Tall: no! I’ll give you ten bucks, buy that kid a bag of gummy worms and some jelly beans

  
  


_ New Chat to  _ Vernon Chwe 

 

Lee S: Vernonie

Lee S: I have your name for you

 

Chwe H: you sound like an assassin’s boss

Chwe H: “I have the name of your next hit” 

 

Lee S: well, I would hope it’s not a hit

Lee S: because for all the greatness of secret Santa

Lee S: I still know all

Lee S: and I’m still in the pot

 

Chwe H: who do I get to kill hyung?

 

Lee S: you got me

Lee S: and I’ve worked hard to want life

Lee S: so stay away

 

Chwe H: Oh! I know what I’m getting you

 

Lee S: wow that was quick

 

Chwe H: I’m a quick guy

 

Lee S: Seungkwan must not like that much

 

Chwe H: I will kill you I’m not afraid

  
  


BooSeok (2)

 

Seokkie: Seungkwan my love

Seokkie: light of my life

Seokkie: my favorite Dongsaeng

 

Kwannie: I thought that was chan?

 

Seokkie: love you just as much as him

 

Kwannie: love you too!!!

 

Seokkie: anyways, I have your Secret Santa name

 

Kwannie: o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 

Seokkie: It’s hoshi hyung!

 

Kwannie: heck YES

Kwannie: I always get the best secret santa people

 

Seokkie: thats tru

Seokkie: I’ve got other people to message, but we need to go out for coffee and sad boi times again

 

Kwannie: we haven’t had a sad boi time for a while have we

 

Seokkie: I’ve been a lot less sad

Seokkie: I think it’s a good thing

 

Kwannie: we will have to rename our platonic coffee dates then

 

Seokkie: yup yup yup

Seokkie: wait

Seokkie:  I said that I had other people to message

Seokkie: but you’re the last

Seokkie: all I have left is MY secret Santa human

 

Kwannie: ooh tell meeeeee

 

Seokkie: nope

Seokkie: It is SECRET santa

Seokkie: and I will take this secret to my grave

 

Kwannie: when I go to the mall to get Hoshi hyung’s present

Kwannie: I’ll stop by the sketchy bath products store next to the hot topic

Kwannie: and get you those anime water bath bombs that you love

Kwannie: and I’m good at keeping secrets! :(

 

Seokkie: ….

Seokkie: you drive a hard bargain

Seokkie: but I’ll trade you a secret for a secret

 

Kwannie: Vernon and I slept together

 

Seokkie: okay fam I was joking

Seokkie: I got wonwoo

Seokkie: you didn’t have to tell me that

 

Kwannie: I was gonna talk to you about it eventually

Kwannie: it’s not really a secret either, the groupchat knows

Kwannie: and Wonwoo is hard to buy for

 

Seokkie: I know right

Seokkie: I was thinking getting him this really cool classics book set

Seokkie: with really awesome cover art

 

Kwannie: ooooooo

 

Seokkie: wanna meet tomorrow morning for coffee before your first lecture?

Seokkie: we can talk about you and vernonie then

 

Kwannie: ok! See you then!

 

Seokkie: bye platonic soulmate

 

Kwannie: byee!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, YOU! YES YOU I AM ASKING FOR SOME AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!!  
> Do you have a funky club or group that could be a thing at the college in this fic? If so, can you tell me what it is, and who you would contact to get more information?   
> Here's an Example
> 
> Get Swole Club! Hey there! Do you like weightlifting? Bulking up? Going to the Gym! Then we have a club for you! This club is ALL about working out and being bros while working out! We meet at 6:45 AM every weekday, although coming to every session doesn't matter! We also have a two hour session on Saturdays as well! Interested? Contact Park Chanyeol at cpark@student.kccollege.org!
> 
> I'm just doing a funky chapter coming up, and I like you guys, so I wanted to see if you guys wanted to have some fun and join in!  
> (If you DO have a club, I might edit it, so don't be alarmed.)   
> If you just wanna say  
> Swole Club  
> Park Chanyeol  
> Then that's okay too! you don't have to be peppy, that's my job!
> 
> Anyways, that's fun and cool and good, my week has been pretty good! For my :hey you survived semester one" reward, I ordered myself the new Got7 album, and the Rise Up Astro Album and they get here tomorrow!!   
> I also pigged out on cheetos when I got home from school today, and it was a mistake because my stomach hates me now.   
> Well, I have some other stuff I have to do so I have to leave you all for now, but I'll be back!  
> Love you !!!!!!!!  
> if you wanna come hang out on insta then you are free to! I'm @that_is_shocking !  
> As always, Comment Kudos Enjoy!  
> ~Alex


	42. Live Lizards aren't Christmas Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE BOTTOM DON'T MISS IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jingle Jingle HECK YES (13)  
> Seungcheol: SantaDad  
> Jeonghan: SnowAngel  
> Joshua: HBJ (happy birthday jesus)  
> Junhui: Buddy  
> Minghao: SicklyBoi  
> Mingyu: MingleMingle  
> Wonwo: CozyMan  
> Vernon: Yeti  
> Seungkwan: Mrs.Yeti  
> Hoshi: YASS  
> Jihoon: ShelfElf  
> DK: Reindeer  
> Chan: Max
> 
> Movies Movies (2)  
> Chan: LittleMan  
> Wonwoo: FoxyFoxy
> 
> ParentsTHE BEST (4)  
> Seungcheol: SoupDad  
> Jeonghan: MotherDearest  
> Joshua: JoshuaBestParent  
> Chan: Baby

Jingle Jingle HECK YES (13)

 

Yeti: hey do you guys want to get together for winter break?

 

Reindeer: we need to do secret santa exchange

Reindeer: so yes we should

 

Santa: When is everyone free? Is anyone going home?

 

Buddy: hao and I are not

Buddy: thanksgiving was our home visit

 

YASS: my momma said that If I come home for christmas she would beat me

YASS: so Hoonie and I are having a stay in christmas

 

MingleMingle: Wonwoo said pretty much the same thing

MingleMingle: except it was more of a “If you go home to your family for christmas I will beat you” 

MingleMingle: and not in the sexy way

 

Santa: take it to the adult chat

Santa: this is WholesomeTM

 

MingleMingle: the adult chat was completely forgotten about 

MingleMingle: I’m not sure it even exists anymore

 

SnowAngel: He’s right you know

SnowAngel: I think everyone is staying here though

SnowAngel: cuz OT3 aren’t leaving, Kwannie and Vernonie’s family is here

SnowAngel: Mings and Wonwoo aren’t going anywhere

SnowAngel: Hoshi and Jihoonie aren’t leaving

 

Reindeer: I’m not going anywhere

 

Max: the fam is going somewhere and are not taking me with them

Max: they’ve already left

 

Mrs.Yeti: that’s fun

Mrs.Yeti: you get the house to yourself again

 

Max: speaking of that

Max: I need a space heater

Max: Or a couple of them

Max: asking for a friend

 

Santa: did you already ask that?

Santa: but I have some

 

Max: idk I forgot

Max: if so, I’m asking again. 

Max: they left their christmas presents for me though

 

Santa: that’s nice

 

Max: yeah I already opened them

 

YASS: Channie! That’s breaking the christmas spirit! :(

 

Max: They got me a coffee mug, and some socks

 

YASS: well, at least you have secret santa

 

Max: tru that. When are we getting together for that?

 

Reindeer: idk

Reindeer: knowing us, it will end up being january

Reindeer: it’s so hard to corrall people

 

Max: yeah man

  
  


Unknown Friend  _ to  _ ChanLee4932

 

ChanLee4932!  _ Welcome back to GoGoWalkieTalkie! It’s your first time logging in in four years! Do you want to run through operating basics? Or are you good to go? _

 

_ This contact is not in your buddy list!! Do you want to report to moderator? Or add them to your buddy list?  _

  
  


U_N//: hey are you Lee Chan?

 

CL-32//: yes?

CL-32//: oh my god

CL-32//: GoGoWalkieTalkie is a /relic/

 

U_N//:  _ is typing _

U_N//: I know

U_N//: I didn’t know where to reach you

 

CL-32//: uh, cool? Who are you?

 

U_N//:I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Jongdae?

U_N//: I used to be a group leader for the middle school improv club?

 

CL-32//: Oh yeah I remember you

CL-32//: you dropped the bowling ball on your foot when the improv club went bowling

CL-32//: how are you doing?

 

U_N//: good good, college junior now

U_N//: got two boyfriends and all that hope you’re chill about that

U_N//: I talked to some people to see if you were really what they said you were

U_N//: and they said that you were chill but I wanted to make sure

 

CL-32//: Oh yeah I’m chill about that stuff

CL-32//: what did you need?

 

U_N//: well, so, I got one of my boyfriends a gift

U_N//: and we were talking about it and all

U_N//: and he was like “I got you such a good gift” 

U_N//: and I was like “oh me too babe, you’ll love it” 

U_N//: we were joking and all that and I was like “babe what if I got you a bunch of empty water bottles for christmas?” 

U_N//: and he laughed, and my other bf laughed and it was a good time

U_N//: and he said “well at least it isn’t like a live lizard!” 

U_N//: and uh, the gift is actually a live lizard. It was a gecko that I thought was pretty 

U_N//: and I got all the shit for him

U_N//: but do you know anyone who wants a live lizard?

 

CL-32//: nice going

CL-32//: I’m looking for a space heater

CL-32//: so if you can throw one in just to borrow, then I think I can figure it out

 

U_N//: oh my god thank you

  
  


Movies Movies (2)

 

LittleManMan: yo hyung

LittleManMan: wonwooo hyungggggggggggggg

 

FoxyFoxy: yes chan?

 

LittleManMan: so you know how you and mingyu have a fish son now?

LittleManMan: what if I could get you a gecko son as well

 

FoxyFoxy: a what?

 

LittleManMan: um

LittleManMan: a lizard

LittleManMan: he has no name

LittleManMan: and no home

LittleManMan: so, another child?

 

FoxyFoxy: how do you even  _ have  _ this lizard

 

LittleManMan: don’t worry about it

LittleManMan: text me and think about it, ok?

  
  


Parents and Chan (3)

 

Chan L: hey mom?

Chan L: the heat turned off again

Chan L: I think the thing in the basement for the heater is broken

 

Mom: It’s coming out of your allowance to fix it

Mom: and you will have to deal with it until we get back

Mom: we trusted you to stay home, and you keep testing that trust

 

Chan L: I know I’m sorry

Chan L: just the weather forecast says that there’s going to be a bunch of snow and stuff, and I’ve already been feeling kind of sick

Chan L: but I’m borrowing a couple space heaters from my friends

Chan L: I just wanted to let you know that it is probably broken

 

Mom: those friends I told you to stay away from?

 

Chan L: I’ve been staying away from the others! You know Seungcheol though

Chan L: the one that’s studying economics?

 

Mom: hm

Mom: why don’t you make friends with any of the people I work with’s children?

Mom: both of your brothers are friends with them

Mom: why can’t you do that?

 

Chan L: I’ll talk to them at school

 

Mom: Speaking of that

Mom: Your step father and I have been talking about looking at a more private school for next year

Mom: It would get you away from those boys that you hang out with 

Mom: especially that Jisung. I don’t like his parents

 

Chan L: oh. 

Chan L: okay. I just wanted to let you know that the heater was broken

 

Mom: coming out of your allowance, remember that

  
  


ParentsTHE BEST (4)

 

SoupDad: hey channie!

SoupDad: do you want me to drop the space heater off at your house?

 

Baby: I’ll come and get it! 

 

MotherDearest: can you take a space heater on the bus?

 

Baby: you can take ANYTHING on the bus

 

MotherDearest: that’s kinda true

 

Baby: anyways, I’ll swing by in an hour? Would that work?

 

SoupDad: yeah! Can’t wait to see you

 

Baby: thanks hyung love you

 

SoupDad: love you Chan!

 

MotherDearest: love you my child

 

Baby: not your baby

 

MotherDearest: that’s what you tell yourself

MotherDearest: You’re gonna be my baby until you’re thirty

 

JoshuaBestParent: love you chan can’t wait to see you!

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So, my dudes. My school gives students computers to take to and from home and school for stuff you know, and they've been steadily blocking things. First it was netflix, and then it was a bunch of games, but sadly, AO3 was next. I'm typing this from my personal computer, that I'm not supposed to have for the school year, but that sadly means that updates, from here until June 8th (graduation) is going to get slower. I'm still going to be writing the updates, but I won't be able to push them to AO3 as quickly as I used to. It's a bad situation, and I'm really sorry that I can't put stuff up as often.   
> But that also means that when I update, it's probably going to be like four or five updates all at once, so that's good I guess?   
> idk, I'm sad that they blocked AO3, writing is one of my favorite things, and I also feel like i'm dissapointing all of you guys by not updating as much.   
> Well, on the bright side, I got my got7 album and my astro album yesterday, and that was fun! The got7 one had stickers! 
> 
> Alright, I've got to go now. I'm sorry about everything :( but I hope you guys will stick with me and wait, even if the updates are a month apart (I hope it wont get to that. It might be a week or two between them, but never a month)   
> If you wanna cry about it with me, my insta is @that_is_shocking   
> I love you guys so much, I'm sorry about this all   
> Comment, Kudos, Enjoy!  
> ~Alex~


	43. Now this is a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a chapter now guys. It used to be an AN about how I wasn't going to be able to update for a while, but since I'm updating now, it's all gucci.
> 
>  
> 
> R3MK: speaking of weird things in the dorms
> 
> R3MK: does anyone know where my front bike tire is?
> 
>  
> 
> R11WY: we borrowed it for something
> 
> R11WY: thought it was Kookie’s bike
> 
> R11WY: we’ll give it back
> 
>  
> 
> R7LT: haha ‘wheel’ give it back
> 
>  
> 
> R12HS: that was physically painful
> 
> R12HS: Taemin I won’t hesitate to flush your frickin dildo down the toilet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of names lots of stuff. The college dorm groupchat is confusing at first, but you'll get the hang of it don't worry!  
> Rip the Students (13)  
> Hoshi: SadLadStarBoy  
> Vernon: CapriSun  
> Jeonghan: DevilWoman  
> Minghao: Salamander
> 
> Fresh Boys in the Fresh Year (7)  
> Jisung: Broski  
> Felix: BrotatoChips  
> Jeongin: Bromeo  
> Sanha: Broseph  
> Rocky: Brosicle  
> YangYang: Bromosexual  
> Chan: Brotein
> 
> Heart Eyes (2)  
> Vernon: Nonnie  
> Seungkwan: Wah!
> 
> Floor Three Frosh Dorm (27)
> 
> Okay. so it's simple. It goes room number, initials.   
> Example: Room Two, Jeon Jungkook = R2JJ  
> There are 13 freshman rooms, plus the RA's room (Kihyun from Monsta X has made the mistake of being the RA)   
> Kihyun also doesn't get a room number.   
> But yeah, that's how this chat is going to work, it WILL come back, I can't just leave the college boys on their own  
> And not all the boys are used in this chat currently, so don't be alarmed at the list size here :(
> 
> Kihyun: MotherRA  
> Youngjae (got7): R1YJ  
> Xiaojun (WayV): R1XJ  
> Jungkook (BTS): R2JJ  
> Jooheon (Monsta X): R2LJ  
> Yugyeom (got7): R3KY  
> Kevin (The Boyz): R3MK  
> Vernon (SVT): R4CH  
> Jongho (ATEEZ): R4CJ  
> Yuto (Pentagon): R5AY  
> Kino (Pentagon): R5KH  
> Winwin (WayV, NCT): R6DS  
> Zelo (BAP): R6CJ  
> Taemin (SHINee): R7LT  
> Juyeon (The Boyz): R7LJ  
> Moonbin (ASTRO): R8MB  
> New (The Boyz): R8CC  
> Changkyun (Monsta X): R9LC  
> Wooseok (Pentagon): R9JW  
> BamBam (got7): R10KB  
> Jungwoo (NCT): R10KJ  
> Lucas (NCT): R11WY  
> Q (The Boyz): R11JC  
> Sanghyuk (VIXX): R12HS  
> Juhaknyeon (The Boyz): R12JH  
> Hyunjin (Stray Kids): R13HH  
> Boo Seugkwan; R12BS

Rip the Students (13)

  
  


SadLadStarBoy: alas

SadLadStarBoy: winter break is OVER

 

CapriSun: we don’t talk about it

CapriSun: at all

 

DevilWoman: even though you have to mention it for the plot

DevilWoman: being in school is ALAS

DevilWoman: so don’t talk about it

 

SADlamander: talk shit get hit

SADlamander: and that means school

  
  


Fresh Boys in the Fresh Year (7)

 

Broski: where are you guys

Broski: I’m in the library

 

BrotatoChips: dude I thought you knew that we were meeting in the culinary room

BrotatoChips: Chef Shin made bacon

 

Broski: oh my god

Broski: The new year is GREAT

 

Broseph: my guys

Broseph: it’s NOT a good year

Broseph: we start out with MID TERMS

 

Brotein: we’ren’t afraid

 

Bromeo: wow

Bromeo: we are not afraid

Bromeo: are you back at school yet Chan? Or are you still sickened

 

Brotein: a little sickened

Brotein: but I can’t miss Math

Brotein: I like life

 

Bromosexual: bacon?

Bromosexual: where?

 

BrotatoChips: Chef Shin’s room

 

Bromosexual: i am on my way

 

Brotein: have you seen Prinicpal Park yet? His toupé has lost some of it’s fur

Brotein: he’s looking a little thin

 

Broseph: I heard that there’s some new kids making trouble

Broseph: an american kid and his posse that moved here over break

Broseph: they thinned the Toupé

 

Brotein: rad

Brotein: vive la resistance 

  
  


Private Message to  _ Chwe Hansol _

 

Hong J: Cheollie I’m going crazy imagining the things you’re gonna do to me when you get home

Hong J: It’s getting  _ really  _ hot here, and there’s only so much I can do with my fingers

 

Chwe H: …

Chwe H: nice hyung. Twenty bucks or I’m screenshotting and putting it in the big chat

 

Hong J: oh my god

Hong J: Vernon I’m so sorry

Hong J: I was trying to text Choi Seungcheol

Hong J: and I must have clicked Chwe Hansol

Hong J: Oh my god

Hong J: I’m so sorry please forgive me

 

Chwe H: I have images that I will never get rid of

Chwe H: hyung how could you

 

Hong J: Hansol I’m so sorry, I really am

Hong J: can we pretend like this never happened?????

 

Chwe H: I will gladly pretend like this never happened

 

Hong J: Thank you so much I’m so sorry

  
  


Private Message to  _ Choi Seungcheol  _ and  _ Yoon Jeonghan _

 

Hong J: we can’t sext anymore

 

Choi S: why baby? I thought you were enjoying yourself?

 

Yoon J: We can’t just stop! I can’t go back to class hard!! 

 

Hong J: Seungcheol

Hong J: Choi S and Chwe H are very close together in my contacts

 

Choi S: oh my god baby you didn’t

 

Yoon J: OH MY GOD 

Yoon J: YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEXTED VERNON DIDN’T YOU 

Yoon J: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

Hong J: >:( this is the worst day of mine!!

Hong J: I’ve never been more embarassed! 

 

Yoon J: even when we showed up at the emergency room that one time

 

Hong J: WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THE CONCUSSION INCIDENT

Hong J: I’M REALLY DYING OF EMBARASSMENT

 

Choi S: I’m sorry baby

Choi S: :(

 

Hong J: Ugh if only your last name wasn’t choi

Hong J: no one else that I know has a name that starts with Y or J

Hong J: but everyone’s starts with C! 

 

Choi S: are you saying I should /change/ my last name?

 

Yoon J: okay

Yoon J: that’s like getting married

 

Hong J: I’m having a hard time right now we don’t need to add marrigae to the pot

 

Yoon J: you wanna know what else is hard?

 

Choi S: are you saying you don’t wanna get married eventually?

 

Hong J: no

Hong J: Jeonghan your dick may still be hard but I just accidentally sexted practically my little brother and I am not in the mood for that right now

 

Yoon J: are you okay? You sound a little angry

 

Hong J: I’m just really embarassed

Hong J: I feel awful for Vernon

Hong J: and I feel really icky too

Hong J: he’s not a minor anymore

Hong J: but if you think about it, it was unwanted sexual attention

Hong J: I just feel really icky about that. And really angry with myself

 

Yoon J: I’m sure that it’s fine

 

Hong J: yeah but I still feel like a creep, and nasty inside, idk It’s just not good

 

Choi S: guys?

 

Hong J: I’m sorry, I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. It’s a good thing that I have the afternoon off

Hong J: I love you guys

Hong J: bye

 

Yoon J: bye babe :(

Yoon J: sorry :(

 

Choi S: have a nice nap love

Choi S: sorry about getting you to sext me

 

Hong J: it’s fine, it’s fine

Hong J: bye

  
  


Heart Eyes (2)

 

Nonnie: my dick has fallen off

Nonnie: and I may never recover

 

Wah!: were you on Web MD again

 

Nonnie: nope

Nonnie: Joshua hyung accidentally sexted me

Nonnie: It’s kind of funny

Nonnie: but still

Nonnie: you didn’t see it but I shuddered

 

Wah!: Oh my god

Wah!: poor Josh hyung

 

Nonnie: what about me? I was the one who was sexted

 

Wah!: He’s a shy guy though, 

Wah!: so he’s probably mortified

 

Nonnie: oh tru

Nonnie: I should tell him that it was a little weird, but It’s not life altering

Nonnie: remember that time that Minghao accidentally sexted the groupchat?

 

Wah!: I just shuddered too

Wah!: I don’t want to re live that

  
  


Floor Three Frosh Dorm (27)

 

MotherRA: hey crew it’s Kihyun just wanna ask y’all who let the cat onto the floor?

 

R2LJ: “ _ hey crew, it’s me kihyun _ ” 

 

MotherRA: Jooheon

MotherRA: be nice

MotherRA: anyways I’m not mad, I just need to know who’s cat it is

 

R7LT: he’s not mad, he’s just disappointed

 

R3MK: speaking of weird things in the dorms

R3MK: does anyone know where my front bike tire is?

 

R11WY: we borrowed it for something

R11WY: thought it was Kookie’s bike

R11WY: we’ll give it back

 

R7LT: haha ‘wheel’ give it back

 

R12HS: that was physically painful

R12HS: Taemin I won’t hesitate to flush your frickin dildo down the toilet

 

MotherRA: um

MotherRA: guys

MotherRA: can you take that to another chat?

 

R7LT: you look like ass Sanghyuk if you even come NEAR my room I will not hesitate to kill you

 

R7LJ: no killing people in our room please?

 

R9JW: bro u are the least intimidating

R9JW: you take frickin ballet

 

R7LT: that means I have the strength to strangle you with my feet Jung Wooseok

R7LT: I’m not afraid bigfoot

 

MotherRA: guys

MotherRA: we are nice kids please

 

R2JJ: guys why would you try to take my bike tire?

 

R11WY: needed it for something

 

R10KB: for science

 

MotherRA: we don’t take other people’s stuff!

 

R9LC: won’t work Kihyun hyung

R9LC: it’s a losing battle, this is my highschool crew

 

MotherRA: thank the lord I didn’t get all of you

 

R9LC: you did tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. I'm updating in the dark of night on a laptop I'm not supposed to know exists, after sneaking through the house to find it. I feel like a straight hooligan. It's a head rush. anyways, this IS a chapter now. like I said, it used to be like "oh my guys, I can update on my kindle, but not really because formating is a bitch, so alas" but now it's an update! yay! I'm gonna keep it straigt to the point here, and get on with the chapters, because y'all have waited long enough.   
> speaking of rad things like updates tho, this fic has 369 (aye lmao) kudos, which is through the roof totally tubular!!!!!!!!! like seriously. that's awesome and I love you guys like so much. so so much.   
> This chapter, and the update bundle (the next two chapters as well) go out to my dudes PipTook (love the club btw), PumpkinChair (which is a rad username, I love me some squash), Jam_Bandserson (thank u for being patient), and the bro who's name is "I just binged this whole fic in like two hours" (many thanks. I will gift you the hand of my daughter and three sheep from my flock)   
> Love you all, I love comments, I can't respond to them like I used to because of my heckin computer problem, but phone free february is almost over so that means I'll get my phone back soon, and then I can respond like a normal human bean.   
> Anyways, I'd better get on to updating. Love you all! <333333  
> ~Alex
> 
> Ps find me on insta come hang out I like making friends!! @that_is_shocking


	44. We got Drama Here, Only Five Dollars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary, because we gotta go fast. also this chapter isn't very funny, sorry my guys. 
> 
> hey! Did you read the last chapter?!   
> It USED to be an AN, but NOW it's a real chapter. Go back and read it if you don't know about the bike tire being stolen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta go gotta go fast  
> Seungcheol: Kevin  
> Jeonghan: Kyle  
> Joshua: Karl  
> Junhui: BCupButt  
> Minghao: L8R  
> Wonwoo: Hamlet  
> Mingyu: Ophelia  
> Vernon: TinyRomeo  
> Seungkwan: BAM  
> Hoshi: JustDance  
> Jihoon: WiiMusic  
> DK: Bacon  
> Chan: Adult
> 
> OT3 chat is self explanatory, and so is the Monsta X one too, but be aware. The maknaes of Monsta X are not in the Monsta X chat, K? It's only Seungcheol, Hyunwoo, Hyungwon, Wonho, and Kihyun

#Darren (13)

 

Kevin: Okay guys, there’s been a bad snow storm

Kevin: be careful going from place to place today!!

 

Adult: High School was canceled

Adult: Mother took the ‘darlings’ skiing

Adult: which means the house is open and we can use all the new gaming stuff that

Adult: Junseo got

 

JustDance: all my classes were cancelled

JustDance: CHANNIE!

JustDance: I’m coming over

 

Adult: yes!

 

BCupButt: me too

BCupButt: they don’t even wanna try to get my buildings open today

BCupButt: at least Min and Hao’s and I’s building isn’t blocked in

 

TinyRomeo: I would ocme over

TinyRomeo: but the frosh dorm is kind of snowed in

 

Bacon: oh yeah

Bacon: I heard that the dorm kids next to you guys conspired to block you in

 

TinyRomeo: my RA is close to pulling out his hair

 

Bacon: tell Kihyun to chillax

Bacon: but I’ll come over Chan! It feels like it’s been years since I’ve seen you!

 

Adult: that’s because you guys just dropped off my secret santa and then went and got drunk

Adult: it was rude :(

 

Bacon: Lo siento little friend

Bacon: I’m on my way tho

 

Adult: I’m gonna make you stand out in the snow for like five minutes

 

Hamlet: Mingyu and I are snowed in at our apartment

Hamlet: we’re just gonna stay here

 

Adult: that’s good

Adult: only cool people were invited to the party anyways

 

Hamlet: ooh ouch Chan

Hamlet: can I ask why?

 

Adult: It’s just cold at my house right now

Adult: and I had to shovel the driveway this morning

 

WiiMusic: doesn’t Mr. Yang have a fancy snowblower?

WiiMusic: why did he make you do it?

 

Adult: I accidentally broke the heater during christmas break

Adult: and I am working off my debt

 

WiiMusic: that’s bullshit

WiiMusic: how did it break?

 

Adult: Idk

Adult: I just happened to be in the house, and it was COLD and I was like

Adult: that heater must be broken

Adult: and I must be a genius because it was

 

Ophelia: that sucks dude

 

Adult: yeah

Adult: but so be it

 

Kyle: hey Chan Josh hyung and I are coming over too

 

Adult: bring food pls

 

Kyle: the things I do for you

 

Adult: you say that I’m your baby

Adult: so feed me

Adult: I’m a dependent u can put me on ur tax forms

  
  


_ Time skip brought to you by me being not totally awake this morning and hitting my face on my door… _

Ps it’s like noon now

 

Sugar Sugar Honey Honey (3)

 

JisooBabe: so

JisooBabe: Jeonghannie, do you feel how cold it is in here?

 

Jeongie: Chan said that they turned the heat off in his room

Jeongie: to make up for the broken heater

 

JisooBabe: I am kind of worried

 

Jeongie: I’m VERY worried

Jeongie: Chan sounds kind of sick

 

JisooBabe: he said that he’s got a cold 

 

Jeongie: still worried

 

BaeCheol: what’s going on?

 

Jeongie: We are worried about Chan

 

JisooBabe: what is new

JisooBabe: we are ALWAYS worried about Chan

JisooBabe: It’s a major part of our character personality

 

Jeongie: but I’m seriously worried about him now

Jeongie: more than before, if that makes sense

 

BaeCheol: why are we worried now?

BaeCheol: or is it just /the parents/ that worry us

 

Jeongie: they’re getting worse I think. 

Jeongie: it’s really clear that they don’t care much about Chan

 

JisooBabe: he said that they’re thinking of sending him to boarding school

JisooBabe: forgot to mention that

 

BaeCheol: okay

BaeCheol: that’s a VERY important fact to forget

 

JisooBabe: >:( I didn’t mean to forget it!

 

BaeCheol: ugh sorry. Back to chan

 

Jeongie: I’m worried. We need to keep a close eye on him, I think

Jeongie: and WE also need to all have a talk

Jeongie: it’s been really tense at home for a while, and I don’t like it and I want to fix it

 

BaeCheol: what do you mean

 

Jeongie: well for starters SEungcheol, you’ve been a little distant, not gonna lie, and Joshua has been snappy

Jeongie: which means I must have been annoying because that’s what we revert to when we’re stressed or tense

Jeongie: and I want to fix it before it morphs into something bigger, like last time

 

JisooBabe: I don’t think it’s been tense at all

JisooBabe: There’s literally been no tension

 

Jeongie: can we talk anyways?

Jeongie: I miss you guys a little

  
  


Monteen Bros (5)

 

SCheol: hey guys?

SCheol: do you have a minute to talk?

 

KHyun: yeah man

KHyun: are you okay?

 

WHo: is everything good? Nobody’s stuck too bad in the snow?

 

SCheol: no no, nothing like that

SCheol: personal drama based

 

HWoo: do you wanna talk in a big chat like this?

HWoo: because if you wanted to talk to just like one of us

HWoo: we aren’t going to mind

 

SCheol: I can talk here, I need a lot of advice

 

HWon: I’m ready to give advice hit me with the drama

 

SCheol: well so, you know how a while back I was talking about proposing to Jeonghan and Joshua?

SCheol: well, I was seriously considering it, but Jeonghan was just like talking and stuff, and said that it would be better to get married after college, so that you didn’t have to deal with college and marriage. 

 

HWon: makes sense, so you three talked about it?

 

SCheol: no, we were just watching a drama, you know Little River?

 

WHo: oh yeah! I love that one!

 

SCheol: well, remember when Girl and Boy got married?

SCheol: we were watching that and Jeonghan just says “It would be so stressful to get married during college”

SCheol: so I decided to wait

SCheol: even though I know that they are the people I want to spend the rest of my life with

 

HWoo: that makes sense, is that all you wanted to talk about?

 

SCheol: no

SCheol: we were texting a little while ago

SCheol: and something came up about getting married

SCheol: and I asked “you don’t want to get married eventually?” 

SCheol: and Joshua straight up said no

SCheol: and Jeonghan doesn’t want to get married either

 

KHyun: oh Seungcheol, I’m sorry

 

SCheol: but like it’s affecting me now, because I WANT to spend the rest of my life with them

SCheol: all that happy stuff

SCheol: But they don’t seem to want that

SCheol: and I don’t know if I misjudged our relationship and stuff because I thought we were longer term

SCheol: we’ve been together since high school

SCheol: was I reading it wrong?

 

HWoo: The only thing I can say is that you need to talk about it

 

SCheol: I know

SCheol: I know

SCheol: I’m scared to, honestly. What if they actually don’t want to be together anymore?

SCheol: I don’t know what to do then

 

HWoo: I’m sorry Seungcheol

HWoo: I wish we could help more

HWoo: there’s not much we can do

 

SCheol: just talking to you guys is alright

SCheol: don’t worry about it

SCheol: I’ll figure it out. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see u in the next chapter my dudes. Love me, Comment, Kudos Enjoy Check out my insta it's @that_is_shocking I like making friends.


	45. Flu Season, and Junmyeon's Newsletter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> weird chapter. Don't worry about it. There's a part two to it coming up as soon as I can be sneaky again. 
> 
> Guys being Dudes (7)  
> Jisung: SadBoy Jisung  
> Jeongin: LittleMan  
> YangYang: LiuLiuLiu

To:  _ multiple groups..  _

From:  [ jkim@student.kccollege.org ](mailto:jkim@student.kcollege.org)

Cc:  [ jpark@khs.org ](mailto:jpark@khs.org) ,  [ schoi@kccollege.org ](mailto:schoi@kcollege.org)

Subject: Flu Season!

 

Dear Student Body of KHS and KCC! 

 

Hello! Semester one is over, and so are midterms! Congratulations, we made it! If you don’t know who I am, my name is Kim Junmyeon and I am the Student Body representative for KC College, and also one of the mentors for the KHS Student Council. There are a few things I’m going to address in this email so sit tight!

 

Number one, Flu Season! 

As you all know, with winter reaching its peak here in the city, everyone is feeling a little more cold, and that can lead to getting sick. Bundle up if you go outside, and make sure to eat something hot for lunch, if you don’t have hot food available to you, college students can head to the CAM in Building C for a free hot lunch, and High Schoolers can get a cafeteria meal in the commons! Please remember to practice excellent hygiene this flu season to help prevent the spread of germs! Always wash your hands after using the bathroom or blowing your nose! 

If you aren’t updated on your vaccines, then you could be at greater risk for getting sick. Doesn’t matter if you are a High School Student or a College Student, the Health and Wellness team here at KCC are offering free vaccinations on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! If you want to learn more about that, contact Kim Seokjin at  [ skim@student.kccollege.org ](mailto:skim@student.kccollege.org) or  [ wwhJinKim@gmail.com ](mailto:wwhJinKim@gmail.com) !  (and if he’s unavailable, you can also contact  [ ysong@student.kccollege.org ](mailto:ysong@student.kccollege.org) ) 

And remember guys, if you are sick, don’t come to school! The easiest way for germs to spread is from person to person, and if you come to school sick, you put a lot more people at risk!

 

Number two, we have a couple people we would like to recognize for excellent attendance in semester one!

From the High School, we would like to recognize Liu YangYang, and Yang Jeongin! Please make sure to stop by the attendance office at the high school to pick up your certificate!...

  
  


Guys being Dudes (7)

 

SadBoyJisung: lol Jeonginnie got an attendance award

 

LittleMan: hey! :(

LitleMan: they gave me candy

LittleMAn: not everyone can be a delinquent like you and miss at least one day of school a week

 

SadBoyJisung: share your candy?

 

LittleMan: hell no

LittleMan: you insult my dedication? You get no candy

 

LiuLiuLiu: I will share with you!

 

SadBoyJisung: can we kick Jeongin out of the chat and make clones of YangYang?

SadBoyJisung: I like him better

 

LittleMAn: you won’t do it coward

 

… and from KCC we have Do Kyungsoo, and Park Jinyoung! Good job guys, keep up the good work and dedication! You two can pick up your certificates and prizes at the main office in building G!

Number Three, I would like to make you all aware that there are several clubs and activities on the KCC campus that are open to both high schoolers and college students alike! They are looking for more members, so please don’t be afraid to come by and check them out!

  1. Cooking Club, hosted in the kitchens in Building M, and led by Kim Seokjin, and Cha Hakyeon! Contact them at [jkim1@student.kccollege.org](mailto:jkim@student.kccollege.org) or [hcha@student.kccollege.org](mailto:hcha@student.kccollege.org)! Club runs on Tuesday from six to eight and they are currently working through an italian cookbook!
  2. Get Swole Club! Do you like weightlifting? Bodybuilding? Well then this club is for you! Hosted in the gym in the Gymnasium Building! This club is hosted by Lee Wonho, Jackson Wang and Park Chanyeol! You can get more information at [cpark@student.kccollege.org](mailto:cpark@student.kccollege.org) or [hlee@student.kccollege.org](mailto:hlee@student.kccollege.org)
  3. The Korean Students Association! Do you like culture, and making friends? If so, then please come and join us on thursday nights! We meet to discuss good food, cool stuff, and different places! We are also a relatively new club, but if you’d like to get in contact with us, please contact [ykim@student.kccollege.org](mailto:ykim@student.kccollege.org) or [kbuwhakul@student.kccollege.org](mailto:kbuwhakul@student.kccollege.org) (or [bbWOW@gmail.com](mailto:bbWOW@gmail.com) )
  4. Hey there students! Do you like comedy, drama, tragedy, or just acting in general? But does the spotlight scare you? Well then boy do I have the club for you! We are called Chaos Improv Club and we are looking for new members to join! You don’t have to be good at improv, several of us aren’t, we just have fun and do skits! You can get into contact with the group leader Kim Jongdae at [jkim2@student.kccollege.org](mailto:jkim2@student.kccollege.org) or [chentheman@gmail.com](mailto:chentheman@gmail.com)



 

No one else sent in any club flyers, so that’s it so far! If you would like your club to be featured in the next email I send out, then please email me (or comment down below!) 

 

Some Events Coming Up!

 

The Winter Art Gala is approaching! All visual artists are welcome to submit art for display, and there will be live music and refreshments! A few featured artists are:

  * Kim Ahyoung, better known for her pseudonym Yura! Along with the Winter Art Gala, her work is also hanging in the Stress Fest Coffee Shop, and the Downtown KC Community Center!
  * Song Minho. His art is also displayed in Art Building #3, and he would like to add that his band has a performance in the Y.G. Bar and Pub on friday night. Students get half off drinks!
  * Lee Minhyuk. His graphic art pieces have been hung in the Main Art Building since August, and most everyone knows them! His new concentration, Wall Rose (12 pieces) will be displayed, and available for purchase!



 

The Shake and Bake Culinary Arts Competition is coming up!

If you have any items in HE Building 7 then the Culinary Genius Team is kindly asking you to remove them. The annual cooking competition for high schools around the country is coming to town, and with the influx of teenagers, space will be at a premium. 

Kim Seokjin and Song Yunhyeong would like to say that if your utensils and items are not moved by the end of the week, they will be donated and you will not see them again. 

 

FInancial Aid Information is going to be made open to applications on January 14th so please be on the lookout for that. 

If you are a college student, please contact the student services office at  [ sso@kccollege.org ](mailto:sso@kccollege.org) , or at the phone number (871)243-5643. There will also be a financial aid information night held on the tenth, in the CAM at 6pm, so please make sure to be there!

If you are a high school student, your homeroom teacher will be talking to your class about college financial aid on the 12th, and there will be a parent scholarship night on the 17th as well. If you need assistance, the counseling office is open, or you can contact  [ jpark@co.khhs.org ](mailto:jpark@co.khhs.org) or visit the counseling office! 

 

Alright guys! That’s it for now, if you’ve made it this far, then thank you!

Warmest Regards, 

Kim Junmyeon, Student Body Representative

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. I think I'm tired. my eyes are begging to be closed, so this is it for now guys. Three chapters for you!!!!!!  
> Hope you enjoyed!   
> Comment, Kudos, or keep on truckin!  
> A very tired Alex


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